فصل 24

chapter-24 A broken heart.

When I woke the next day, it felt like that concrete truck was still parked on my chest. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to do anything except disappear. Taylor was my first girlfriend. I’d never had my heart broken by a girl before. It sucked.

That afternoon Jack came to find me. “Hey, dude,” he said. “It’s, like, past noon. You missed breakfast and lunch. Aren’t you hungry?” “No.”

“No?” Jack paused for a moment, then said, “You okay?” “Taylor broke up with me last night.” “What?”

“Let’s face it, it was only a matter of time. She was always out of my league.” Jack glared. “That’s totally messed up, man. She’s the one out of her league. And if she’s too stupid to see that, then she doesn’t deserve you.” “She’s not stupid,” I said.

“See? She treats you like crap, and you’re still loyal. You’re too good for her, man. Way too good for her. I’ve always thought that.” I know he was trying to make me feel better, but it wasn’t working. I felt like defending her. I felt like crying. Mostly I just felt stupid. I’d been shot at, beaten, tortured, and fed to rats—and none of those things hurt as much as this. Why did I feel the same sense of panic I had in Cell 25? This was new territory for me and it sucked big-time.

“I’m not too good for her,” I said. “It’s just a hard time.” “When has it been otherwise?” Jack said.

I rolled over. I couldn’t answer his question.

I spent most of the day in bed. I was twitching and sparking like crazy. I had no appetite. I wouldn’t have eaten, anyway. I wouldn’t have gone into the dining room. I didn’t want to take the chance of seeing her. I couldn’t stand the pain of that. How could she just dump me like that?

That night my mother came and got me for dinner. I was still lying in my bunk staring mindlessly at the bottom of Ostin’s bunk when she walked into my dorm.

“Hey,” she said.

I looked over. “Hey.”

“You okay?”

I didn’t answer. I’m sure she already knew the answer. That’s why she was there, right? She sat down at the foot of my bed. “Jack told me what happened.” She slightly grinned. “Then Ostin did, then Zeus and Nichelle and Tessa and Tanner . . .” “Great,” I said. “Everyone knows I’m a loser.” “You’re not a loser. They just care about you.” She rubbed her hand along my leg. “I’m sorry, honey. There’s nothing worse than a broken heart. Except maybe being eaten by rats. That would be pretty awful too.” I knew she was trying to get me to smile, but it didn’t work.

“I wish I could take your pain away.” “How could she just drop me like that?” I said. “How does that even work? How do you just stop loving someone?” My mother frowned. “Hearts are complicated machines.” I closed my eyes.

“She still loves you, you know.”

“No, I don’t know that.”

“She does.”

“She has a bizarre way of showing it.” “Maybe. But she’s hurting too.”

“How do you know?”

My mother hesitated. “Because I talked to her.” I rose up on my elbow. “You talked to her? That’s none of your business.” “You’re my business. I care about you. And I care about Taylor, too.” I lay back down. Finally I asked, “What did she say?” “Not a whole lot, really. She mostly just cried. She also told me that you’re her best friend and how much she needs you.” “Then why did she break up with me?” “I think that’s maybe why. Because she needs you so much.” “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Who said that love is supposed to make sense?” I breathed out heavily. After a full minute I said, “What should I do, Mom?” “Have a little faith,” she said.

“In what?”

“In love.”

“You just said it doesn’t make sense.” “No, not always. But it does have a way of coming around to itself. You know I told your father that I wouldn’t marry him for a million dollars?” “When did you say that?”

“A month before we got engaged.” She leaned closer to me. “Just give her some time. It’s when we feel desperate and try to force things that permanent damage is done. Just let go. Let her find her way back.” “What if she doesn’t come back?”

She smiled at me sadly, then said, “Then some other girl will thank her lucky stars.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, then sat back. “Now come eat. It’s a broken heart, not a hunger strike.”