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Meanwhile—Back at the Ranch

There was so much work to do at Personalized Programming that I pretty much worked all my waking hours—except for my mornings and evenings in the Temple. The Temple community was so stable that it hardly took any of my management time. Radha was able to manage the Temple and its finances even though her position as the chief financial controller at Personalized Programming kept her working day and night. In the midst of all this transformation, the Temple was about to experience a change of its own.

At the end of 1994, Amrit had a major falling-out with his followers. As is the case with so many people we put up on a pedestal, some inappropriate behavior from his past came to light, and the situation proved extremely difficult for everyone. When I heard that Amrit had actually left the community, I invited him and his wife to come spend some quiet time living with us at the Temple. To be there when a person is soaring high is an easy relationship. To be there during hard times requires deep friendship. All of us had received a great deal from Amrit over the years. We were humbled at the opportunity to give something back.

Radha had been living in the Jenkins house for several years by then. Since it was the nicest house on our property, she immediately offered to move out. In December 1994, Amrit and his wife moved into that house and ended up living there for the better part of three years. It was an amazing experience to be that close to such an evolved person going through such a life-changing experience. While he was here, Amrit simply allowed the situation to put him through whatever changes he needed to go through. Situations like this are like fire, and Amrit just wanted to use that fire for spiritual purification. He wasn’t sad, he wasn’t hurt, and he wasn’t scared—he was just completely surrendered to going through the experience. I constantly saw in Amrit what I always saw inside of me: when push comes to shove, I don’t care what it takes, just free me from myself. The only meaningful prayer is that this white-hot fire be so destructive to the personal self that it severs the cord that binds. Standing soul to soul, Amrit and I had that in common—liberation at any cost.

I didn’t isolate myself from what Amrit was going through. I wanted to share the experience of exploring what it would be like inside if everything were taken away outside. I recalled King Solomon’s wisdom: For every thing there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. I had been honored to know Amrit as a world-renowned teacher; I was now all the more honored to be close to him as he passed through a period of great darkness or, better put, as a period of great darkness passed through him. He never complained, and he never got depressed or despondent. He just spent each day surrendering at a deeper and deeper level. Reality was what it was—might as well use it to let go of the personal self.

As with all things, in time the energy began to shift. The noise of the past subsided and opportunities for the future began to open up. One day Amrit asked me to take a drive with him to see a place he had found in the Ocala National Forest. It was in a very small town less than an hour and a half south of the Temple. I couldn’t believe the place when I saw it. It was an absolutely beautiful giant house sitting on the shore of a gorgeous lake, and there were also five or six cabins on the property. It was a perfect home for Amrit and his family. Every place I walked, I felt Amrit. I had known him for years, and I knew his taste. You could not have custom built a home specifically for him that was more perfect than this place. I had to hold back tears as I realized—it was over. The period of darkness had passed. I encouraged him to buy the property if he could afford it. He then told me the price. I couldn’t believe my ears—it was the deal of the century.

I learned a lot about surrender by being with Amrit during this whole ordeal. What I saw was that no matter who we are, life is going to put us through the changes we need to go through. The question is: Are we willing to use this force for our transformation? I saw that even very intense situations don’t have to leave psychological scars, if we are willing to process our changes at a deeper level. My surrender experiment had already taught me to deeply honor the transformative power of life. Sharing that time with Amrit would prove to be all the more important since life as I knew it was once again about to go through a major, unexpected change.