فصل 16

PART FOUR

FORM BETTER HABITS

CHAPTER 16

Feed Your Good Habits

An old Cherokee tale tells of a grandfather teaching life principles to his grandson. The wise old Cherokee said, “Son, on the inside of every person a battle is raging between two wolves. One wolf is evil. It’s angry, jealous, unforgiving, proud, and lazy. The other wolf is good. It’s filled with love, kindness, humility, and self-control.

“These two wolves are constantly fighting,” the grandfather said.

The little boy thought about it, and said, “Grandfather, which wolf is going to win?”

The grandfather smiled and said, “Whichever one you feed.”

Feeding unforgiveness, impatience, low self-esteem, or other negative traits will only make them stronger. For instance, maybe you complain frequently about your job. You’re always talking negatively about your boss, how that company doesn’t treat you right. Ironically, when we complain, we feel a sense of release. It feels good to feed those negative thoughts. But the wolf we feed will always want more.

The next time you are tempted to complain, ask yourself, “Do I really want to keep feeding this negative habit?” “Do I really want to stay where I am?” Or, “Do I want to starve this complaining spirit and step up higher?” If you will start feeding peace, patience, gentleness, self-control, you will see those character traits developing in your life. Make the better choice and instead of complaining about going to work, learn to say, “Father, I thank you that at least I have a job. And these people may not be treating me right, but I’m not working for man; I’m working unto You.” When you do that, you’re feeding the right thing and the new habit develops.

A habit is an acquired, learned behavior that we do without even thinking about it. It’s almost involuntary. We’ve done it so much it becomes practically second nature. If we have good habits, that may be fine. But sometimes our habits are keeping us from God’s best, and we may not even realize it.

Many of the habits that we’ve developed stem from the culture in which we were raised. If you grew up in a home where people were disorganized, sloppy, or perpetually late, you may have formed some of those same negative habits. Or if you were raised around people who tended to be harsh, sarcastic, or rude, you may have picked up some of that same behavior. You may not even realize that such attitudes and behaviors are offensive, since that is all you’ve ever known.

On the other end of the spectrum, some people grow up with positive habits such as neatness, godliness, cleanliness, and order. Many people have established positive habits concerning diet and exercise. Other individuals have a habit of getting up at a particular time and going to bed at a time that will allow his or her body to rest and be refreshed. These are positive learned behavior patterns.

Your habits—whether good or bad—will greatly determine your future. One study says that 90 percent of our everyday behavior is based on our habits. Let that sink in for a moment: From the time we get up in the morning to the time we go to bed at night, 90 percent of what we do is habitual behavior. That means how we treat people, how we spend our money, what we watch, what we listen to—90 percent of the time, we’re on autopilot. We do what we’ve always done. It is no wonder that if you want to change your life, you must start by consciously changing your everyday habits. You can’t keep doing the same things you have been doing and expect to get different results.

To become a better you, take inventory of your habits. Do you have a tendency to be negative in your thoughts and conversations? Are you always late to work? Do you worry all the time? Do you overeat? Do you regularly succumb to addictions?

The good news is you can change. You can develop better habits. Most studies indicate that a habit can be broken in six weeks; some studies tell us that you can break a habit in as little as twenty-one days. Think about that. If you will discipline yourself for a month or so, and be willing to suffer through the pain of change, you can rid yourself of a negative behavior, form a new healthy habit, and rise to a new level of personal freedom.

If you have a bad habit of not getting to work on time, change that behavior. People who get ahead in life are usually punctual. Get up fifteen minutes earlier. Plan your travel so you can arrive with time to spare. Establish a new routine of being on time. Don’t allow yourself to be late when punctuality is such an easy habit to develop.

Or if you have a habit of eating a bunch of junk food and drinking several sodas every day, commit yourself to forming better eating habits. Don’t go on a crash diet; just change one small thing at a time. Before long, you will notice a marked difference in your energy level as well as your personal appearance.

How do we change a habit? Simple: Quit feeding the bad habit. You have to starve your bad habits into submission and start nourishing your good habits.

I heard somebody say, “Bad habits are easy to develop but difficult to live with.” In other words, it’s easy to pop off and be rude, saying whatever you feel and making snide, cutting, sarcastic remarks. That’s easy. But it’s difficult to live in a home filled with strife and tension.

It’s easy to spend money that we don’t have and charge everything on our credit cards. It’s hard to live with the pressure of not being able to pay our bills. It’s easy to give in to temptation and do whatever we feel. It’s difficult to live in bondage, feeling guilty and condemned.

On the other hand, good habits are difficult to develop. A good habit results from a desire to work and sacrifice, and sometimes a willingness to endure pain and suffering. But good habits are easy to live with. For instance, at first it’s hard to hold your tongue and overlook an offense when someone criticizes or insults you. It’s hard at first to forgive. But it sure is easy to live in a home filled with peace and harmony.

If you are willing to be uncomfortable for a little while, so you can press past the initial pain of change, in the long run, your life will be much better. Pain doesn’t last forever; in fact, once you develop the new habit, the pain often disappears.

Friend, don’t stay stuck in a bad habit. Make a decision that you are going to develop better habits. To change, you must be consistent. You have to do it day in and day out. You need to have a “no exceptions” policy. That means no matter how you feel, no matter how much you want to go back to your old ways, you’re going to stick with your new plan. No exceptions.

A second key to change is that you must be willing to press past the pain and discomfort at the beginning of your new regimen. After all, if you’ve trained your body in a certain way year after year, you’ve developed behavior patterns to which you have grown accustomed. Don’t be surprised if your own body revolts against you when you try to establish new patterns. But if you will discipline yourself and stand your ground, in a few months, you can form new habits and your life will be much more rewarding.

Understand, once you get past that initial pain, establishing the new and better pattern will be much easier. Think of a rocket being launched into space. Liftoff takes an enormous amount of thrust. The majority of the energy expended in that launch is spent as the spacecraft breaks free of earth’s gravitational pull. Once it pushes into outer space, it is much easier to keep moving forward. In the same way, when it comes to breaking habits, if you can just get past the first few weeks, it will get easier, and one day you will be home free.

Think about all the people you know who are trying to lose weight. The diet business is a multibillion-dollar industry nowadays. Although diets can be helpful at times, the long-term solution to keeping your weight under control is not to run from one new “wonder” diet to another. Most of the success achieved by those kinds of diets is temporary. Unfortunately, most dieters end up regaining that weight—and more!

The better way to get your weight under control and maintain it is to establish new habits. Start exercising, start watching what you eat, when you eat, and how much you eat. Granted, it’s not always easy; especially at first, you will have to be extremely disciplined. Every time you resist a temptation, every time you make a better choice, it will get easier. One day, you’ll notice that you are living a healthier and more productive life.

Remember, in forming a new habit, it is always the most difficult at the beginning. You’ll be tempted to turn around or to return to your old routine, but you don’t have to give in.

You will always have plenty of excuses why you should not change. You can usually find a reason to give up and keep living the same way you’ve always lived. Don’t be surprised when you are tested. Simply remember that the Scripture says, “There is no temptation that will come to you that you can’t overcome. God will always make a way of escape.” No matter how intense the pressure, or how difficult it seems, you need to know that you can withstand it. God will help you. He will make a way of escape, but you must take it.

In reality, it’s not so much that we break bad habits; we must replace them. In other words, if you have a problem with worry, and your mind is always racing ninety miles per hour—worried about your children, worried about your finances, worried about your health—you need to recognize that worry is a bad habit you’ve developed.

In most cases, you can’t simply decide to stop worrying. You have to replace the negative thoughts with positive faith-filled thoughts. Then every time you’re tempted to worry, use that temptation as a reminder to dwell on good things. The Scripture tells us to “Dwell on things that are pure, things that are wholesome, things that are of a good report.” If you will replace those thoughts of worry with thoughts of hope, faith, and victory, then you will retrain your mind. Do that day in and day out, and before long, you will have formed a habit of dwelling on good things, and you’ll have broken that old habit of worry.

The key to success is to find something with which you can replace the negative habit. If you habitually run to the kitchen and eat every time you are stressed out, find someplace else to go, something else to do. When you feel tense, go outside and take a walk. It doesn’t have to be a two-mile jog. Simply walk around the block or down the street. When you come back, stay busy and stay out of the kitchen!

Interestingly, the Apostle Paul said in Romans, chapter 7, “The things I want to do I don’t. And the things I don’t want to do, I end up doing.” Paul was struggling to do the right thing. In verse 19, he gives us insight into why he was having that struggle. He said, “For I failed to practice the things I desire to do.” He was basically saying, I haven’t developed good habits in these areas. I’m not practicing what I know I should be doing. Truth is, we are all practicing something, and the way to develop good habits is by practicing the right things. You may be good at losing your temper because you practice it a couple of times a week. Some people are good at being impatient because they practice it every morning on the drive to work. I know people who are good at being negative because they constantly practice negative thinking. Remember, repetition is what forms a habit. That’s what puts us on autopilot. So we have to make sure we are practicing the right things.

For instance, every one of us should be practicing forgiveness. The next time somebody offends or hurts you, don’t return evil for evil. Immediately forgive the person who hurt you; let it go and start practicing forgiveness.

Let’s practice being disciplined in our spending and making good financial choices. Many people are way out of balance in their finances because they’ve developed bad habits, such as spending money that they don’t have and charging purchases on their credit cards. It doesn’t take a lot of wisdom to realize that paying twenty-some percent interest on a credit card is not a good thing.

Many people today are praying for a miracle; they’re praying for a financial breakthrough. I say this respectfully, but often we don’t really need a miracle, we just need to develop better spending and saving habits. I know some people—if God blessed them with a million dollars tomorrow, a year from now, they’d be in the same financial difficulty. They’d have the same problems. Why? They have not developed good spending and saving habits.

Keep in mind, financial pressure is usually listed as one of the top three reasons why modern marriages fall apart. If you want your marriage to last, develop good spending and saving habits. It is never too late to start doing the right thing. If you’ll do your part, God will do His. He will promote you; He’ll give you increase, but first you must be a good caretaker of what you have.

The first step to overcoming any habit or addiction is to identify what’s holding you back. But don’t stop there. Make a decision to do something about it. Take action. Don’t be too embarrassed to seek help. People struggle with chemical addictions, sexual addictions, and all sorts of other maladies. It may be an anger addiction. You just can’t control your temper. Understand that you can change. Freedom is available. Don’t believe the lie that you’re stuck and you’ll never get any better. God already has a path of success laid out for you.

But you must do your part and be willing to walk it out. The next time that temptation comes, the first thing you should do is pray. Get God involved in your situation. We cannot defeat bad habits in our own strength. Ask God to help you. When you feel your emotions getting out of hand, and you are tempted to rudely tell somebody off, pray right then and there, under your breath, “God, I’m asking You to help me. Give me the grace to keep my mouth closed and the courage to walk away.”

Remember, your habits today will determine your future. Examine your life, take inventory of your habits, and when you find something that’s not right, be quick to change. In the process, you will establish the habit of becoming a better you.