فصل 29

chapter-29 Real love.

After the tattoo place we stopped for ice cream at a Cold Stone. Then I went back to my room to take a nap. About an hour later Ostin woke me as he came back into our room. I think there had been quieter entries at Walmart stores on Black Friday. I groaned out in frustration. “Really, man? I was sleeping.” “Sorry, dude. Didn’t know you were sleeping.” “What time is it?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

“A little after eight. Almost time for dinner.” “Where have you been?”

“Just hanging down at the pool with McKenna and Taylor.” He walked over next to me. “Are you ever going to talk to Taylor again?” “I don’t know. Ever’s a long time.”

“She’s really upset.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Been there.”

Ostin suddenly nodded. “Oh, I get it. It’s payback. Let her stew in her own juices. Awesome.” I glared at him. “I’m not letting her ‘stew in her own juices.’ I’m not trying to hurt her.” “Oh,” he said, looking confused. “Well, you’re still doing a good job of it.” He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. For the first time since Taylor broke up with me, I felt like I was the mean one.

Ostin and I met up with everyone for dinner at Prime, an expensive steak house in the Bellagio. It had large floor-to-ceiling windows that opened to the fountains outside. Gervaso told us to not worry about the price and just go crazy with our orders, so we all did. I ordered a caviar appetizer (I didn’t like it, but I’ve always wanted to know what the big deal was with eating raw fish eggs); the dry-aged, bone-in rib eye steak; truffle mashed potatoes; and a crème brûlée for dessert.

Ostin, Zeus, and Jack had even more than I did. I looked at the prices on the menu, and just my meal alone was more than two hundred dollars. I figured that we wouldn’t be eating much for a while and if this was going to be our last real meal, it might as well be epic.

Taylor was quiet throughout dinner. At one point we made eye contact. As we looked into each other’s eyes, I suddenly saw my friend again. And the thing is, you can’t hurt a friend without hurting yourself. I wanted to take her pain away. Most of all, I finally wanted to be with her more than I wanted to punish her for hurting me. I guess that’s a sign of love. Maybe it’s a sign of maturity too.

After dinner Taylor got up to leave. I stopped her outside the restaurant’s front door.

“Taylor.”

She stopped and turned to me. She looked anxious.

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

She didn’t speak but nodded her head.

“All right. Let’s go.”

I didn’t take her hand. At least not at first. Things were still awkward.

We walked out to the main Vegas drag. Even though it was night, we didn’t have to worry about our glows, as it was practically like day, bright with the million-watt jungle of Vegas casino signs. Without speaking, we walked on the long sidewalk that ran along the outside of the Bellagio’s fountains. I wasn’t sure what to say.

Taylor broke the silence. “I’m so full.” “Yeah, I ate way too much. It felt kind of good.” “I know, right?”

Silence.

“How was the pool?” I asked. “It looked kind of crowded.” “Good. Mostly good. There was this creepy guy in the hot tub hitting on us, so McKenna heated the water up to like a hundred and thirty degrees until he fled. It was funny watching him squirm as it got hotter. He didn’t want to act like it was too hot for him, because we were just sitting there.” “How did you stand the heat?”

“Abigail took away the pain. It was cool. I mean, I kind of got burned, but it was totally worth it.” “You could have just rebooted him and told him to leave.” “I don’t think there was much there to reboot.” I smiled, and she said, “I heard you had a little excitement.” “A little,” I said. “Who told you?”

“Jack told Abi, Abi told McKenna, McKenna told me. The usual network.” “Yeah, some dude pulled a gun on us. I melted it.” “It’s kind of amazing. A year ago that experience would have been traumatic. Now it’s practically boring you. Do you think Superman gets bored beating up bad guys?” We both leaned against the stone ledge separating the sidewalk from the fountain. “I’m not Superman.” “No, because there’s no such thing as Superman. But there is such a thing as you. Think about it. The whole world is obsessed with superheroes, and you’re the real thing. How does that feel?” “We’re the real thing,” I said. “And it feels heavy.” “You’re right. Life is heavy.”

“Did you see Jack’s tattoos?”

Taylor smiled and nodded. “I told you that your Lichtenberg things were cool. Jack wanted to look just like you.” “I don’t know why.”

“I do. You’re his hero. He wants to be just like you.” I looked at her. “Jack? Yeah, right.”

“Of course he does. He looks up to you. We all do.” Her expression turned more serious. “Especially me.” I just looked at her.

“Michael, I’m really sorry.” She looked into my eyes. “Will you please forgive me? Please?” I turned away from her toward the fountain. “I’d rather not talk about it.” “I know.” She started to cry. “I don’t blame you for being mad.” “Are you reading my mind?”

“No,” she said. “I can see it.”

I took a deep breath, then turned back. “I’ve never been in love before. I didn’t know how to handle that kind of rejection. It was painful. Like when my dad died painful.” “I’m so sorry.”

“My heart isn’t like a light I can just turn on and off.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “You think mine is? You think I wasn’t hurting too? I cried almost the whole time we were apart. I wasn’t rejecting you. I didn’t love you less. I never stopped loving you. Not for a second.” Taylor wiped both of her eyes. “I once read something about love—that real love isn’t that ‘can’t live without you, sweaty palm’ thing. Real love is caring about someone else more than yourself. I know it sounds stupid, but the only way I could let go of you was because I love you so much.” “You’re right,” I said. I looked deeply into her eyes. “It does sound stupid.” She punched me on the arm. “I was stupid to think I could live without you.” “Don’t ever leave me again,” I said.

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Will you?”

I looked at her for a moment, then replied, “Ditto.”