بخش 04

I was all jiggy and sparky again all I could think of was Over the Waves Over the Waves that was where it all began. I rang the doorbell, I sprang at it for I knew if I didn’t I’d still be walking up and down when the summer really came round. I nearly ran away but I didn’t I tidied myself up and coughed and scraped off the flysplats and the stew as best I could and then the door opens and there she was. I knew she’d look like that, a chain on her glasses and all.

There was no holding her once she got started oh she says its nothing now to what it used to be. In the old days I had twenty or thirty people at a time staying in this house and I says ah you probably wouldn’t remember them all then but no she says that’s where you’re wrong old and all as I am, there’s not one person stood in this house but I remember.

Are you all right for tea there, she says. I said: I am indeed.

Ah you’ll have another drop she says. All right so I said.

I always had lots of guests from the entertainment world, always did. Now what did you say your father’s name was again?

Brady I said.

Brady then she says again, there was a Lucius Brady he was a musician he played the piano and a very good singer he was too as I recall what was the name of the song you said your dad sang again?

I dreamt that I dwelt in Marble Halls, I says.

Hmm, she says, of course I know the song but I can’t say it rings a bell. What did you say his full name was again? Bernard Brady I said and she said it after me a few times shaking her head and it was only after I said Benny that her jaw dropped and she looked at me all different. From where did you say, she says, and when I told her she starts humming and hawing. I says: He never stopped talking about the days here and the beautiful things and all that but all of a sudden she didn’t want to talk about it any more she says God knows I don’t know where to start with this work. I said but what about da and that, you said.

But then she says oh I don’t know, my memory’s not what it used to be. She tried to make a laugh out of it. Old age is catching up on me she says ha ha. I said why will you not tell me, you said you’d tell me. She just shook her head. Please tell me I said I have to hear it I have to hear it no she said let me go. All I wanted to hear was something about them lying there listening to the sea outside the window but it didn’t matter I didn’t hear it anyway. When I said to her go on tell me you said you would she said: Get your hands off me do you hear me! What can I tell you about a man who behaved the way he did in front of his wife. No better than a pig, the way he disgraced himself here. God help the poor woman, she mustn’t have seen him sober a day in their whole honeymoon!

Then what did she do she said I’m sorry but I was in the hall when she said it it didn’t matter now anyway I just closed the front door softly with a click. I went up the town there was a few people about they were going about their business there was a woman shopping and a council man in waders over a manhole and convent girls outside a cafe I bought a comb my hair was getting all tangled up. But the thing was that beside the shop where I bought the comb there was another shop I must have missed it on the way down it was a music shop. There was a dog hanging over the door, staring into a trumpet, trying to find his master’s voice. I went in and who’s behind the counter only the music man humming to himself and writing out notes on a music manuscript like da used to before he stayed out in the Tower all the time.

I walked around. Gramophones, how many, twenty maybe. All kinds. Big trumpets, little trumpets. Any kind you want. Then what did I hear only this gurgling and when I look over what’s that old music man doing only pouring himself tea. Want some? he says. A spot of tea, he says. He had some good sayings that music man. His sayings made me so happy I wanted to cry. I was away off filling him in on ma and da and the potatoes and salt and the song and saying the rosary on the rocks and everything. So he played the trumpet he says, your father. Yes I says and I told him some of the tunes. Well if he could handle that solo he says about one of the songs he certainly knew how to play a trumpet! Outside the town had turned into glass the colour of dawnlight.

Then I saw it and when I did I nearly fainted, I don’t know why I’d seen it plenty of times before. My legs went into legs of sawdust. Trot trot goes the sadeyed ass pulling the cart and away off into the misty green mountains and the blue clouds of far away. And right over the picture there in big black letters EMERALD GEMS OF IRELAND. I flicked through the pages over and over reading all the names and when I went to pay the music man I dropped the coins all over the place then I went into the whole story about Philip and Joe and everything it was like a cavalry charge of words coming out of my mouth I didn’t know where they were all coming from.

Then he says the best thing of all. But of course there’s a far better book than that available now. There it is behind you. A much better book. It was called A TREASURY OF IRISH MELODIES. There was no ass and cart on the front of it just an old woman in a shawl standing at a half-door staring at the sun going down behind the mountains. So this is better than the other book, I says. Oh yes says the music man, much better. I want to buy it! I says, all excited and what did I do only drop more coins all over the floor. The music man thought that was a good laugh. He had no intention of selling it to me. He was giving it to me. Its not every day I meet someone whose father could play the trumpet like yours, he says. Isn’t it enough that you like the songs? Then he went away off humming a new tune to himself and parcelled it up for me. I just stared at the music man when he was handing it to me. He was the best man I ever met that old music man I kept looking at the book over and over and trying to see Joe’s face as I handed it to him I wasn’t sure which road to take for the school I went the wrong way a few times what do you think of this book I said to them its good they said yes I said, its for Joe Purcell, Emerald Gems is nothing compared to this one.

The black road twisted in and out of the curly countryside like a ribbon at the end of it was Joe’s school. Big whorly clouds made of ink powder riding the sky and the music book stuck in my back pocket. Then the school rising up out of the fields with all its yellow windows gleaming – another house of a hundred windows. But this time it was different, behind one of them windows was Joe and when I thought that I leaped so high I could have headed the moon like a football.

I went round the back and nearly walked into a big bin full of brock you’d think with me being King of The Brock I’d have been able to see that! I was in behind the kitchens. Grr says a dog.

fu k up I said but I managed to get past him all right. I could hear the toilets hissing. Hiss hiss, we can see you Francie. I kept checking the book to see that I still had it in my back pocket.

Up the stairs I went what’s this, a wooden door creak creak Our Lord Jesus appearing out of nowhere in the dark, hanging on the cross – hello yes what can I do for you? I’m looking for Joe Purcell Jesus. Straight on up to the top of the stairs. Right so Jesus thank you.

What’s all this I said, a hundred sleeping bogmen! But not for long. Wait till they seen me and Joe in action!

Da-dan!

Flick – on goes the light blazes away and them all gone chinky-eyed and pulling the clothes round them: What’s goin’ on who’s puttin’ on the lights? They were all saying to the perfect who is he you do something about it its your job and all this but he wasn’t going to do anything he had the blankets pulled up the same as the rest of them.

I thumped my thigh with the rolled up music book: Joe! Where are you Joe Boy? I’m here! saddle up! We’re ridin’ out!

I shouted it for all I was worth and then I shouted it again in case he didn’t hear me. As soon as I said that all the things I had ever worried about floated away like silk scarves in the breeze and I knew all I had to do now was wait for Joe and we were off and this time we’d be gone for good. It made me feel so good I shouted again: Joe. Yamma yamma yamma! Yamma yamma yamma!

Then I said: Yee haa! Take ‘em to Missouri men!

I looked up and who’s coming the priest. It was Father Fox not because his real name was Fox but because he had a long snout and a hmm I wonder how could I trick this fellow face? Hello Father Fox I said, I’m looking for Joe Purcell. You’re what! he says and I could see that Father Fox he wasn’t such a nice old fox at all his face went all dark. I just said I’m looking for Joe can you help me please?

What did Fox say half to himself and half to the bogmen I can not believe it I just can not believe it! He shook his head and when the bogmen seen him doing that they did it too. I could hear doors banging and all this commotion and running on the stairs. Then two more priests came in and who had they with them only Joe Purcell.

Joe! I shouted. fu k!

I knew I shouldn’t have shouted that, but I did. Fox made a wind at me but I ducked. He tried again but that was no use either I sidestepped it he was only making a cod of himself. All I had to do now was walk right over to Joe and that’s what I would have done only for what happened then who was standing right behind him only Philip Nugent. He was taller now a bit tougher looking but it was him all right with the hair hanging down in his eyes. He was staring at me in a way he never did before straight at me. As soon as I seen him everything started to go wrong because he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Joe said to me: What do you want?

No he didn’t. He said: What do you want?

Then he said: Do you hear me. What do you want me for?

I never thought Joe would ask that I never thought he would have to ask that but he did didn’t he and when I heard him say it that was when I started to feel myself draining away and I couldn’t stop it the more I tried the worse it got I could have floated to the ceiling like a fag paper please Joe come with me that was all I wanted to say dumb people have holes in the pit of their stomachs and that’s the way I was now the dumbest person in the whole world who had no words left for anything at all. All I had now was one thing and that was the music book. It had got all twisted up with sweat marks all over it I says don’t worry Francie its going to be all right I smoothed it out a bit and handed it to him some way or other I dropped it and the next thing the priest came in between us and says: Look this has gone far enough! Is this fellow a friend of yours or is he not Purcell?

I looked at Joe please Joe I was saying but he wasn’t looking at me he was just saying I’m tired I want to get back to my bed its three in the morning.

Then Joe just shook his head and said: No.

Then he left he said something to Philip on the way out and Philip smiled. I stayed there for a minute then the priest said I think its time you were leaving Mr Brady. I said yes, yes Father and they brought me to the gate they said I was lucky they didn’t call the police I said yes it was then I went off into the dark I had left the bike somewhere but I didn’t know where. It didn’t matter anyway I just walked I felt like walking that wasn’t Joe I said I don’t know who that was but it wasn’t Joe, Joe is gone they took him away from me and all I could see was a pair of thin lips saying that’s right we did and there’s nothing you can do that will ever bring him back again isn’t that true Francis Pig you little piggy baby pig and I says yes Mrs Nugent it is.

When I got to the town they were all running round saying the world is going to end. The first thing I seen was Mickey Traynor wheeling a statue of Our Lady up the street in a barrow did you not hear he says the world is going to end it was on the news last night its all over he says oh I know says I I know that all right you don’t have to tell me that!

I went in and bought a packet of fags and something to clean my jacket all they had was shampoo that’ll do I says. I went into the cafe. I bought a bag of Tayto crisps and went out to the hide. I tried to clean the jacket up with the shampoo but it was no use I used half the bottle all it did was make it worse then I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning and went round to the slaughterhouse but it was too early I was waiting for near two hours before Leddy came how long are you here he says a good while Mr Leddy I said. Its near time you’d show your face around here or where in the hell were you! Oh I says I was off rambling. Rambling he says, you’d do well to ramble in your own time Brady I’ve a mind to kick you rambling down that road. They have a half ton of shite round at that hotel you were supposed to collect it and they have my heart scalded now get round there today and fu kingwell see about it. Right so Mr Leddy I said.

When he was gone off down the town I took the captive bolt pistol down off the nail where it was hanging and got the butcher’s steel and the knife out of the drawer. They were all talk about her going to appear on the Diamond. I heard two old women on about it. We should be very proud says one of them its not every town the Mother Of God comes to visit. Indeed it is not says the other one I wonder missus will there be angels. I wouldn’t know about that now but sure what odds whether there is or not so long as she saves us from the end of the world what do we care? Now you said it missus now you said it. Everywhere you went: Not long now.

I went by Doctor Roche’s house it was all painted up with big blue cardboard letters spread out on the grass: AVE MARIA WELCOME TO OUR TOWN. I was wondering could I mix them up to make THIS IS DOCTOR ROCHE THE BASTARD’S HOUSE, but I counted them and there wasn’t enough letters and anyway they were the wrong ones.

Tell Leddy to collect this brock on time or its the last he’ll get from us says the kitchen man and stands there looking at me like I was stealing something off him. I will indeed I said and started shovelling it into the cart. I shovelled and whistled away and made sure there wasn’t a scrap left so there’d be no more complaining. Then off I went again on my travels. There was a nice altar on the Diamond. There was three angels flying over it just in front of the door of the Ulster Bank. I never saw the town looking so well. It looked like the brightest, happiest town in the whole world.

I went round the back swinging my meal bucket. I could see the neighbour’s curtain twitching whistle whistle hello there Mr Neighbour its me Francie with my special delivery for Mrs Nugent. Then away she went from the window so I knocked on Mrs Nugent’s door and out she came wearing her blue housecoat. Hello Mrs Nugent I said is Mr Nugent in I have a message for him from Mr Leddy. She went all white and stood there just stuttering I’m sorry she said my husband isn’t here he’s gone to work oh I said that’s all right and with one quick shove I pushed her inside she fell back against something. I twisted the key in the lock behind me. She had a white mask of a face on her and her mouth a small o now you know what its like for dumb people who have holes in their stomachs Mrs Nugent. They try to cry out and they can’t they don’t know how. She stumbled trying to get to the phone or the door and when I smelt the scones and seen Philip’s picture I started to shake and kicked her I don’t know how many times. She groaned and said please I didn’t care if she groaned or said please or what she said. I caught her round the neck and I said: You did two bad things Mrs Nugent. You made me turn my back on my ma and you took Joe away from me. Why did you do that Mrs Nugent? She didn’t answer I didn’t want to hear any answer I smacked her against the wall a few times there was a smear of blood at the corner of her mouth and her hand was reaching out trying to touch me when I cocked the captive bolt. I lifted her off the floor with one hand and shot the bolt right into her head thlok was the sound it made, like a goldfish dropping into a bowl. If you ask anyone how you kill a pig they will tell you cut its throat across but you don’t you do it longways. Then she just lay there with her chin sticking up and I opened her then I stuck my hand in her stomach and wrote PIGS all over the walls of the upstairs room.

I made sure to cover her over good and proper with the brock there was plenty of it they wouldn’t be too pleased if they saw me with Mrs Nugent in the bottom of the cart then I lifted the shafts and off I went on my travels again there was more hymns and streams of people up and down Church Hill with prayerbooks. Whistling away on I went my old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat. I don’t know where all the songs came out of. Well its one for the money. I am a little baby pig I’ll have you all to know. Yes this is the Baby Pig Show broadcasting on Raydeeoh Lux-em-Bourg!

Hello my good man. Fine weather we’re having. What did you order? Two pounds of chump steak?

Or was it a half pound of Mrs Nugent?

I was passing by Mary’s sweetshop so in I went and got a quarter of sweets clove drops. I came in to say hello to my old friend Mary I said will you ever forget them old days Mary! Twenty years in Camden Town! What about that! What do you say we go inside and you can give us a song on the piano!

I lit another fag and went on talking away but Mary said nothing just scooped the sweets into the bag with a silver shovel and then twisted it the way she did spin twist and there it was a little knobbly bag of best clove drops yes indeed. Then she went and sat down by the window again looking out across the square. Look at that Mary! The same old clove drops! Francie Brady the Time Lord is here! But soon as I said it I felt stupid and I tried to think of something completely different to say but I could think of nothing so I just put the sweets in my pocket and went out the bell jingle jingle and the door closing behind me. Mary had the same face as ma used to have sitting staring into the ashes it was funny that face it slowly grew over the other one until one day you looked and the person you knew was gone. And instead there was a half-ghost sitting there who had only one thing to say: All the beautiful things of this world are lies. They count for nothing in the end.

Where the hell were you says Leddy when I got back to the slaughterhouse yard. Oh, tricking about I says, well trick about in your own time he says I have to go on up to the shop, you take over here. Right, I said, that suits me, and I left down the barrow beside the Pit of Guts and asked Leddy where he’d put the lime. Clear off Grouse! I shouted and he tore off through the gate with a string of intestines. I got the shovel and slit open the bag of lime there was warm tears in my eyes because I could do nothing for Mary.

I was whistling away when I looked up and seen Sausage and four or five bogmen police coming across the yard I never seen them before they weren’t from the town. One of them kept looking over the whole time sizing me up trying to catch my eye to tell me by Chrisht you’re for it now boy! but I just went on skinning and whistling. I don’t know what I was whistling I think it was the tune from Voyage to the Bottom of The Sea.

Mr Nugent was shivery and everything I knew he couldn’t bear to look at me. Where is she, said Sausage and the bullneck bogmen got a grip of me two on either side. They had me now all right I wasn’t fit to move a muscle. Oh I said, this must be the end of the world. I hope the Blessed Virgin comes along to save me!

Where is she? says Sausage again.

Maltan Ready Rubbed Flake, that’s the one!, I said to Mr Nugent and I got a thump in the ribs. Then they said right turn this place inside out and that’s what they did. They turned it upside down.

I wonder is she in behind this half-a-cow? No, she doesn’t appear to be. What about under this septic tank? No, no sign of her. Then they got hysterical. They had to take Mr Nugent away. What have you done with her? I said who and they got worse. They gave me a beating and took me for a drive all round the town. What had they draped across the chickenhouse only THE TOWN WELCOMES OUR LADY. They took me back to the station and gave me the father and mother of a kicking. In the middle of it all what does one of the bullnecks say: Let me have a crack at him and I’ll knock seven different kinds of shite out of him!

That finished me off altogether. I started saying it the way he said it. Seven different kinds of shoite! For fu k’s sake!

The way they do it they put a bar of soap in a sock and I don’t know how many times they gave it to me it leaves no marks. But it still knocks seven different kinds of shite out!

The next time Sausage came in on his own turning the cap round on his lap looking at me with these sad eyes why does there have to be so many sad things in the world Francie I’m an old man I’m not able for this any more. When I seen them eyes, I said to myself, poor old Sausage its not fair. All right Sausage I said I’ll show you where she is thanks Francie he said, I knew you would. Its gone on long enough. There’s been enough unhappiness and misery. There has indeed sergeant I said.

The new detective was in the front of the car, Fabian of the Yard I called him after the fellow in the pictures, and I was hemmed in between two of the bullnecks in the back.

Sausage was all proud now that things had worked out and he hadn’t made a cod of himself in front of Fabian. It’ll be all over shortly now Francie he says you’re doing the right thing. I know Sergeant I said. When we turned into the lane he drove slowly to avoid the children what were they at now selling comics on a table it was a comic sale. They stood there looking after us I seen tassels pointing look Brendy its him!

We stopped at the chickenhouse and Fabian says you two men stay out here at the front just in case you can’t be too careful. Right they said and me and the sergeant and him and the other two went inside. The fan was humming away and it made me sad. The chicks were still scrabbling away who are all these coming with Francie?

We waded through the piles of woodchips as we went along and I said to them it isn’t far its just down here at the back. Fabian wasn’t sure of where he was going it was so dark and when he walked into the light hanging in front of his face it went swinging back and forth painting the big shadows on the walls and the ceilings. I think the chicks must have known what was going to happen for they started burbling and getting excited. I said fu k who put that there and made on to trip and fall down. Watch yourself says Sausage its very dark and when Fabian came over to help me up I had the chain in my hand it had been lying there under the pallets where it always was. I swung it once and Fabian cried out but that was all I needed I tore into the back room and bolted the door. I didn’t waste any time I threw the chain there and flung open the window and got out then ran like fu k.

They brought more police in you could hear them poking about night noon and morning and the sniffer dogs wuff wuff on the bank of the river time was running out for the deadly Francie Brady! Oh no it wasn’t it was running out for fed-up Fabian and his men for all they had found was a dead cat in the ditch and you could hardly take that back to Scotland Yard. Well done Detective Fabian! You didn’t catch Brady but you did catch this – a maggot-ridden old moggy! Congratulations!

In the end they just slowly drifted away and then there was only me and the river hiss hiss. I went onto the main road there wasn’t a sinner to be seen so off I went towards the town whistle whistle I was back in action. There was an old farmer humming away to himself and his bike lying up against the ditch. Tick tick tick and off I went and soon as I turned the corner wheee freewheeling away down the hill round the lane by the back of the houses in I went da-dan! I’m home! What’s this ma used to say? I’ve so much tidying to do I don’t know where to start. I rubbed my brow and stood there with my hands on my hips. I just don’t know! Such a smell there was in the place! Not only had Grouse Armstrong been in but every dirty mongrel in the town. I gathered up as much of it as I could and put it all in a big pile in the middle of the kitchen. Now – what about those mouldy old books! I threw them all on the pile one after the other. There was a heap of clothes lying in the corner. A handful of earwigs fell out of the pocket of da’s Al Capone coat. There was skirts and odd shoes and all sorts of things. I threw them all on. I didn’t bother going through the drawers I just turned them upside down. The records were still under the stairs but I only wanted one I threw the rest away. I plugged in the the gramophone it was working as good as ever then I carried it out to the scullery and put it near the sink. Right says I, now we’re in business.

I got the paraffin from the coalhouse and threw it round everywhere but mostly on the pile. Spin spin goes your head with the smell of it here we go I says and then what happens.

No matches! No fu king matches! Oh for fu k’s sake!

When I got out into the street I couldn’t believe it what’s going on now I says. The drunk lad was directing traffic with a new tie on him. This way to the Mother of God, my friends! They were far too busy waiting for her to be bothered about me running round for matches.

When I got back to the house I locked all the doors and then I lit a couple of matches. Soon as they fell on the heap up she went whumph!

I put on the record then I went in and lay down on the kitchen floor I closed my eyes and it was just like ma singing away like she used to.

In that fair city where I did dwell

A butcher boy I knew right well

He courted me my life away

But now with me he will not stay

I wish I wish I wish in vain

I wish I was a maid again

But a maid again I ne’er will be

Till cherries grow on an ivy tree.

He went upstairs and the door he broke

He found her hanging from a rope

He took a knife and he cut her down

And in her pocket these words he found

Oh make my grave large wide and deep

Put a marble stone at my head and feet

And in the middle a turtle dove

That the world may know I died for love.

I was crying because we were together now. Oh ma I said the whole house is burning up on us then a fist made of smoke hit me a smack in the mouth its over says ma its all over now.

That’s what you think! says the voice and when I look up who is it.

Oh for fu k’s sake! I said – Sausage!

Ah Francie what were you at for the love of God! he says, twisting the cap in his hands.

Fabian was behind him with the one eye closed giving me a dirty look lets see you try to escape now!

Every time I woke up there was a different bullneck standing by the bed.

Then one day in comes Fabian walking like John Wayne and I could see by the way he looked at me he meant business. OK you sonuvabitch move we’re ridin’ out right you be now Mr Fabian sorr!

SO OFF WENT ME AND SAUSAGE AND FABIAN OF THE YARD. I could see Sausage as white as a ghost in the front, in case I’d make a cod of him again but I wouldn’t for I knew that was what pokerarse Fabian wanted, to be able to show off and give out to Sausage. Leddy had the place all locked up but the manure heap was still warm from the morning kill. I was sorry now I had gone near her with the lime I was afraid if she was gone they wouldn’t believe me and the whole thing would start all over again come on Francie and we know and all this. But there was no need to worry for after a while I knew by the sarge that he had hit something and sure enough when he pulled out the graip there stuck on the end of it was part of a leg and Mrs Nugent’s furry boot hanging. Fabian wasn’t so smart then. Oh Christ!, he says, bwoagh! and gets sick all over his foot.

I said to Sausage: Will they hang me? I hope they hang me.

He looked at me and says: I’m sorry Francie but there’s no more hanging. No more hanging? I says. For fu k’s sake! What’s this country coming to!

But Sausage was right, there was no more hanging and a few weeks after that there we were all off again me and the sergeant in the back phut phut away off down the road to another house of a hundred windows. But this time there was no ho’ho h’hee they’ll put manners on you here or any of that stuff, we just talked about ma and da and the old times in the town and when we said goodbye on the steps he said to me there’s a lot of sad things in this world Francie and this is one of them.

Goodbye sergeant I said, right says Fabian and the bullnecks then they were gone off down the avenue in the patrol car and that was the last I seen of my old friend Sergeant Sausage.

That was all a long time ago. Twenty or thirty or forty years ago, I don’t know. I was on my own for a long time I did nothing only read the Beano and look out at the grass. Then they said to me; There’s no sense in you being stuck up in that wing all on your own.

The next week he introduced me to all these bogmen making baskets and fat teddybears. Is there anything you want, says the doc. Yes, I said, the Beano Annual and a trumpet. There you are he says the next day. So now I have a trumpet and if you could see me I look just like da going round the place in my Al Capone coat. Sometimes they have sing songs in the hall and they ask me for a song. Go on!, they say, you’re a powerful musicianor! You’re the boy can sing then off I go and before long they’re all at it, that’s the stuff! The Butcher Boy by cripes!

You’re all enjoying yourselves says the doctor yes I says, doing the bogman tango. Out with the backside, up with the nose.

One of them comes up to me one day I was hacking at the ice on the big puddle behind the kitchens and says what’s going on here or what do you be at with this ice? I’m thinking what I’m going to do with the million billion trillion dollars I’m going to win, I says. So you’re going to win a million billion trillion? he says. That’s right, I said. Then he leans into me and whispers: Well if you’ll take my advice you’ll tell none of the bastards in here. They’ll only fill you full of lies and let you down.

Oho! I says, don’t you worry nobody’s letting me down again!

Nor me either! he says, now you said it!

Then he said give me a bit of that stick there like a good man and the two of us started hacking away together beneath the orange sky. He told me what he was going to do when he won his money then I said it was time to go tracking in the mountains, so off we went, counting our footprints in the snow, him with his bony arse clicking and me with the tears streaming down my face.