خاتمه

Epilohue

I TRY NOT TO SHAKE, but it does no good. Any girl would do the same. The day is big, the dress is heavy, and the eyes watching are uncountable. Brave as I ought to be, I tremble.

I know that once the doors open, I will see Maxon waiting for me, so while all the last-second details are settled around me, I hold on to that promise and try to relax.

“Oh! This is our cue,” Mom says, noting the change in the music. Silvia waves my family over. James and Kenna are ready to go. Gerad is running around, already wrinkling his suit, and May keeps trying desperately to get him to stand in one place for two seconds back-to-back. Even if he is a bit rumpled, they all look surprisingly regal today.

As happy as I am that everyone who loves me is with me, I can’t help but feel an ache that Dad isn’t here. I feel him, though, whispering how much he loves me, how proud he is, how lovely I look. I knew him so well that I feel like I can pick out the exact words he would say to me today; and I hope it stays like that always, that he’ll never really be gone.

I’m so lost in my daydreams that May sneaks up on me. “You look beautiful, Ames,” she says, reaching up to touch the intricate high collar of my dress.

“Mary outdid herself, didn’t she?” I answer, touching parts of the dress myself. Mary is the only one of my original maids still with me. When the dust settled, we found out so many more lives were lost than we’d guessed at first. While Lucy made it through the attack and chose to retire, Anne was simply gone.

Another empty place today that ought to be filled.

“My gosh, Ames, you’re shaking.” May grabs my hands and tries to still them, laughing at my nerves.

“I know. I can’t help it.”

“Marlee,” May calls. “Come help me calm America down.”

My one and only bridesmaid walks over, her eyes as bright as ever; and with the two of them surrounding me, I do start to feel less tense.

“Don’t worry, America; I’m sure he’ll show up,” she teases. May laughs, and I swat at them both.

“I’m not worried he’ll change his mind! I’m afraid I’ll trip or mispronounce his name or something. I have a talent for messing things up,” I lament.

Marlee puts her forehead on mine. “Nothing could mess up today.” “May!” Mom hisses.

“Okay, Mom’s losing it. See you up there.” She gives me a ghost kiss on my cheek, making sure not to leave a lipstick smudge, and goes on her way. The music plays, and they walk together around the corner and down the aisle that’s waiting for me.

Marlee steps back. “Am I next?”

“Yes. I love this color on you, by the way.”

She juts out her hip, posing in the gown. “You have great taste, Your Majesty.” I suck in a breath. “No one’s called me that yet. Oh, goodness, that’s going to be my name to pretty much everyone.” I try to adjust to the words quickly. The coronation is part of the wedding. First the vows to Maxon, then the ones to Illéa. Rings, then crowns.

“Don’t start getting nervous again!” she insists.

“I’m trying! I mean, I knew it was coming; it’s just a lot for one day.” “Ha!” she exclaims as the music shifts. “Wait until tonight.”

“Marlee!”

Before I can scold her, she scampers away, winking as she goes, and I’m forced to giggle. I’m so glad to have her back in my life. I officially made her one of my attendants, and Maxon did the same for Carter. It was a clear sign to the public of what was coming with Maxon’s reign, and I was happy to see how many people welcomed the change.

I listen, waiting. I know the notes are coming soon, so I take one last chance to straighten my dress.

It’s truly magnificent. The white gown is fitted through my hips, flitting out in waves to the floor. The lace sleeves are short and lead to a high collar that genuinely makes me look like a princess. Over the dress, a sleeveless capelike coat flows out behind me, making a train. I’ll take it off for the reception, where I intend to dance with my husband until I can’t stand anymore.

“Ready, Mer?”

I turn to Aspen. “Yes. I’m ready.”

He holds an arm out for me, and I put mine through his. “You look incredible.” “You clean up pretty nice yourself,” I comment. And though I smile, I know he sees my nervousness.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” he assures me, that confident smile making me believe that whatever he says is true, same as always.

I take in a deep breath and nod. “Right. Just don’t let me fall, okay?” “Don’t worry. If you look unsteady, I’ll hand you this.” He holds up the deep-blue cane, specially made to match his dress uniform, and the idea makes me laugh.

“There we go,” he says, happy to see me genuinely smile.

“Your Majesty?” Silvia asks. “It’s time.” Her tone is slightly awed.

I give her a nod, and Aspen and I make our way to the doors.

“Knock ‘em dead,” he says just before the music rises and we’re revealed to the guests.

All the fear rushes back. Though we tried to keep the guest list small, hundreds of people line the aisle that will take me to Maxon. And as they all rise to greet me, I can’t see him.

I just need to see his face. If I can find those steady eyes, I’ll know I can do this.

I smile, trying to stay calm, graciously nodding at our guests, thanking them for their presence here today. But Aspen knows.

“It’s okay, Mer.”

I look to him, and the encouragement in his expression helps.

I keep moving.

It’s not the most graceful parade down the aisle. It’s also not the fastest. With Aspen’s leg so injured, we have to hobble our way slowly to the front. But who else could I have asked? Who else would I have asked? Aspen had shifted to fill a desperate place in my life. Not my boyfriend, not my friend, but my family.

I had expected him to say no, afraid it was somehow an insult. But he’d said he was honored and embraced me when I’d asked.

Devoted and true, even to the very end. That’s my Aspen.

Finally I see a familiar face in the crowd. Lucy is there, sitting with her father. She beams with pride for me, though really she can hardly tear her eyes off Aspen. He stands a little taller as we pass her. I know that soon it will be her turn, and I’m looking forward to it. Aspen couldn’t have made a better choice.

Beside her, filling up the closest rows, are the other Selected girls. It was brave of them to come back for me, considering not everyone who should be here is. Still, they smile, even Kriss, though I can see the sadness in her eyes. I’m shocked by how much I wish Celeste was here. I can imagine her rolling her eyes and then winking, or something like that. Making some wisecrack that was almost snotty but not quite. I really, really miss her.

I miss Queen Amberly, too. I can only imagine how happy she would have been today, finally getting a daughter. I feel as if marrying Maxon makes it okay for me to love her that way, like a mother. I’m certain I always will.

And then there’s my mom and May holding on to each other so tightly they look as if they’re supporting each other. Around them are so many smiles. It’s almost overwhelming how loved I feel.

I’m so distracted by their faces that I forget how close I am to the end of the aisle. As I turn forward … he’s there.

And then it seems as if no one else is here at all.

No cameras filming, no bulbs flashing. It’s just us. It’s just Maxon and me.

He’s wearing his crown, and the suit with the blue sash and the medals. What did I say the first time he wore it? Something about hanging him up with the chandeliers, I think. I smile, remembering the long journey that got us here, standing at the altar.

Aspen’s last few steps are slow but steady. When we reach our destination, I turn to him. Aspen gives me one last smile, and I reach over to kiss his cheek, saying good-bye to so many things. We share a look for a moment, and he takes my hand and puts it in Maxon’s, giving me away.

They nod to each other, nothing but respect in their faces. I don’t think I could ever understand all that’s passed between them, but it feels peaceful in that moment. Aspen steps back, and I step forward, arriving at the one place I never thought I’d be.

Maxon and I move close to each other as the ceremony starts.

“Hello, my dear,” he whispers.

“Don’t start,” I warn in return, and we’re both left smiling.

He holds my hands as if they’re the only things pinning him to the earth, and I focus on that as I prepare myself for the words coming, the promises I’ll never break. It’s magical, really, the power this day has.

But even now I know this isn’t a fairy tale. I know that we’ll have hard times, confusing times. I know that things won’t always happen the way we want them to and that we’ll have to work to remember that we chose this. It won’t be perfect, not all the time.

This isn’t happily ever after.

It’s so much more than that.