فصل 36

Solving Problems with Extreme Fashion

AT THIS POINT, most people would have thrown themselves down on the ground and given up hope. And by most people, I mean me.

I sat in the snow and stared up at the towering cliffs of Mount Bowling Bag. TINY’S TURKEY BOWLERS was etched across the brown leather in black letters so faded they looked like random fault lines.

“There’s no way,” I said.

Alex’s forehead had stopped bleeding, but the skin around the cut had turned as green as her hair, which wasn’t a good sign. “I hate to agree with you, Maggie, but yeah. It’s impossible.”

“Please don’t call me Maggie,” I said. “Even Beantown is better than that.”

Alex looked like she was mentally filing away that information for later use. “What do you want to bet there’s a bowling ball in that bag? Probably weighs as much as an aircraft carrier.”

“Does it matter?” I asked. “Even empty, the bag is too big to move.”

Only Blitzen didn’t look defeated. He paced around the foot of the bag, running his fingers across the leather, muttering to himself as if running calculations.

“It has to be an illusion,” he said. “No bowling bag could be this big. No giant is that big.”

“They are called giants,” I noted. “Maybe if we had Hearthstone here he could do some rune magic, but—”

“Kid, work with me,” Blitz said. “I’m trying to problem-solve. This is a fashion accessory. It’s a bag. This is my specialty.”

I wanted to argue that bowling bags were about as far from fashion as Boston was from China. I didn’t see how one dwarf, no matter how talented, could solve this mountain of a problem with a few clever style choices. But I didn’t want to seem negative.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“Well, we can’t dispel the illusion outright,” Blitz murmured. “We have to work with what we have, not against it. I wonder…”

He put his ear to the leather as if listening. Then he began to grin.

“Uh, Blitz?” I said. “You make me nervous when you smile like that.”

“This bag was never finished. It has no name.”

“A name,” Alex said. “Like Hi, Bag. My name is Alex. What’s yours?”

Blitzen nodded. “Exactly. Dwarves always name their creations. No item is fully crafted until it has a name.”

“Yeah, but, Blitz,” I said, “this is a giant’s bag. Not a dwarf’s bag.”

“Ah, but it could be. Don’t you see? I could finish crafting it.”

Alex and I both stared at him.

He sighed. “Look, while I was hanging out with Hearthstone in the safe house, I got bored. I started thinking up new projects. One of them…well, you know Hearthstone’s personal rune, right? Perthro?”

“The empty cup,” I said. “Yeah, I remember.”

“The what?” Alex asked.

I drew the rune sign in the dirt:

“It means a cup waiting to be filled,” I said. “Or a person who’s been hollowed out, waiting for something to make his life meaningful.”

Alex frowned. “Gods, that is depressing.”

“The point is,” Blitz said, “I’ve been considering a perthro bag—a bag that can never be filled. The bag would always feel empty and light. Most importantly, it would be any size you wanted.”

I looked at Mount Bowling Bag. Its side rose so high that birds wheeled against it in dismay. Or maybe they were just admiring its fine craftsmanship.

“Blitz,” I said, “I like your optimism. But I have to point out that this bag is roughly the size of Nantucket.”

“Yes, yes. It’s not ideal. I was hoping to make a prototype first. But if I can finish the bowling bag by naming it, stitching a little stylish embroidery into the leather, and giving it a command word, I might be able to channel its magic.” He patted his pockets until he found his sewing kit. “Hmm, I’ll need better tools.”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “That leather is probably five feet thick.”

“Ah,” Blitz said, “but we have the best sewing needle in the world!”

“Jack,” I guessed.

Blitz’s eyes sparkled. I hadn’t seen him this excited since he created the chain mail cummerbund.

“I’ll also require some magic ingredients,” he said. “You guys will have to pitch in. I’ll need to weave thread from special filaments—something with power, resilience, and magical growth properties. For instance, the hair of a son of Frey!”

I felt like he’d smacked me in the face with a shoestring. “Say what now?”

Alex laughed. “I love this plan. His hair needs a good cut. Like, what is this, 1993?”

“Hold up now,” I protested.

“Also…” Blitz scrutinized Alex. “The bag needs to change sizes, which means I’ll need to dye the thread with the blood of a shape-shifter.”

Alex’s smile melted. “How much blood are we talking about?”

“Just a little.”

She hesitated, maybe wondering if she should bust out her garrote and substitute the blood of a dwarf and an einherji.

Finally, she sighed and rolled up her flannel sleeve. “All right, dwarf. Let’s make a magic bowling bag.”