مقدمه

Introduction

Alright, let’s be real. Your brain is fucking awesome. There’s no debating that. It does some truly amazing things, right? Even the fact that you’re sitting here right now thinking about your own brain is cool. Let that sink in for a second… your brain is thinking about itself. That’s like… brainception (actually it’s called metacognition, but that’s a topic for the textbooks). I understand though, that no matter how badass your brain is, sometimes it’s also kind of a huge douche. Remember that one time you were trying to sleep and you couldn’t stop thinking about how you needed to wake up on time to do all of that important stuff you have going on? And every moment you spent worrying was entirely counterproductive because it was keeping you from doing the one thing that would actually help you be more successful the next day… you know - sleep? Yeah, that sucked. What about that time where you were just walking around and all of the sudden your heart skipped a beat and you knew for certain that you were dying and two minutes later you were hyperventilating, sweating your ass off, and completely impervious to reason? That sucked too. Oh, and we can’t forget all of those times when you did something that was truly remarkable. You should have felt like a god. Seriously, you rock. But no, your douchebrain decided that it was an isolated event completely due to chance and took the opportunity to remind you that you’re still a piece of shit… just a lucky one. Well my friend, you came to the right place.

My name is Robert and I’ve spent way too much of my life sitting in stuffy classrooms, learning from people that are way too smart for their own good about the brain, emotions, the body, and their asshole ways. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology, but in so many ways I am just a normal dude. In this book, I will help you locate your internal armory. Your hidden cache of sick weapons with pointy ends, sharp blades, live ammo, fire, and all that other good stuff. Whether your spirit weapon is a badass ninja katana or a freakin’ rocket launcher, I will help you wield its epic power and slay that little shit named anxiety for good.

Look, I get it. This isn’t your typical self-help book. I have nothing against Your Hidden Meaning or 12 Steps to a Better You, but those books aren’t for everyone. Honestly if you purchased this book, then chances are you’re looking for something different anyway. The ideas behind psychology, therapy, and self-help have been around for a long time. We aren’t reinventing the wheel here, just giving it some really shiny new rims. I’m going to be talking to you like a normal person. That means that I will be swearing a lot and making up stupid analogies that will make you think “wtf is this guy smoking?” If you can’t handle that, then you have my full permission to bow out now. I won’t stop the entire class so everyone can awkwardly watch you walk out the door. However, if you’re in (I really hope you are), then buckle up, because this should be fun. The words of the wise bard George Watsky come to mind: …but if you’re blocking me

I will soon defeat you

I will build a bridge above you

or I’ll tunnel underneath you

I will eat you and excrete you

and I’ll feed you to the flowers

If I need to, I’ll go through you

and absorb your fucking powers

I put in hour after hour

Let’s be crystal clear

I’m gonna get there if it takes a day or fifty years…

That’s from Moral Ablaskey.

So, my friend. If you’re ready I am too. Let’s do work.