بخش 03

Da was asleep on the sofa with the trumpet beside him and there was some old lad with a cap sitting in a chair. We had a great chat tonight about the old days, all the old Tower bar crowd he says tell your father not to be worrying his head what Roche says the Bradys are tough men, hard men. It takes more than a pain in the chest to annoy them. Am I right Francie? he says. I said he was. I didn’t know what the fu k he was talking about, him and Roche. I wanted to hear no more about Roche. Then he fell asleep with his head hanging on his chest like a cloth doll. I wanted to sleep now too. I knew that in a couple of days everything would be all right again. We’d have some laughs then me and Joe. I couldn’t wait to see him taking off Buttsy. Uh! Uh! Help me!

The next time I called Mrs Purcell answered it and when I asked her was Joe coming out to the river she said he was at music. Music, I said, I didn’t know he did music where is he at music? Up at the convent she said, where they all go to music. The convent I said, I didn’t know he went to music Mrs Purcell. He never went to music before did he? No, she says, he didn’t. Then the door closed softly with a click. I went off down the lane I was going to go for a walk but then I doubled back because I couldn’t figure out how Joe was doing music if he hadn’t a piano he must be doing guitar. But the nuns don’t teach guitar. I shone the glass of the sitting room window with the sleeve of my jumper and sitting there on the music stand the music book with the ass and cart on the front going off into misty green mountains. I couldn’t read it but I knew what it was – Emerald Gems of Ireland.

Philip was swinging the music case as he went by Mrs Connolly’s hedge singing to himself. I just came out from behind the gate and says well Philip. He starts the twisting again only this time at the handle of the music case and I think he said hello Francis. I said Francie, not Francis. Francie, he said, and then he got all red. I wasn’t sure how to start I thought of a couple of different things to say but none of them sounded right. In the end I just said: You gave Joe Purcell your music book, didn’t you?

He said what and raised his eyebrows so I said it again. No I didn’t he said. Well, I said, I’m afraid you did but all you have to do is tell me you might as well for I seen it in his house its on the piano. He said maybe but I said look there’s no sense in saying maybe Philip. That’s the book you gave him for I seen it in this very case there’s an ass and cart on the front of it and mountains. And you gave it to Joe Purcell and now you’re saying you didn’t. You gave it to him didn’t you? All you have to do is tell me Philip. That’s all I want to know. Then he splutters yes yes yes and sniffles a bit. I had wanted him to say it all right but then when he did I didn’t like it. What I was going to say at first was well there we are that’s all that over, all you had to do was say that in the first place. But that wasn’t what I said in the end. I said: What did you do that for? He says I just gave it to him Francie the music teacher said. Then it came into my head, Joe and Francie standing there in the music teacher’s room. There you are Joe said Philip handing him the book. Thank you very much said Joe. And Philip smiling away. I said to Philip: This is all to do with the goldfish isn’t it? Then what does he say only: What goldfish? I don’t know what you mean Francie.

When I looked at him saying that straight into my face, I thought: Please, Philip. Don’t go like your mother. I explained everything to him. It was all right him giving Joe the goldfish when I was away in the school. But that was all over now. It’s no use thinking by giving music books to Joe that you can get in with us, Philip. Then I walked along a bit of the way with him. I said goodbye to him at the street corner and said I would see him soon. Then I went home.

When I got home there wasn’t a whisper in the house only for the flies, nothing only da in the armchair by the radio. I was talking away to him about Philip and how it was better to be straight with people and not keep them hanging on. I made tea and I asked him did he want some. I said: What are you doing there? Looking out at the snowdrop? I gave his shoulder a bit of a shake and when the hankie fell out of his pocket I saw that it was all dried blood. Oh da, I said, I didn’t know and I felt his forehead it was cold as ice. I said: Don’t worry da. I’ll look after you. I’ll see that you’re all right. I might have let you down before but not this time! Oh no – not this time! Us Bradys – we’ll show them! We’ll show them we stick together!

No matter what I did Jeyes Fluid or anything there was still a bit of a stink and flies about after the pilchards so I went back up the street and got flypapers they were supposed to be better than the sprays and as well as that you could see how many you got.

Every so often I checked the flypapers and counted them. It didn’t take long. In no time at all I had eleven. I went up to get another paper just in case that one got full up too quick. There was no money in da’s pockets and nothing in the bin only a crust. I sat with da thinking was there anything I could do then in the end I went round to Leddy. Don’t worry da, I said, I’ll start early in the mornings and get home early in the evening. It’ll be OK, you’ll see.

He looked at me and he said: You won’t leave me son?

But he didn’t have to worry. I wasn’t going to leave him. I wasn’t going to let ma and da or anyone down ever again.

I’d like a job Mr Leddy I said. The smell of piss and shit and dirty guts you never seen the like of it. At the side of the slaughterhouse there was a concrete pit where they just threw out the manure and the guts and the offal and let it pile away up. The Pit of Guts, that’s what I called that place. Grouse Armstrong was trailing a big sheet of white skin with innards attached to it across the yard stopping the odd time to tear and paw at it. Every two seconds Leddy’d draw in this big deep breath with the sound of snots like paper tearing. I dare say you weren’t in too many places like this he says then I could see by him he was thinking so this is the famous Francie Brady well we’ll soon see how tough he is we’ll soon see how tough he is when he’s inside Leddy’s slaughterhouse. But I smiled away and every time he told me something about it I said that’s very interesting and the worse he got about all the things I’d have to do in the place, the better I said it was.

Now he says what about this fellow and this little pig looks out at me through the bars, what do you think of him? I says O he’s lovely but I forgot myself for that wasn’t what Leddy wanted me to say. Lovely he says, you think he’s lovely. Good he says and scoops him up in his arms. Now he says take a good look at him. He was as pink as a baby’s bottom and he said to me with his big eyes: I’m not a big pig yet I don’t understand anything. Please – will you not let any harm come to me? And his front trotters dangling over Leddy’s tattoo it was a snaked sword. Isn’t he lovely says Leddy again he sure is he sure is and next thing what has he in his hand only a gun not a real gun it was a captive bolt pistol and what does he do only stick it into the baby pig’s head and bid-dunk!, right into his skull goes the bolt and such a squeal. Then down on the concrete plop and not a squeak out of him all you could see was him saying you said you’d mind me and you didn’t.

But I didn’t bother with that, instead I went over to the pen and caught another fellow by the trotters he was even younger than the first. He was in a bad way altogether for he’d seen the whole thing. His eyes, please please don’t kill me I’ll do anything! What about this lad I said, he’s a chancy-looking customer. Give me the pistol there Mr Leddy and I’ll put a bit of manners on him. Leddy stood back with his hand on his hip and laughed. You’ve a while to do here yet before you’ll be able to face the like of that ha ha. Ah no, I says, Mr Leddy, not at all. It wouldn’t be fair on this little fellow to leave him all alone now that his poor old friend is gone. He hands me the pistol, here he says have a look at it but be careful, I says don’t worry Mr Leddy. I looked at it for a while there wasn’t much to it the baby pig was still looking up at me with the ear flapping over one eye please Francie? Well any other time I would have let him down or put him back in but I wanted Leddy to take me on straight away and I had things to buy for the house and everything so I just shrugged and I don’t know what all Leddy’s huffing and puffing was about. One squeal and a buck as the bolt went in and I just threw him down on the floor beside the other fellow. Leddy was rubbing his tattoo, biting his lip and staring at me. Behind him a row of pigs in muslin shirts. And a lump of a cow on a table with ribs like a half-built boat. Just you and me get one thing straight he says as I handed the pistol back to him. Then he stared me out of it and said: You’ll do what I tell you, Brady.

Whatever you say Captain Pig I said. No I didn’t I said can I start now Mr Leddy?

Every day I’d collect my brock cart from the farmyard and off I’d go round the houses and hotels gathering scraps of potato skins and rotten food. Brock they called that and Francie the brock man collected it. When Leddy wasn’t there I said to the swinging pigs: OK Porky its the end of the road. Then I’d say blam! and take the fat head off them with the captive bolt pistol. Take ‘em to Missouri men, I’d shout. O please don’t kill me I’m too fat to run away! Too bad, Piggy! Blam! Pinky and Perky – eat lead! Next thing what does Leddy say only you’re not the worst of them you can give me a hand behind the counter in the shop. So there you are! The way things turn out! Francie Brady The Butcher Boy! Oho but this time it was different, this old Butcher Boy was happy as Larry and you wouldn’t find him letting people down, no sir!

There you are again, Francie, Lord bless us you’re all over the place! the women’d say. Indeed I am I’d say and twirl the meat parcels across the marble top.

I reckoned with all these jobs I was important now and I had no time to waste gossiping. But especially to the likes of Roche who stopped me one day with the black bag and just stands there looking at me, out of nowhere again of course. Look Roche, I wanted to say to him, if you want to spoil things go off and spoil them on somebody else. I’m a busy man and I have things to do. So go on now about your business and leave people to do their work in peace. That was what I wanted to say to black eyebrows Roche. But I didn’t and what the fu k does he do then only come over and I got a big red face on me I don’t know why he just stands there. I heard you were working for Leddy.

I am, I says, what’s wrong with that?

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it I’m only asking he said.

I wanted to say: Well don’t ask Roche, Don’t ask!

What I wanted to talk to you about was your father – he was supposed to come up and see me and he never did.

O I says, was he?

Will you tell him to drop in this evening maybe or tomorrow?

Oh I will I says, I’ll tell him that.

You won’t forget?

No, I says. I won’t and then he says it again you won’t forget and I could see him looking me up and down the worst thing about that is you start thinking ah there’s nothing no sweat on my forehead and that’s what makes the sweat come. There was beads on my forehead. I could feel them and the more I felt them the bigger they got they felt as big as berries and that was what made me blurt out O no doctor I forgot he’s gone over to England to visit Uncle Alo.

What? he says and frowns, he’s what?

It was too late for me to take it back or turn it into a joke so I had to go on ahead with it I had to make up a whole story.

I see, he says, and he was looking me up and down twice as much now. Then he rubs his chin and says: Right so. Well – when he gets back tell him I want to see him straight away. Its very important.

OK, doctor I said and saluted as much as to say: There’s not a bother on me. But I knew by Roche that it didn’t look like there wasn’t a bother on me. It didn’t look like that at all.

I said to myself I won’t go back to Leddy’s yet I’ll take the cart out the road a bit and sit down and have a think about things then I’ll be all right and I would have been if I hadn’t of seen Joe just as I was going by the cafe. The window was open and the music was blaring out. He was sitting in between the blondie one and some other one laughing away and who was on the other side of her only Philip Nugent. He was explaining something to her, drawing away in the air with his hands. Joe was smoking a fag, nodding when the blondie one said something. She shook the hair back out of her eyes and went ha ha at something he said. Then she rested her chin on her hand and tapped her cigarette. Philip Nugent was drumming in time to the music on the formica table. I just stood there staring in the window and the song kept going round and round in my head: When you move in right up close to me, that’s when I get the shakes all over me!

At the weekend Leddy said to me I’ll say this for you Brady you’re a fair man to work whatever else they may say about you here’s a ten bob note and whee-hoo, off I went like a bullet to the Tower and bought some bottles of stout and then I went into the shop and got a whole pound of corned beef. All da used to ask me to get was a quarter at a time and would his eyes light up when he saw all this. I was going to give it all to him! Why wouldn’t I? I still had plenty of money left. I could buy the whole tin if I wanted to. I could say to the shopgirl: See that tin of corned beef? Give me it all!

And she’d have to give it to me. What do you think of the sandwiches da?, I said. Will I make more? I will I’ll make some more. I was humming away happily as I spread the butter on the bread. There was a snowdrop on the ditch. I said to da about the snowdrop and the children playing in the lane; They do make a difference these beautiful things da. It is good having them. I stared at the snowdrop for hours and listened to the radio. Friday Night is Music Night. Here it is again da I said and he smiled.

I climbed in the back of the chickenhouse and just stood in there in that woodchip world listening to the scrabbling of the claws on tin and the fan purring away keeping the town going. When we were in there me and Joe used to think: Nothing can ever go wrong.

But it wasn’t like that any more.

I HAD FIVE FLYPAPERS ALTOGETHER NOW. I KEPT THEM IN THE cupboard. We had some good laughs too about ma and the things she used to say. There he is again this year she’d say, my snowdrop. I’d sit there in the dark and all you could see was the green bead of light twinging in the radio and hear the drone of the fan outside in the lane. You could hear the carnival music at the far end of the town it must have been the same for them all those years ago in Bundoran, standing there with the smell of chips all along the strand. The music was different in them days On The Sunny Side of The Street that was the one they played as the wheel turned and ma cried save me Benny save me we play that one with the town band said da as he twined his fingers round hers. They were just standing there now listening to the hush of the sea. There was nothing else to listen to now that the carnival was all locked up. Ssh, said the sea. That was all it said. Ssh. We’re going to be happy Benny aren’t we? she said. Yes, he said, we’re going to be the two happiest people in the whole world. He held her then and they kissed. You wouldn’t really think of ma and da kissing but they did and the moon was so close to ma as she lay back in his arms that she could have reached up and put it in her pocket.

They went back to the boarding house where the woman had left the key under the mat for them and I knew they were both thinking of the same things, all the beautiful things in the world.

I was going into the Tower to get some stout to go with the sandwiches and when I was coming out I seen Mr Purcell getting out of his car. The bottles wouldn’t stop clinking quit clinking bottles I said I stood there in the alleyway where I couldn’t be seen. Mr Purcell closed the car door and folded his raincoat. Then Joe was standing there beside him just looking up and down the street. Then who gets out the other side only Philip Nugent, I went cold all over when I saw him, the hair down over his eyes. Then he goes over and stands beside Joe, opens a book and starts showing him something in it and the two of them laughing away. Mr Nugent opened the other door and then Mrs Nugent got out. He says let me help you there we are. After that they all went inside Purcell’s house and closed the door. It was starting to rain. I crossed the street and hunkered down at the window. I could see the grey glow of the television as it was turned on in the sitting room. Joe was pointing at something. Then Philip Nugent appeared, tossing back his hair. Look look Joe was saying, its Johnny Kidd and The Pirates. All I could see were the shadowy shapes but I could hear the twanging guitars. I felt bad because I didn’t know about them or songs or any of that. I said to myself: All you know about is John Wayne Francie.

The next night I said to da I won’t be home till late you’ll be all right won’t you then off I went to the Tower Bar and I says to the ten bob note we’re not going home until every penny’s. Whee-hoo! I shouted as I stumbled and fell up the street full to the gills with whiskey. The drunk lad let a few roars at me – Do you know me do you?

I swayed there for a bit with my shoulder up and shouts back at him Do you know me do you?

No he says do you know me? and we went on like that for a good while until the pair of us were falling across the Diamond singing I wonder who’s kissing her now?

I stood on the steps of the bank and shouted Brady the Pig Man up she flew and the cock flattened her!

Fair dues said the drunk lad you’re a good one Brady! If the drunk lad wasn’t around I’d lie in the doorway of the Tower singing into the neck of the beer bottle.

We went up to the Diamond Bar and he says I know you and you know me with his arm round me. Dink donk went the music take me back to Mayo the land where I was born. You’re only a pack of baaastaaards! shouts the drunk lad. There was darts and this government is the worst yet and will you have another ah I won’t ah you will and here is the news crisis in Cuba it all twisted in and out of itself till I got a pain in my head on top of everything else where are you going he shouts come back! I went out to the river and in the backroads. I went up to the cafe to see if there was anyone in there but it was all locked up with the lights out. I wanted to stand on the Diamond and cry out: Can you hear me? but I didn’t know what it was I wanted them to hear. Then I went round the back of the chemist’s shop and got in. It was good in there. I said to myself: What are all these cameras doing in here? Cameras – why aren’t you in a camera shop not a chemists!

I had a good laugh at that. I laughed so much I thought I’d better see if a few of these tablets can help me to stop laughing. There were all kinds in little fat brown jars. They were like little footballers in two-tone jerseys. What were they called? I don’t know. Flip, in they went faster than Tiddly’s Rolos. Next thing you’d be all woozy as if you were turning into treacle. There was this girl in the photograph something to do with sun tan oil, walking across the white powder sand with a towel in her hand. She smiled at me and said: Francie, then her lips made a soft silent pop. She said: Its a pity you can’t stay.

Yes, I said that’s the thing I’d like to do most in the world is stay with you.

I know, she said, only for your Uncle Alo’s coming home. If she hadn’t said it I don’t think I’d have remembered at all. You’d better hurry Francie! she says. Go on! Go on now! Quickly! You don’t want to let him down do you? I knocked up the home bakery but not a sound so in I went round the back. I filled my arms with cakes as many as I could carry. I searched up and down for butterfly buns but not a sign. The best I could find was creamy cones. I thought: He’ll like them so I’ll get a dozen.

I got into the shed at the back of the Tower for some whiskey. I was glowing with all this excitement. I took down the flypaper and put up a new one. There was no shortage of flypapers. There was a smell the dogs must have been in again so I had to go back up to the chemists now too. I took anything I could lay my hands on. I got perfume and air freshener and talcum powder and that got rid of it. I stacked up all the cakes into a big castle ready to topple. House of Cakes. I squeezed da’s arm. Not long now, I says, whizzing up and down the kitchen and looking out the window down the lane. Still no sign. I drank some whiskey. Next thing what did I hear only the sound of a car door closing. Da! I shouted. I was all hot and red and bothered but it was great.

I was just opening the bottle when who’s there in the doorway only Alo in his blue suit and the red handkerchief in his breast pocket. Alo, says da, the man himself and threw his arms around him. Let me look at you he says and then they were off into their stories. I’ll tell you a better one says Da, will you ever forget the time we robbed the presbytery orchard? Do you remember that Alo? Do I remember says Alo, will I ever forget? More tea, says I, and help yourselves to the cakes there’s plenty more. Alo put his hands on Mary’s shoulders and sang When you were sweet sixteen. Then what does Mary do only stand up and throw her arms around him. Oh, Alo, she says, I love you. I want you to marry me. Hooray and they all cheered and clapped. I clapped and clapped and cried hooray.

I didn’t know who the sergeant was at first. I just looked out and he was standing in the yard with his long raincoat on. He was staring in at me too. His face was kind of fuzzed like he was underwater. I just about knew it was him and no more.

Alo said to Mary: Just a minute and came over to me. He reached out and said: Its all right Francie.

I said Please Alo, can you help me?

But he couldn’t help me because it wasn’t Alo. It was Doctor Roche.

I cold feel a cold hand touching me. It was cold as Da’s forehead. There were all kind of voices they went by like strands of smoke.

Alo, I said.

The sergeant was saying something to another policeman. He said: Maggots – they’re right through him.

The other policeman said: Sweet Mother of Christ.

Its all Francie said Doctor Roche. I didn’t mean to do any harm, I said. I know he said and he rolled up my sleeve. It was only a tiny pinprick and then I was lying back on a bed of snowdrops.

There you are said Joe, I was looking for you. I could hear the whisper of water close by.

Its the river, I said. Joe didn’t even turn around.

Of course its the river he says. What did you expect – the Rio Grande?

That fu king bastard Sergeant Sausage! He did it again! Had he nothing better to do than drive around the county dropping me in these skips? I think – ah I’ll just get out the car and durr-ive Francie Brady off to another kiphouse with a hundred windows how do you like it now, Francie? H’ho! H’ha! They’ll put manners on you there!

One time I tried to get up out of the bed I was fed up with the way things were going but this big lad in a white coat and arms like tree trunks says ah ah not so fast and stuck me back in.

Some days I went off with the doctors to this room with two pictures in it John F. Kennedy and Our Lady. Well well we meet again I says and gave her the wink. You’re a long way now from the low field in the old school for pigs I says and she started laughing. They were all interested to hear about his. And who else did you see? Oh the whole shooting match I says. St Teresa of the Roses the lot. There was this specky lad looked like Walter the swot out of Dennis the Menace in the Beano he was mad to get information to write down. Scribble scribble away with his tongue stuck in the corner of his mouth. They couldn’t get enough of all these saints. Have you got a fag says I and I told them more.

Other days they took me off to other garages and stuck me in a big chair with this helmet on my head and wires coming out all over the place. I liked that. That was the best of the lot sitting in that chair. And all these starchy bastards of students with clipboards gawking at you I hope he doesn’t leap up out of the chair and chop us up!

But I paid no heed to them I was too busy being Adam Eterno The Time Lord in that big chair. They could scribble all they liked I was away off through hyperspace. Hello there Egyptians I’d say pyramids and all. Adam can’t come today so its me instead – Francie from the Terrace. Good man Francie they’d say with these wee hats and snakes on them. Or Romans. Leave that Christian alone, lion, I’d say. Oh thanks thanks Francie says the Christian. No problem, pal then off I’d go to see how the cowboys were getting on.

I woke up one day and there’s Walter at the end of the bed talking away in whispers about me but I heard: Its best for him in the end! Now Francis and another jab in the arse it must have been a big jab this time all I could say was mm mm as they carried me down the stairs.

We can do it now says the doctor and holds up the syringe to the light. Yes indeed says Walter and looks at me then I look down and what has he got in his hand only a drill you’d use to put up shelves.

Can you move your head a little please Francis?

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

There. That’s better he said in a soft voice. Hand me the cotton wool please doctor.

Then there was a knock at the door and who pops his head in only Joe.

Is Francie here? C’mon Francie we’re ridin’ out. We’ve got to move fast!

A pony whinnied.

OK Joe I said and threw the white sheet off me.

That’s what you think says Joe and I could hear the blondie one laughing outside the door.

Joe, I called, Joe!

So you’re the Time Lord says the Roman, prepare to die and I swung away up hanging by the heel.

Joe I called again but the room was empty.

I could hear the hush of the sea.

The Roman soldier with the sword who was it only Leddy he flicked away the butt of his cigarette and said something to me but I couldn’t make out what it was then he just raised the sword and brought it down and cut me in two halves.

One half could see the other but they were both just dangling there on the meat rack.

Then who comes out of the shadows only Joe but he didn’t see me just walked on out through the doorway of the slaughterhouse into the light.

When I woke the doctor holds out more tablets. You’ll have to take these says Walter then there won’t be a bother on you. It was like when the warden shakes hands with the prisoner and says goodbye at the gates and goes back in smiling thinking how great his job is until he hears the next day the prisoner has just chopped up a few more people. But it wasn’t like that at all for I had no intention of chopping up anyone.

Hey! Hey! shouts the drunk lad when he seen me. He was counting change at the door of the Diamond Bar. He comes running over: All I need is three halfpence.

Sorry, I says, the Francie Brady Bank is closed. Eh? he says blinking in the light.

Closed for business I says and walked off.

Go on he shouts after me you’re only a baaaaaastard!

Then what did I do only get myself all dressed up there was a white jacket in the window of the drapery shop like what you’d see Cliff Richard wearing and a shirt with one of these bootlace ties. I looked at myself in the mirror. The tie was real John Wayne style but I says there’s to be no more about John Wayne or any of that, that’s all over. Everything’s changed now its all new things. Then I brushed the jacket and headed down to the cafe.

I was going to go right in and say hello to Joe and them all sitting there and if they wanted me to sit beside them then all the better I would and I’d tell them and Joe everything that had happened in the garage and everything if they wanted me to that is. I’d say: Hello Philip – how are you getting on with the music?

He’d say fine.

Then I’d smile and sing a bit of the song: When you move in right up close to me!

I knew a good bit of it now from hearing it on the radio.

I didn’t even have to think about it, I just pushed the door it swung right open and in I went. I thought they’d be sitting over by the window under the Elvis Presley poster but there was just the owner in a nylon coat reading a newspaper there was nobody else there, all you could hear was the hissing of the coffee machine and someone rattling pans in the kitchen. Yes please says your man without even looking up. What?, I said I didn’t hear him at first then I said it’s all right I was just looking for somebody I don’t think he heard me either. I closed the door behind me and went back down the street.

I went round to Leddy the next day. Where do you think you’re going in that get-up he says, you can clear off from about here. But I didn’t clear off I told him all about the garage and everything I couldn’t quit talking and in the end he got fed up he says go on then take that brock barrow and go off round to the hotel and collect what they have they must have plenty by now.

I kept thinking I was going to meet Joe or the blondie one or some of them on the street so I didn’t want to take the jacket off just in case. Leddy started into me over it – for the love of Christ he says and all this but I says what do you care what I wear all you care about is me collecting the brock as long as I do that what do you care if I come in in a cowboy hat!

I worked until the sweat ran out of me. Every night I left the brock cart back in the slaughterhouse yard beside the Pit of Guts and locked up. There was one thing Leddy was right about and that was I had ruined my good jacket all right for when I was heeling a bin into the cart stew or some stuff went all over me. I was wondering should I go back down and clean it before I went near Joe’s for that was what I had decided to do I couldn’t stick the empty streets and the waiting any more. Then I thought: What would you want to clean it for – do you think Joe cares if your coat is a bit dirty? What are you talking about Francie – Joe Purcell? He’s your friend for God’s sake! He’s your best friend! I says what the hell am I at at all, thinking that about the jacket. You think some stupid things. It must have been my time in the garage I said. Then I went off down to Joe’s house.

There was a light on in the front room I thought Joe was probably at his books we could listen to records after what records do you want Joe I’ll get them. When you move in right up close to me! I says and pasted back my hair. I scraped off as much of the stew as I could then I knocked on the door grinning from ear to ear like I’d won the Sweep hello there Mr Purcell I said I was wondering if the man himself was in. Mr Purcell looked straight at me and jerked back a little bit. Then he says: Sure Joe is away at boarding school he’s away in Bundoran at Saint Vincent’s College this past six months. I was going to say O of course that’s right I forgot about that but I couldn’t for this brr was starting in my head like the noise the telly used to make if you fell asleep at night watching it. So I didn’t say that at all and then the door clicked shut real soft, all these doors clicking shut and it was starting to rain.

I went out to the river it was bulging nearly ready to burst its banks you could be eyeball to eyeball with the fish. I was shivering with the cold and the wet. I pulled at the grass along the edge of the bank and counted all the people that were gone on me now.

1. Da

2. Ma

3. Alo

4. Joe

When I said Joe’s name all of a sudden I burst out laughing. For fu k’s sake! I said, Joe gone! How the fu k would Joe be gone!

That was the best yet.

I went off and bought some fags. I lit one and stood there smoking it. Then all of a sudden I heard Joe calling me from the alley near the cinema. Joe! I said and dropped the fag Joe I says is that you? Francie c’mere a minute he said but when I went over there was no sign of him. Then what did I see only the Nugents car going by skitting water onto the footpath and Mr Nugent leaning over to wipe the windscreen holding the pipe in the other hand. Mrs Nugent was driving. I didn’t know she could drive. Next thing the car slows and pulls up outside Purcells. I went round the back and stood on the far side of the road behind a parked lorry to see what was going on. Before Mrs Nugent got out she rooted around in the back and took something out a box or something. Then Mr Nugent rang the bell.

Philip wasn’t there. Where was he? Then there’s Mr Purcell and Mrs Purcell looking over his shoulder ah hello there this is a surprise. After that what does Nugent do only hold up the box I could see it better now it was all wrapped up it wasn’t a box at all it was a present. When I looked again the door was closed and the light was on in the front room. I could see Mr Nugent handing glasses around and throwing back his head someone was telling a funny story. Oh now, he said, I couldn’t hear him but I knew by his face that was what he was saying. All I could hear was rain gurgling from a broken downpipe behind me and in the end I could stick it no longer. When Mr Purcell opened the door he was bleary-eyed and rubbing them and he was in his pyjamas and dressing gown whatever he was at now. I said to him what’s the party for Mr Purcell and he says party what party. The party, I says, the present and all. Party he says I don’t know what you’re talking about. I said to him look Mr Purcell I just wish you’d stop all this I just want to know if its something to do with Joe that’s all is it a coming home party is that what it is? But he wouldn’t tell me he just kept saying what party and what are you talking about or what is wrong with you. I think that was it I knew then that he wasn’t going to tell me anything and when I heard Mrs Purcell who is it who is it or what on earth is going on its one o’clock in the morning and I just said I’m sorry Mr Purcell I’m fed up with people interfering and not telling me things all I asked you was to tell me about the party. It was fine until Mrs Nugent started interfering and causing trouble. That’s the only reason she’s giving you presents – isn’t it Mr Purcell?

I looked him straight in the eye and I said: Its true isn’t it?

His eyes looked kind of sad and he said: Francie.

I knew he wanted to say something else to me but couldn’t because he knew Mrs Nugent was listening inside the sitting room.

I put my finger to my lips. I wanted him to know that I understood. I had known all along the Purcells hadn’t meant it to happen the way it did.

If only the Nugents hadn’t come to the town, if only they had left us alone, that was all they had to do.

I didn’t go home I walked around all night thinking what I was going to do. I slept for a while in the chickenhouse a thousand eyes wondered who’s this sleeping in our woodchip world chick chicks I was going to say its me Francie but I was too tired.

When I woke up would you believe it the flies were at me now. fu k off away from that stew I said and bam, got three of the bastards, two black splats on the lapel of my jacket, what do you think of that boys, I mean flies.

I went up to the convent school and took a bike from the shed the girls always left them behind. I lit a fag and hopped up on the saddle. I says to myself: So the John Wayne stuff is over is it? We’ll soon see about that! Indeed we will! Puff puff and the fag goes flying over the ditch. Freewheel freewheel tick tick tick and away off down Church Hill. Take ‘em to Missouri, men! Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Ting-a-ling-a-ling!

Off into the wind puffing fags and whistling away – My old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat! Hello there dandelions, fu k off! Chop go the heads with a cut of the stick excuse me just what do you think you’re doing clip clip chop chop aaargh! what the fu k is going on where’s our heads? Hee-yup!, I said and away again. An old woman emptying tea leaves into a drain hello there young fellow did you hear any more news she says. Any more news I says more news about what? Ach!, she says and scratches her backside, the communists ah says I what would I know about communists h’ho you won’t be saying that when Mr Baldy Khruschev presses the button. And he’s going to press it. Make no mistake!

She closed one eye. You think he won’t?

She started laughing away to herself oho yes but I’m afraid its too late them that hasn’t their peace made its no use them running whinging now. I told them that below in the shop get out the beads now says I for this time next week it’ll be too late. We’re not afraid of Khruschev they says. But be Christ they’re afraid now! Its no joke now me son!

Khruschev hadn’t much work to do in Bundoran either all you could see was two bits of newspaper wrestling in the middle of the main street, one boat in the harbour. The houses were grey and blue and wet and in a sulk for the winter. Boo hoo nobody comes to stay in us any more. I dropped a spit into a rock pool, spidery tentacles and all these coral colours shifting in there. Are you prepared to live on potatoes and salt for the rest of your days, Annie? Is that the best you can offer a girl Benny Brady?