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14

Getting More Around Town

It was pouring rain, and Chuck McCall had forgotten his umbrella. His office was four blocks away, and he had an important meeting in thirty minutes.

He spotted someone getting off the same train who worked in a building a block away. He didn’t know her, but he’d seen her on the train before. “Hi,” he said, “I work a block away from you and I forgot my umbrella. Can I buy you a bagel and coffee on the way if you walk me to work? I know it’s a block out of your way.” She sort of stared at him. “I’m Chuck,” he continued. He looked up at the sky. “It’s wet. Maybe I can return the favor someday.” They walked to work under her big umbrella. He bought each of them coffee and a bagel. When they arrived, she told Chuck she felt good about doing this. They had each made a new friend for the train. “What I’ve learned the most,” said Chuck, now the CEO of Astoria Energy, a big energy provider to New York City, “is that being candid about what you want is a key to success in business and in life in general.” In a world that sometimes seems full of muggers and other threats, we still have to get through the day. We have dozens of small interactions from the time we get up to the time we go to sleep. Together they can spell a life of frustration, or one of mastery and joy. Using the tools in Getting More, you will have a greater consciousness about the world immediately around you in a million different ways.

These include conversations with others on any number of subjects, driving down the street (yes, negotiation is involved), talking to a police officer who’s just stopped you for a traffic infraction, getting into the gym when you forgot your I.D. card, getting better service at a restaurant, getting family members to be on time, talking effectively to neighbors whose child has just bullied yours, not losing your cool after a car accident.

This chapter will show how ordinary people master ordinary situations, resulting in more control over their lives and better mental health over the short and long term. The chapter will be organized both by individual negotiation tools and by subjects (apartments, dry cleaner). Each negotiation will use multiple tools.

Getting off the train, Chuck first decided to negotiate. Then he traded items of unequal value (a bagel in return for shelter). He invoked common enemies (the rain). He linked the negotiation to the future (I’ll return the favor if I can). He focused on people (I’m Chuck). He reduced the perceived risk (I work nearby). He also made a new friend.

THE PICTURES IN THEIR HEADS

Let’s start with the dry cleaner. Not a very big subject. But it gets people exercised the world over. So many of the participants in my courses write me about problems with their dry cleaner! And it’s really representative of small family-owned businesses that you deal with daily in your town.

The first thing to recognize is that people in many dry cleaners are treated badly by many customers. In the U.S., at least, many are foreign-born and don’t speak English well. So you should think about valuing dry cleaners. They are proud of what they do.

Many dry cleaners must think, “If I don’t say no to everything, soon I’ll be out of business.” And they’ve seen too many people make up bogus claims for clothing that was already damaged when they received it. And then there’s that stained shirt that the customer says cost $300.

But there are dry-cleaner standards, and you can use them. And there is the notion of repeat business and referral business.

Let’s start with something simple. Raghu Kota, a strategy and analytics manager for a large Internet firm, was looking for a new dry cleaner. He told a prospective dry cleaner he’d have clothes to dry clean every week. He offered to recommend other people where he lives and works. Does the dry cleaner give discounts for that sort of thing? Yes, he was told, 10 percent. This seems like the standard discount if you make any collaborative overture. Many people don’t ask for it. Think of reducing a lot of your costs by 10 percent, off the bat. And that’s after-tax income.

Justin Baier’s shirt was ruined with grease stains when he got it back from the dry cleaner. The shirt was not brought in with grease stains. “Not our fault,” he was told. It seemed to be a standard response. Instead of going ballistic, Justin told the dry cleaner, Sojung, “I am sure the shirt didn’t come in with grease stains. But why argue over it? Can you reclean it at no charge?” Yes. He offered the dry cleaner face-saving. Of course the dry cleaner knew he was blowing smoke.

The shirt came back with spots, however. “Sojung,” Justin said, “I’ve been coming here for almost two years. I’ve recommended you to friends. What is your policy on customer satisfaction?” Sojung told him it was to try hard for customers to be satisfied. “Do you ever give refunds for damaged items?” “Yes, when it’s our mistake.” “Well,” said Justin, “I’d like to be a satisfied customer and there is some question here.” At that point, Sojung offered him $50.

“How about free dry cleaning instead?” said Justin. So Sojung gave him $100 worth of free dry cleaning.

Justin, who works for Boston Consulting Group in Chicago, never raised his voice, never said anything arrogant; he just kept looking for a solution that didn’t blame anyone. Note: this example is a surrogate for the camera store, the shoe repair shop, the local clothing store, the nail or beauty salon, and so forth.

Ben Chaykin’s suit had a tear. He didn’t know if it happened at the dry cleaner or not. “Our dry cleaners place a lot of value on loyalty and customer satisfaction” was the slogan on the wall. He thought about how the dry cleaner, from another culture, might view a U.S. attorney. Ben, a U.S. Labor Department attorney, said he couldn’t be sure it happened at the dry cleaner. But he’d been a regular customer; could the dry cleaner help him out? They fixed it at no charge.

How far will the other person go? How far do you want to go? Sebastian Rubens y Rojo needed his dress shirt from the dry cleaner for an important interview. The shirt was not ready. He referred to the printed slogan, “We love our customers.” Anger would have led to a dead end, he realized. So Sebastian gave the dry cleaner details about the importance of the interview, how he didn’t have time to wash and iron another shirt and didn’t have the money to buy a new one. “Do you have any shirt that could fit me?” he asked.

Without skipping a beat, the dry cleaner went to the rack, eyed Sebastian for size, and picked out someone else’s clean white shirt hanging on the rack. He gave Sebastian the shirt. Sebastian tried it on, feeling the cool elegance of the newly cleaned shirt. He adjusted his tie, slipped on his suit jacket, and went to the interview.

Sebastian had given the problem away to the dry cleaner. But before he did that, he gave enough details so the other party felt it was a problem worth taking on. He got the other party personally involved. The more visual the picture you create, the better. Some people will have a problem with this. If you do, don’t do it.

APARTMENT LIVING

Apartment living can be a hassle. So many people in close spaces. So many managers that look at any expense as a loss of profit. But it is possible to enjoy fixing problems. It doesn’t have to be all about aggravation, threats, and non-responsiveness. Just use some of these negotiation tools.

Here are four examples of the same problem, with different outcomes based on the use of negotiation tools.

Jana Meron, a digital brand marketer in Brooklyn, told the manager of her apartment building that there were holes in her walls where mice could get in. “The super just gave me traps and said the exterminator was coming,” she said. “The exterminator never came and the holes stayed there.” David Weinstock also had mice in his apartment, told the manager about it, and nothing happened. Instead of accepting traps and the promise of an exterminator who never showed, David found the head of facilities. David quoted the apartment building’s motto: “Our staff has been trained to appropriately respond to emergencies, and assist residents in resolving concerns.” The exterminator came the next day.

Shawn Rodriguez, a law student and future attorney, went farther. He told his landlord that there were holes and mice in his apartment, that it was a health risk, and that medical and reputational effects could result. He called the local Health Department and got the codes regarding mice. He looked up the diseases one can get from mice. He got pictures of diseased mice. He sent all of this to the landlord. The holes were plastered the same day. The exterminator came and laid traps personally.

“For many people,” said Shawn, “you have to paint them a picture. This is a key negotiation tool.” In other words, create a picture in their heads. Indeed, Jana Meron soon figured this out. She finally called up the apartment super and said her two-year-old was pointing at the mice and saying, “Look, Mommy!” They came immediately and plugged the holes.

Vlado Spasov did the same thing as Shawn when Vlado found mouse holes in his apartment. “They completely redid the kitchen,” he said. “They replaced all the pipes. They replaced the cabinets and the stove. Maintenance personnel worked extra to finish on the same day.” He added: “You’ve got to frame this right. You have to start with the pictures in their heads and find out what’s important to them.” These tools work for other repairs, too. Lital Helman needed five different repairs in her apartment. Many requests to the building office, she said, were ignored. Some of the repairs were going to be expensive. She got the name of the maintenance manager. She waited until she could catch up with him.

“Hi,” she said. “I’m happy to meet the person who makes everything work around here.” What a standard! He seemed a little uncomfortable. “I appreciate your time,” she added.

Lital told the maintenance manager that she knew their standard was to fix problems swiftly and completely, and that this was just a one-time oversight. “He agreed and apologized,” she said. All the fixes were made. The key was finding the person who could actually fix the problem, citing the standard, and letting them save face.

Service people often feel they are viewed as part of the infrastructure, like furniture or soda machines. If you put yourself in their shoes, you can get ideas on how to make them feel better. Doug Goldstein needed the ceiling of his apartment fixed. He was not high on the repair list, the office said. He found the maintenance guy, told him how much he appreciated the work the guy was doing, and wondered if “one small item” might be squeezed in.

“He fixed the ceiling and, while he was there, all sorts of other things,” Doug said. “It took only two minutes beforehand to consider his perceptions.”

That also means empathizing with them. Vinh-tuan Ngo needed his bathroom repaired. The apartment plumber was just about to leave for the weekend, and was in a foul mood.

“I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day,” Vinh-tuan said. “Is there anything I can do to help?” The plumber fixed the toilet. Luckily, the plumber didn’t say, “Get your bathroom fixed on Monday.” But a good response to that would have been, “Any way you can fix it today without being mad at me? I’m just a guy trying to use the toilet.” Framing. Vinh-tuan’s now research director for a hedge fund in Paris.

Let’s talk about rent. Tamara Kraljic wanted to stay in her apartment for two months beyond her lease at the old rent. Before she met with the landlord, she Googled him. She asked him about various things she learned about him. “He told me a lot of business stories,” Tamara said. Tamara also brought a friend, who was interested in another apartment in the building. “I know a lot of other international students,” Tamara said.

Tamara got the extension at lower rent, saving $400. And she was told she would be paid $150 for each referral who rented an apartment. She had traded items of unequal value. Everyone was happy.

As with other negotiations, the other person saying no often has a lot to do with their perceived risk. Kumar Dhuvur wanted to sublet his apartment. The landlord said no, as did the terms of Kumar’s lease. He tried to find out why. “They had a bad experience with subletting before,” Kumar said. “They had to evict the tenant for nonpayment of rent.” Of course, Kumar was not the other tenant. But people do stereotype entire groups. In its worst form, it’s bigotry. At best, it’s likely some sort of coping mechanism. People tend to solve the problem by creating rules to protect them from an entire class of people, even some who are no problem at all.

To solve the perceived rent risk, Kumar offered to pay the entire rent up front for the sublet period. He also got references from credible businesspeople: “good guy,” “prompt on rent,” etc. And he offered to promote the apartment by putting up notices at strategic places at Wharton, where he was a student. Landlords could go on campus themselves, but they don’t know the high-traffic places. Result: Kumar, who is now a consultant, was permitted to sublet his apartment.

Another frequent problem in apartment buildings is noise. Neighbors often make noise. People argue over it. Tempers flare. The police sometimes get called. Jean-Pierre Latrille was in that position. He and his neighbor were no longer on speaking terms, Jean-Pierre had complained so much. Then Jean-Pierre took my negotiation course and tried something different. He first asked two apartment board members who the decision-maker was in the neighbor’s family. It was the neighbor’s wife.

Jean-Pierre contacted the woman during the day. “I apologized if I was being unreasonable before and I thanked her for her efforts to date,” said Jean-Pierre, now a trader at Barclay’s Capital. He wanted to know if he could be helpful in reducing the noise even further without upsetting their lifestyle. The two of them brainstormed. The neighbors agreed to put felt pads under their chair and table legs and padding underneath their rugs. Jean-Pierre offered to pay half the cost. She insisted it was not necessary.

Getting More will help you deal with crazy people, too. Just stay calm, provide details, call in third-party advisors, provide emotional payments, and gently name bad behavior. Don’t tell them they’re crazy.

STANDARDS AND FRAMING

Standards, by now our old standby, will help you solve negotiation problems quickly and easily around town. Often it will take only a turn of phrase, that is, good framing. Below are a variety of examples among thousands from my students. They were accomplished calmly, effortlessly, as a part of the day.

The movers did a bad job transporting Brian Egras’s household stuff. Brian, a director at an electronics firm outside Philadelphia, had already paid them. Brian: “Have you ever given a discount to a customer?” Moving company official: “Occasionally.” Brian: “Should I expect movers to leave behind materials and mislabel boxes?” Official: “No.” Brian: “I would like to use your company in the future.” Official: “Great.” Brian: “What’s an hour of time worth, for my cleaning up the mess and finding the right things?” Result: $100 discount. Standards, questions, being incremental, being calm.

Ana Lucia Marquez needed her hair straightened for a wedding to which she had to travel that night. Charlotte, at the hair salon, was uninterested: the process was too involved. “Isn’t the policy of this beauty salon to provide the hair care services that customers want?” asked Ana, now an attorney in Panama. Result: Charlotte enlisted two other hairstylists and together they got it done.

The bouncer at a popular dance club refused to admit Chris Seay because “the fire marshal says the club is full.” Chris was on the VIP list. He watched and waited. Soon the bouncer let in five people. Chris went back up to the bouncer. “Is it the policy of this club to lie to VIP customers?” he asked. Aghast, the bouncer apologized profusely, implored Chris not to make an issue of it with his boss, and bought Chris and friends a round of drinks. Chris, now a commercial real estate investor in New York City, says he names bad behavior “on a regular basis.” Meng Zhang wanted to park a friend’s car in his apartment’s lot for eight days. Fee: $12 a day ($96), or $200 a month. “Ever make exceptions?” Meng asked the building manager. Answer: “Rarely.” “What are those rare situations?” Meng asked, picking up the signal. Answer: “Snow.” “It snowed last weekend,” said Meng, now CEO of a New Jersey medical services firm. Fee: $40 for the eight days, a discount of more than 50 percent.

Here are some more serious things. Al Taj’s father, Mefleh, was in the hospital after back surgery. He was in pain. His attending doctor was in a meeting and unavailable. The nurse said she couldn’t give Al’s father morphine without another doctor’s approval. The nurse found another doctor, but the doctor declined to give the shot.

“Is it the hospital’s policy to leave patients in pain when the attending doctor is unavailable?” Al asked the doctor. The doctor stopped, took the time to look over the father’s chart, and ordered the morphine shot. “It would have been easy for me to get emotional,” said Al, a lawyer at Skadden Arps in New York. “I saw my father in a lot of pain.” Instead, he kept a cool head and used standards and framing to get the painkillers his father needed.

One wonders why people don’t just do the right thing to begin with. But we’re dealing with the real world, not the world that should be. Brendan Cahill parked his car at the curb of a hospital while he went inside to get his wife and their newborn baby. “You can’t leave that car here; security reasons,” the valet claimed. Of course, the valet wanted to be paid the high price to park the car.

“You expect me to leave my wife with a newborn out in cold weather while I get the car?” Brendan asked. The valet didn’t care. But Brendan went to his supervisor, who sure did. Yes, security is a concern these days. But Brendan provided details of his wife, Ann, newborn baby, Alessandra, and the doctor’s name. Brendan, now the vice president and publisher of Open Road Integrated Media, an electronic publisher, could have tipped the valet to hold the car there for a couple of minutes. But the valet hadn’t been very nice. The more you practice framing and standards, the more you will be able to use them at a moment’s notice.

FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS

Stephen Bondi was paying 1.45 percentage points above prime for his home equity line of credit. He saw a promotional rate for new customers at the same bank for 3.75 percentage points less. On a $300,000 loan, that’s $11,250 less a year. So he asked a bank rep about the promotional rate. On three separate occasions, a bank rep promised to get back to Stephen and never did.

Stephen finally reached a manager. “Is it the bank’s practice to treat existing clients worse than new clients?” Stephen asked. Clearly, that wasn’t fair. So the bank manager offered him a 0.5 point discount from where he was. Better, but not good enough, and Stephen said so. He was told that customers can receive only one “bargain rate” during the life of the loan. Stephen had received the best rate when he first got his loan.

“Have there ever been any exceptions?” asked Stephen, now the chief operating officer of van Biema Value Partners, a New York hedge fund. She replied that she didn’t know. “Well, I know of one,” Stephen said. “Me.” He had received a better rate as interest rates dropped after his initial loan. So there was a precedent. “Besides,” Stephen said, “representatives of your bank failed to call me back three times in the past week.” Naming bad behavior and asking standards questions showed the manager that Stephen deserved something. And Stephen had a good option ready. “Put the loan in my wife’s name,” Stephen said. “That will make it a new loan, won’t it? Then give my wife the new low rate.” Done. He was persistent; he prepared; he didn’t make himself the issue. He used standards and framing. The framing was especially good: instead of accepting that previous discounts did not entitle him to more, Stephen said previous discounts formed a precedent.

Javier Olivares was rejected for a Bank of America credit card because of a negative credit report by Comcast. He asked: “Do you think I’m a credit risk because Comcast did not pick up my modem for two months?” He continued: “Isn’t my credit report perfect except for the modem?” It puts things in perspective. And he got the card four days later.

The key is finding these banks’ standards and to keep asking questions. In my experience, most financial institutions are not prepared to continue unfair practices in the face of persistent, intelligent, standards-based questions from consumers. But they know well how to name bad behavior when consumers get angry, so the real issues don’t have to be addressed. Take this as a negotiation lesson.

RESTAURANTS

A big part of the difference in price between making a meal yourself and paying higher prices at a restaurant is that the restaurant is supposed to be less hassle. They make the meal, they serve it to you, they provide a nice atmosphere. If they don’t, you are not getting what you paid for.

John Gachora and some friends went to Jillian’s Restaurant in Philadelphia. The restaurant would not seat the party because one person was wearing jeans. It was against the restaurant’s dress code, they were told. “So we recited for them the message we had received regarding their dress code, on an earlier call,” John said. “It didn’t say anything about jeans.” John had written the message down. They were seated. As noted before, if you are concerned about fairness, document it. It wasn’t so hard. John is now a managing director of Barclay’s Capital in South Africa.

You get to a restaurant. You have a reservation. The table is not ready. They say, “We’re really busy.” You ask, “Is this your first night in business? Haven’t you been busy before?” They say, “We’re especially busy tonight.” Ask for the manager, as Varun Gupta did at Tinto Restaurant in Philadelphia.

“What do you imply when you give someone a reservation at your restaurant?” Varun wanted to know. “What is your definition of customer service?” Varun told them that he had introduced at least ten people to the restaurant. Varun and his group were given 50 percent off the bill, excluding alcohol. Now a consultant at Booz & Company in New York, Varun had used both standards and linkages. “The negotiation tools help me to structure any conversation,” he said.

How much do you ask for? There isn’t one right answer. Although extreme requests kill deals, asking for too little makes you feel bad, maybe even ripped off. You will learn from practice. The more you do this, the more you will develop an instinct for what most people would ask for, and what you should ask for.

This won’t always work, of course. But it will work much more, and better, if you use the negotiation tools in this book. Sometimes Babe Ruth struck out. But he’s in the Hall of Fame.

Again, the more of a personal connection you make, the more the other person will do what you want. Even if the restaurant makes a mistake, such as overcharging your credit card, be nice about it and ask what they do for customers when mistakes are made. It’s an open-ended, nonthreatening question that will usually get you more. Sometimes people make innocent mistakes.

A fine local restaurant was sold out the day after Thanksgiving. Jeff Gorris, an attorney in Delaware, wanted to take his family there for dinner. “Do you ever make exceptions, try to squeeze people in?” he asked. “In extraordinary circumstances,” the reservations head said. Great standard. “My family is visiting from the West Coast and I want to take them to one of the best restaurants in town,” Jeff said. “Is that an extraordinary circumstance?” It was.

DAY IN AND DAY OUT

What do you do around town day to day? You run errands. You go from store to store—getting groceries, buying stamps, getting your car repaired. All of these are full of opportunities to negotiate to get more in your life.

Greg Dracon went to Eastern Mountain Sports in Arlington, Virginia, to buy some mountain-climbing gear. He asked James, the store manager, what his favorite outdoor sport was. James didn’t have a favorite, but mountain climbing was a passion, too. Greg was going to Tanzania to climb Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Africa.

“James got really excited,” said Greg, a venture capitalist in Boston. “He gave me lots of tips. He went over all the equipment, piece by piece.” He also gave Greg a 20 percent discount, worth $250.

Fusun Sevgen wanted a rebate from Taylor Fuel when it failed to deliver promised gas to her house. Before she called the company, she did some research. “I called and talked to Bill, the owner,” Fusun said. “I told him I was new to the area and I understand his is a family business started by his father fifty years ago.” Fusun said she prefers local business, but she wondered about the service and was hoping for some insight.

“As soon as I said ‘local business,’ he offered a five percent rebate,” Fusun said. “After further discussion, he agreed to a ten percent rebate.” Fusun, a director at a major pharmaceutical firm in Delaware, said she resisted the time-worn instinct to threaten to change to another supplier. “Amazingly, the softer approach of ‘providing feedback’ instead of ‘complaining’ worked wonderfully.” Five years later, she’s still getting great service and the discount, Fusun said.

Jeremy Delinsky thought his electric bills were high. He thought the electric heat pump unit was malfunctioning. Rather than just ask his landlord’s property management company for a new one, he decided to prepare. He called the electric company and got a history of his energy consumption. Then he showed the history to the management company and mentioned its national motto of “legendary service.” A new heat pump, costing more than $1,000, was installed within a week. “Just claiming the heat pump was inefficient wasn’t a very strong argument, because it was working,” said Jeremy, now a health care executive in Massachusetts. “I learned the importance of preparation to frame the negotiation.” This sort of thing should become routine if you want a big annual raise in your net disposable income. Max Mettenheim wanted his car repaired the same day at AAA Keystone in southeast Philadelphia. Max found out that the owner, John, had served in the army. “I asked about his experiences.” Max said he was in the Pennsylvania National Guard and had been a German army officer before coming to the United States. John was fascinated.

“The car was done immediately,” Max reported. “Army discount.”

What is the value of a contract? Lawyers say it’s a foundation of our legal system. But the origin of contracts has little to do with holding people to commitments. Contracts were developed because most people couldn’t read and write. The contract was a memory aid to help people remember what they agreed to. If they weren’t sure, they got the scribe to read it to them.

Shan He had a leak in her apartment, costing a little less than $100 to fix. “The landlord insisted that fixing costs below $100 was not her obligation,” Shan said. “But that’s not what it said in the contract. The landlord was responsible.

“I told the landlord that I’ve been living in her apartment for more than one and a half years,” Shan said. “We had a peaceful, friendly landlord-tenant relationship. Can’t we keep it that way?” She said the cold water leak was really bad for the apartment. The landlord agreed to hire her own plumber.

Should Shan, now an attorney in Beijing, have waved the contract in the landlord’s face? “A binding contract is not always the core of the negotiation,” Shan said. “The transaction costs are high. Kindness and commitment to a relationship are often better.” Sometimes people are looking for a way to help you, but feel constrained by their job or position. You need to give them a reason. Katy Chen arrived at the parking booth ten minutes after the ninety-minute free parking period had expired. The attendant insisted that she pay. First she used standards. “Have you ever made an exception?” No, he told her. So she blamed a third party. “The medical spa started its appointment with me forty minutes late,” Katy said. He shrugged, uninterested.

“You know,” Katy said. “It’s Thanksgiving weekend. Can’t you give me a break?” The attendant said okay. But she had to write on the ticket that she needed the extra time to get it validated. In other words, he needed a reason to override the time clock. But he wouldn’t have told her that if Katy’s manner had not improved his mood.

People you hire are not commodities. They have feelings. If they like you, and something goes wrong, they will try harder to fix it for you. It’s a big key to getting more.

Ask people their opinion. It values them. Each adult has lived a lot of years. They’ve seen things you haven’t. Each one of them has something to teach you if you pay attention.

THE LAW

Many people talk about the police as if they are all unfair and overreactive. The news is peppered with such stories. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You devalue someone and they become emotional. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Carlos Cherubin was driving 51 miles per hour in a 25-mile-per-hour zone in Westerville, Ohio. A police officer pulled him over. Of course Carlos was wrong—why deny it? “I acknowledged her power by apologizing,” he said. “I said I was not paying attention as I should have been.” Carlos, a senior vice president at a major apparel company, said the officer looked uncomfortable. It was a hot day. “I asked her if she felt okay. It turned out she was pregnant. I asked her when she was due, and congratulated her.” Carlos did not get a ticket. The police officer asked him to be more careful in the future. And undoubtedly he will be. The question is, What percentage of drivers would have noticed the police officer enough to ask if they are okay? Very few.

“I always used to argue,” Carlos said. “This is the first time in fifteen years I didn’t. I used the negotiation tools. And it’s the first time in fifteen years a cop let me go.” That’s because Carlos stopped thinking just about himself, and thought about the other person.

Jean-Pierre Latrille was stopped by a New Jersey state trooper for going 68 miles per hour in a 50-mph zone. Jean’s first thought was to be angry, since he was going as fast as the other traffic. But he remembered it wasn’t about being right, but meeting one’s goals.

Jean-Pierre apologized, listened attentively to the officer’s comments, thanked the officer, and gave details about visiting New Jersey for the weekend. No speeding ticket, no points on the license, no car insurance payment increase; just $43 for not having insurance papers available. “I just tried to connect with him,” Jean-Pierre said. Does this work all the time? Absolutely not. But you will get an extra hit every nine games.

It’s hard to apologize if you’re not wrong, of course. I’m not suggesting that you do that. But too many people don’t even apologize when they should. As Carlos Cherubin said, “Don’t get macho—it won’t meet your goals.” Details of your predicament can be persuasive. But (a) you have to mean what you say, (b) it has to be the truth, and (c) they can’t have heard it a million times already. The purpose is not to hoodwink the other person or make an excuse, but to make a connection with them.

Any gatekeeper is going to get jaded hearing excuses. You should be prepared for their being ornery. “Why can’t people just do what they’re supposed to do?” they say to themselves.

Nikhil Raghavan wanted to get into the gym but forgot his I.D. card. “The security guard was gruff,” he said. “No I.D. card, no entrance.” Is anyone allowed to let me in? he wanted to know. The manager. Nikhil asked the guard to get the manager. He then asked the manager to look him up, and verified various personal details. The purpose of security, of course, was to verify who he was, not to check I.D.’s. The identification card was only one method of validation.

Nikhil, now a manager at Bain Capital in Mumbai, India, introduced himself to the manager, and also to the locker room attendant. They had a nice conversation about squash, which Nikhil was there to play. They both said that if Nikhil forgets his I.D. card again, just ask the security guard to call for one of them. The whole thing was about establishing an infrastructure on which the parties could rely in the future.

We often think of government employees as “the (hated) bureaucracy.” However, we are not negotiating with “the bureaucracy.” We are negotiating with individuals. These individuals may feel even more burdened by rules, regulations, and delays than you do. After all, they have to live with them every day. So give such people a break, and they’ll often give you one. Ask their advice. Commiserate with them. So you’re mad at the world. Do you want to meet your goals or not?

Jonathan Schulman got a $65 fine for leaving his garbage out too long for collection. Actually, Jonathan didn’t do it—his subtenant did, during the summer. So in court, Jonathan apologized, said it was his subtenant who had broken the ordinance, gave the subtenant’s name, and told the judge that he (Jonathan) had given explicit instructions that the subtenant had disobeyed. “Don’t all of us have a hard time getting people to listen to us?” Jonathan said. His fine was reduced to $25. Again, it is about getting more in each situation.

TRADING ITEMS OF UNEQUAL VALUE

Even in daily transactions, you can find items to trade, the same as in billion-dollar deals. Sometimes it might be just the respect and conversation you offer to someone who is usually treated as a faceless service provider.

Ron Schachter wanted to park his motorcycle in a garage, but didn’t want to pay $120 a month. The attendant said the garage doesn’t make exceptions. “I needed to find something intangible that would cause him to let me park the bike,” Ron said. “So I asked him, ‘Do you ride a motorcycle?’ ” “No,” the attendant said. “But I’d love to learn.” Bingo! “I agreed to teach him how to ride a motorcycle (not mine),” said Ron, now a partner and portfolio manager in a Hong Kong hedge fund, Nine Masts. The result: no fee. Trading items of unequal value.

Justin Baier wanted to eliminate various bank fees on his checking and savings accounts at Citibank. The bank representative was uninterested in helping him do so. Although Citi’s competitors have fewer fees, the employee said, Citibank is a better bank.

“I engaged him in small talk,” Justin said. “I asked what his career goals were. He said he wanted to get an MBA. I told him I was currently an MBA student and I’d be happy to write down some resources that he would find useful.” Fees eliminated.

“He actually had to go into the system and MANUALLY remove the fees,” Justin said. Did the representative steal from the bank? Well, will Justin remain a loyal customer? Do you think that some customers at Citibank don’t pay fees? They don’t. So (a) there is precedent and (b) the bank benefits through Justin’s continued patronage.

Jaimie Chen, a UPenn law student, had a bad back but couldn’t afford $50 an hour for therapeutic massages. Jaimie offered to put the therapist’s card up around the law school and promote him to her friends. They got to talking. He was involved in a legal dispute. Jaimie offered free legal research for him. “I got free massages the whole time I was in Philly,” said Jaimie, now an attorney in Washington with a much-improved back.

Learning more about how the other person thinks, of course, helps you find items to trade. Carolina Dorson wanted to rent the upstairs of Haru, a restaurant and bar, for a party. The manager wanted $300 for the DJ. Carolina asked around. She learned that other venues did not charge for a DJ if the customer guarantees a minimum bar charge.

Carolina offered $2,000 for bar and food. She committed to paying immediately by credit card. Done. The actual tab turned out to be $3,000. The DJ was free. Carolina, a private equity recruiter in New York, used standards and reduced the other party’s perceived risk.

Bernadette Finnican needed to get a required bone scan so she could run in a marathon the next day. No appointments were available at the radiologist covered by her insurance. The receptionists were not helpful.

Bernadette asked if the radiologist was in, and where his office was. She waited for him to appear. “I told him I was going to run a marathon and needed a bone scan,” she said. She asked if he ever worked with marathon runners. He did, and was proud of it. They talked about his work. Then he personally escorted her into the room and did the scan immediately.

Have a problem getting through the gatekeepers? Be creative about making the connection. Nana Murugesan wanted to use a highly rated San Francisco doctor, Prasanna Menon, for his wife’s pregnancy. But the doctor’s schedule was full for most of her pregnancy period, and his gatekeepers weren’t letting Nana even talk to the doctor. Nana had done his homework. Dr. Menon spoke the same Indian dialect as his wife, Charu, and went to the same med school in India as his sister, Shree.

Nana wrote down on a piece of paper “Kannada” and “Karnatak University.” He asked the receptionist to hand the paper to the doctor. The doctor came out himself to sign up Nana’s wife. The connection itself was of value to him.

Of course, these tools don’t work perfectly all the time. Michele Michaelis wanted her condo’s management company to pay $3,000 in legal fees she incurred as a condo board member to defend a tenant complaint over maintenance. The management company finally admitted it was at fault.

The management company, however, would pay only $500. “I even offered to give him a good reference,” Michele said. They didn’t care about the reference. “Using the negotiation tools doesn’t guarantee complete success,” noted Michele, a consultant. “But it does make success more likely and it does get you more.” She accepted the $500 and vowed to get better commitments up front next time.

COALITIONS

You don’t have to do the negotiation by yourself. Local vendors, buyers, and officials depend on their local reputations. Goodwill is very important. So if you ally with others, you will have more persuasive power.

A group of people who frequent a restaurant, store, or dry cleaner can make a lot of difference in what you get, as you represent more volume. Some existing groups are ready-made for such negotiation coalitions: homeowners associations, PTAs, civic clubs, scouts.

If a police officer is unfair, you can all complain. If the garbage is not picked up properly, you have a larger pressure group. You can rotate coordinators, or develop or use a website.

As Chuck McCall did at the start of this chapter, look for others to help you. Here is a story that occurred in China, but it is very appropriate here.

In Beijing, Alan Baer was in a store trying to negotiate for an expensive carved ivory elephant. The store was full of people. The person behind the counter refused to negotiate on the price.

“Why should I give you a discount?” she said. “I’ve got a store full of people.” She gestured at the group milling around. Alan, now the president of Ocean World Lines, a freight company based on Long Island, New York, turned around and looked at the group. Then he turned back to the store owner. “See all those people in this store?” he said. Pause. “They’re with me.” They were his classmates. He got the discount.