فصل 25

Chapter 25 - How the Housewife Can Avoid Fatigue and Keep Looking Young

One day last autumn, my associate flew up to Boston to attend a session of one of the most unusual medical classes in the world. Medical? Well, yes, it meets once a week at the Boston Dispensary, and the patients who attend it get regular and thorough medical examinations before they are admitted. But actually this class is a psychological clinic. Although it is officially called the Class in Applied Psychology (formerly the Thought Control Class, a name suggested by the first member), its real purpose is to deal with people who are ill from worry. And many of these patients are emotionally disturbed housewives.

How did such a class for worriers get started? Well, in 1930, Dr. Joseph H. Pratt, who, by the way, had been a pupil of Sir William Osier, observed that many of the outpatients who came to the Boston Dispensary apparently had nothing wrong with them at all physically; yet they had practically all the symptoms that flesh is heir to. One woman’s hands were so crippled with “arthritis” that she had lost all use of them. Another was in agony with all the excruciating symptoms of “cancer of the stomach”. Others had backaches, headaches, were chronically tired, or had vague aches and pains. They actually felt these pains. But the most exhaustive medical examinations showed that nothing whatever was wrong with these women, in the physical sense. Many old, fashioned doctors would have said it was all imagination, “all in the mind”.

But Dr. Pratt realized that it was no use to tell these patients to “go home and forget it”. He knew that most of these women didn’t want to be sick; if it was so easy to forget their ailments, they would do so themselves. So what could be done?

He opened his class to a chorus of doubts from the medical doubters on the sidelines. And the class worked wonders! In the eighteen years that have passed since it started, thousands of patients have been “cured” by attending it. Some of the patients have been coming for years, as religious in their attendance as though going to church. My assistant talked to a woman who had hardly missed a session in more than nine years. She said that when she first went to the clinic, she was thoroughly convinced she had a floating kidney and some kind of heart ailment. She was so worried and tense that she occasionally lost her eyesight and had spells of blindness. Yet today she is confident and cheerful and in excellent health. She looked only about forty, yet she held one of her grandchildren asleep in her lap. “I used to worry so much about my family troubles,” she said, “that I wished I could die. But I learned at this clinic the futility of worrying. I learned to stop it. And I can honestly say now that my life is serene.”

Dr. Rose Hilferding, the medical adviser of the class, said that she thought one of the best remedies for lightening worry is “talking your troubles over with someone you trust. We call it catharsis,” she said. “When patients come here, they can talk their troubles over at length, until they get them off their minds. Brooding over worries alone, and keeping them to oneself, causes great nervous tension. We all have to share our troubles. We have to share worry. We have to feel there is someone in the world who is willing to listen and able to understand.”

My assistant witnessed the great relief that came to one woman from talking out her worries. She had domestic worries, and when she first began to talk, she was like a wound, up spring. Then gradually, as she kept on talking, she began to calm down. At the end of the interview, she was actually smiling. Had the problem been solved? No, it wasn’t that easy. What caused the change was talking to someone, getting a little advice and a little human sympathy. What had really worked the change was the tremendous healing value that lies in words!

Psycho, analysis is based, to some extent, on this healing power of words. Ever since the days of Freud, analysts have known that a patient could find relief from his inner anxieties if he could talk, just talk. Why is this so? Maybe because by talking, we gain a little better insight into our troubles, get a better perspective. No one knows the whole answer. But all of us know that “spitting it out” or “getting it off our chests” bring almost instant relief.

So the next time we have an emotional problem, why don’t we look around for someone to talk to? I don’t mean, of course, to go around making pests of ourselves by whining and complaining to everyone in sight. Let’s decide on someone we can trust, and make an appointment. Maybe a relative, a doctor, a lawyer, a minister, or priest. Then say to that person: “I want your advice. I have a problem, and I wish you would listen while I put it in words. You may be able to advise me. You may see angles to this thing that I can’t see myself. But even if you can’t, you will help me tremendously if you will just sit and listen while I talk it out.”

Talking things out, then, is one of the principle therapies used at the Boston Dispensary Class. But here are some other ideas we picked up at the class, things you, as a housewife, can do in your home.

Keep a notebook or scrapbook ‘for “inspirational” reading. Into this book you can paste all the poems, or short prayers, or quotations, which appeal to you personally and give you a lift. Then, when a rainy afternoon sends your spirits plunging down, perhaps you can find a recipe in this book for dispelling the gloom. Many patients at the Dispensary have kept such notebooks for years. They say it is a spiritual “shot in the arm”.

Don’t dwell too long on the shortcomings of others! One woman at the class, who found herself developing into a scolding, nagging, and haggard faced wife, was brought up short with the question: “What would you do if your husband died?” She was so shocked by the idea that she immediately sat down and drew up a list of all her husband’s good points. She made quite a list. Why don’t you try the same thing the next time you feel you married a tight, fisted tyrant? Maybe you’ll find, after reading his virtues, that he’s a man you’d like to meet!

Get interested in your neighbors! Develop a friendly, healthy interest in the people who share the life on your street. One ailing woman, who felt herself so “exclusive” that she hadn’t any friends, was told to try to make up a story about the next person she met. She began, in the street, car, to weave backgrounds and settings for the people she saw. She tried to imagine what their lives had been like. First thing you know, she was talking to people everywhere and today she is happy, alert, and a charming human being cured of her “pains”.

Make up a schedule for tomorrow’s work before you go to bed tonight. The class found that many wives feel driven and harassed by the unending round of housework and things they must do. They never got their work finished. They were chased by the clock. To cure this sense of hurry, and worry, the suggestion was made that they draw up a schedule each night for the following day. What happened? More work accomplished; much less fatigue; a feeling of pride and achievement; and time left over to rest and to “primp”.

Finally, avoid tension and fatigue. Relax! Relax! Nothing will make you look old sooner than tension and fatigue. Nothing will work such havoc with your freshness and looks! My assistant sat for an hour in the Boston Thought Control Class, while Professor Paul E. Johnson, the director, went over many of the principles we have already discussed in the previous chapter the rules for relaxing. At the end of ten minutes of these relaxing exercises, which my assistant did with the others, she was almost asleep sitting upright in her chair! Why is such stress laid on this physical relaxing? Because the clinic knows as other doctors know that if you’re going to get the worry, kinks out of people, they’ve got to relax!

Yes, have got to relax! Strangely enough, a good hard floor is better to relax on than an inner, spring bed. It gives more resistance. It is good for the spine.

All right, then, here are some exercises you can do in your home. Try them for a week and see what you do for your looks and disposition!

a. Lie flat on the floor whenever you feel tired. Stretch as tall as you can. Roll around if you want to. Do it twice a day.

b. Close your eyes. You might try saying, as Professor Johnson recommended, something like this: ‘The sun is shining overhead. The sky is blue and sparkling. Nature is calm and in control of the world and I, as nature’s child, am in tune with the Universe.’ Or, better still pray!

c. If you cannot lie down, because the roast is in the oven and you can’t spare the time, then you can achieve almost the same effect sitting down in a chair. A hard, upright chair is the best for relaxing. Sit upright in the chair like a seated Egyptian statue, and let your hands rest, palms down, on the tops of your thighs.

d. Now, slowly tense the toes, then let them relax. Tense the muscles in your legs and let them relax. Do this slowly upward, with all the muscles of your body, until you get to the neck. Then let your head roll around heavily, as though it were a football. Keep saying to your muscles (as in the previous chapter): “Let go, let go.”

e. Quiet your nerves with slow, steady breathing. Breathe from deep down. The yogis of India were right: rhythmical breathing is one of the best methods ever discovered for soothing the nerves.

f. Think of the wrinkles and frowns in your face, and smooth them all out. Loosen up the worry creases you feel between your brows, and at the sides of your mouth. Do this twice a day, and maybe you won’t have to go to a beauty parlor to get a massage. Maybe the lines will disappear from the inside out!