فصل 25

25

AGATHA

Date Night in Sherwood Forest

Agatha stood at the edge of a high, domed treehouse, lit by blue and purple lanterns, gazing out at the labyrinth of other colorfully lit treehouses, connected to hers via bridges, swings, and ropes. She could see into each of these houses, watching her fellow crew members rest after Sir Lancelot’s and Lady Gremlaine’s burials, either taking naps, quietly talking, or slipping in to shower in the private barrels that hung off each house. But Agatha just stood there, unable to move or even cry, having shed all her tears at the funeral.

It was only seven o’clock, a full night ahead.

And yet, it felt like an ending.

“Not quite a castle, I’m afraid,” said a voice below her.

Agatha glanced down at a shadow climbing the tree, wearing a green coat and a brown cap speared with a green feather. He paused on the branch below the door and looked up at her, his face coming into the light.

“But still . . . it’s home,” said the man.

He was as old as Sophie’s father, but he had a baby face, with clean-shaven pink skin, save a red-brown tuft beneath his lip that matched his mop of wavy hair.

“Better than a castle, to be honest,” said Agatha, holding down a fresh wave of tears. “Especially when we’re about to go back to that castle with a Good man gone.” “Might seem that way, but men like Sir Lancelot never really are gone,” said the stranger. “He’s a legend. And legends grow bigger with time. Or at least that’s what I tell myself these days whenever I meet young ones like you who have no idea who I am.” “Even the dimmest Readers know who Robin Hood is,” Agatha said, forcing a smile.

“And even the dimmest heroes know The Tale of Sophie and Agatha,” said Robin Hood. “Though I do wish we could have met under better circumstances.” Agatha felt the stone lid on her emotions crumble. She smeared at her wet eyes. “Guinevere . . . What will she do . . .” From his rucksack, Robin pulled a metal flask. “Gold-leaf tea. Cures every ailment, including a crap day and crap days to come,” he said, holding it out. “Dot just helped me make a fresh brew. Made with real gold that I rob from rich, miserable people who don’t even know what gold is good for.” Agatha took a big swig. “Tastes like . . . chocolate,” she sniffled.

“Like I said: Dot helped me make it,” Robin sighed. “Mind if I come in? Marian insists she left an earring and better I find it than have her looking for it herself.” “By all means,” said Agatha, mustering composure as he swung through the door. “I can’t thank you enough for letting us stay here.” “We knew all about the Snake and that business at the Four Point, but there’s a reason I ain’t in the League of Thirteen. We Merry Men keep our noses out of other kingdoms’ affairs and they stay outta ours in return—especially since we’ve started raiding rich folks beyond Nottingham,” said Robin, scavenging near a wall decorated with newspaper clippings touting his various robberies and escapes. “But then I got the message from Dot via a crow with Camelot’s official ring around its neck. That got my attention. Oh look, found it—” He held up a pearl earring. “Actually, this ain’t hers,” he mumbled, and started searching inside leather quivers filled with arrows. “Sherwood Forest ain’t the most welcoming to strangers, especially a crew with a bunch of Nevers, but we’ll do anything for Camelot and for Dot. Camelot because King Arthur once saved us from a villain called the Green Knight. And Dot because . . . well, Dot’s like a daughter. Her dad will say that’s a lie. That I just used her to escape jail. But her dad’s about as fit to be a dad as I’m fit to be a husband. That’s what I tell Marian at least.” He winked at Agatha. “Jackpot!” He glided past her and picked a gold earring out of the gap between two wooden planks on a wall. “This is definitely it . . . maybe.” “Where will you and your men sleep tonight?” Agatha asked. “We’ve put you out of your houses—” “Ha! Don’t you worry about us. Pity the lad who sleeps too often in his own bed. We’ll go to the Arrow and see where the night takes us . . . ,” said Robin, smelling dirty shirts in the hamper until he found one clean enough to wear. He crumpled it into his pocket. “And don’t you worry about that Snake either. He’s still cooped up in the Sheriff’s magic catching sack and locked in a jail cell, while three of my men sit in front of that cell the whole night, armed with bows. Sheriff’s in the clinic—won’t be walkin’ for a few days—and with the Sheriff gone, it was easy to pay Bertie off to skip town. Dot has the only key to that jail and she’s here in the Forest, with zero chance to mess things up, because let’s face it: Dot has that capability. To keep her occupied, I arranged a date between her and the newest member of the Merry Men, who is clean as a whistle and about her age, so tonight she and the rest of you can kick back and relax. Then tomorrow, you and your lot will return to Camelot and argue with the other rulers of the Woods over who gets to cut off the reptile’s head.” He looked back at Agatha. “I’d go with one of the Never kings if I were you. Good at executions.” He jaunted towards the door. “I’m serious about kicking back, though. Go enjoy Sherwood Forest. Hell of a lot better than Nottingham. I’ll be at the Arrow if you need me—” “Robin?”

“Mmm?” he said, turning.

“You sure it’s safe here?” Agatha said, her eyes puffy and red, looking out at the open treehouses glowing in the middle of a dark Forest. “I know it is, of course. . . . It’s just after the last few days . . .” Robin Hood put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. Trap nets exploded from every direction, swooping down between houses, along with snapping bear traps, booby-trapped tree trunks, ricocheting swords, and a hailstorm of arrows, slicing through the darkness and embedding in doors. Spooked crew members looked out their windows. Hort stirred from a nap.

“False alarm!” Robin called.

Everyone grumbled and went back to what they were doing.

Robin smiled at Agatha. “Go. Enjoy the night. Sometimes when things get too dark, we need help remembering why life’s worth living.” “I don’t think I can,” Agatha rasped. “Not tonight.” “Don’t do it for you, pumpkin,” Robin said. “Do it for him.” Agatha followed his eyes out the window to the hill where she and the crew had just returned from, moonlight casting down on a row of graves . . .

And a boy in a blood-soaked shirt, standing in front of the newest ones.

Lancelot and Lady Gremlaine had been buried at sunset, when Sherwood Forest had the humid, heavy scent of a jungle. But now that it was dark, Agatha’s route back to the gravesite felt new, as if the Forest only came alive at night. Fairy girls in green dresses and fluorescing pink wings poked their heads out of tree holes, tittering: “That’s Sophie’s friend!” “Oooh, we love Sophie!” “Who’s Sophie?” “The one with pretty clothes!” “Didn’t Sophie kill fairies?” “I heard the Storian got that part wrong!” A trollcat bobbed his head out of branches to see what the commotion was about and sneezed, scattering the fairies. Agatha, meanwhile, almost stepped on a forest gnome, who was livid at first, then recognized her, chanting, “AGATA, AGATA,” and holding out a pint-sized notebook for her to autograph before his frumpy wife pulled him back into his hole.

Agatha sighed, relieved that for once her fairy tale’s fame hadn’t resulted in sleazy tabloid headlines or someone trying to kill her. Two dragon birds, one red, one orange, breathed fire as she passed, scorching a mouse they’d caught, then chittered happily in her direction as they ate it. A family of sparklefrogs burped the Camelot anthem in salute and a fat mongoose leapt out of a log, mouth full of butterflies, and pipped, “Uma friend!” Slowly Agatha’s body relaxed in the thicket’s muggy warmth, the trauma of the last few hours melting away. Even in the most beautiful stretches of the Endless Woods, there was always an undercurrent of danger. But here in Sherwood Forest, Robin and his Merry Men had created their own magical Woods within the Woods, untouched by the politics of the Ever-Never world. In fact, given he was at once a thief, a philanderer, and a champion of the poor, Agatha wasn’t even sure if Robin himself was Good or Evil . . . and Robin probably liked it that way.

As she approached the hill, Agatha glimpsed Tedros’ silhouette and felt a swell of love. Robin was right: no matter how much sadness or pain she felt, Tedros was feeling it a thousand times worse. Her prince needed her.

She crested towards the gravesite, coming up behind Tedros—and stopped.

He wasn’t alone.

Without really knowing why, Agatha ducked behind a tree so she could overhear.

“I used to make-believe I was Sir Lancelot when I was little,” Rhian was saying, barefoot and freshly bathed in a black cut-off shirt and beige breeches. “Riding alongside your father and slaying the Green Knight. Imagining that I was standing before the people after a triumphant battle, exchanging gifts with the king. I ruined a lot of pillows jabbing at them with wooden spoons, pretending they were enemies of King Arthur. . . . I dreamed of serving Camelot one day, just like Sir Lancelot did.” “Lots of boys did. And still do,” said Tedros, his blood-spattered shirt unbuttoned in the heat. “Had a guard at the castle recently who dreamed of serving Camelot too . . . only to then betray it.” “Serving is much harder than the work of dreaming,” said Rhian. “I just wish my own service didn’t have to take the place of Sir Lancelot’s.” A few fairies settled in Tedros’ hair, clearly listening in. By their light, Agatha could see the new knight was taller than the king and darker in complexion, though not as pumped with muscle. Still, with his cropped hair, high forehead, and sculpted jaw, he seemed sturdier than Tedros. More intense.

“You really think the Snake is your brother?” Rhian asked. “That he’s your father’s son?” “Lady Gremlaine never said it for sure. But she said she’d done something terrible, something she’d hidden from Arthur and the world,” said Tedros. “Plus, the Snake called me ‘Brother.’ He vowed he can pull Excalibur. And Lady Gremlaine never denied it. And yet, if he can pull Excalibur from the stone . . . that would mean he’s truly my father’s son. Would my father’s son try to kill his own brother? Would he really murder Lancelot? His father’s best friend and knight?” “A friend and knight who betrayed your father. A knight with your father’s price on his head,” said Rhian warily. “Maybe the Snake is taking revenge in your father’s name. If Dot hadn’t captured him, your mother might very well have been next.” Tedros stiffened. “All this time, I thought King Arthur’s son could never be a villain like the Snake. I never considered he could be a villain because he’s Arthur’s son.” He looked at Rhian. “So it is possible, then. The Snake might be Camelot’s real king.” “Don’t fear, sire. The Snake is in prison where he belongs. When you return, you will try your hand at Excalibur again. And this time, I’m sure it will give you the answer you deserve,” said Rhian warmly. “In the meantime, you have a kingdom to take care of. A wedding to plan.” He paused. “And a mother to be there for.” Tedros looked at him, his mouth quivering. “I’m dreading going back, Rhian.” “Tedros—”

“You don’t understand. I hated Lancelot after he took my mother away. I wanted him to die. But in the end, I learned to love him like my own dad. My mother won’t be able to live without him. Lance was her whole life. And to watch her stand there at my wedding alone . . . I can’t do it. I just can’t. I don’t know why she made Lancelot come with me into the Woods. I’m not enough for her—” “Yes, you are,” said Rhian. “You said it yourself. She knew the risks of sending Lancelot into the Woods. But you’re worth those risks to her. Or she wouldn’t have made Lancelot go with you.” Tedros sniffled, dabbing at his eyes quickly. “So you don’t just save kings’ lives, you talk sense into them too.” “All part of a knight’s work.”

“Is dying part of a knight’s work too?” said Tedros morosely. “Because every knight I have ends up dead.” “I’ll take my chances,” said Rhian. “My duty as a knight is to protect you, with all the risks that incurs.” Tedros looked at him, wiping his nose with his shirt. “Where were you when I was at school? You could have saved me from . . . you know . . . girls.” Rhian laughed.

Behind the tree, Agatha spied on them, conflicted. On the one hand, she was so relieved Tedros had someone to talk to after such a terrible loss. On the other hand, she was envious that he wasn’t sharing these feelings with her. She couldn’t remember a time when he’d been this open with her during the last six months. Or ever.

“Seriously, how could the School Master not take you?” Tedros asked.

“Beats me,” said Rhian. “I’m from Foxwood, which sends more boys to the School for Good than any other Ever kingdom. And I tried to be a Good boy growing up. But on kidnapping day, I didn’t get a Flowerground ticket. Sometimes I think my mother hid it. She never wanted me to go to that school. But I also wonder if I’d be here today if I’d been in your class at the School for Good. Out in the Woods, I could prove myself to you by being there when it mattered: fighting the Snake at the Four Point or riding across the Ever and Never lands, beating back the Snake’s thugs, and saving your friends’ quests. At school, I would have just been another Everboy trying to curry your favor. At school, there’s no real way to prove that you can be a good knight.” “Or a good king,” said Tedros.

“Or a good son,” sighed Rhian.

Tedros raised a brow.

“From what I know of your story, we have a lot in common,” Rhian explained. “My father died too. My relationship with my mother is . . . difficult. And when neither parent is a comfort, you live haunted by their shadows instead of finding your way out from under them. But hearing The Tale of Sophie and Agatha showed me a path. Camelot has a divine duty to unite the Woods in times of crisis. That’s why I idolized your father over mine. His power transcended Good and Evil and made both sides look to him as a leader. Maybe he didn’t always use this power the way he should have, but he was more than a king. He was a legend. And that’s why I’m here to help you. Because I realized it’s my destiny to make sure the one true king rules Camelot and that you and your queen earn your rightful place.” Tedros took this in, silent for a moment. “So you risk your life . . . you risk your name . . . you put everything on the line . . . for me?” “For you. And for Camelot.” The young knight cracked a smile. “And for Sophie.” Tedros burst out laughing. “Now we have the truth! Be a knight to me and my queen and you can snake your way to the queen’s best friend! Of all the girls in the Woods . . . Sophie!” He thumped Rhian on the back. “Godspeed, friend. You’ll learn your lesson in time.” “Unlike you, I know how to handle her,” Rhian ragged, tripping him.

“Only one way to handle her. Hide in a cave until she’s gone,” said Tedros, booting him in the behind.

Both boys bent over, cracking up; fairies careened out of the young king’s hair.

Tedros’ laughter ebbed. His expression changed. “Fitting, isn’t it? Lancelot dies and you appear,” he said quietly. “As much as I loved Chaddick, I wasn’t bonded to him like my father was to Lance. I never had that kind of knight. I never had a brother. At least not one I knew about. Perhaps I resented Sophie so much because of how close she was with Agatha. And I never had something like that with a boy—or at least nothing that ever lasted. Maybe because I never could fully trust one after what happened between my father and Lance. . . . But you’re different than all the rest. It feels like I finally have my own Lance.” Rhian smiled. “A Lance that isn’t after your girl.”

The two boys gazed at each other.

“Want to get dinner?” Tedros asked. “I’m famished and Marian’s Arrow has a back room that actually serves decent food—” Rhian grinned. “If it was any other night . . .”

“You dog! You have a date with Sophie!” Tedros said.

“At Beauty and the Feast. Dot helped me use Camelot’s courier crow to make reservations before I came here to check on you. Turns out Dot’s heading there for a date too.” “Beauty and the Feast! Where a piece of bread costs more than a new carriage? Where a cook once killed himself because he served a gold-truffle-coated steak two shades overdone?” “Have to make an impression, don’t I? Bring Agatha. We can all sit together.” “First things first, I’d rather go on a date with Hort than sit at dinner with Sophie. Plus, getting Agatha to go to Beauty and the Feast would be like trying to get a cat to swim. She’d spend the whole meal ridiculing the place. Besides, we shouldn’t be wasting what little money Camelot has. You and I can do dinner another time. Especially since you’ll be my knight at Camelot for a long while to come.” Tedros hesitated. “If you want to come home with me, that is.” Rhian locked eyes with the king. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He put his hand on Tedros’ shoulder. “And if you need someone to stand by you when you first see your mother . . .” “Thank you, Sir Rhian . . . but I’ll have Agatha with me,” said Tedros softly.

Rhian straightened. “Of course, Your Highness.”

“You better go get changed for dinner,” said Tedros, buttoning his shirt. “They won’t let you in looking like you’re going to the gym. Or Sophie won’t, at least. . . .” The knight rocked back on his heels. “Trust me. I’ll be taming that girl long before she tames me. Should we walk back?” “Think I’ll stay out here a bit longer,” said the king.

“See you later, then.”

“See you later.”

The two boys parted. Tedros watched Rhian go.

He stood at Lancelot’s grave for a long moment, fairies detonating around him, before he turned to leave— “Hey,” he said, surprised.

Agatha treaded uphill towards him. “Was worrying where you were. I’m starving.” “I was about to head back,” said Tedros.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You were gone awhile.”

“Lost track of time. You know, just thinking a bit . . .” “By yourself?”

Tedros batted at a fairy hovering around his ear. “I need a shower. If you wait for me, we can grab a quick dinner at the Arrow,” he said, jogging past Agatha— “Tedros?”

He stopped and turned.

“Can we go somewhere else for dinner?” Agatha asked. “Somewhere, you know . . . nice.” Tedros stared at her. “Nice?”

Less than an hour later, Agatha and Tedros arrived at a boxy cottage deep in the Forest, with dark-green brick walls and a terra-cotta rooftop. Dressed in a tight red dress that wasn’t her own and standing next to Tedros, who wore a borrowed blue tuxedo with a gold bowtie, Agatha blinked skeptically at the dumpy-looking house.

“I put on a dress . . . for this?” she said.

Tedros knocked on the door.

A slit opened and two dark eyes glared through. “Reservation time?” said an oily voice.

Tedros steeled himself. “We don’t have reservations.” The slit slammed shut and high-pitched cackles echoed behind it.

Tedros knocked again.

The slit reopened. “Reservation ti— Oh. You. Surely you know that Beauty and the Feast is both the most sought-after meal in the Endless Woods as well as the recipient of ‘Best Restaurant’ from the Everwood Gastronomical Society for the last 265 years straight. Even with the Snake crippling the Woods, we haven’t lost a single reservation. Reservations that must be made months, if not years, in advance, though we made an exception tonight for Sophie of Woods Beyond, a diva, icon, goddess, and personal hero of mine, and her date, a gorgeous new knight of Camelot—all of which is to say, we do not have room for stragglers off the street. So please take you and your poorly tailored clothing and vacate the premises before I call the dogs.” The slit slid closed.

Agatha knocked.

The eyes reappeared, about to combust—

“I’m Sophie’s best friend,” said Agatha.

“I’m the King of Camelot,” said Tedros.

“And I’m the Queen of Bazoo,” the slimy voice said.

“No. Really,” said Tedros, staring hard at him.

The eyes looked at him. Then at Agatha.

“Mamasita!” the voice gasped.

The door flew open and a man appeared, his skin caked in bronzer, his thick, black toupee crowned with gold feathers, and his tall, lithe body wrapped in what appeared to be a fur kimono.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome!” he said, seizing Agatha by one arm and Tedros by the other and dragging both through the door into the restaurant, whirling with color and motion. “I’m Masha Mahaprada, Master of Dining and Chief Visionary Officer of Beauty and the Feast! Tonight’s theme is ‘Through the Looking Glass: Our Bodies, Our Food, Ourselves. . . .’” Agatha scanned the place, wide-eyed. Tablecloths made of peacock feathers lay across gold-legged tables, heaped with chicken liver fondue, samphire tempura, pheasant wing confit, crab escabeche, vegetable towers, and chocolate waterfalls. . . . Evers and Nevers dined in proximity, clad in the most lavish outfits—luminescent dresses, swan-feather hats, sequined saris, crog-skin suits, stymph-bone jewelry (even the trolls were dressed up)—with any enmity between Good and Evil transcended by the shared experience of an extraordinary meal. Red foxes in crisp black tuxedos took orders, magic carpets brought and cleared plates, and hummingbirds swooped in and swept away breadcrumbs. Mini-chandeliers over tables dripped magical gold at the start of each course while fireworks exploded upon the completion of desserts, and a neon cricket symphony surfed the restaurant on discs of white-chocolate ganache, playing a love serenade.

“Now a few simple rules of dining,” Masha confided, clutching Agatha and Tedros tightly.

A chorus of lovebirds, each a different color of the rainbow, landed on Agatha’s and Tedros’ shoulders and sang a jingly song— Beauty and the Feast

Beauty and the Feeeeast

Where boys bring girls to give them rings

And a kiss or two at leeeeast

Girls, wear your best dresses

Let the boys take all your stresses

They’ll order for you and make all of you

Feel like the very best princesses

Girls, don’t talk too loudly

Boys, don’t talk too brashly

And both of you—this includes me too —

No politics, they’re ghastly

So enjoy your meal

Please try the veal

Don’t slurp or burp or splash or gnash

And most important of allllllll . . .

ALWAYS PAY IN CASH!

Tedros and Agatha looked at each other.

“It’s very . . . sexist,” said Agatha.

“It’s very . . . expensive,” said Tedros.

“Sherwood Forest, darling. Chi chi chi chi chi!” said Masha, pulling them ahead.

Agatha held her breath, soaking in the spectacle. At one table, a boy and girl kissed over a smoking chocolate volcano, shrouding them in red mist, before it erupted with strawberry mousse. At another, two giants shared an appropriate-sized mountain of rabbit and fennel linguini, while at a side table, two old fairy godmothers waved their wands to extinguish a crepe that had been over-flambéed.

“Agatha!” said a girl’s voice.

Agatha turned to see Dot rushing towards her in a sparkly, flower-print dress. “We just finished eating and are headed to the Arrow! Oh, Tedros, you look so handsome and you know I never say that, because I don’t want to blow up your ego since it’s already past capacity. Eek, there goes my date,” she said, pointing to a tall boy in a brown cap ahead of her, already opening the front door. “Meet us at the Arrow later!” Dot hurried off as Masha propelled Tedros and Agatha forward. “Come, my loves, I’ll show you your table. . . .” Agatha noticed Tedros squint back at the front door, frowning.

“What is it?” she said.

“That boy she was with,” said Tedros.

“Is your place as the Fairest One of All threatened?” “Pssh, no . . . I mean, that’s not what I meant. . . .” But now they had to part ways to let two waiters hurry through, toting a pepper-roasted goat on a spit— “I’ll put you at the second-best table, right next to Sophie and her knight, so you can all be together,” said Masha, taking hold of them again. “I was saving it for myself in the hopes that I could join Sophie for dessert, but you, of course, have priority. . . .” Tedros, still peeking back at the front door, suddenly whipped his head forward. “Wait. Next to Sophie? No no no no no—” But it was too late. Sophie and Rhian were already up and out of their seats as they saw their friends coming towards them, with Rhian in his blue-and-gold suit, freshly cleaned, and Sophie perfectly matched in a shimmering blue-and-gold gown.

“Aggie, darling! Who knew you even ate in restaurants,” Sophie teased, kissing her on both cheeks. “And you’re wearing a dress! And lipstick! Without my help! We really are in a fairy tale. Oh, you look marvelous, darling! I messaged Brone to bring my dress all the way from the ship to the Forest, even though the poor thing has a broken leg. But I just had to wear Camelot colors alongside Camelot’s newest knight—” She finally glanced at Tedros. “Oh. Hello, Teddy.” Tedros barely smiled. “Hi,” he said before quickly turning to Rhian.

Sophie nuzzled up to Agatha. “Aggie, isn’t Rhian a hunk? I can see why Teddy wants him as a knight. With Rhian behind him, he’ll look a bit more regal, won’t he? Don’t give me that look. You know I love you both. While we’re on the subject, we should talk about the wedding. It’s only a few weeks away and now I have a date! But let’s focus on you. For the cake, I’m thinking . . .” Agatha tuned out, trying to hear Tedros and Rhian next to her.

“How’d you get your suit so clean?” Tedros was saying to him.

“Fairies! Moment I took my shirt off, they came fluttering into my treehouse, offering to help,” Rhian chuckled. “Boy crazy, that lot . . .” The knight saw Agatha watching them. “Hi, I’m not sure we’ve really met,” he said to Agatha, cutting off Sophie midsentence. “I’m Rhian.” “Sorry, we didn’t mean to intrude on your date,” Agatha said self-consciously.

“Not at all. Let’s pull our tables together,” Rhian insisted, about to bridge the gap between them. “We just finished ordering—” “No, a little distance is just fine,” said Tedros, pushing Agatha into a seat and jumping into one of his own. “Please, don’t let us distract you.” “Won’t even notice you’re there,” Sophie said tartly to Tedros, before winking at Agatha and sitting back down.

Tedros reclined into his chair and exhaled. Before Agatha could speak, a handsome fox appeared with two menus. Agatha read hers in the chandelier light . . .

BEAUTY and the FEAST

Special Menu for Sophie & Friends

APPETIZER SAMPLER

Sophie’s Dewy Skin Cold Soup:

Pureed sea cucumber infused with fairy-churned sparkle butter and egg-white fireworks followed by

Callis’ Forest Herb Salad: Kyrgios pea shoots, enchanted mushrooms, and a poached golden goose egg with magic-bean dressing followed by

Wish Fish Crudo: Delicate mermaid pearls and royal lily pads swirled with jellied sunshine and served in a pirate treasure chalice followed by

Doom Room Dumplings: Savage Sea urchin shells stuffed with white-swan gold caviar and peacock egg-cream CHOICE OF ENTREE:

1. “Edgar and Essa” Duo of Lamb: Emerald-dusted lamb shank embossed with foamed pixie’s breath and a mahogany-smoked lamb pillow with a wood-nymph essence reduction 2. Agatha’s Gold Fingerglow Fondue:

Sumptuous yak cheese aged in a siren’s cave, melted and served with spheres of stardust cream and okra foam meringues, in a levitating leprechaun gold pot 3. Dean Dovey’s Deconstructed Chicken Pot Pie:

An arrangement of silk-fed roast chicken cubes dipped in rainbow glow and topped with moon-glimmer gravy DESSERT SAMPLER

Evers’ Snow Ball Mousse: Ethereal clouds of white chocolate enriched with opal tapioca, topped with Frostplains crystal snow tuiles followed by

Hester’s Gingerbread House Brûlée: Altazarra buttercream pudding crusted with petrified blood orange and sprinkled with eau de white rose followed by

No-Ball Dancing Jelly: Bewitched hazelnut gelatin mold with a princess-pea granita and sweetened dragon-fire beads FLAT PRICE:

20 gold pieces per person

“Lucky Robin gave us some of his gold,” Tedros murmured, patting a satchel in his coat pocket.

“Lucky Robin’s house had one of Marian’s old dresses that fit me and that the vendor at Sherwood Suits recognized you or else we’d be eating in a pub somewhere off a menu I could actually understand,” said Agatha.

They both looked up and snickered.

Silence lingered, each of them waiting for the other to continue the conversation.

In the void, Agatha could hear Rhian and Sophie talking— “My name is on your map?” Rhian asked, surprised.

“Yes! The Quest Map made by the Storian,” said Sophie. “But that’s only possible if you’re a student at the School for Good and Evil.” Rhian chewed on his lip. “Maybe my mother hid my Flowerground ticket after all.” “Rhian is a beautiful name, by the way,” said Sophie, as their fox waiter brought a basket of buttermilk bread. “Where did you get it from?” “My father named me.”

“After the Good School Master? The one Rafal killed in the Great War? That’s what his twin brother was named.” “Was it?” Rhian laughed, biting into a roll. “Better change my name, then. A bit too much to live up to. Sophie fits you perfectly, though.” He winked at her.

“Not sure that’s a compliment, but I’ll certainly take it as one,” she said archly.

Agatha noticed Tedros listening too, but now their waiter reappeared.

“I’ll have the chicken,” said Agatha.

“I’ll have the lamb,” said Tedros.

The fox took their menus and glided away.

Agatha smiled at Tedros, trying to reset.

“Feels like our first date,” she said shyly.

“Most of our relationship has taken place in times of war,” said Tedros. “We’re still figuring out how to do peace.” More awkward silence.

“You’ve been through a lot today. More than any of us,” said Agatha, trying to force the same intimacy she’d seen between him and Rhian. “Do you want to talk about it?” Tedros put his hand through the gold drops from the chandelier, which magically passed through his palm. “I’d rather talk about other things. Like why you didn’t write me when you promised you would.” “I didn’t want you to worry about me,” Agatha sighed. “If you knew what we were dealing with on our quest, you’d have panicked.” “I see,” said Tedros, not looking at her.

“But my point is you can confide in me, Tedros. I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of the past six months. You can tell me things. Anything. About how you’re feeling. Don’t try to protect me—” “Says the girl who wouldn’t pick up a pen to tell me how she was feeling because she was trying to protect me,” said Tedros, his gaze settling on her again. “And then you wonder why I don’t tell you things.” Agatha didn’t know what to say.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Tedros said, getting up.

Agatha fidgeted with the tablecloth as he left. In the silence, she could hear Rhian and Sophie again.

“I was talking to Hester and Anadil after the burial,” said Sophie, nibbling around the edge of a roll. “I suggested you might be a good candidate for School Master. We need a new one, as you know—” “School Master!” Rhian nearly spewed his cider. “So I can fly you in and out of my tower like Rafal did? So you can replay your fairy-tale fantasy with someone slightly less murderous and far less qualified?” “No!” Sophie said, offended. “I think—or we think—you’d be perfect for the job. You’d still have to interview with Professor Dovey, of course, but given my popularity with the students, I’m sure my opinion would have more weight—” “Not interested,” said Rhian. “In the position, that is. Still interested in you.” He flashed a smile and Sophie blushed. “But I have a job now for the rest of my life. At Tedros’ side.” “I know,” said Sophie sincerely. “But I have a job too. One that isn’t at Camelot, where you and Teddy will be.” “Are you happy being Dean?”

“I’m good at it,” said Sophie. “It’s what I was meant to do.” “But are you happy?”

“I’d be happier if you were School Master.”

Rhian smiled. “I don’t want us to be apart. You’ll just have to visit Camelot often. It’s less than a day’s journey.” “If only it was that simple. Teddy wouldn’t even let me in the castle to plan his own wedding, let alone ‘visit often.’ Plus, to be honest, I think he feels a bit insecure around me. . . .” Sophie checked to make sure Agatha wasn’t listening. (Agatha dropped her napkin and pretended to be looking for it.) “. . . given how poorly Teddy’s reign started versus how successful I’ve been as Dean, I mean,” Sophie said to Rhian, softer. “Catching the Snake will help Teddy’s reputation, of course. But I just don’t think he’ll ever feel comfortable around me. Too much history. And maybe . . . well, I shouldn’t say it. . . . It doesn’t even make sense. . . .” “Tell me,” said Rhian.

Sophie again glanced at Agatha, who was watching the cricket symphony intently. Sophie leaned towards her knight. “I think deep down, Teddy knows I’d make a better king than he would.” “Ah,” said Rhian. “King Sophie . . .”

The knight cracked up.

So did Sophie. “I told you it was silly—”

“Your story promised you’d be a handful, but I had no idea.” Sophie stopped laughing. “I ruined it, didn’t I. . . . I shouldn’t have said anything. . . . I should have faked being nice and bashful like all the other girls you date—” “I like you even better now, if that’s what you’re asking,” said Rhian.

Sophie stared at him, speechless for once.

“Come back with me to Camelot,” said Rhian. “Just for a few days. It’ll give you and Tedros a chance to thaw before you go back to school. Once he sees me with you on his home turf, he’ll realize it’s the perfect ending. That you and him don’t have to be at odds. The four of us can be true friends, regardless of where we are.” Sophie considered this. “But my students . . .”

“I’m sure the other Dean can handle things. Just a few days. The school will still be there when you get back.” “You really think we can have a perfect ending?” Sophie asked.

“You deserve it. Anyone who says you can’t isn’t telling you the Truth,” said Rhian.

Sophie took him in . . . then turned to Agatha. “What do you think, Aggie?” she asked, her green eyes twinkling as if she knew her friend had been listening all along.

Agatha startled in her chair. “What? Oh. Um—”

“What does Agatha think about what?” Tedros asked as he sat back down.

Agatha, Sophie, and Rhian spun to him—

“Nothing,” they said.

Foxes circled the tables.

The first course had arrived.

After dinner, they walked through the darkest part of the Forest towards Marian’s Arrow, the four of them together.

Agatha had her arm hooked in Tedros’ as Rhian and Sophie cuddled on the sandy path ahead of them.

“I’m going to burst out of these clothes,” said Tedros with a burp.

“I’ve never eaten so much in my life,” Agatha moaned, feet shuffling lazily. “Even Sophie had dessert. Sophie. She ate all three!” “What do you mean, ‘all three’? All six! She ate mine too!” Rhian called out, pecking Sophie on the cheek.

“I don’t care if I have to do yoga in a steam room for eight hours tomorrow and juice fast for the rest of my life . . . ,” Sophie said, wobbly-legged and food-drunk in Rhian’s arms. “It was worth it.” “And that is how a witch is felled,” Tedros whispered to Agatha. “Gourmet dining.” Agatha nuzzled into his chest as they watched Sophie and Rhian kissing intensely.

“I remember when we were like that,” Agatha sighed.

“What do you mean ‘were’?” said Tedros, sweeping her up in his arms and kissing her as he carried her.

“Oh, put me down,” said Agatha.

“You told me to put you down when I carried you at school and then you fainted and Sophie turned into Satan and we almost died,” said Tedros, clasping her tighter. “So request denied.” Agatha relaxed in his arms. “I love you, Tedros.”

“I love you, Agatha.”

“You love me even though sometimes I try to control things too much?” she said.

“You love me even though sometimes I try to shield you too much?” he said.

“You love me even though I don’t write you when I’m supposed to?” she said.

“Well, it’s not like you write Sophie either,” said Tedros.

Agatha laughed.

“No more Snake to worry about. The Woods safe again. Our allies back on our side,” said Tedros. “And soon we’ll be king and queen. Husband and wife.” “We’ll be as good in peace as we are in war,” said Agatha.

“We already are,” he said, kissing her again.

“Does anyone actually know where we’re going?” Rhian’s voice hollered.

Tedros lifted his lips off Agatha’s. “Oh, for God’s sake, Rhian. How hard is it to follow a path?” They were totally lost, it turned out, but no one seemed to care, with Tedros now whispering to Rhian at the fore, and Sophie canoodling with Agatha behind them. Fairy lights flickered occasionally over their heads as if to assure them they were perfectly safe, despite the fact the emerald Forest had turned ink-black and they could hardly see each other’s shadows anymore.

When a silent moment finally came, it was the king who broke it.

“If Sophie wants to come stay at Camelot for a few days, it’s fine,” said Tedros.

“There’s my man,” Rhian crowed, slinging an arm around him.

Sophie and Agatha goggled at each other.

“Provided she does all the wedding planning and stays locked in the dungeon,” Tedros said, half-joking.

“Will Rhian be locked in the dungeon with me?” Sophie asked.

The four of them burst into laughter.

“Speaking of witches . . . ,” said Tedros.

Far off the side of the path, Agatha could see a small fire burning in a dug-out pit. At its edge, Hester and Anadil leaned against each other, speaking softly as they roasted marshmallows and ate them off sticks. Neither noticed the group.

“Should we go say hi?” Tedros whispered.

Sophie and Agatha swiveled to him at the same time. “No.” Sophie smiled at Agatha knowingly.

“Let them be,” said Sophie.

The witches weren’t the only ones taking sanctuary in the Forest. As the foursome went on, they spotted a tent made out of a bedsheet, surrounded by melting wax candles, lighting up two shadows inside the tent, kissing and giggling.

“Now this we have to see,” Sophie said.

She sashayed into the thicket and pulled open the tent— Hort and Nicola tumbled out.

“I told you I heard someone!” Nicola said.

“Hiya,” Hort beamed, seeing Agatha, Tedros, and Rhian first. “Robin told us you guys went to Beauty and the Feast. I wanted to take Nic there for our first date, but I don’t have the money, so I made a picnic inste—” He saw Sophie. But Hort didn’t look the slightest bit embarrassed or aggrieved. “Um, you guys going to the Arrow?” “We’re on our way right now,” said Sophie. “Want to join us?” “Maybe we’ll meet you there,” said Hort.

Sophie smiled at him. “No pressure.” She turned to his new girlfriend. “Oh, and Nicola, I used one of Robin’s best crows to send a message to your father in Gavaldon and let him know you’ll be home for Christmas.” Nicola goggled at her. “Y-y-you did?”

“Didn’t tell him you’d stay home, of course. In case something compels you to come back to the Woods,” she said, winking at Hort.

Hort smiled at Sophie and squired Nicola into his tent.

“That was so nice of her,” the group heard Nicola saying.

“Nice of her, indeed,” said Agatha to Sophie as they retook the path.

“Everyone deserves to be happy in The End,” said Sophie, almost singing it. “Including little weasels.” By the time they reached Marian’s Arrow, it was well past midnight. In their dresses and suits, they traipsed through a silent fernfield to get to the rusty barn, painted with a cartoon of a young Robin Hood in his green jacket kissing Maid Marian in a white pinafore. From both of their mouths came a speech bubble that read: LEAVE ALL YE TROUBLES BEHIND

A beady-eyed vulture peered down at them, perched over the door, eating what looked like a deep-fried rat.

“Password?” he asked throatily.

“Little John,” said Tedros.

“Proceed,” said the vulture, sprinkling ratcrumbs.

Agatha pushed open the steel door.

A wave of noise crashed over them as Agatha looked around a place that was half seedy pub and half country jamboree. Harried waitresses in tight Sheriff’s uniforms scampered about, some taking orders, others dive-bombing food to the tables, sloshing ginger beer, cheeseballs, and pigskins on customers’ heads. In the center of the Arrow, a throng of customers square-danced while two billy goats fiddled on their hind legs beneath a massive porcelain statue of Maid Marian, tall as a giant, that blew bubbles if you deposited a silver piece. Everywhere Agatha looked, she glimpsed men wearing brown caps speared with colored feathers, each one of them flirting with someone. But she couldn’t see Robin himself anywhere.

Tedros came back from the bar with four tall mugs of cider— “Look, there’s Hood!” he said.

Agatha spun to see the famous rogue standing atop the bar, a woman under each arm who was not Marian, and raising a mug to the crowd.

“Let us toast first to my Merry Men, for livening these Woods and spoiling its women!” The crowd cheered and the men in brown caps around the pub took a collective bow. Robin grinned down at Agatha, Tedros, Sophie, and Rhian. “Let us also toast to the questers of the School for Good and Evil for fighting a battle that not many are willing to fight and protecting kingdoms that most of you come to our Forest to escape!” Another cheer. “Let us also toast to Maid Marian, for being my true love since my own school days and for letting me name this place in her honor, and most importantly . . . for being at home asleep!” Perhaps the loudest cheer of all. “And let us toast the girl who deserves our greatest thanks on this day and always . . . for her courage, her kindness, and her heart. To Dot!” “To Dot!” the crowd roared.

“To Dot!” said Tedros, clashing mugs with Agatha, Sophie, and Rhian.

“But where is Dot?” said Sophie.

Then Agatha saw her, slumped over a table in the corner.

“Oh my God,” she said, breaking from Tedros and sprinting to Dot’s side.

“Dot, are you okay?” she breathed.

“Beauty and the Feast . . . Beauty and the Feeeeassssst . . . ,” Dot warbled, looking up, eyes red and squinty, clutching a mug. “Where boys bring girls to give them rings—” “What is this?” Agatha demanded, snatching the mug out of her hand. “What are you drinking?” “Chocolate millllk,” Dot mumbled. “What I alllllways drink at the Arrrrroooo—” Rhian rushed in and seized the mug, sniffing it. He dumped the remainder on the table and watched it curdle. “Sleeping Willow seed,” he said, eyeing Agatha. “The milk was doctored.” “He got me my millllllk . . . Best date everrrrrr,” Dot slurred.

“Who’s he?” said Tedros intensely, kneeling at her side.

“Kissss meee, Teddy,” Dot piffled, slumping over.

Tedros hoisted her up like a child and sat her on the table. He looked into her pouty face. “Dot. Who’s ‘he’.” “My date . . . ,” she said, yawning. “Went to the bathroom a few hours ago . . . He’ll be back any second. . . .” Tedros went white. “The boy I saw at the restaurant?” “You thought you recognized him—” said Agatha, seeing Tedros’ face.

“Kei doesn’t like Teddy,” said Dot, poking at Tedros’ muscles. “Kei wanted to see Daddy’s keys . . . said he’d give me a kiss for each one I showed him . . . Look how many kisses I got. . . .” Dot dug into her dress and thrust her keys into the air like a trophy— Dot screamed.

The whole Arrow screeched to a stop: the music, the dancing, the beer.

Because the key ring Dot was holding had no keys left.

By the time they made it to the jail, blood spilled out its doors like a river.

The cell door was ajar, the magic sack inside shredded to threads and scattered about the stone floor like snakes.

And guarding the cell were three Merry Men, with eyes wide open, their hearts speared through with their own arrows.