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CHAPTER 9: Turned Tables

Chateau Paradizo

When Holly Short had opened the door of her makeshift basement cell, she found her helmet bouncing on the spot in front of her with a three-dimensional image of Foaly’s face projected on to it.

‘That is really creepy,’ she said. ‘Couldn’t you just text me?’

Foaly had included a three-dimensional help program in Holly’s helmet’s computer. It came as no surprise to Holly that he had given the help module his own features.

‘I’ve lost some weight since this model was constructed,’ said Foaly’s image. ‘I’ve been jogging. Every evening.’ ‘Focus,’ Holly ordered.

Holly dipped her chin and Foaly bounced the helmet on to her head. She sealed it tight.

‘Where is the demon?’

‘Straight up the stairs. Second on the left,’ answered Foaly.

‘Good. You’ve wiped our patterns from the security system?’

‘Of course. The demon is invisible, and you can’t be picked up no matter what kind of lens they use.’

Holly jumped up the human-sized steps. It would have been easier to fly, but she had left her wings outside, along with her suit computer. There had been no need to risk placing them in human hands, other than Artemis’s. And even that took a little thinking about.

She hurried along the corridor, past the first door on the left and crept through the open doorway of the second, taking in the situation with a quick scan of the room.

The demon was secured on a chair, and the human girl was on the phone facing away from him. There was a large two-way mirror on the wall. Holly used her thermal scan to ascertain that the adjoining room had one occupant — a large male. He appeared to be talking on his mobile phone, not facing the demon’s cell.

‘Should I stun her?’ asked Foaly hopefully. ‘She knocked you out with sleeping gas?’ He was quite enjoying playing with his new toy. It was like a first-person computer game.

‘I wasn’t actually unconscious,’ said Holly, her words contained by the helmet’s seal. ‘I was holding my breath.

Artemis had told me that she would use gas. The first thing I did was vent the vehicle.’

‘What about that Mud Man next door?’ persisted Foaly. ‘I can focus the laser through the glass. It’s quite clever really.’

‘Shut up or you will pay for it when I get home,’ warned Holly. ‘We only shoot in an emergency.’

Holly skirted Minerva, careful to avoid brushing against the Mud Girl or treading on a loose board. A single creak now could scupper all their plans. She squatted before the little demon, who did not seem too worried about his plight. What he was actually doing was listing off words, and having a little giggle after every one.

‘Cornucopia, oh very good,’ he said. And then, ‘Sanitary. I like that one. Hee hee.’

Marvellous, thought Holly. This demon obviously lost a few brain cells in the transfer. She used voice command to type a text on her visor.

‘Nod if you can read this,’ the text read. To the demon, the words appeared floating in space before him.

‘Nod if you can . . .’ He mouthed, then stopped and began nodding furiously.

‘Stop nodding!’ sent Holly. ‘I am an elf. One of the first family of fairies. I am here to rescue you. Do you understand?’

No response, so Holly sent a command. ‘Nod once if you understand.’

A single nod from the demon.

‘Good. All you need to do is stay very still and quiet.’

Another nod. The little demon was catching on.

Foaly had transferred his image to the inside of Holly’s visor.

‘Ready?’ asked the centaur.

‘Yep. You keep an eye on the Mud Man next door. If he turns round, then you can stun him.’

Holly wiggled her hand up her right sleeve, pincering a sheet of foil between her index and middle fingers. This is not as easy as it sounds when a fairy is shielded and vibrating at speeds faster than the human eye can follow. It was made easier by the Section 8 suit, which reduced the amount of vibration necessary. Holly pulled out and unfolded a large square of cam foil that automatically projected a fair approximation of what should be behind it. Each bead on the cam foil was actually a fairy-made multifaceted diamond that could reflect accurately no matter what the viewing angle was.

She backed up close to No.1, then held up the sheet of foil. The foil was equipped with multi-sensor technology, so it was a simple matter for Foaly to wipe No.l from the projection. To Minerva it would seem that her demon captive had simply vanished. To No.l it would seem like nothing whatsoever was happening, and that this was the lamest rescue in the history of rescues.

Seconds later, Minerva turned quickly to face them.

No.l nodded hello, and was amazed to find that she could not see him.

‘Where is he, Artemis?’ the girl screamed into her phone. ‘Where is my prize?’

No.l thought about saying I’m right here! but decided against it.

‘You tricked me!’ squealed Minerva. ‘You allowed me to capture your demon!’

Finally the penny drops, thought Holly. Now go and search the chateau like a good girl.

Minerva obligingly stalked out of the room, yelling for her father. Next door, Papa Paradizo, hearing his daughter’s screams, closed his phone and began to turn . . .

Foaly activated the helmet laser and shot him in the chest. He tumbled to the floor and lay in a heap, his chest heaving with the slow breaths of the unconscious.

‘Sweet,’ crowed the centaur. ‘Did you see that? Not so much as a smudge on the glass.’

‘He was heading for the door!’ objected Holly, dropping the cam foil.

‘He was coming to the glass. I had to stun him.’

‘We will talk about this later, Foaly. I do not like your new gung-ho attitude.’

‘Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion.’

‘Who? Listen, just stop talking!’ hissed Holly, melting No.l’s bonds with two sharp laser bursts.

‘Free!’ exclaimed the imp, jumping to his feet. ‘Liberated. Unbound. Without restrictions.’

Holly shut off her shield, revealing herself to No.l.

‘I hope that’s a helmet,’ said No.l.

Holly touched a button and her visor slid up. ‘Yes. I am a fairy just like you. Just a different family.’

‘An elf!’ exclaimed No.l delightedly. ‘An actual elf. I hear you cook your food and like music. Is that true?’

‘Occasionally, when we’re not trying to escape from murderous humans.’

‘Oh, they’re not murderous, pugnacious, homicidal, or even bellicose.’

‘Maybe not the one you met. But there’s a guy with funny hair in the basement. And believe me, when he wakes up he’s going to be murderous and all those other things you mentioned.’

No.l remembered Billy Kong; he had no desire to meet him again.

‘Very well, elf. What next?’

‘Call me Holly.’

‘I am Number One. So what next, Holly?’

‘Next, we escape. There are friends waiting for us … eh … Number One.’

‘Friends?’ said No.l. He knew the word, of course, but never imagined it could apply to him. It was a warming notion, even in these dire straits.

‘What do I do?’

Holly wrapped the cam foil round him like a shawl. ‘Keep this on. It will cover most of you.’ ‘Amazing,’ said No.l. ‘A cloak of invisibility.’ Foaly moaned in Holly’s ear. ‘A cloak of invisibility? That is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?’

Holly ignored the centaur, something that was becoming a habit.

‘Hold the foil close with one hand. Hang on to my belt with the other. We need to get out of here quickly. I only have enough magic left for a few minutes’ shielding. Ready?’

No.1 ‘s anxious features peeped out from a shawl of invisibility.

‘Hold the foil. Hang on to the belt. Got it.’ ‘Good. Foaly, watch our backs. Let’s move out.’ Holly shielded, then hurried out the open door, pulling No.l behind her. The corridor was lined with tall potted plants and lush oils, including a Matisse. Holly could hear the humans shouting in adjacent rooms. There was activity all around them, and it could only be seconds before some Mud Men spilled into this corridor.

No.l struggled to keep up, his little legs stumbling along behind the super-fit elfin captain. It seemed impossible that they could escape. All around was the clatter of approaching footsteps. No.l, slightly distracted, snagged a toe on the cam foil and trampled it underfoot. The foil’s electronics crackled and died. The demon was as visible as a bloodstain on a patch of snow.

‘We lost the foil,’ said Foaly.

Holly clenched her fingers. She missed her handgun.

‘OK. Nothing to do but make a run for it. Foaly, you have free rein, if you’ll pardon the horse analogy.’

‘Finally,’ whinnied the centaur. ‘I added a game-pod joystick to my controls. A bit unorthodox, but very accurate. We’ve got hostiles converging from all sides. My advice is to take the direct route. Go to the end of the corridor and follow our friend Doodah’s path out the window. Butler will cover you once you’re in the open.’

‘OK. Hold on, Number One, whatever happens, don’t let go.’

The first threat came from ahead. Two security guards rounded the corner, guns extended.

Ex-police, Holly guessed. Covering the diagonals.

The men were shocked to see No.1. Obviously they were not in the need-to-know loop.

‘What the hell?’ said one.

The other kept his nerve. ‘Hold it right there.’

Foaly hit them both in the chest with fat laser bursts. The energy sank through their clothes and they slid down the wall.

‘Unconscious,’ panted No.l. ‘Comatose, cataleptic, out for the count.’ He realized that this vocabulary-spouting was a good way to deal with stress.

‘Stress. Pressure, strain and anxiety.’

Holly dragged No.l onwards, towards the still open window. More guards came from the side corridors, and Foaly dispatched them efficiently.

‘I should get bonus points for this,’ he said. ‘Or at the very least a free life.’

There were two more guards in the sitting room, sneaking an espresso. Foaly dropped them where they stood. And then flashed out a fan laser burst to evaporate the coffee before it hit the rug.

‘It’s Tunisian,’ he explained. ‘Very difficult to get coffee out. Now they can just suck up the grains.’

Holly stepped down into the room.

‘Sometimes I think you don’t quite get the gravity of field missions,’ she said, skirting a massive velvet sofa.

No.l stumbled down the human-sized steps after his rescuer. In spite of all his new vocabulary, the imp was not quite sure how he was feeling.

Scared, of course. Big Mud Men with fire weapons and all that. Excited too. Being rescued by some kind of elf superhero, who was invisible too. Pain in the leg, don’t forget that. The angry human had shot him in the leg, with a silver bullet, no doubt. But No.l realized that one feeling was missing from the melting pot. One that had been strong within him for as long as he could remember. Uncertainty. In spite of the frantic antics unfolding all around, he felt more at home on this planet than he ever had on Hybras.

A bullet whistled past his ear.

Then again, maybe Hybras hadn’t been so bad.

‘Wake up, Foaly!’ admonished Holly. ‘You’re supposed to be watching our backs.’

‘Sorry,’ said the centaur, swivelling the laser and strobing the doorway. The female guard smiled broadly then collapsed. On the ground she began singing a nursery rhyme about doggies and their bones.

‘Bizarre,’ said Foaly. ‘That guard is singing.’

‘Often happens,’ grunted Holly, clambering on to the window sill. ‘The laser knocks out some functions, but sometimes awakens others.’

Interesting, thought the centaur. A happy gun. Certainly worth investigating.

Holly reached down and grasped No.l’s wrist, pulling him over the sill. She was dismayed to see that her own arms were not as invisible as she would have hoped. Her magic was wearing thin. Shielding was a real power siphon. She would flicker into visibility soon whether they were safely away or not.

‘Nearly there,’ she said.

‘Just across the wide open green space, is it?’ said No.l, displaying a real gift for sarcasm.

‘I like him,’ said Foaly.

They tumbled out on to the lawn. The alarm was well and truly raised now, and guards poured from the various doors like beads from a ruptured beanbag.

‘Go crazy, Foaly,’ said Holly. ‘And take out their vehicles too.’

‘Yes sir, ma’am,’ said Foaly, and began firing.

Holly ran flat out, pulling the imp behind her. There was no time to consider his physical abilities, either he kept up, or he got dragged. The laser pencil on her helmet flashed out burst after burst, swivelling in wide arcs to cover the approaching guards. Holly felt the weapon’s heat on the crown of her head and resolved to mention the helmet’s supposedly revolutionary cooling system to Foaly if they ever made it out of this.

The centaur was too busy for chat now. All Holly could hear through her headset was grunting and whinnying as Foaly concentrated on his job. He was not concerned about pinpoint accuracy any more, there were too many things to shoot. He sent out scything fans of energy that socked half a dozen guards per burst. The guards would be perfectly fine in half an hour, though some might experience headaches, hair loss, irritability, loss of bowel control and other assorted side effects for a few days.

Foaly targeted the four-wheel drives next, firing several pulses into each petrol tank. The BMWs exploded in sequence, turning spectacular fiery cartwheels. The force of the blast cupped Holly and No.l like a giant hand, scooting them on their way a little faster. Holly’s helmet protected her from the noise, but poor No.l’s head would ring for quite a while.

Thick black smoke billowed from cracked engines and prowled across the tended garden, more effective than any smoke grenade. Holly and No.l raced just ahead of the smoke line towards the main gates.

‘Gates,’ Holly panted into her microphone.

‘I see them,’ said Foaly, melting the wrought-iron barriers right off their hinges. They collapsed to the ground with a big bell bong.

A rented MPV skidded to a halt outside the pillars, and the passenger door slid open.

Artemis was inside, reaching out to No.l.

‘Come on,’ he said urgently. ‘Get in.’

‘Arrgh!’ said No.l. ‘A human!’

Holly leaped inside the vehicle, dragging No.l with her.

‘It’s OK,’ she said, switching off her shield to conserve the little that was left. ‘He’s a friend.’

No.l clung to Holly’s back, trying not to throw up. He glanced towards the front of the MPV where Butler sat.

‘What about him? Please tell me he’s a friend too.’

Holly grinned, climbing on to a seat. ‘Yes, he’s a friend. The very best.’

Butler yanked the gear stick into ‘Drive’. ‘Buckle up, boys and girls. We’re about to be in a car chase.’

The sun was setting as Butler expertly steered the car round the natural chicanes of the Route de Vence. The road was hewn from the mountainside, with stone villas teetering above and the Gorge du Loup yawning below. It took a skilled driver to negotiate the bends at speed, but Butler had once driven an Al Fahd armoured vehicle through a crowded Cairo market, so the Alpine roads were not too much of a challenge for him.

As it turned out, there was no car chase. The Paradizo fleet lay in flaming, mangled, inverted heaps in the chateau driveway. There was not so much as a moped left intact to tail the getaway car.

Butler checked the rear-view mirror constantly, and only allowed himself a satisfied grin when they passed through the toll station at Cagnes sur Mer.

‘We’re clear,’ he pronounced, accelerating into the motorway’s fast lane. ‘There’s not a vehicle intact on that estate, including little Beau’s toy car.’

Artemis smiled, giddy with success. ‘Perhaps we should have left them Mister Day’s marvellous booster.’

Holly noticed that No.l was happily examining his seat belt.

‘Buckle up,’ she said, slotting the buckle into its catch.

‘Buckle,’ said No.l. ‘Clasp, clip, fastener. Why are you with these humans?’

‘They’re going to help you,’ explained Holly gently.

No.l had a million questions, and knew exactly how to phrase every one of them. But for the moment, words took a back seat to pictures, and No.l ‘s square impish jaw dropped further and further as he stared through the tinted glass, absorbing the wonders of the modern motorway.

Holly took the opportunity to catch up with events.

‘Doodah and Mulch got away OK?’

‘Yes,’ confirmed Artemis. ‘Foaly was anxious to have the shuttle returned, as he had taken it without clearance. We shouldn’t be more than a few hours behind them. By the time you get to the shuttle port, the shutdown should be lifted. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve earned yourself a medal, Holly. Job spectacularly well done.’

‘There are still loose ends.’

‘True. But nothing an LEP mind-wipe team can’t take care of. There is no physical evidence that anything other than humans caused this devastation.’

Holly leaned back against the seat. ‘I’m forgetting something.’

‘You’re forgetting the demons. Their spell is disintegrating. Their island will be lost in time. Will be, or has been. They drift in and out of time, making contact like a bouncing ball.’

No.l picked up on one word. ‘Disintegrating?’

‘Hybras is doomed,’ said Artemis frankly. ‘Your home will shortly be dragged through the time tunnel along with everything on it. When I say shortly, I mean at our end. At your end it could have already happened, or maybe it will happen in a million years.’ He extended his hand. ‘And by the way, my name is Artemis Fowl.’

No.l took the hand, nibbling the forefinger as was the demon custom.

‘I am Number One. Imp. Isn’t there something we can do to save Hybras?’

‘Hardly,’ replied Artemis, retrieving his finger and checking it for bite marks. ‘The only way to save Hybras is to bring it back to Earth under controlled circumstances. Sadly, the only people who could have done that were the warlocks, and they are all dead.’

No.l chewed his lip. ‘Em, well, I’m not too sure, but I might be a warlock. I can speak in tongues.’

Artemis sat forward, straining his seat belt. ‘Speaking in tongues could be merely an aptitude. What else can you do?’

‘Again, not positive about this, but I may have, possibly, turned wood to stone.’

‘The gargoyle’s touch. Now that is interesting.You know, Number One, there’s something about you. Those markings. You seem familiar to me.’ Artemis frowned, irritated that he couldn’t quite place the memory. ‘We haven’t met before, I would certainly remember. Nevertheless, there is something . . .’

‘These markings are quite common, especially the forehead hex. Demons often think they know me. Now, about saving Hybras?’

Artemis nodded. ‘Of course. The best course of action is to get you below ground. I only dabble in magical theory; Foaly has live experts just dying to examine you. I feel confident that the LEP can come up with a plan to save your island.’

‘Really?’

Butler interrupted from the front of the car, saving Artemis from answering.

‘We have a bit of a situation at Chateau Paradizo,’ he said, tapping the screen of a compact laptop suckered to the dashboard. ‘Maybe you’d better take a look.’

The bodyguard passed the computer over his shoulder. The screen was divided into a dozen boxes, the security feed from Chateau Paradizo, still being supplied by Foaly’s data twist.

Artemis balanced the laptop on his knees, his bright eyes flickering across the screen.

‘Oh dear,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘This is not good.’

Holly swapped seats, so she could see the screen.

‘Not good at all,’ she said.

No.l was not too worried about the computer. As far as he was concerned it was just a little box.

‘Not good,’ he mused, accessing the dictionary in his head. ‘A synonym for bad.’

Artemis did not look up from the screen. ‘That’s exactly right, Number One. This is bad. Very bad.’