مقدمه

INTRODUCTION

More than twelve years ago, I sat down to write my first book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. At the time I had no idea how it would be received or if it would even be published. But because of my personal transformation, which was both radical and heart-opening, and the urging of my sister Arielle, I felt a deep longing to put down into words the wisdom and the process that had finally changed my life. I had suffered for so many years trying to be a better person. I wanted to walk tall, believe in myself, have the courage to ask for what I wanted and needed, and live a life that mattered. I wanted to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and know that I was loved and that I belonged. I was desperate to feel worthy and I was hungry for the opportunity to live my fullest potential.

The ache inside me was more than I could bear until the day I met my real self, my whole self, my authentic self. I was shocked at the time because I thought the self that would give me everything I wanted would be a perfect new me, a rendition of me that would come in the middle of the night replacing the me that I knew and I loathed. I fantasized about the me that I wanted to be but I never truly believed that I would turn into her. Still, my desire to love who I was on every level led me to search through every form of self-help and psychology that I could find at the time. No matter how many days passed or how many tears I cried, I never gave up my dream of being someone better than I knew myself to be, even though I truly had no idea how I would find my magnificent self.

Then one day, I saw a glimmer of the self I was looking for and had the startling realization that what I was looking for already existed inside me. The day I found my true magnificence I was confused and surprised, because it didn’t actually come from getting rid of the self that I knew. It didn’t come from eliminating parts of myself or burying them deep within my consciousness. In fact, it came in the most unlikely place imaginable. The self of my dreams came the day that I found out that there was gold hidden in my darkness, that there was light hiding in my bad behavior, and that there was power hidden in the traumas of my past.

It was a very holy day—a day I will never forget—when I understood that my job was not to get rid of all that I perceived to be wrong or bad about myself and that, in fact, the opposite was true. It was my job to take my most human self and transform her into my most extraordinary self. It was the moment of falling deeply in love with my flawed self that I returned to being a whole, happy, silly, loving, passionate, and incredibly worthy woman. It was only here, holding my human self in one hand and my divine self in the other, that I experienced a life beyond my wildest dreams. It was here that I knew finally what true love really felt like, not a love that requires another human being but instead a love that can only be found by having a loving, trusting, and respectful relationship with oneself. It is a love without conditions, a love that holds no regrets or resentments. It is a nonjudgmental love that offers compassion rather than critical thought and kindness and care rather than self-loathing and internal abuse.

The path to the love that I discovered, the process that I went through, is what I offer to you in this book. In writing down the process and doing the work again myself, I experienced an alternative reality. I realized that in every moment of my unhappiness, I had been looking for what was wrong instead of what was right. I had been looking from fear and judgment rather than love and openheartedness. I had been looking through my punitive programming instead of my compassionate heart. While writing, I found the courage to reclaim my vulnerability, my unique gifts, and my deep desire to help heal humankind. Since the first publication of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, which laid the foundation for all the work that I’ve brought into the world, I’ve had the tremendous honor and thrill of guiding tens of thousands of people from around the world through this journey, and I can only tell you after teaching this work for more than a decade that there is no downside for those who choose this path. When you realize that what you are made of is pure love, your heart will open and you will make peace with yourself and others. When you see the value of each and every aspect of your personality, you never see yourself or others in the same way and you will be thrilled to be who you have the opportunity to be in this lifetime. It is a testimony to the power of this work that it is used in universities and other teaching institutions around the world, that it is given out by therapists, coaches, and other mental health professionals, and that it is passed on by those who read it. This book has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and has been translated into nineteen languages because the process works. This journey has worked for me and it will work for you. You can trust in this process. It is not to be feared but to be basked in, delighted in, excited about.

When you understand and embrace all of who you are, all those around you benefit. It is the gift that keeps on giving because people who are in your presence will feel better about themselves. Your children, your sisters, your brothers, your friends will open up and want to know what you know because—whether or not they acknowledge it yet—everyone is looking to return to wholeness. Everyone is looking to feel good about who they are. Everyone wants to feel authentically valuable. This is what is available to you in this book and this is what you can expect by doing the exercises in each chapter.

It is not the easy path to love what we have hated, to love what we have feared, to love what has haunted or hurt us. It often seems easier to hold on to the pain of the past rather than the healing of this moment. But I promise you it is not easier. The future we deeply desire can only be ours if we are willing to complete the pain of our past. It is only by not just accepting but embracing the past that we are delivered a future unlike the past we have lived. We evolve into the self that we yearn to be by learning to embrace all that we are and all that we have experienced no matter how difficult it has been. When we understand that each and every aspect of our humanity is imperative to feel whole, we take the evolutionary leap into self-love and living our most authentic life. It is in this vulnerable place that authenticity is natural. It is on this path of divine truth that we are confident that we will have what we want and want what we have. It is in this place of truth that we emerge from any darkness as a greater, more impassioned expression of ourselves.

Triumph over our darkest feelings and our most judgmental selves gives us an internal strength that is priceless. It cannot be bought or inherited. It cannot be accessed in any other way. There is no shortcut. It is the award that we win for traveling through the darkness of our own internal prejudice into the light of unconditional self-love. It is the golden prize that is handed out to those who are courageous enough to embrace both their humanity and their divinity. It is an award that you deserve to win.

So take a deep breath and give yourself permission to transform into the greatest expression of you. You deserve it; it is your birthright to live a fully expressed life. All the love and tools you need are waiting for you when you commit to walking through the darkness into the light of your most magnificent self.