فصل 8

CHAPTER 8

Learning to Like Yourself

We all have areas that we need to improve, but as long as we’re pressing forward, getting up each day and doing our very best, we can be assured that God is pleased with us. He may not be pleased with every decision we make, but He is pleased with us. But so many people focus on their faults and weaknesses. When they make mistakes, they’re extremely critical of themselves. They live with that nagging feeling that chides, “You’re not what you’re supposed to be. You don’t measure up. You’ve blown it too many times.” God knew that you were not going to be perfect. He knew that you were going to have weaknesses, faults, and wrong desires—He knew all that before you were even born—and He still loves you!

One of the worst things you could do is to go through life being against yourself. Many people have a war going on inside themselves. They don’t really like who they are. “Well, I’m slow, I’m undisciplined, I’m unattractive, and I’m not as smart as other people.” They focus on their weaknesses, not realizing that this negative introspection is a root cause of many of their difficulties. They can’t get along in relationships, they’re insecure, they don’t enjoy their life, and it’s largely because they’re not at peace with who they are.

Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Notice, the prerequisite to loving others is to love yourself. If you don’t have a healthy respect for who you are, and if you don’t learn to accept yourself faults and all, you will never be able to properly love other people.

Understand, you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you don’t love yourself, you’re not going to be able to love others. If you’re at strife on the inside, feeling angry or insecure about yourself, feeling unattractive, feeling condemned, then that’s all you can give away. On the other hand, if you’ll recognize that God is working on you, and in spite of your flaws and weaknesses, you can learn to accept yourself. Then you can give that love away and have healthy relationships.

This basic principle could save your marriage; it could change your relationships with the people around you. Please recognize that if you’re negative toward yourself, it’s not only affecting you; it is influencing every relationship you have, and it will affect your relationship with God.

That’s why it’s so important that you feel good about who you are. You may have some faults. You may have some things you wish you could change about yourself. Well, join the crowd. We all do. But lighten up and quit being so hard on yourself. Interestingly, we might never criticize another person or tell him or her, “You are really dumb; you’re unattractive, you’re undisciplined.” Yet we don’t have any problem saying it to ourselves. But understand that when you criticize yourself, you are criticizing God’s ultimate creation.

Don’t step into that trap. The Scripture indicates that God has already approved and accepted you. It doesn’t say God approves you as long as you live a perfect life. No, it says God approves you unconditionally, just as you are. If God approves you, why don’t you start approving yourself? Shake off guilt, condemnation, inadequacies, and a sense that you can’t measure up, and start feeling good about who you are.

Every morning, no matter how we feel, we need to get out of bed and boldly declare, “Father, I thank You that You have approved me. Thank You that You are pleased with me. Thank You that I am forgiven. I know that I am a friend of God.”

Keep in mind, the enemy accuses that you’re never doing enough. “You’re not working hard enough, not being a good enough marriage partner or parent; you did fairly well on your diet yesterday.” Don’t take that stuff. You have a multitude of good qualities to every one negative quality.

“But, Joel, I’m so impatient.”

Well, that may be true, but have you ever thought about the fact that you’re always on time? You’re persistent. You’re determined.

“I don’t think I’m as good a mom as I should be.”

Maybe not, but have you noticed that your children are doing great in school? Your children never miss a meal.

“Well, I’m not a very good husband, Joel.”

Okay, maybe you work too much, but you’ve never missed a house payment. You provide a great living for your family.

You can, you should feel good about yourself. When you regard yourself positively, you are in agreement with God.

God is not looking at what you’ve done wrong; He’s looking at what you’ve done right.

The Scripture says in Hebrews, “To look away from everything that distracts.” If you constantly pick yourself apart, you’re bound to be depressed and defeated. Look away from that; recognize that you are changing, that you’re making progress. Accept the truth that spiritual growth is a process, not an overnight flash. The Bible says God changes us little by little.

When Jesus was baptized, He came up out of the water and a voice boomed out of the heavens, saying, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” Of course, Jesus was uniquely God’s Son, but I believe God is saying that to you, too. He is well pleased with you.

Let this sink deep down into your heart, mind, and soul: God is pleased with you. He has already accepted and approved you. He may not be pleased with every decision you make, but if you have entrusted your life to Him, God is pleased with you.

What a tragedy to go through life being against yourself, especially when there is no rational reason to do so. The war within is over; God has won! That’s why it’s okay to feel good about who you are.