فصل بیست و دوم

Chapter 22

All week Bradley worked on his list of topics to discuss with Carla. It’s not homework, he kept telling himself. In fact, it’s the opposite of homework! Because if I think of some good topics, then we won’t have to talk about homework.

He didn’t scribble during class. He listened closely to what Mrs. Ebbel and the other kids said in order to get ideas for his list. He took it with him wherever he went. At recess, he kept his eyes and ears open, constantly on the lookout for a new topic.

The other kids were meaner to him than they’d ever been before. They were no longer afraid of him. They called him names, and when he didn’t do anything about it, they called him more names.

A fourth-grade boy who wanted to show off to his friends ran up to him and said, “You’re not even human! You’re a monster! You’re a monster from outer space!” The boy ran away, but Bradley didn’t chase him. He added three new topics to his list: Humans, Monsters, and Outer Space.

Monday was Halloween. Most of the kids brought costumes, which they were allowed to put on at lunch. Brian, one of Jeff’s friends, didn’t bring a costume. So he borrowed a black Magic Marker from Mrs. Ebbel and colored a circle around one eye. When he came back from lunch, he told everyone he was a Bradley Chalkers.

While everyone laughed, Bradley busily worked on his list. It covered both sides of three sheets of paper.

Trees that lose their leaves Gold stars

Chalk

Tape

Are chickens really afraid?

Why people laugh

What does it feel like to be shot in the leg?

Pencils

Pencil sharpeners

Accidents

Coffee

Military school

Canes

Basketball

Friends

Enemies

Hopscotch

Dodgeball

Four square

One potato

Two potato

Three potato

Four

Five potato

Six potato

Seven potato

More

Less

Nothing at all

What’s it like to be in jail?

Good boys

Bad boys

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Have you ever been to the White House?

Who shot my father?

Why did he get away?

Peanut butter and jelly Gold stars

Black eyes

Fighting

Girls with big mouths!

What’s it like inside a girls’ bathroom?

Saying hello

Reflexes

Hate

When will I be able to grow a beard?

Things that smell bad

Things you like about yourself Things you don’t like about yourself Things nobody likes about yourself Things you don’t like about anybody else Gold stars

Does my head look like a chili bowl?

Closets

Hiding places

Dreaming

Bad dreams

I wish I could fly.

Kids with glasses

Glasses you drink from

Why people like some people and hate other people Breaking things

I wish I was invisible.

Cry babies

What happens to you when you grow old?

Humans

Monsters

Outer space

Why is Halloween a holiday?

Pirates

Princesses

Ghosts

What happens when you die?

What if you were never born?

Can someone else be you?

Can you be someone else?

If I was someone else, I wouldn’t make fun of me.

Magic

Markers

He didn’t go trick-or-treating that evening, though Ronnie and Bartholomew did. The other animals gave them lots of candy.

“I’m making a list of topics to talk about with my counselor,” he told them. “Do you have any ideas?” “How about rabbits?” suggested Ronnie.

“That’s a good one,” said Bradley. He added “Rabbits” to his list.

“Bears,” said Bartholomew.

“That’s good too.”

Claudia barged into his room.

Bradley quickly shoved his list under the pillow on his bed.

“How about what Dad’s going to do to you when he finds out you’re flunking?” she asked. “That’s a good topic.” “What are you talking about?” asked Bradley.

“The list.”

“What list?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Claudia. She slowly wandered toward the bed, then lunged for the pillow.

Bradley dived for it, too, but Claudia beat him to it. She held the list above her head and read it. As she looked at each new page, she cracked up laughing.

“What’s so funny?” he demanded.

“Your list!”

“What’s wrong with it?” “This isn’t the kind of stuff you talk about with a counselor.” “How do you know?”

“Chalk?” asked Claudia. “What can you say about chalk?” “A lot!” he insisted.

Claudia laughed. “One potato! Two potato! Your counselor’s going to be mad when she sees this.” “Give it to me!”

“Yes,” she answered as if he had asked a question.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes. Your head looks like a chili bowl.” She laughed.

“Shut up!”

“ ‘Who shot my father?’ “ read Claudia. “How’s she going to know that?” Bradley shrugged.

Claudia gave him back the list. “You wrote ‘Gold stars’ three times,” she said, shaking her head.

Bradley grabbed it from her hand and looked at what he’d written.

“That’s the stupidest list I’ve ever seen,” said Claudia. “Your counselor’s not going to want to talk about anything on that list.” “You don’t know her,” he replied. “She’ll talk about anything I want to talk about. She listens to me. She likes me!” “No she doesn’t,” scoffed Claudia. “That’s just her job!” She walked out of his room, laughing.

Bradley watched her go. Then he added two new topics to his list: Sisters and Jobs.

Tears filled his eyes as he tried to think of another topic. He crossed off two of the “Gold stars,” then crumpled the list into a ball and threw it in his trash basket.