مهارت سوم: استقامت

SKILL 3:

PERSISTENCE

I’ve heard a lot of people say things like “a goal is a dream with a deadline.” Or “you’ve got to give yourself a timeline.” I struggle with that idea because none of the success I’ve experienced in my personal life has been quick. If I had given myself a timeline of a year or even two, I would have given up a long time ago.

It took me two years to grow enough of a social media following that a literary agent would take me seriously enough to consider my book proposal. It took another six months after that to submit the proposal to publishing houses to see if an editor would take a chance on a cookbook deal. It was eighteen more months before that book hit the market. So much work was necessary just to get to that place.

I posted a couple of pictures on Instagram recently. The first picture was from my very first TV segment for the local morning news. I had pitched for months and finally gotten booked for a segment on National Junk Food Day, wherein the KTLA morning news team and I tried out the weirdest junk food on the market at that point.

Think deep-fried Oreos and pickles brined in cherry Kool-Aid. Peabody material it was not. The second picture I shared was from my very first time on the Today Show. In it I’m the filling in a Hoda and Kathie Lee sandwich, and I’m smiling so big and brightly that my face is about to crack in half.

I was ecstatic that day because I had always, always wanted to be booked for a segment on the Today Show. What I need to point out—besides the fact that my hair looked so much better after I started going to a real colorist instead of using dye from a box—is that the first picture is from 2010 and the second photo is from 2018.

Eight years, you guys. It took me eight years to achieve that goal, and the road was long and hard. It started with that first junk-food segment, and after that I begged, borrowed, and stole to land more opportunities. I would snag a Fourth of July BBQ segment here or a Thanksgiving Day segment there.

At the time I was flying solo at work, which meant that every single time I convinced someone to have me on their show, I had to find a way to make it work with no money and no help. I could only “buy” props that I could easily hide the price tag for so I could return them after the show. I would buy, haul, design, set, straighten, and clean up all by myself.

I changed from set-up clothes to on-air clothes in gross bathroom stalls or in the back seat of my car (local news shows don’t tend to have the nicest accommodations). Usually by that point I would have sweat off all my makeup and my hair would be a frizzy mess. I wasn’t cute, but my table was, and I was always prepared to give the funniest, most informative segment they’d ever seen on everything from Saint Patrick’s to Arbor Day.

Going after that kind of press all by myself sucked, but I didn’t have the money for a publicist or a designer or even an assistant to help me set it up. What I did know was my goal, and I understood that hard work was the only leverage I had. When I got my first chance to do a national show, I jumped at it, even though it was on a topic I didn’t know and had to research long and hard just to be able to talk about it intelligently for six minutes.

For years I built relationships with TV producers. I pitched hundreds of segments that got rejected for every one that got accepted. I became known as a pinch hitter; I was the person who would jump on a plane last minute and cover if someone else got sick. If you needed an “expert” to show up and talk about literally anything, I was your girl. I worked my butt off—and it still took eight years.

It took me six books and five years to finally get a bestseller. It took me eight years to get on the Today Show. It took me four years and thousands of photos on Instagram to get one hundred thousand followers. I could keep listing things out for you one after another of how long it has all taken to get from there to here, but the point is this: it never went as fast as I wanted it to, and if I had given up because I hadn’t achieved my goal by a certain date, I wouldn’t have achieved any of the things you know me for today.

For all my dreamers, for all my hustlers, for all my girls reading this who are building and planning, don’t you dare compare your beginning with someone else’s middle! Don’t you dare listen when someone tells you that you need to have an end date. Your mile markers—remember, those are the things you can control—those should have dates attached so that you’re being productive and efficient. But your guideposts? Those are more nebulous and harder to achieve, and you may have to come at them six ways before you find something that will help you break through.

It’s easy to see someone else’s success and be discouraged by it, because we assume our first efforts won’t measure up. Of course they won’t! None of my success has been a meteoric rise. What you see now is over a decade of hard work and focus and standing back up every time I got knocked down. You don’t have connections? Or money? Or access? I didn’t either! I had work ethic and a dream and the patience and perseverance to see it through.

It’s going to be a journey and you’re going to have to fight to get where you want to go, but it’s also going to be worth it.

One of my favorite signs I ever saw during a half marathon was a poster that read, “If it was easy, everyone would do it!” I love the reminder that achieving a goal is hard, but I’m still here. So are you. The reason that we’re willing to stay on the road, to keep pushing to get to the next level, is that we’re not like everyone else. It’s not easy to achieve a goal. It’s tough—but, girl, so are you!

The reason people give up or fall off or aren’t willing to keep moving forward is because they believe this goal that they’re chasing is temporary. This is something that we have been sold by media for most of our lives. “Try this, now try that, now do this diet, now try this exercise, now do this thing, now keep switching, now keep changing.” This type of behavior isn’t effective in the pursuit of an achievement. This type of behavior is only effective as a means of confusion. Because here’s the deal . . . if brands and media and the news can confuse you, they can sell you more stuff.

Think about it. Fifty years ago, the only way to lose weight was simple: burn off more calories than you consume. It’s a simple solution that works. Is it easy? No way. The waffle fries at Chick-fil-A are delicious and way more fun to eat than broccoli. But the diet industry wouldn’t exist if the answer was simple and straightforward. So, instead, we’ve been bombarded with a million different answers, all of which are confusing.

Should you go Paleo or Whole30 or Atkins or South Beach or vegan or gluten-free? Each season there is something new and different to try, and every single one of them is attached to something you can buy: books, powders, frozen meals, plans, programs, pills, etc., all to answer the confusion you feel about diet and weight loss.

This is only one industry, you guys. This attitude of flitting from one possible solution to another like a drunk butterfly shows up in every single kind of consumer good. Is it any wonder that you’re trying to achieve your answer, your goal, by trying something for a little while, then giving up when it doesn’t work and trying something else? Is it any wonder you’re not making the headway you want to make?

No. You believe this goal in your life is temporary. You believe it’s something to be pulled on and off like your favorite hoodie. There when you want it and tucked away in the closet when you don’t.

This goal, this mission of yours, this dream, this place that you’re headed—this is not a temporary thing. This is not something that you’re going to do for this month, or this season, or just this year. Really, truly chasing down a goal changes not just that specific aspect of your life but how you approach life on the whole. Forever.

If you’re saving money to buy a house, that will require a total change in the way you spend and save. If you want to have a strong, outstanding marriage, that means rooting out any misconceptions you have about relationships and intentionally pursuing it every day. No matter what it is you’re chasing down, you’ll only catch it if you go all in.

This is not just a thing you do.

This is who you are now.

Forever and ever, amen.

This is not training just for this month or a season. Think about it, every professional athlete, every Olympian—Tom Brady or Serena Williams or Messi—they’re training just as hard today as they were when they started. In fact, I’d argue that to operate at the level of excellence they’re at today, they’re training harder than ever before. The training never stops.

Because after you achieve this goal you’re going to choose the next and the next and the one after that. You pursuing the best version of you, whatever this looks like, will permeate every area of your life. So stop thinking so small.

Stop thinking about this with such a limited perspective, assuming what you’re doing is only about what’s in front of you now. Dig in, work hard, be patient; the time will pass by no matter what. You may as well spend it in pursuit of something more, no matter how long it takes you to get there.