فصل 02

CHAPTER 2

Yellow Card

For Mrs. Hall’s baby shower, Jessica shows up with such a big bunch of flowers from her father’s florist shop that you’d swear she ripped a bush out of the ground and wrapped the bottom in foil.

Whatever. I don’t care. I found a bright card with yellow roses at the store. And a picture of flowers won’t dry up in a week. I feel like it’s my way of saying I’m sorry for being such a pain all the time.

Max gives his present to Mrs. Hall. He leans back in his chair with his hands clasped behind his head as she opens it. He’s given her diapers. I think he hoped to get a reaction from her and seems disappointed when she’s happy.

Max likes attention. He also likes parties. Just about every day, he asks Mrs. Hall for a party, and today, he’s finally getting one.

When Mrs. Hall slides my card out of the envelope, she doesn’t read it out loud like all the others. She hesitates, and I know that she must really love it. And I feel proud, which isn’t something I feel very much.

Mrs. Silver leans over to look. I figure I might finally get a compliment for once, but instead, her eyebrows bunch up and she motions me toward the door.

Shay has gotten up to look. She laughs and says, The world gets dumber every time Ally Nickerson speaks.

Shay. Sit down, Mrs. Hall says, but it’s too late. You can’t make people unhear something. I should be used to this, but it still takes a piece out of me every time.

As Shay and Jessica laugh, I remember how we dressed up as our favorite book characters for Halloween last week. I came as Alice in Wonderland, from the book my grandpa read to me a ton of times. Shay and her shadow, Jessica, called me Alice in Blunderland all day.

Keisha steps up to Shay and says, Why don’t you mind your own business for once?

I like Keisha. She isn’t afraid. And I’m afraid of so much.

Shay turns, looking like she’s ready to swat a fly. Like it’s your business? she asks her.

That’s right. It’s not my business, but it’s as much yours . . . as it is mine, Keisha replies.

Shay lets out a small gasp. Stop talking to me.

Stop being mean, Keisha replies, leaning forward.

Max folds his arms and leans forward across his desk. Yes. There’s going to be a fight, he says.

There’s isn’t going to be a fight, Mrs. Hall says.

Suki is holding one of her small wooden blocks. She has a collection of them that she keeps in a box and I’ve seen her take one out when she gets nervous. She’s nervous now.

Shay glares at Keisha. Keisha is new this year and I’m surprised she’s said something.

Everyone is all riled up and I don’t even know how this all happened.

While Mrs. Hall tells them both to cool off and points out to Max that it’s foolish to root for a fight, Mrs. Silver waves me toward the door. What the heck is going on?

Once we’re out in the hallway, I can tell by Mrs. Silver’s face that it’s going to be another one of those times when I’ll have to say I’m sorry or explain why I’ve done something. The thing is, I have no idea why I’m even in trouble this time.

I stuff my hands in my pockets to keep them from doing something I’ll regret. I wish I could put my mouth in there, too.

I just don’t get it, Ally, she says. You’ve done other things that have been inappropriate, but this is just . . . well . . . different. It’s not like you.

It figures I do something nice and she says it isn’t like me. And I can’t understand how buying a card is bad.

Ally, Mrs. Silver says. If you’re looking for attention, this isn’t the way to do it.

She has that wrong. I need attention like a fish needs a snorkel.

The door swings all the way open, hitting the lockers, and Oliver springs from the room. Ally, he says. I think you gave her that card to tell her you’re sorry she has to leave us to go have some dumb baby. She’s probably really sad. I feel sorry for her, too.

What is he talking about?

Oliver? Mrs. Silver asks. Is there a reason you’re out here?

Yeah! I was going to . . . um . . . I was . . . going to go to the boys’ room. Yeah. That’s it. And off he runs.

Can I just go now? I blurt out, feeling like the job of just standing here is something I can’t do for another second.

She shakes her head a bit as she speaks. I just don’t get it. Why in the world would you give a pregnant woman a sympathy card?

Sympathy card? I think. And I think some more. And then I remember. My mom sends those to people when someone they love dies. My stomach churns, wondering what Mrs. Hall must have thought.

You do know what a sympathy card is, Ally, don’t you?

I should deny that I know, but I nod because I don’t want to have to hear Mrs. Silver explain it. And besides, she’ll think I’m even dumber than I am. If that’s possible.

Then why would you do such a thing?

I stand tall, but everything inside shrinks. The thing is, I feel real bad. I mean, I felt terrible when the neighbor’s dog died, never mind if a baby had died. I just didn’t know it was a sad card like that. All I could see were beautiful yellow flowers. And all I could imagine was how happy I was going to make her.

But there are piles of reasons I can’t tell the absolute truth.

Not to her.

Not to anyone.

No matter how many times I have prayed and worked and hoped, reading for me is still like trying to make sense of a can of alphabet soup that’s been dumped on a plate. I just don’t know how other people do it.