فصل 9

9

The Promised Land

It had been months since my deep meditation experience in the Ocala National Forest. The remnants of that experience were a constant flow of energy to the point between my eyebrows and a burning in my heart to go even deeper within. Neither of these forces subsided over time. In fact, the yearning to go deeper kept increasing on a daily basis. It was like having fallen madly in love and not being able to see your beloved. I began to contemplate completely dropping out and entering a life of solitude. My coursework was done, and nothing was forcing me to take my qualifying exams right away. Plus, by that time I was pretty certain that I would never take those exams.

I determined that I needed a place away from everything and everyone in order to become totally focused on my practices. I knew I couldn’t just keep camping by the lime pit forever, but I wasn’t ready to start looking for a secluded place of my own. I decided to just keep my eyes open to see if something would show up by itself.

Something did.

I was filling up my van one day, when out of the blue the gas station attendant asked me where I lived. I told him that I had been living in my van for a while but was hoping to find a piece of land in the country. He said he had come across a beautiful place northwest of Gainesville that had five-acre lots for sale. I got directions and went on my way.

A few days later, I drove out to the place and found April Gift Estates. It was in a heavily wooded area about ten miles north of town, and it consisted of twenty-one five-acre lots and a couple of dirt roads. Very few lots had been sold, and I didn’t see a single person the entire time I toured. The place was so peaceful and natural that I drove around almost in a trance. It was just perfect.

I soon came upon a couple of adjoining lots that were part woods and part field. This was exactly what I had wanted. I parked my car and walked through the woods onto the interior field. The feeling of going from the woods to sudden openness was unbelievable. There was a rush of light and a feeling of expansiveness.

I walked up a rolling hill to the fence on the north side of the property. The property bordered a beautiful pasture that sloped down to a woods-lined stream. The entire north side of the lot overlooked that breathtaking view. It reminded me of how Homer described the Elysian Fields. I meandered back into the woods and found a spot under a tree where I could see the interior field open in front of me and the beautiful pastureland to my right. The woods were quiet and felt protecting. It was like being in a womb. The moment I sat down, I was drawn into deep meditation. The moment I came back, I knew I was home.

I had never bought a piece of land before, but I did have some funds. When I graduated from college, my father had given me what remained in my college account. He wanted me to take full responsibility for my postgraduate education. Since I did both my master’s degree and my doctorate work under full fellowship, I had been able to save almost all of the $15,000 he had given me. It was now time to spend it.

I decided to try to buy both of the lots that included the interior field. That would give me plenty of seclusion. Before contacting the owner, I picked a maximum number that I was willing to pay for the ten acres. The number was significantly less than the asking price, but I told myself that if the seller wouldn’t come down to my price, it wasn’t meant to be. I was completely at peace with either outcome. As it turned out, that sense of detachment gave me the edge I needed to successfully negotiate for the lots. I succeeded in the purchase, but I didn’t feel a sense of joy. What I felt was a sense of resolute determination. What lay ahead of me was not going to be easy. I had already committed so much of myself to exploring what was beyond me—now I was going to commit everything.