زنده شده

RESURRECTED

I DON’T REMEMBER much, just a jumbled mix of images. The ambulance. Being stabbed in the leg once. Then twice. Adrenaline shots to restart my heart. Sirens wailing from far away, and then much too close. A TV flickering blue and white high in a corner of the room. Machines beeping and blinking all day and all night keeping vigil. Women and men in white uniforms. Stethoscopes and needles and antiseptics.

Then that smell of jet fuel, that smell that welcomed me before, and leis and the scratchy blanket wrapped twice around me, and why does the window seat matter when the shades are drawn closed?

I remember my mother’s face and how her tears could make a sea.

I remember Olly’s blue eyes gone black. I closed mine against the sorrow and relief and love I saw there.

I’m on my way home. I’ll remain trapped there forever.

I’m alive and don’t want to be.