فصل بیست و یک

THE GIRLS

S1E4

WEST McCRAY:

The day Mattie disappeared started like any other. May Beth remembers it vividly; she dreams of it every night.

MAY BETH FOSTER:

She came by that morning. I have a rule: it’s not decent to bother a person before nine. So Mattie’s favorite thing, if she was up and around before then, was to come pounding on my door at nine-oh-one, fling it open and shout, “Good morning!” into my trailer. Shout it right in my face, really, because the door opens up to my kitchen. [CHUCKLES] So that’s what she did. She flung the door wide, I was at the table, having my coffee and she screamed, “Good morning, May Beth!” And I wanted to throttle her because I loved her that much, but I just smiled at her and I asked her, “Where’re you off to today, Mats?” like I always did and she said, “Everywhere,” like she always did.

I told her to figure things out with her sister and stay out of trouble in the meantime.

WEST McCRAY:

Mattie and Sadie had been fighting that week.

MAY BETH FOSTER:

It was about Claire, of course.

Mattie wanted to go to L.A. but she knew they didn’t have the money, so whenever she’d pick a fight about it, deep down she understood—or at least, I think she understood—that it was impossible. Mattie would have her moment, let it die a while, then have another.

But somehow, she’d found out Sadie had been squirrelling away cash in case of an emergency. If they didn’t end up needing it, Sadie told me Mattie would take it to college. Now that Mattie knew about this money, she decided that meant they could hop a plane to L.A. and look for Claire. Of course Sadie told her that wasn’t happening.

I had them over for an early dinner that afternoon and they weren’t talking. It was awful. Usually, Sadie would try to smooth things over, but not this time. When I asked her about it afterward, she said, and I’ll never forget it—she said, “I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for Mattie.” Mattie was never content with just having her sister.

WEST McCRAY:

Sadie worked the gas station that night.

MARTY MCKINNON:

Sadie might not have been the most forthcoming girl, but it was clear she was upset about something. Find out later, it was that fight.

WEST McCRAY:

The fight was brought to the Abernathy Police Department’s attention by Sadie herself, but played no significant part in their investigation into Mattie’s murder. It’s just another layer of tragedy in a story that’s already seen more than its fair share.

MARTY MCKINNON:

It was a long shift, I remember. Sadie said she really needed the money, so I gave her a few more hours. She clocked off pretty late and— MAY BETH FOSTER:

She came back to my place. She didn’t do that all the time, only when she was real worn out and maybe … maybe looking for a bit of mothering. I was glad to do it, because the opportunity didn’t come along too often with Sadie. Anyway, she fell asleep on my couch and she looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake her. I should have. I can’t help but wonder what might’ve happened if I had. Maybe she and Mattie would’ve crossed paths before Mattie ever got in that truck … because that’s the thing—no matter what happened between them, Sadie always checked in on Mattie for whatever she might need. She always had a meal on the table or in the fridge, ready to heat up. No matter how frustrated Sadie got with her sister, she never stopped looking after her.

But that night, I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t wake her up. I thought it would be good for Mattie—for Mattie to stand back and notice that absence, to realize how much Sadie did for her even if Mattie thought Sadie didn’t get it right enough of the time. So I texted Mattie and I let her know Sadie was with me and she wasn’t going to be home.

WEST McCRAY:

Mattie never got it. She’d left her phone in the trailer. Sadie discovered this when, the next day, she sent a string of frantic texts to her little sister, demanding to know where she was. They read as follows: SORRY, MATTIE. FELL ASLEEP.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I DIDN’T DO IT TO BE A BITCH, I PROMISE.

I’M FREAKING OUT—JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE.

DON’T DO THIS TO ME.

MAY BETH FOSTER:

I’ll never forget it. Sadie came back to my place and told me Mattie was gone. I said, “I’m sure she’s somewhere around town, just being a little bitch about it.” That’s exactly what I said. I’ve never forgiven myself. And Sadie just looked at me and said, “This feels different.” She was right.

WEST McCRAY:

I don’t need to paint you a picture of what this retelling does to May Beth because you can hear the utter agony in her voice. Still, I want you to know she sits across from me at her table the entire time, her gaze fixed on something I can’t see, her hands twisting the tablecloth. She’s not shying from her hurt, and it’s a true privilege that she’d share it with me, but her desperate attempt to control it tells me the pain I’m witness to is barely scratching the surface. I don’t know how she survives it, frankly. She doesn’t seem to either.

MAY BETH FOSTER:

It’s killing me a little more every day. And if that’s what it’s doing to me, you can’t imagine what it did to Sadie. She … became a shell of who she used to be. I lost her a little more each day.

WEST McCRAY:

It’s understandable then, that May Beth wants to protect Sadie from further hurt. She’s so afraid of the information she’s been keeping from me she makes me fly back to Cold Creek just to get it. It’s not that she doesn’t trust me, she says, but she’d feel better saying it to my face.

When I get there, I turn the microphone off and she tells me what she knows. Five days later, I have a new lead, and once she’s been reassured that what she’s told me won’t cause any kind of problems for Sadie should we find her, May Beth agrees to tell me again for podcast.

MAY BETH FOSTER:

Once I say it, everyone’s going to understand why I don’t think much of the Farfield Police Department because if they were as thorough as they claim they were, if they did everything in their power to figure out what happened to Sadie, they would’ve found this and they would’ve followed through on it. It was under the passenger’s seat of her car.

WEST McCRAY:

It’s a credit card. Sadie didn’t have any credit cards when she lived in Cold Creek. And this one doesn’t belong to her. It belongs to a woman named Cat Mather.

She’s an easy enough person to track down.