فصل 17

CHAPTER 17

Develop a Habit of Happiness

Many people don’t realize that much of the manner in which we approach life—our attitudes, and our demeanor—is learned behavior. These habits have formed by repetition throughout the years. If we’ve spent years focusing on what’s wrong rather than what’s right, then these negative patterns are going to keep us from enjoying our lives.

We acquired many of our habits from our parents or from the people who were around us as we grew up. Studies tell us that negative parents raise negative children. If your parents focused more on what was wrong, living stressed out, uptight, or discouraged, there’s a good possibility that you have developed some of those same negative mind-sets.

The good news is you can “reprogram” your own “computer.” You can get rid of a negative mentality and develop a habit of happiness.

The Bible says, “Rejoice in the Lord always.” One translation simply says, “Be happy all the time.” That means no matter what comes our way, we can have smiles on our faces. We should get up each morning excited about that day. Even if we are facing difficult or negative circumstances, we need to learn to keep a positive outlook. Many people are waiting for their circumstances to be worked out before they decide to be happy. “Joel, as soon as I get a better job; as soon as my child straightens up; as soon as my health improves.” No, the bottom line is if you’re going to be happy, you need to make a decision to be happy right now.

Happiness does not depend on your circumstances; it depends on your will. It’s a choice that you make. I’ve seen people go through some of the most awful, unfortunate situations, yet at the time you would never know they were having a problem. In spite of their dire dilemmas, they remained positive, upbeat, and energetic.

Other people in similar circumstances—and some in far less severe situations—insist on wallowing in despair; they’re down, depressed, discouraged, and worried. What makes the difference?

It’s all in how they’ve trained their mind. One person has developed a habit of happiness. She is hopeful, trusting, believing for the best. The other person has trained his mind to see the negative. He’s worried, frustrated, and constantly complaining.

If you are going to develop a habit of happiness, you must learn to relax and go with the flow, instead of getting frustrated. You have to believe that God is in control, and that means you have no need to be stressed out and worried. You have to be grateful for what you have, rather than complaining about what you don’t have. A habit of happiness boils down to staying on the positive side of life.

One of the best things I’ve ever learned is that I don’t have to have my way to be happy. I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to enjoy each day whether my plans work out, or whether they don’t.

When you have that kind of attitude, minor irritations or inconveniences that may have stressed you out will cease to be a source of frustration. You don’t have to live all uptight. Understand, you can’t control people, nor can you change them. Only God can do that. If somebody is doing something that’s getting on your nerves, you might as well leave that up to God. Quit allowing somebody else’s quirk or idiosyncrasy to get the best of you.

If your husband is fifteen minutes late coming from work and dinner gets a little cold, that ruins your entire evening. No, don’t be so rigid and set in your ways. Life is too short to live it stressed out. Besides, prolonged stress can damage your health and significantly shorten your life. I don’t want to die early because I got upset every time I was stuck in traffic. I don’t want to live with knots in my stomach because some person is not doing what I want him to do or because my big weekend was rained out.

It’s not worth it. You can choose to be more flexible and have a more easygoing attitude. Think about this. Ten years from now, many of the things that you are allowing to create stress in your life won’t even matter. You won’t remember the fact that your golf game was rained out last Tuesday. You won’t care that you were stuck in traffic.

Sometimes, everything that can go wrong will. When you have one of those days, dig your heels in, make a decision you’re going to keep a smile on your face, and just go with the flow, knowing that God is still in control. Victoria and I were aboard a flight recently, returning home to the United States, when, for no reason at all, they upgraded us to first class. It was simply the favor of God.

We travel a great deal, so when I get back to town, I like to hit the ground running. We were scheduled to land in Houston around noon, and I had already scheduled the rest of my day. I wanted to go eat lunch at a favorite restaurant, play with our kids, go work out, and do a few other things. I had it all planned out, and I figured that since Victoria and I were going to be the first ones off the plane, we could get through customs and immigration rather quickly.

The plane landed and just as I had planned, Victoria and I made a hasty exit. Evidently four or five other international flights had landed just prior to our arrival, because the customs area was as crowded as I had ever seen it. The line was backed up all the way to the jetways. At least a thousand people stood in that line. One look and I knew that it could take an hour or two to clear customs and immigration, and that was going to throw my plans completely off schedule.

I decided I wasn’t going to get uptight, but that I was going to believe for the favor of God. I sort of joked with Victoria, saying, “Watch this, Victoria. Somebody’s going to come get us, and take us right up front.” I prayed, “God, please give me Your favor. God, cause us to stand out in the crowd,” and on and on.

The line seemed to surge with even more people, but I remained undaunted. I was expecting God’s favor, so I had stood off to the side and momentarily got out of the line so I could look up toward the front. That’s when I noticed a woman coming toward me. She was dressed in a uniform, wore a badge, and was carrying a walkie-talkie. She was some sort of official, I knew. I told Victoria, “Here she comes. She probably attends Lakewood.” I was so excited. I knew she was going to take me up to the front of that line.

Sure enough, the woman came right up to me. She said, “Sir.”

I smiled real big. I said, “Yes, ma’am,” already reaching for my carry-on bag so I could step to the front of the line.

She said, “Would you please get back in the line?”

“God? That is not what I was praying for.”

My whole day went like that. Not one of my plans turned out. But thank God, I have learned to be adaptable and adjustable. I’ve made up my mind I’m going to enjoy every day whether I get my way or not.

Make a decision that you’re going to be happy even if you get stuck in traffic, even if the waitress spills something on your new coat, even if you have to wait in that long line.

Take an honest look at your life. Are you as happy as you know you should be deep down inside? Do you get up each day excited about your future? Are you enjoying your family? Enjoying your friends? If not, what is stealing your joy and causing you to get upset? Why are you worried? Identify what it is. Take inventory and then take it one step further. Begin retraining your mind in those particular areas.

Many times, you can make a small change—a minor adjustment in your attitude, or a minor adjustment in how you treat people; a minor adjustment in how you respond to problems—and it will make a huge difference in your life and in your level of joy.

Years ago, the Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov did an experiment with some dogs. He studied their habits and how they responded to certain situations. Every time he fed them, he rang a bell. When the dogs saw the food, they became excited and started salivating. They couldn’t wait to eat.

Over the next couple of weeks, every time Pavlov fed the dogs, he made sure he first rang that bell. After a while, the dogs associated the ringing of the bell with the presence of food.

A few weeks later, Pavlov decided to try something different. He started ringing the bell at odd times when he wasn’t feeding the dogs, just to see what they would do. Interestingly, every time he rang the bell, even though there was no food within sight or smell, the dogs began salivating. In their minds, they were about to eat. Pavlov called this a “conditioned response.” Something similar can happen in us. We can allow ourselves to develop all sorts of negative conditioned responses. For instance, we get stuck in traffic and almost instantly our blood pressure shoots sky high. We get all upset. Or maybe at the office somebody doesn’t speak to us, somebody intentionally ignores us. Instead of letting it go and giving that person the benefit of the doubt, we get offended. We’ve conditioned ourselves to respond in a certain way. We’ve allowed these negative mind-sets to steal our joy.

To develop a habit of happiness, you must retrain those negative responses. When you get up in the morning, you may feel discouraged or depressed. You may not feel like going to work. But instead of thinking, Nothing good ever happens to me; this is going to be a lousy day, break out of that rut. No matter what those circumstances look like, say, “This is the day the Lord has made. I’m going to enjoy it. I’m going to be happy today.” Speak that out by faith. Every time you do, you are retraining your mind. You’re forming a new habit of happiness. Just as we can form negative habits of defeat, discouragement, bitterness, or self-pity, we can get in the habit of enjoying every single day.

Friend, there’s too much sadness in our world today. Many people are even sick physically because they are living so stressed out, uptight, and worried. Granted, depression may be caused by a chemical imbalance, but I see too many people dragging around defeated and depressed because they habitually focus on the negative. They focus on their problems, on what’s wrong, rather than what’s right; or what they lost or can’t do, rather than what they can do with what they have left.

Change your focus. You can have a tiny problem, but if you stay focused on it, it will seem to get bigger and bigger. Don’t magnify your problem; magnify your God. Step out of doubt and step into faith. Get out of that discouragement and come over into joy. Make a decision that you are going to live your life happily.

I don’t mean that you feel on top of the world all the time. That’s not realistic. I’m talking about being content. In fact, one definition of joy is “calm delight.” That means you are at peace, you have a smile on your face. You are excited about your future. Sure, you may have some problems. We all have obstacles to overcome. But we know God is in control. We know He has us in the palm of His hand.

The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned how to be content no matter what state I’m in.” Think about that. He said, “I have learned to be content.” In other words, “This didn’t happen automatically. I had to train my mind to stay at peace. I had to train my mind to look on the bright side. I had to train my mind to focus on the good.” We must do the same thing. Happiness is not going to fall on us. It’s a choice we have to make. Being positive doesn’t necessarily come naturally. We have to make that decision daily. Our mind, left alone, will often drift toward the negative. If we don’t stay on the offensive, little by little we will grow more sullen; we won’t smile as much. Soon, we’re not as much fun to be around. We start to find fault. We start to get critical.

Instead, refuse to allow these negative habits to take hold. When you get out of bed in the morning, put a smile on your face. Set the tone right at the start of the day. If you don’t set the tone, somebody else will set it for you.

You need to realize that when you smile, it’s an act of faith. When you smile, you’re sending a message to your whole body, announcing that everything is going to be all right. If you will develop this positive attitude of faith, you will sow a seed for God to work in your life.

Following the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, I was watching a special news program one day as reporters were interviewing people in New Orleans who had gone through the hurricane. Person after person told his or her story, and most of them were extremely negative and bitter, blaming other people, blaming the government, blaming God.

One young woman stepped up to the microphone, and I could tell immediately that she had a different attitude. She had a big smile, and her face almost seemed to glow.

The reporter asked her somewhat sarcastically, “Okay, tell us your story. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” the woman said. “I’m not here to complain. I’m simply here to thank God that I’m still alive and I have my health. I thank God that my children are okay.” The reporter was taken back. Everyone else had been complaining about not having any electricity or water. It was more than a hundred degrees and they had no air-conditioning. The reporter probed further, “Well, what about your power? Do you have any air-conditioning?” The woman said, “No, I not only don’t have any power, I don’t even have my home. It was swept away in the flood.” Then she smiled as she said, “I’ll tell you what I do have.” She reached down and picked up her Bible. “I have my hope, I have my joy, I have my peace,” she said. With a radiant countenance, she continued, “I know God is on my side.” That woman chose to take a negative, unfortunate situation, and turn it around. She refused to tune in thoughts of self-pity. She refused to allow her negative circumstances to steal her joy. She was saying in effect, “I know God is still in control of my life. He said a little sparrow would not fall to the ground without Him seeing it. So I know He’s watching over me.”

Train your mind to see the good. Get rid of any negative, conditioned responses. Everybody around you may be complaining, but you can find the good in every situation. If you’ll do what the Scripture says, you can indeed be happy at all times.