فصل 43

June 2, 1992

Dear friend,

Did you have a senior prank? I’m guessing you probably did because my sister said it’s a tradition at a lot of schools. This year, the prank was as follows: Some seniors filled the swimming pool with about six thousand packages of grape Kool-Aid. I have no idea who thinks of these things or why, except that the senior prank is supposed to signify the end of school. What this has to do with a grape pool is beyond me, but I was very happy not to have gym.

It’s actually been a very exciting time because we’ve all been busy finishing up the year. This Friday is the last day of school for all of my friends and my sister. They’ve been talking about their prom nonstop. Even the people that think it’s a “joke” like Mary Elizabeth can’t stop talking about what a “joke” it is. It’s all very fun to witness.

So, by this time, everyone has finally figured out which schools he or she is going to next year. Patrick is going to the University of Washington because he wants to be near the music there. He says he thinks he wants to work for a record company someday. Maybe be a publicist or a person who finds new bands. Sam finally made her decision to leave early for the summer program at the college of her choice. I love that expression. College of my choice. Safety school is another favorite.

The thing was that Sam got into two schools. The college of her choice and a safety school. She could have started at the safety school in the fall, but in order to go to the college of her choice, she had to do this special summer program just like my brother. That’s right! The school is Penn State, which is so great because now I can visit my brother and Sam with one trip. I don’t want to think about Sam leaving just yet, but I did wonder what would happen if she and my brother ever started dating, which is stupid because they are nothing alike, and Sam is in love with Craig. I have to stop doing this.

My sister is going to a “small liberal arts college back East” called Sarah Lawrence. She almost didn’t get to go because it costs a lot of money, but then she got an academic scholarship through the Rotary Club or Moose Lodge or something like that, which I thought was very generous of them. My sister is going to be second in her class. I thought she might have been valedictorian, but she got a B when she was going through that tough time with her old boyfriend.

Mary Elizabeth is going to Berkeley. And Alice is going to study movies at New York University. I never even knew she liked movies, but I guess she does. She calls them “films.”

Incidentally, I finished The Fountainhead. It was a really great experience. It’s strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that’s kind of how it felt. It was a different book from the others because it wasn’t about being a kid. And it wasn’t like The Stranger or Naked Lunch even though I think it was philosophical in a way. But it wasn’t like you had to really search for the philosophy. It was pretty straightforward, I thought, and the great part is that I took what the author wrote about and put it in terms of my own life. Maybe that’s what being a filter means. I’m not sure.

There was this one part where the main character, who is this architect, is sitting on a boat with his best friend, who is a newspaper tycoon. And the newspaper tycoon says that the architect is a very cold man. The architect replies that if the boat were sinking, and there was only room in the lifeboat for one person, he would gladly give up his life for the newspaper tycoon. And then he says something like this…

“I would die for you. But I won’t live for you.”

Something like that. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. Maybe that is what makes people “participate.” I’m not really certain. Because I don’t know if I would mind living for Sam for a while. Then again, she wouldn’t want me to, so maybe it’s a lot friendlier than all that. I hope so anyway.

I told my psychiatrist about the book and Bill and about Sam and Patrick and all their colleges, but he just keeps asking me questions about when I was younger. The thing is I feel that I’m just repeating the same memories to him. I don’t know. He says it’s important. I guess we’ll have to see.

I would write a little more today, but I have to learn my math formulas for the final on Thursday. Wish me luck!

Love always, Charlie