فصل 45

June 9, 1992

Dear friend,

It is now prom night. And I am sitting in my room. Yesterday was difficult because I didn’t know anybody since all my friends and my sister were no longer in school.

The worst was lunchtime because it reminded me of when everyone was angry with me for Mary Elizabeth. I couldn’t even eat my sandwich, and my mom made my favorite because I think she knew how sad I would be with everyone gone.

The halls seemed different. And the juniors were acting different because they are now the seniors. They even had T-shirts made. I don’t know who plans these things.

All I can think about is the fact that Sam is leaving in two weeks to go to Penn State. And Mary Elizabeth is going to be busy with her guy. And my sister is going to be busy with hers. And Alice and I aren’t that close. I know Patrick will be around, but I’m afraid that maybe since he isn’t sad, he won’t want to spend time with me. I know that’s wrong in my head, but it feels that way sometimes. So, then the only person I would have to talk to would be my psychiatrist, and I don’t like the idea of that right now because he keeps asking me questions about when I was younger, and they’re starting to get weird.

I’m just lucky that I have so much schoolwork and don’t have a lot of time to think.

All I hope is that tonight is great for the people whom it’s supposed to be great for. My sister’s boyfriend showed up in his Buick, and he was wearing a white “tails” coat over a black suit, which looked wrong for some reason. His “cumberbunn” (I don’t know how to spell this) matched my sister’s dress, which was powder blue and low-cut. It reminded me of those magazines. I have to stop spinning out like this. Okay.

All I hope is that my sister feels beautiful, and her new guy makes her feel beautiful. I hope that Craig doesn’t make Sam feel that her prom isn’t special just because he’s older. I hope the same for Mary Elizabeth with Peter. I hope Brad and Patrick decide to make up and dance in front of the whole school. And that Alice is secretly a lesbian and in love with Brad’s girlfriend Nancy (and vice versa), so nobody feels left out. I hope the deejay is as good as everyone said I was last Friday. And I hope everyone’s pictures turn out great and never become old photographs and nobody gets in a car accident.

That is what I really hope.

Love always, Charlie