فصل 18

CHAPTER 18

Handling Criticism

Every one of us will have times when we are criticized, sometimes fairly, but more often unfairly, creating stress in our hearts and minds and tension in our relationships. Somebody at work speaks negatively about you or blames you for something, trying to make you look bad, or blowing some minor incident out of proportion. Usually, your critics have no interest in helping you; they are simply trying to drag you down.

I’ve found that unwarranted criticism is most often based on jealousy. It stems from a competitive spirit. You have something that somebody else wants. Instead of being happy for you, instead of keeping a good attitude, knowing that God can do something similar for anyone who trusts Him, jealousy rises up in the critical person. They try to cover their own insecurity by being critical, cynical, caustic, or snippy toward others.

The more successful you are, the more criticism you will encounter. If you get that promotion at the office, don’t be surprised when your critics come out of the woodwork.

“Well, he’s not that talented,” someone might say. “She’s just a manipulator, always playing up to the boss.”

Or your friends may be fine as long as you are single. Once you are married, however, they start saying things such as, “I can’t believe he married her. She has no personality whatsoever.”

Here’s the key to handling criticism: Never take it personally. Many times, it’s not even about you, even though it may be directed at you. If the critic weren’t tearing you apart, he’d be complaining about somebody else. It’s something on the inside of the critical person that lashes out at others. Unless they deal with it, it’s going to keep them from rising higher.

One of the most important things I’ve ever learned is to celebrate other people’s victories. If your coworker gets the promotion you wanted, yes, there is a tendency to be jealous. Sure, there’s a tendency to think, Why didn’t that happen for me? I work hard. That’s not fair.

However, if we’ll keep the right attitude and be happy for other people’s success, at the right time God will open up something even better for us. I’ve found that if I can’t rejoice with others, I’m not going to get to where I want to be. Many times, God has a promotion in store, but first He sends along a test. He wants to see if we’re ready. When our best friends get married, while we’re still single, can we be happy for them? Or when our relatives move into their dream house, and we’ve been praying for years to own a home but are still renting a crowded apartment. That’s a test. If you get jealous and critical, your attitude will trap you right where you are. Learn to celebrate other people’s victories. Let their success inspire you. Know that if God did something so marvelous for them, He can certainly do it for you.

If you are going to become better, you will need to know how to deal with critics—people who are talking about you, judging you, or maybe even making false accusations. In Old Testament times, these people were called “slingers.” When an enemy attacked a city, their first priority was to pry the stones off the wall that was protecting that city. They would then sling those stones into the city’s wells. The attackers knew if they could clog the wells with stones and interrupt the flow of water, eventually the people within the walls would have to come out.

Do you see the parallel? You have a well of good things on the inside, a well of joy, peace, and victory. Too often, we let the slingers clog up our wells. Perhaps somebody speaks derogatorily about you, but instead of letting it go, you dwell on it, growing more and more upset. Before long, you think, I’m going to get even; I’m going to pay them back. They are speaking untruths about me; let me tell you what I know about them.

Instead, make it a priority to keep your well pure. If somebody is critical of you, trying to show you in a bad light, recognize that is a stone coming your way. If you dwell on it, or get upset and revengeful, the person who threw that stone has accomplished his or her goal. Another stone landed in your well. Now your joy, peace, and victory become more restricted. They don’t flow like they should.

The way you overcome unwarranted criticism is by not allowing yourself to take revenge or even harboring an attitude that wants revenge. Don’t sink down to their level and start talking badly about them. Most of all, don’t get defensive or try to prove that you’re right and your critic is wrong. No, the way you defeat a slinger is to shake it off and keep moving forward. Keep your eyes on the prize; stay focused on your goals and do what you believe God wants you to do.

This is what Jesus told His disciples to do when He sent them out to various towns to teach the people, to heal the sick, and to care for their needs. Jesus knew His followers would sometimes suffer rejection. Not everybody would like them or gladly receive their message. Some people would get jealous and start talking negatively about them, trying to make them look bad. Jesus knew the slingers would be out there, so He instructed His disciples, “When you go into a town, whoever will not receive and welcome your message, when you leave that place, shake the dust off of your feet.”

Notice, He didn’t say if they treat you poorly, if they start talking about you and spreading rumors. Jesus did not advise His disciples to become defensive or worried. Nor did He instruct them to defend their reputations and set the record straight. He simply said, “Shake the dust off of your feet.” That was a symbolic way of saying, “You’re not going to steal my joy. You may reject me or speak badly about me, but I’m not going to sink down to your level. I’m not going to fight with you. I’m going to let God be my vindicator.” Sometimes when you leave the workplace, you simply have to shake it off. People backbiting, playing politics, trying to bring you down—leave it; don’t lug that heavy, worthless load home. Shake it off. Sometimes even leaving a relative’s house, you may have to say, “I’m shaking this off. I’m not going to drink of their poison.”

Once the Apostle Paul was shipwrecked on a small island. He went to pick up some firewood and a poisonous snake bit him. The people thought he would die immediately. That’s what it feels like when somebody criticizes us, when somebody is talking behind your back; we can feel the sting of his or her words. I love what Paul did. One translation says, “He simply shook it off.” It was as though he was saying, “No big deal. I’m not going to let this thing bother me. It may be poisonous, it may look bad, but I know God is in control. I know God can take care of me.” Miraculously, that snakebite didn’t even harm Paul. Although it was dangerous and poisonous, Paul knew the secret of simply shaking it off.

The Scripture says in Proverbs, “A gossiping, fault-finding tongue is like a venomous snake.” A person’s words can poison your life, if you allow them to do so. The longer you think about it, the more venom goes into you.

If somebody relates something negative about my family or me, I try to stop them as quickly as possible. I’ll say, “I don’t really want to hear that. I don’t want that poison to get inside me.” I’ve found it’s a lot easier to shake things off if you don’t know all the details. If somebody is talking about you, don’t go home and call seven of your friends and say, “What did you hear about this?” Just shake it off. Remember, most of the time, it’s not really about you. It’s about the fact that they haven’t dealt with that jealous, critical spirit on the inside.

The best thing you can do is ignore the slingers. They won’t put forth the effort to be their best, so they feel like they need to tear you down to help ease their consciences. When you hear those negative comments or false accusations, just remind yourself, “No big deal, it’s just another slinger. I’ve already made up my mind: No more stones are going into my well. I’m going to live my life in freedom.”

Recognize that you cannot stop people from talking negatively. If you are trying to be the “gossip police,” hoping to make sure that nobody ever says a negative thing about you, you’re going to live a frustrated life. No, accept the fact that certain people are going to make cutting remarks. But you are better than that; you don’t have to drink of their poison. You can rise above it. You can stay on the high road and enjoy your life anyway.

Maybe you need to get free from trying to please everybody as well. Stop worrying that somebody might criticize you. Remember that if you are criticized when you are trying to make a positive difference in the world, you’re in good company. Jesus was perpetually criticized for doing good. He was even criticized for healing a man on the Sabbath. He was criticized for going to dinner with a tax collector. The critics called Him a friend of sinners. He was criticized for helping a woman in need, somebody that they were about to stone. Jesus didn’t change in a futile attempt to fit into everybody’s mold. He didn’t try to explain Himself and make everybody understand Him; He stayed focused and fulfilled His destiny.

I love the Scripture “No weapon formed against us will prosper, but every tongue raised against us in judgment, You will show to be in the wrong.” You may have to endure some people speaking against you, but if you can just stay on the high road and keep doing your best, you will prove their criticism invalid. Moreover, God will pour out His favor on you, in spite of your critics.

Remember, your destiny is not determined by your critics. God has the final say. Quit listening to what the naysayers are telling you and stop living to please people. Shake that off and keep pressing forward in life.

Another important key is not to allow the criticism to change you. We need to be tough on the outside, but you have to stay tender on the inside. Often we become hard and calloused by criticism. If we’re not careful, when critical people talk behind our backs, it’s easy to let their poison get on the inside of us and start to change us. But you must keep your heart pure and stay true to who God has made you to be.

A high school friend of mine was popular, fun, and outgoing, but he had an unusual high-pitched laugh. One day, a couple of our friends started making fun of him, going around the school imitating his laugh. They didn’t mean any harm. They were just teasing, trying to have fun. I noticed how that young man started to change, though. He quit laughing as much. He became much more quiet and reserved. Where he once was gregarious and the life of the party, little by little he tucked his true personality inside a shell. He lost his confidence, became insecure, and started overcompensating. That’s what happens when we don’t shake things off.

You may have some distinct features or personality traits. But know this: God made you like you are on purpose. If people are making fun of you or causing you to feel overly self-conscious, just shake it off. Don’t let their comments or actions stick to you.

For example, I smile a lot. In fact, I smile all the time. I can’t help it. I’ve been doing it since I was a little baby. That’s just the way God made me. Sometimes people make fun of me for smiling so much. You’d think they’d be happy that somebody is smiling instead of frowning. I’ve heard people say, “Why does he smile so much?” Almost as if to say, “There’s something wrong with him.”

The other day I saw a parody that somebody produced about me. It was a television clip of me speaking and every time I smiled, my front teeth would ping, and a star rose off my teeth, sort of like a toothpaste commercial. When I saw the parody, I laughed—probably more than the people who watched it with me. I thought to myself, That doesn’t bother me one bit. I smile a lot. If somebody doesn’t like it, I’ll just smile some more. Who knows? Maybe Crest or Colgate will want to sponsor our television program!

You ought to be able to laugh at yourself. Don’t let unwarranted criticism create stress in your life. Stay focused on what God has in store for you.