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Ch. 4 Don’t be a Jerk to Yourself

Seriously, just don’t be. It takes more than the strategies I’ve described so far to really kick anxiety in the ass. You need to set yourself up for success, too. You need to invest in yourself. You need to stop being a butthead and sabotaging yourself. Let me take a wild guess here. Your life is pretty stressful. Things seem to happen quickly, and often times there are factors that are out of your control but that significantly contribute to your level of anxiety. You have this high level of kinetic energy inside of you, and sometimes it feels like you can’t stop the hamster from running at full speed and it just won’t fall off the wheel even though it’s so tired that it could die. About 60% of you just nodded your heads, so I feel good about this next part I’m going to advise you on.

YOU NEED TO TAKE A DAMN BREAK. Actually, you need to take several breaks. Actually, you should take several breaks EVERY DAY. I know. Crazy concept, right? One of the annoying things about anxiety is that it almost never occurs in isolation. If you are the type of person to carry a lot of worry, especially about unfinished business, you are also probably the type to feel really guilty when you do things other than those pieces of unfinished business. Guilt is such a shitty thing. As if things weren’t hard enough with the anxiety symptoms, guilt just creeps right up in there and makes things exponentially more difficult. I like to call this snowballing. You get worked up and then getting worked up makes you feel bad and then you get more worked up about feeling bad about getting worked up and then…. you get the point.

So yeah, back to the breaks. What if I told you that taking breaks and doing nice things for yourself was not a waste of time? What if I said that they were not counterproductive but actually one of the most productive uses of your time? I… don’t have a punchline for that one, but it’s the truth. By giving yourself breaks, you are taking the time and investing it in your future self. If you let yourself snowball and reach the point of burnout (a state of pure blah), then any work you do is going to suck anyway. By investing time in yourself, you give yourself a chance to recharge your batteries. I’ll talk more about different types of breaks and what you can do to invest in yourself, but the concept is really important. When you relax and recharge, you are gaining strength and clarity. You are enabling yourself to work, make decisions, and just exist more efficiently and effectively in the future.

Well, what kind of breaks? That depends. What recharges your batteries? Some people love going out and getting a drink with their friends to relax and recover energy. For those of you that are introverted in nature, a night out with friends would leave you feeling drained and empty when you get home. Probably not the best choice for your breaks. You gotta do something that fits with you as a person. For me, a big one is playing video games. It seems lazy, but it relaxes me, and as long as I put limits on myself, I feel much better and more refreshed afterward. A few of these chapters were cranked out in like 20 minutes right after a League of Legends game.

Another way you can be nicer to yourself is by replacing some of that asshole language that you use toward yourself in your head. Since I already read my own chapter on cognitions, I know that I can’t read your mind, but I can take a pretty educated guess that the things you say to yourself (self-talk) aren’t always friendly. Things like, “I’m bad at everything,” “I have terrible luck,” “that was my fault,” or “omg I look so stupid right now.” This negative self-talk is something you probably aren’t even aware of, but it eats away at you bit by bit and erodes that self-confidence you need to tackle your anxiety. It’s not much use fighting your thoughts. Whatever you do right now… don’t think of a purple monkey. I bet you thought of a purple monkey. Fighting against your thoughts is not an effective strategy, so what you can do instead is focus on replacement language. Give yourself some mantras to repeat to yourself throughout the day or when you are actively experiencing symptoms. You can even write them on your bathroom mirror or put them as the wallpaper on your phone. Here’s a few you can use: ● I’m allowed to make mistakes

● I’m allowed to feel good sometimes

● Anxiety is my bitch

● I don’t like these feelings, but they won’t hurt me

● I’m going to be alright

The last thing that I want to mention about taking better care of yourself is some basic stuff. It’s basic stuff you are probably terrible about adhering to, though. This is the part where I tell you that your body is a temple. Well it is! Take care of it. You don’t have to do the whole ultra gluten free level 5 vegan juice diet crap, but treat your body well. Don’t eat tons of junk food without getting some green in your life every once in a while. Don’t drink excessive amounts of alcohol when it’s not your birthday. Try to drink more water than you do now, because I’m sure you don’t drink enough of it. Sleep is a topic for another book, but resting is really important. Interestingly, sleep is totally vital for learning new skills, which is what I’ve been bitching at you about this whole time. During sleep, you consolidate new memories, so that you can reach up in there and pull them out when you need to. So get plenty of sleep and keep beating that brain into submission with your new awesome anxiety slaying skills.