فصل 10

TEN

Final Thoughts

We started our journey together in the savannah of the Serengeti, being chased by a saber-toothed tiger. Now we find ourselves here, on the last few pages, ending our tour. Along the way, we’ve seen chimps display extraordinary self-control, and quite a few humans lose control. We’ve visited laboratories where dieters must resist chocolate cake, and anxiety sufferers must face their fears. We’ve watched as neuroscientists discovered the promise of reward, and neuromarketers discovered its payoff. We’ve come across interventions that use pride, forgiveness, exercise, meditation, peer pressure, money, sleep, and even God to motivate people to change their ways. We’ve met psychologists who shock rats, torture smokers, and tempt four-year-olds with marshmallows—all in the name of the science of willpower.

I hope this tour has provided more than a voyeur’s glimpse into the fascinating world of research. Each of these studies teaches us something about ourselves and our own willpower challenges. They help us recognize our natural capacity for self-control, even if we sometimes struggle to use it. They help us understand our failures and point at possible solutions. They even tell us something about what it means to be human. For example, we’ve seen again and again that we are not one self, but multiple selves. Our human nature includes both the self that wants immediate gratification, and the self with a higher purpose. We are born to be tempted, and born to resist. It is just as human to feel stressed, scared, and out of control as it is to find the strength to be calm and in charge of our choices. Self-control is a matter of understanding these different parts of ourselves, not fundamentally changing who we are. In the quest for self-control, the usual weapons we wield against ourselves—guilt, stress, and shame—don’t work. People who have the greatest self-control aren’t waging self-war. They have learned to accept and integrate these competing selves.

If there is a secret for greater self-control, the science points to one thing: the power of paying attention. It’s training the mind to recognize when you’re making a choice, rather than running on autopilot. It’s noticing how you give yourself permission to procrastinate, or how you use good behavior to justify self-indulgence. It’s realizing that the promise of reward doesn’t always deliver, and that your future self is not a superhero or a stranger. It’s seeing what in your world—from sales gimmicks to social proof—is shaping your behavior. It’s staying put and sensing a craving when you’d rather distract yourself or give in. It’s remembering what you really want, and knowing what really makes you feel better. Self-awareness is the one “self ” you can always count on to help you do what is difficult, and what matters most. And that is the best definition of willpower I can think of.

THE LAST WORD

In the spirit of scientific inquiry, I always end my Science of Willpower course by asking the students what stands out to them from everything they’ve observed and every experiment they’ve tried. More recently, a scientist friend of mine suggested that the only reasonable conclusion to a book about scientific ideas is: Draw your own conclusions. So as tempting as it is to have the last word, I’ll exercise my “I won’t” power, and ask you instead: • Has your thinking about willpower and self-control changed?

• Which willpower experiment was the most helpful?

• What was your big a-ha moment?

• What are you going to take with you?

As you move forward, keep the mind-set of a scientist. Try new things, collect your own data, and listen to the evidence. Stay open to surprising ideas, and learn from both your failures and your successes. Keep what works, and share what you know with others. With all our human quirks and modern temptations, this is the best we can do—but when we do it with an attitude of curiosity and self-compassion, it is more than enough.