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CHAPTER 6: I TO I

THERE is a moment of confusion when a land animal enters the water. Beast, human or fairy, it doesn’t matter. The surface is broken and every sense is suddenly shocked. The cold stings, motion slows and the eyes are filled with smears of colour and the snap of bursting bubbles. The time stream is like that moment sustained.

That’s not to say that travelling through the time stream is a consistent experience. Never the same journey twice. The demon warlock Qwan, who was the planet’s most experienced time-travelling fairy, wrote in his bestselling autobiography, Qwan: My Time is Now, that ‘riding the time stream is like flying through a dwarf’s intestine. There are very nice free-flowing stretches, but then you turn a corner to find the thing backed-up and putrid. The problem being that the time stream is largely an emotional construct, and it absorbs ambient feelings from the real time it flows around. If you happen across a stretch of foul-smelling gunk, you can bet that the humans are killing something.’ Artemis and Holly were being dragged through a foul—

smelling stretch that corresponded with an entire ecosystem being destroyed in South America. They could sense the animals’ terror and even smell the charred wood. Artemis felt, too, that Holly was losing herself in the maelstrom of emotions. Fairies were so much more sensitive to their environments than humans. If Holly lost concentration, her atoms would dissipate and be absorbed by the stream.

Focus, Holly, Artemis broadcast into the stream. Remember who you are and why we are here.

It was difficult for them both. Their particle memory had already been weakened by the Limbo journeys and the temptation to meld with the stream was strong.

Artemis conjured a picture of his mother in his consciousness to bolster his determination.

/ know when and where I want to be, he thought. Exactly when and where . . .

FOWL MANOR, NEARLY EiGHT YEARS AGO

Artemis and Holly exited the time stream and entered ten-year-old Artemis’s study. Physically, this was a gentle enough experience, like jumping from a low wall on to thick carpet, but emotionally this particular trip was like a ten-minute blitz of the worst memories of their lives. The time stream: never the same ride twice.

Holly cried for her mother for a minute, but eventually the persistent chiming of a grandfather clock reminded her of where and when she was. She stood shakily and looked a round her to find Artemis lurching towards the wardrobe. The sight of him cheered her a little.

‘You have really let yourself go,’ she said.

Artemis was rummaging through the clothes on the rail.

‘Of course nothing will fit,’ he muttered. ‘All too small.’ Holly elbowed past him. ‘Not for me,’ she said, pulling .v dark suit from its hanger.

‘My first suit,’ said Artemis fondly. ‘For the family Christmas postcard. I had no idea really how to wear it. I remember fidgeting throughout the fitting. It’s a Zegna bespoke.’ Holly tore off a protective polythene wrap. ‘So long as h (its.’ It was only then that Artemis’s emotions settled enough for him to register Holly’s comment.

‘What do you mean I have let myself go?’

Holly swung the wardrobe’s door, so that its mirrored side faced Artemis.

‘See for yourself,’ she said.

Artemis looked. In the mirror he saw a tall, slender boy, his head all but invisible under a wild mop of shoulder-length hair, and even some bristles on his chin.

‘Ah. I see.’

‘I’m surprised you do,’ said Holly. ‘Through all that hair.’ ‘Accelerated ageing. A side effect of the time stream,’ Artemis hypothesized, unconcerned. ‘When we return, the effects should be reversed.’ He paused, catching sight of /WVA. /WNA /WSA Holly’s reflection. ‘Perhaps you should check yourself in the mirror. I am not the only one who has changed.’ Holly elbowed him aside, certain she was being kidded, but the half-smile died on her lips when she saw the fairy in the looking glass. It was her own face, but different, missing a few scars and a few decades’ wear and tear.

‘I am young,’ she gasped. ‘Younger.’

‘Don’t be upset,’ said Artemis briskly. ‘It is temporary. All this is nothing more than dress-up. My physical maturity, your youth. In a moment or two we will be back in the stream.’ But Holly was upset. She knew how this had happened.

/ was thinking of Mother. Of our last hours together. Of how I was then.

And so that was how she had changed.

Look at me. Just out of the Academy. In human terms, barely older than Artemis.

For some reason, this was a disturbing thought.

‘Get some trousers on,’ she snapped, buttoning a crisp white shirt to her neck. ‘Then we can discuss your theories.’ Artemis used his extra inches to reach up and tug a large box from the top of the wardrobe. In it were neatly folded layers of clothes destined for one of Angeline Fowl’s charity shops.

He tossed a silver wig to Holly.

‘Seventies fancy-dress party,’ he explained. ‘Mother went as a star-ship trooper, I seem to remember. Now cover those pointy ears.’ /WW /WW /WW /WW /WW lA hat would be easier,’ said Holly, pulling the wig over her auburn crew-cut.

‘No such luck, I’m afraid,’ sighed Artemis, selecting an old tracksuit from the box. ‘This is not exactly Harrods; we will have to make do.’ Artemis’s old loafers fitted Holly well enough, and there was a pair of his father’s trainers in the box that stayed on his feet when the toes were stuffed.

‘Always good to be dressed when you’re stealing monkeys,’ said Holly.

Artemis rolled up the tracksuit sleeves. ‘There’s no need lo dress at all really. We simply wait for a few minutes until my mother almost catches Butler sneaking upstairs with I he lemur. I remember him sliding the cage through the doorway, then I brought it back upstairs. The moment that cage comes in here, we grab it, take off these ridiculous (lothes and wish our way back to Number One.’ Holly checked herself in the mirror. She looked like a presidential bodyguard from another planet. ‘That sounds so simple.’ ‘It was simple. Will be. Butler never even entered the study. All we need to do is stand here and wait.’ ‘And how did you find this particular moment?’

Artemis swept a sheaf of black hair back from his brow, revealing mismatched sorrowful eyes.

‘Listen,’ he said, pointing upwards, towards the ceiling.

Holly tucked strands of silver hair behind one ear, cocking her head to one side to focus her considerable sense of hearing. She heard the grandfather clock, and the time travellers’ beating hearts, but above them there was a strident, hysterical voice.

‘Mother,’ said Artemis, eyes downcast. Tt was the first time that she did not recognize me. She is at this moment threatening to call the police. In a moment she runs downstairs to the phone and discovers Butler.’ Holly understood. How could any son forget a moment like that one? Finding it again must have been easy and painful.

T remember it clearly. We had just returned from Rathdown Park, the private zoo, and I thought I should check how she was feeling before flying to Morocco. In a month from now she won’t be able to look after herself any more.’ Holly squeezed his forearm. ‘It’s fine, Artemis. This is all in the past. In a few minutes your mother will be back on her feet. She will love you as she always has.’ Artemis nodded glumly. He knew it was probably true, but he also knew that he would never fully escape the spectre of this bad memory.

Upstairs, Angeline Fowl’s voice moved from her bedchamber to the upper landing, trailing shrill notes behind her.

Artemis pulled Holly back against the wall.

‘Butler will be on the stairs now. We should keep to the shadows just in case.’ Holly couldn’t help a flutter of nerves. ‘You’re sure he stays outside? The last time I faced Butler as an enemy, I had the entire LEP on my side. I don’t relish the thought I>l meeting him armed with nothing more than a silver wig.’ lCalm yourself, Captain,’ said Artemis, unconsciously patronizing. ‘He stays outside. I saw it with my own eyes.’ ‘Saw what with your own eyes?’ asked Butler, who had appeared in the archway behind them, having let himself In through the adjoining bedroom door.

Artemis felt his pulse throb in his fingertips. How could I his be? This was not the way it happened. Artemis had Hever been on the receiving end of Butler’s glare before, and understood for the first time just how terrifying his bodyguard could be.

1 You two kids have been helping yourselves to the Fowl wardrobe I see,’ continued Butler, without waiting for an answer to his question. ‘Now, are you going to cause a fuss or are you going to come quietly? Let me give you a hint, the correct answer is come quietly/ Magic is the only way out, Holly realized.

She twisted her chin sharply to call on her fairy power.

II she couldn’t stun Butler, she would mesmerize him.

‘Stand down, human,’ she intoned, voice loaded with hypnotic magic. But the mesmer is a two-pronged attack, audio and visual. Butler could hear the magical words but eye contact was not consistent in the shadows.

‘What?’ he said, surprised. ‘How did you . . .’

The hulking bodyguard had been drugged enough times to realize that his will was being sapped. Somehow these kids were putting him under. He staggered backwards, his shoulder bashing against the arch.

/VWV /VW\ /VWV ‘Sleep, Butler,’ said the little one in the star-ship-trooper wig.

She knows me?

This was serious. These two had done some surveillance and decided to break in anyway.

/ have to neutralize them before I pass out, thought Butler. If I go down, Master Artemis and Mrs Fowl are defenceless.

He had two options: fall on the midget burglars, or shoot them with the tranquillizer pistol he was carrying for the planned animal abduction at Rathdown Park.

He chose the second option. At least tranquillizer darts would not smother these two or crush their bones. Butler felt mildly guilty about his decision to trank a couple of kids, but not overly so; after all, he worked for Artemis Fowl and knew exactly how dangerous children could be.

The star-ship trooper came out of the shadows, and Butler could see her eyes clearly. One blue, one tawny.

‘Sleep, Butler,’ she said again, in that melodious layered voice. ‘Aren’t jour ejelids heavj? Sleep.

She’s hypnotizing me! Butler realized. He dragged out the pistol with fingers that felt as though they had been dipped in molten rubber, then sprinkled with ball bearings.

‘You sleep,’ he mumbled, then shot the girl in the hip.

Holly stared in disbelief at the hypodermic dart sticking out of her leg.

‘Not again,’ she moaned, then collapsed to the floor. Butler’s head cleared immediately.

The other intruder did not move an inch.

The little girl is the professional of the two, thought Butler, (limbing to his feet. / wonder what this scruffj individual contributes to the partnership.

Artemis quickly saw that he had no choice but to reveal his identity and enlist Butler as an ally.

This will be difficult. I have nothing more than a passing resemblance to my younger self as proof.

Still, he had to try before his plan unraveled utterly.

‘Listen, Butler,’ he began. ‘I have something to tell you . . .’ Butler didn’t entertain another word. ‘No, no, no,’ he said briskly, shooting Artemis in the shoulder. ‘No more talking from either of you.’ Artemis pulled out the dart, but it was too late. The tiny reservoir of sedative was empty.

‘Butler!’ he gasped, dropping to his knees. ‘You shot me.’ ‘Everyone knows my name,’ sighed the bodyguard, bending to sling the intruders over his shoulders.

‘I am intrigued,’ said ten-year-old Artemis Fowl, studying the two individuals in the Bentley’s boot. ‘Something extraordinary has happened here.’ ‘Hardly extraordinary,’ said Butler, checking the girl’s pulse. ‘Two thieves somehow broke into the manor.’ ‘They bypassed all the security. Not so much as a blip on the motion sensors?’ ‘Nothing. I just happened on them during a routine

‘VVAA /VVSA /WSA. WA /WNA sweep. Hiding in the shadows, wearing cast-offs from the wardrobe.’ Artemis tapped his chin. ‘Hmm. So, you didn’t find their clothes.’ ‘Not a stitch.’

‘Which would mean that they broke in here and bypassed security in their underwear.’ ‘That is extraordinary,’ admitted Butler.

Artemis took a penlight from his jacket pocket, shining it on Holly, setting the strands of her silver wig sparkling like a disco ball. ‘There’s something about this one. Her bone structure is very unusual. The cheekbones are high—Slavic, perhaps—and the brow is wide and childlike. But the proportion of skull to torso is adult, not infant.’ Butler chuckled low in his throat. ‘So, they’re aliens?’ ‘The young man is human, but she’s something else,’ said Artemis thoughtfully. ‘Genetically enhanced, perhaps.’ He moved the beam of light along her cheekbone. ‘See here. The ears are pointed. Amazing.’ Artemis felt an excitement buzzing on his forehead. Something was happening here. Something important. There were surely serious amounts of money to be earned from this situation.

He rubbed his palms briskly. ‘Very well. I cannot be distracted by this now. Long-term, this strange creature could make our fortune, but right now we need to get that lemur.’ Butler was crestfallen, but covered it by slamming the boot. T had hoped we could forget the monkey. I was trained in several forms of martial arts, none of them had a monkey defence.’ ‘It’s a lemur, Butler. And I am aware that you believe this operation is beneath us, but my father’s life is at stake.’ ‘Of course, Artemis. Whatever you say.’

‘Exactly. So, here is the plan. We will proceed to Rathdown Park as planned and after we have done the deal with the Extinctionists, then I can decide what to do with our two guests. I presume they will be safe in the boot?’ Butler snorted. ‘Are you kidding?’

Artemis did not smile. ‘Perhaps you have not noticed, Butler. I rarely kid.’ ‘As you say, young master. You are not a kidder. Maybe some day, eh?’ ‘Perhaps when I find my father.’

‘Yes. Perhaps then. Anyway, to answer your question. This is yourfather’s car and there have been more prisoners in this boot than you’ve had birthdays. Mafiya,Triad,Yakuza, Tijuana Cartel, Hell’s Angels. You name the gang and a couple of them have spent a night in this boot. In fact, your lather had it specially modified. There’s air-conditioning, a stay-cool light, soft suspension and even drinking water.’ ‘Is it secure? Remember our captives already broke into the manor.’ Butler closed the boot. ‘Titanium lock, reinforced door. No way out whatsoever. Those two are staying in there until we let them out.’ ‘Excellent,’ said Artemis, sliding into the Bentley’s rear seat. ‘Just give me a moment to do this one little thing, then let’s forget about them and concentrate on the lemur.’ ‘Excellent,’ echoed Butler, and then under his breath: ‘Monkey business. My favourite.’ RATHDown PARK, COUHTY Wiciaow, IRELAHD

Even though Holly was five kilograms lighter than Artemis, she came to her senses before him. She was glad to be awake, as her dream had been terrible. While asleep, her knees and elbows had struck the metal walls of the Bentley’s boot and she’d imagined herself in an LEP submarine.

Holly lay huddled in the dark, swallowing and blinking to conquer the phobia. Her mother had been mortally injured in a metal box, and now she was inside one.

And it was thoughts of her mother that finally calmed Holly. She opened her eyes, and explored the confined space with her vision and fingertips. It didn’t take long to find the bubble light set into the steel wall. She snapped it on to find Artemis stretched out beside her and the sloping metal sheeting of a boot door curling down past his arm. Her own borrowed shoes rested on the shining curve of a wheel arch. They were inside a vehicle.

Artemis groaned, twitched and opened his eyes.

‘Sell the Phonetix shares,’ he blurted, then remembered Butler and the darts. ‘Holly. Holly?’ Holly patted his leg. ‘It’s OK, Artemis,’ she said in

(inommish, in case the car was bugged. ‘I’m here. Where else could I be?’ Artemis shifted on to his side, flicking back the dense black lair obscuring his features, and spoke in the fairy tongue.

‘We received the same dosage of tranquillizer, and yet you, the lighter person, are awake first. Magic?’ The side of Holly’s face was thrown into deep shadow by the bubble light. ‘Yes. Number One’s signature magic is powerful stuff.’ ‘Powerful enough to get us out of here?’

Holly spent a minute exploring the boot’s surface, running her fingertips along each weld in the metal. Finally, she shook her head, silver wig sparkling. ‘Not a weak spot I can find. Even the air-conditioning vent is completely Hush. No way out.’ ‘Of course not,’ said Artemis. ‘We’re inside the Bentley. The boot is a steel box with a titanium lock.’ He breathed the cool air deeply. ‘How can this have happened? Everything is different. Butler was supposed to have deposited the cage in my study. Instead he creeps in through the bedroom and sedates us both. Now we don’t know where we are, or indeed where the lemur is. Do they have it already?’ Holly pressed one ear to the boot door. ‘I can tell you where we are.’ Outside, the sounds of snuffling and snoring animals drifted on the air. ‘We’re close to animals. A park I would guess, or a zoo.’ ‘Rathdown Park,’ exclaimed Artemis. ‘And that fact tells us they do not, in fact, have the lemur. The schedule and situation have changed.’ Holly was thoughtful. ‘We are not in control of this situation any more, Artemis. Perhaps it’s time to admit defeat and return home when your younger self brings us back to the manor. Perhaps you can discover a cure in the future.’ Artemis had been expecting this suggestion. ‘I considered that. The lemur is still our best option and we are metres away from it. Just give me five minutes to get us out of here.’ Holly was understandably dubious. ‘Five minutes? Even the great Artemis Fowl might have trouble breaking out of a steel box in five minutes.’ Artemis closed his eyes, concentrating. Trying to ignore his cramped surroundings and the sheaves of hair brushing his cheeks, and the itch of bristles on his chin.

‘Face it, Artemis,’ said Holly impatiently. ‘We’re stuck. Even Mulch Diggums would probably struggle with a lock like that if he happened to stroll by.’ Artemis’s brow flickered, irritated by this interruption, but then a smile spread across his face, made eerie by the stark lighting.

‘Mulch Diggums strolling by,’ he whispered. ‘What are the chances of that?’ ‘Zero,’ said Holly. ‘Absolutely none. I would bet my pension on it.’ At that moment something or someone tapped on the boot door, from the outside.

Holly rolled her eyes. ‘No. Not even you . . .’

Artemis’s smile was smug beyond belief. ‘Just how large ll your pension?’ ‘1 do not believe it. I refuse to believe it. It is impossible.’ More taps on the door now, followed by a delicate scraping and a muted swear word.

1 What a guttural voice,’ said Artemis. ‘Very like a dwarf’s.’ It could be Butler,’ argued Holly, irritated by Artemis’s Self-satisfied expression.

‘Swearing in Gnommish. Hardly.’

More metallic noises from the outside world.

Shhhnick. Chunk. Clackack.

And the boot’s lid swung upwards, revealing a slice of starry night with the glinting silhouette of a gigantic pylon I tehind it. A bedraggled head popped into the space, features smeared with mud and worse. This was a face that only a mother could love, and then perhaps only if her sight were I ailing. Dark, close-set eyes peered out from above a dense heard that shivered slightly like seaweed in a current. The creature’s teeth were large, square and not made any more appealing by the large insect wriggling between two molars.

It was, of course, Mulch Diggums.

The dwarf snagged the unfortunate insect with his tongue, then chewed it delicately.

‘Ground beetle,’ he said with relish. ‘Leistus montanus. Nice bouquet, solid earthy shell, then, once the carapace (racks, a veritable explosion of flavours on the palate.’ He swallowed the unfortunate creature, then funnelled a mighty burp though his flapping lips.

‘Never burp when you’re tunnelling,’ he advised Artemis and Holly, as casually as though they were sitting round a cafe table. ‘Dirt coming down, air coming up. Not a good idea.’ Holly knew Mulch well. This chit-chat was simply for distraction while he took a peek around.

‘And now, to business,’ said the dwarf finally, discarding the dead beard hair he had used to pick the lock. ‘I seem to have a human and an elf trapped in a car. So I ask myself, should I let ‘em out?’ ‘And what do you answer yourself?’ asked Artemis with barely contained impatience.

Mulch’s black pebble eyes danced in the moonlight. ‘So, the Mud Boy understands Gnommish. Interesting. Well, understand this, human. I let you out as soon as I get my money.’ Ah, thought Holly. There is money involved. Somehow these two have set up a deal.

Holly had endured her prison for long enough.

Mulch is not yet my friend, she thought, 50 there’s no need to be polite.

She drew a knee to her chin, tugging on it with both hands for an extra pound of elastic force.

Mulch realized what she was about to do. ‘Hey, elf. No—’ Which was as far as he got before his face was batted with the boot door. The dwarf tumbled backwards into the hole he had climbed out of, sending up an oof of wind and dirt.

Holly clambered over Artemis to the fresh air. She gulped down great gasps, chest out, face to the sky.

‘Sorry,’ she said, between breaths. ‘That space is tiny. I don’t like tiny.’ ‘Claustrophobic?’ asked Artemis, rolling from the boot.

Holly nodded. ‘I used to be. I thought I had overcome it. Lately, though . . .’ There was a commotion in the dwarf hole. A blue riot of swearing and a scuffling in the earth.

Holly quickly recovered herself and leaped into the pit, tackling Mulch before he could unhinge his jaw and disappear.

‘He could be useful,’ she grunted, bundling the protesting dwarf up the incline. ‘And he has already seen us, so the damage has been done.’ ‘That’s a pincer hold,’ exclaimed Mulch. ‘You’re LEP.’

He twisted round, snagging Holly’s wig with his beard hair. ‘I know you. Holly Short. Captain Holly Short. One of Julius Root’s pet Rottweilers.’ Suddenly the dwarf’s already creased brow wrinkled further in confusion.

‘But this is impossible.’

Before Artemis could instruct Holly not to ask, she went ahead and did it.

‘Why is it impossible, Mulch?’

Mulch did not reply, but his eyes betrayed him, glancing guiltily over his shoulder at a scuffed Tekfab backpack. Holly deftly spun the dwarf round, opening the bag’s main compartment.

‘Quite a treasure trove we have here/ she said, rummaging in the backpack. ‘Medi-kit, rations, adhesive corn-pads. And look, an old Omnitool.’ Then she recognized the inscription laser-etched into the base. ‘It’s my old Omnitool.’ In spite of their years of friendship, Holly turned the full force of her anger on Mulch.

‘Where did you get this?’ she shouted. ‘How did you get it?’ ‘A present,’ offered Mulch lamely. ‘From my . . . eh . . .’ He squinted to read the writing on the base. ‘From my mother. She always called me Holly, because of my, erm, prickly personality.’ Holly was angrier than Artemis had ever seen her. ‘Tell me, Diggums. The truth!’ Mulch thought about fighting. It was in the curve of his fingers and the baring of his teeth, but the moment passed quickly and the dwarf’s natural passive nature surfaced.

T stole all this stuff from Tar a,’ he admitted. ‘I’m a thief, aren’t I? But, in my defence, I had a difficult childhood, which led to low self-esteem, which I projected on to others, and punished them by stealing their possessions. So, in a very real way, I am the victim here. And / forgive me’ Mulch’s trademark waffle reminded Holly of the friend he would become and her anger evaporated as quickly as it had appeared. She traced the laser inscription with a fingertip.

‘My mother gave me this,’ she said quietly. ‘Most reliable Omnitool I ever had. Then, one night in Hamburg, my fugitive locked himself in a car. So I reached for my ( )mnitool and it was gone. The target was apprehended by Iuimans, I lost my first fugitive and Commander Root had to send in an entire team of techies to clean up. It was a disaster. And all this time it was you.’ Mulch was puzzled. ‘All this time? I stole this from a belt in a locker inTara an hour ago. I saw you there. What’s inning on here . . .’ Then Mulch blinked and clapped his hairy palms. ‘Oh, bless my bum-flap.You’re time travellers.’ Holly realized that she had said too much. ‘That’s ridiculous.’ The dwarf was actually doing a little jig now. ‘No. No, 11 all adds up. You’re talking about future events in the past tense. You sent back a note so that I would come and rescue you here and now.’ Mulch clapped his hands to his cheeks in mock horror. ‘What you’re doing is so much more illegal than anything I could ever do. Imagine the reward I would get for turning you over to Julius Root.’ ‘Sent back a note?’ scoffed Holly. ‘That’s absurd, isn’t it, Artemis?’ ‘Most certainly,’ said Artemis. ‘But, if someone were to lend back a note from the future, where and when would they send it to?’ Mulch jerked a thumb towards Holly. ‘There’s a junc-tion box beside her locker. Looked like it hadn’t been touched for years. I was checking it out because sometimes they have some valuable tech in ‘em. Not this one, though, just an envelope addressed to me. And inside a note asking me to come to this place and set you free.’ Artemis smiled. Satisfied. ‘I imagine there was an incentive offered for our rescue?’ Mulch’s beard hair crackled. ‘A large incentive. No . . . a stupendous incentive.’ ‘Stupendous, eh? Very well, you shall have it.’

‘When?’ asked Mulch hungrily.

‘Soon. I just need you to do me one more favour.’

‘I knew it,’ said the dwarf, through grinding teeth. ‘Never do the job until you see the cash. Why should I trust you?’ Artemis took a step forward, eyes narrow behind a curtain of dark hair. ‘You don’t need to trust me, Mulch. You need to be afraid of me. I am a Mud Boy from your future and I could be in your past too, if you choose not to cooperate. I found you once, I could certainly do it again. The next time you break into a car boot, there could be a gun and a badge waiting for you.’ Mulch felt apprehension tingling in his beard hair, and his beard hair was rarely wrong. As his grandmother used to say: Trust the hair, Mulch. Trust the hair. This human was dangerous, and he had enough trouble in his life already.

‘OK, Mud Boy,’ he said grudgingly. ‘One more favour. And then you’d better have a stupendous amount of gold for me.’ ‘I will. Fear not, my pungent friend.’

The dwarf was deeply offended. ‘Don’t call me friend. Just tell me. What. You. Want. Done.’ ‘Simply follow your nature and dig us a tunnel. I need to steal a lemur.’ Mulch nodded as though lemur-napping was the most natural thing in the world.

‘And from whom are we stealing it?’

‘From me.’

Mulch frowned, then the penny dropped. ‘Ah . . .Time travel throws up all sorts of twists, doesn’t it?’ I lolly slipped the Omnitool into her pocket. ‘Tell me ibout it,’ she said.