مرد خوب و مرد بد

Chapter 12 The Good Man and the Bad Man

Guy had thrown away the big gun, the purple gloves, all the clothes he wore on that night, and his shoes, but he did not throw away his own little gun. He cleaned his flat again and again, especially at night because he only slept for two or three hours now. If he did not clean the flat, he tried to work. He had a job to plan a hospital, but how could he do that with so much guilt in him, with so much murder? He was not taking any money for the job.

How could he kiss his mother again? How could he talk to his friends? There was only Anne now. He still loved her, but his love for her made him two different people. The good man who loved Anne and built hospitals, and the bad man who murdered old men and helped to murder his wife.

The new house was ready, and one Sunday Guy and Anne and her parents went to see it.

‘I hear there are lots of ducks and birds here. We could eat some,’

Anne’s father said. ‘Are you good with a gun, Guy?’

They all looked round the house. It was only a month until the wedding now.

‘We’ll sit here every night as husband and wife,’ Guy thought.

‘How can I do that, when I know the things I’ve done?’

‘Guy,’ Anne said, ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes,’ he said, and laughed too loud.

‘I think you’re working too hard, you know,’ Anne said.

Anne and her mother started to make dinner and her father made some drinks for all of them.

‘What am I doing with these people?’ Guy thought. ‘They are so good, and I’m so bad. I’m not part of their family, but if I try hard to live with them, that other man inside me, the bad one, will go away.

He must!’

After dinner Guy and Anne walked together in the garden. It was almost dark.

‘I’m going to get a job with a company of architects in New York, Anne,’ Guy said.

‘But you have the hospital to do, Guy,’ she said. ‘That’ll take you a year. Is it because you won’t take any money for the hospital job?’

‘Partly,’ Guy said. ‘But I just feel like it.’

‘I know what the problem is,’ Anne said.

‘Do you, Anne?’ Guy asked. ‘Do you?’ For a minute he wanted her to know everything.

‘It’s Miriam, isn’t it?’ Anne said. ‘You’ve changed so much since she died.’

‘No, no, I . . .’

‘Do you want us to marry, Guy?’ she asked.

He couldn’t answer her. He almost didn’t know how to speak to her honestly now.

Anne took his hand. ‘I think,’ she said. ‘You need me a lot just now, and I need you a lot.’

Guy looked into her eyes and thought, ‘If I can do this, if I can keep this all, the other man inside me will go away.’