فصل 18

18

Now you understand why British soldiers respect the women in uniform. They have won the right to the utmost respect. When you see a girl in khaki or airforce blue with a bit of ribbon on her tunic – remember she didnt get it for knitting more socks than anyone else in Ipswich.

A Short Guide to Great Britain, War and Navy

Departments, Washington, DC

Thirtythree days

The governor of Gibraltar was known not only throughout the Navy but the British civil service as an unusually intelligent man. He had built a reputation as a major strategist during the First World War, and his diplomatic career had seen him rewarded for his hawklike tactical and observational skills. But even he had stared at the forward liftwell for several moments before he could acknowledge what he was seeing.

Captain Highfield, in the process of taking him up on to the flight deck ready for the welcoming performance by the Royal Marines Band, cursed himself for not checking the route beforehand. A liftwell was a liftwell. He had never thought theyd be bold enough to string their underwear along it. White, fleshcoloured, grey with overuse or cobwebdelicate and edged with French lace the brassières and foundation garments waved merrily all the way up the cavernous space, mimicking the pennant that had welcomed the great man aboard. And now, here he was, the cream of the British diplomatic service, on Highfields great warship, surrounded by an orderly parade of immaculately dressed seamen, transfixed by lines of bloomers.

Dobson. The man would have known about this, yet had chosen not to warn him. Captain Highfield cursed his leg for confining him to his office that morning and allowing the younger man the opportunity. He had felt unwell, had decided to rest, knowing that today would be long and difficult, and had trusted Dobson to make sure that everything was A1. He might have known hed find a way to undermine him.

I . . . Youll find this is something of an unconventional crossing, Captain Highfield ventured, when he had composed himself enough to speak. Im afraid weve had to be a little . . . pragmatic about procedure.

The governors mouth had dropped open, his cheeks betraying the faintest flush of colour. Dobsons face, serene under his cap, gave away nothing.

I would add, Your Excellency, that this is by no means any indication of the level of our respect. He tried to inject a note of humour into his voice, but it fell flat.

The governors wife, handbag held in front of her, nudged her husband surreptitiously. She inclined her head. Nothing we havent seen before, Captain, she said graciously, her mouth twitching with what might have been amusement. I think the war has exposed us all to far more frightening scenes than this one.

Quite, said the governor. Quite. The tenor of his voice suggested that this was unlikely.

In fact, its admirable that youre going to such lengths to keep your passengers comfortable. She laid a hand on his sleeve, a glimmer of understanding in her face. Shall we move on?

Things improved on the flight deck. Having embarked the governor and the other passengers at Aden, the Victoria had begun to make her slowly north along the Suez Canal, a silver vein of water, lined by sand dunes, that shimmered so brightly in the intense heat that those gazing from the sides of the ship felt obliged to shade themselves. Despite the heat, the brides were gay under parasols and sunhats, the band gamely keeping up despite the discomfort of even tropical rig in such temperatures.

The men having resumed their duties, the governor and his wife had agreed to judge the Tap Dancing competition, the latest in the series of the Queen of the Victoria contests devised to keep the women occupied. Shielded by a large umbrella from the worst of the sun, armed with iced gin and tonic and faced with a line of giggling girls, even the governor had warmed. His wife, who had taken the time to chat to each contestant, eventually awarded the prize to a pretty blonde girl, a popular choice given the hearty congratulations of the other brides. She had confided to Highfield afterwards that she thought the Australians were rather a nice lot. Terribly brave to leave their loved ones and come all this way. Infected with a little of the merriment of the afternoon, he had found it hard to disagree.

And then it had all gone wrong again.

Captain Highfield had been about to announce that the event was over, and suggest that he and his new passengers depart below decks to where the cook had prepared a late lunch, when he had noticed a flurry of activity on the starboard side. The Victoria was moving sedately past a military camp and the brides, spotting large numbers of Caucasian men, had flocked to the edge of the flight deck. Their brightly coloured dresses fluttering in the breeze, they waved gaily at the bronzed young men who had stopped work to watch them pass, calling down greetings. As he leant over to see, he could hear the womens squeals, could just make out the enthusiastic waving from the barechested men below, now jammed up against the wire perimeter fence, squinting into the sun.

Highfield stared at the scene, making sure his suspicions were correct. Then it was with a heavy heart that he reached for the Tannoy. I am gratified that you have given our guests, the governor and his wife, such a rousing welcome, he had said, watching the governors back stiffen in his tropical whites as he too took in the scene below. There will be extra refreshments in the forward hangar for those who would like tea. In the meantime, you might be interested to know that the young men you are waving to are German prisoners.

Irene Carter had approached her after the contest to tell her she was glad Avice had won – Best to make the most of those legs before the old varicose veins set in, eh? – and to show off her latest delivery of post. She had received seven letters, no less than four from her husband.

You must read us yours, she said, sunglasses masking her eyes. My mother says shes been inviting yours round for tea since they discovered we were shipmates. Theyll be desperate to know what weve been doing.

And I bet youve told her everything, thought Avice.

Heyho. Im off to tea and to read Harolds letters. Did you get many?

Oh, heaps, said Avice, brandishing hers in the air. There had been only one from Ian. She had tucked it under her mothers so that Irene couldnt tell. Good luck with the next contest, anyway, she said. Its fancy dress, I believe, so Im sure youll do much better. Youre getting so tanned you could wear a scarf round your waist and go as a native. And clutching her certificate, Avice walked, with as little conceit as she could muster, away.

Frances wasnt in the dormitory. She rarely was any more. Avice thought she was probably hiding somewhere. Margaret was attending a lecture on places to visit in England. She kicked off her shoes and lay down, preparing to read Ians latest communication in an atmosphere of rare privacy.

She scooted through the letters from her father business, money, golf, mother travel details, dresses and sister quite happy by myself, thank you, blahblahblah, then came to Ians envelope. She gazed at his handwriting, wondering at how one could sense authority even in ink and paper. Her mother had always said there was something immature about men with bad handwriting. It suggested that their character was somehow unformed.

She glanced at her wristwatch there was ten minutes before the first lunch shift. She had just time to read it. She peeled it open and gave a little sigh of pleasure.

A quarter of an hour later, she was still staring at it.

Frances and Margaret were seated in the deck canteen when the rating found them. They had been eating ices. Frances was now accustomed to the relative hush that descended whenever she dared show herself in public. Margaret had chattered away with grim determination. Once or twice she had asked the most persistent starers whether it was a bite of her icecream they were after and sworn at them under her breath as they blushed.

Mrs Frances Mackenzie? the rating had asked. He looked painfully young his neck hardly filled the collar of his uniform.

She nodded. She had been half expecting him for days.

Captain would like to see you in his offices, maam. Im to bring you.

The canteen had gone quiet.

Margaret blanched. Do you think its the dog? she whispered.

No, said Frances, dully. Im pretty sure its not that.

She could see from the expressions on the faces around her that the other women were pretty sure too. Not Wanted Dont Come, the whisper started. Only this time the brides evinced no anxiety.

Dont be long, said a voice, as she left the canteen. You wouldnt want people to start talking.

Avice lay on the bed. From somewhere nearby there was a strange sound, a low, guttural moan, and it was with distant surprise that she realised it was emanating from her own throat.

She stared at the hand holding the letter, then at the wedding ring on her slim finger. The room receded around her. Suddenly, she threw herself off her bunk, fell on to her knees, and vomited violently into the bowl that had never been removed after her early days of sickness. She retched until her ribs hurt and her throat burned, arms wrapped round her torso as if they were the only thing stopping her whole self turning insideout. Through coughing, she could hear her own voice, spluttering, No! No! No! as if she were refusing to accept that this monstrosity could be real.

Finally, spent, she pushed herself back against the bunk, her hair plastered in sweaty tendrils round her face, limbs awkward and ungainly on the hard floor, her dress, her makeup unheeded. She wondered if the whole thing had been a dream. Perhaps the letter didnt exist. The sea could get you like that – she had heard plenty of sailors say so. But there it was on her pillow. In Ians handwriting. His beautiful handwriting. His beautiful, horrific, diabolic handwriting.

Outside, she could hear the clicking heels of a group of women who were chattering as they passed. Maude Gonne, positioned just behind the door, raised her head, as if waiting to hear a familiar voice among them, and then, disappointed, laid it between her paws.

Avice followed the sound, head swaying like a drunks. She felt detached from everything. There was nothing she wanted more than to lie down. Her head felt as if a great weight were pressing down on her. She could do nothing except stare at the ribbed metal floor.

She shoved the bowl back under her bed. Despite the smell, the unforgiving metal beneath her, her wet hair, she lay down, eyes on the other letter open beside her. Her mother had written

Ive told everyone that the celebration will be at the Savoy. Daddy got a very advantageous rate because of one of his contacts in the hotel business. And, Avice darling – youll never guess – the DarleyHendersons are going to make it part of their roundtheworld trip, and if that wasnt exciting enough the Governor and his wife have said theyre coming too. People seem so much happier to travel now the war is over. And they will ensure we get your picture into Tatler. Darling, I might have had my doubts about this wedding, but I have to tell you Im pleased as punch about this trip. Well put on a do that will have not just Melbourne but half of England talking for months!

Your loving Mother

PS Pay no attention to your sister. Shes a little bit sour at the moment. Case of the greeneyed monster, I suspect.

PPS Weve not heard yet from Ians parents, which is a pity. Could you ask him to send us their address so we can contact them ourselves? I want to know if there is anyone special theyd like to invite.

It had been a long, rather wearing afternoon, and it was something of an effort to stand when the girl entered the room, so Captain Highfield stayed behind his desk to allow himself the chance to lean on it. The governors arrival, and its attendant difficulties, had taken it out of him, and it was for that reason – and perhaps to save the girls blushes – that he had chosen to hold this meeting without the aid of either the chaplain or WSO.

She stood in the doorway when the rating announced her and stayed there after he had left, clutching a small bag. He had seen her at close quarters twice now and she was physically striking. Only her demeanour stopped her being a compelling figure. She had seemingly developed the trick of receding into the background now that he had briefed himself through her notes, he understood why.

Captain Highfield gestured to her to sit down. He stared at the floor for some minutes, trying to work out how to address the issue, wishing that, just this once, he could have handed over the captaincy to someone else. Disciplinary matters with his men were straightforward one followed procedure, gave them a bawlingout if necessary. But women were different, he thought, exasperated, conscious of the woman opposite, of the women who had been in before her. They brought all their problems on board along with their tons of baggage, created new ones for good measure – and then made you feel guilty, wrong, for simply following the rules.

Outside the standeasy was being sounded over the Tannoy, signalling the mens canteen break. He waited until there was silence. Do you know why I have summoned you to see me? he asked.

She did not reply. She blinked slowly at him, as if the onus was on him to explain himself.

Come on, man, he told himself. Get it over and done with. Then you can pour yourself a stiff drink.

It has come to my attention that several days ago you were involved in something of an incident downstairs. In the course of looking into the matter, Ive heard things that . . . have left me a little concerned.

It was Rennick who had told him, the previous evening. One of the stokers had approached him, muttered that there was all sorts of trouble being stirred up, and then what was being said about the girl. Rennick had not hesitated to tell Highfield no one would have mentioned something like that to the Captains steward without believing it would go straight to the head man.

Its about your – your life before you came aboard. Im afraid I have to bring this up, uncomfortable as it may be for you. For the welfare of my men and for the good conduct of everyone on board, I have to know whether these – these rumours are true.

She said nothing.

Can I assume from your silence that they are not . . . untrue?

When she failed to answer him a third time, he felt illatease. This, allied with his physical discomfort, caused him to become impatient. He stood, perhaps better to impress her with his authority, and moved round the desk.

Im not trying to deliberately persecute you, Miss—

Mrs, she said. Mrs Mackenzie.

But rules are rules, and as it stands I cannot allow women of – your sort to travel on a ship full of men.

My sort.

You know what Im saying. Its difficult enough carrying so many women at close quarters. Ive looked into your – your circumstances, and I cant allow your presence to destabilise my ship. God only knew what the governor of Gibraltar would say if he knew of the presence of this particular passenger. Let alone his wife. They had only just stopped shuddering at the thought of those gambolling German prisoners.

She stared at her shoes for some time. Then she raised her head. Captain Highfield, are you putting me off the ship? Her voice was low and calm.

He was half relieved that she had said it. Im sorry, he said. I feel I have no choice.

She appeared to be considering something. Her demeanour suggested that there was almost nothing surprising in what he had said to her. But in the faintest narrowing of her eyes there was contempt for it too.

This was not what he had expected. Anger, perhaps. Histrionics, like the other two unfortunates. He had posted the rating outside in anticipation.

You are free to say something, he said, when the silence became oppressive. In your defence, I mean.

There was a lengthy pause. Then she placed her hands in her lap. In my defence . . . I am a nurse. A nursing sister, to be more precise. I have been a nurse for four and a half years. In that time Ive treated several thousand men, some of whose lives I saved.

Its a very good thing – that you managed to—

Become a worthwhile human being? Her tone was sharp.

Thats not what—

But I cant, can I? Because I am never to be allowed to forget my socalled past. Not even several thousand miles distant from it.

I wasnt suggesting that—

She looked at him directly. He thought she might have squared her shoulders.

I know quite well what you were suggesting, Captain. That my service record is the least important thing about me. Like most of the occupants of this ship, you choose to determine my character by the first thing you heard. And then act upon it.

She smoothed her dress over her knees and took a deep breath, as if she were having some trouble containing herself. What I was going to say, Captain Highfield, before you interrupted me, is that I have treated in my career probably several thousand men, some of whom had been terrorised and physically brutalised. Some of whom were my enemies. Many of whom were only half alive. And not one, she paused for breath. Not one of them treated me with the lack of consideration you have just shown.

He had not expected her to be so composed. So articulate.

He had not expected to find himself the accused.

Look, his tone was conciliatory, I cant pretend I dont know about you.

No, and neither can I, apparently. I can only try to lead a useful life. And not think too hard about things that may have been out of my control.

They remained in an uneasy silence. His mind raced as he tried to work out how to deal with this extraordinary situation. Outside, he could hear muffled conversation and lowered his voice, sensing a way to salvage their dignity. Look – are you saying that what happened wasnt your doing? That you might have been . . . more sinned against than sinning?

If she would plead for herself, make a promise about her future conduct, then perhaps . . .

Im saying that its none of your concern either way. Her knuckles were white with some contained emotion. The only things that are your business, Captain, are my profession, which, as youll know from your passenger lists and my service record, should you have cared to look at it, is nurse, my marital status and my behaviour on board your ship, which, I think youll find, has met all your requirements for decorum.

Her voice had gained strength. The tips of her pale ears had gone pink, the only sign of any underlying lack of composure.

He realised, with some bewilderment, that he felt as if he were the one in the wrong.

He glanced down at the papers that detailed the procedures for putting off brides. Put her off at Port Said, the Australian Red Cross supervisor had said. She might have to wait a bit for a boat back. Then again, a lot of them disappear in Egypt. Her them had contained an unmistakeable note of contempt.

God, it was a mess. A bloody mess. He wished hed never embarked on the conversation and opened this can of worms. But she had entered the system now. His hands were tied.

Perhaps recognising something in his expression, she got to her feet. Her hair, scraped back from her forehead, emphasised the high, almost Slavic bones of her face, the shadows under her eyes. He wondered briefly whether before she left, she would try to hit him, as the little one had, and then felt guilty for having thought it. Look, Mrs Mackenzie, I—

I know. Youd like me to leave.

He was struggling for something to say, something that might appropriately convey the right mixture of authority and regret.

She was halfway towards the door, when she said, Do you want me to look at your leg?

His final words stalled on his lips. He blinked.

Ive seen you limping. When you thought you were alone. You might as well know that I used to sit out on the flight deck at night.

Highfield was now completely wrongfooted. He found he had moved his leg behind him. I dont think thats—

I wont touch you, if that will make you more comfortable.

Theres nothing wrong with my leg.

Then I wont trouble you.

They stood across the office from each other. Neither moved. There was nothing in her gaze that spoke of invitation.

Ive not . . . Ive not mentioned it to anyone, he found himself saying.

Im fairly good at keeping secrets, she said, her eyes on his face.

He sat down heavily on his chair and drew up his trouser leg. He hadnt liked to look too closely at it for some days.

She was briefly disarmed. Stood back, then stepped forward and examined it closely. Its clearly infected. She gestured to his leg, as if asking him whether he minded, then placed her hands upon it, tracing the wounds length, the swollen red skin round it. Is your temperature raised?

Ive felt better, he conceded.

She studied it for several minutes. He realised – with something approaching shame – that he had not flinched when she touched his skin. I think you may have osteomyelitis, an infection that has spread into the bone. This should be drained, and you need penicillin.

Do you have some?

No, but Dr Duxbury should.

I dont want him involved.

She expressed no surprise. He wondered if something in all this smacked of madness. He could not rid his mind of her startled expression when she had first seen his leg. And how she had immediately concealed it.

You need medical help, she said.

I dont want Duxbury told, he repeated.

Then Ive given you my professional opinion, Captain, and I respect your right to ignore it.

She got up and wiped her hands on her trousers. He asked her to wait, then moved past her and opened the door. He summoned the rating from the corridor.

The boy stepped in, his gaze flickering between the captain and the woman before him. Take Mrs Mackenzie here to the dispensary, Highfield said. She is to fetch some items.

She hesitated, apparently waiting for some proviso, some warning. None came.

He held out his hand with the key. When she took it from him, she made sure her fingers did not touch his.

The needle went into his leg, the fine slither of metal sliding mechanically in and out of his flesh as it drew out the foul liquid within. Despite the pain of the procedure, Highfield felt the anxiety that had plagued him start to dissipate.

You need another dose of penicillin in about six hours. Then one a day. A double dose to start with to push your system into fighting the infection. And when you get to England you must go straight to your doctor. Its possible hell want you in hospital. She returned to the wound. But youre lucky. I dont think its gangrenous.

She said this in a quiet, unemotional tone, declining to look at his face for most of it. Finally, she placed the last of the gamgee tissue dressing on his leg, and sat back on her heels so that he could pull down his trouser leg. She wore the same khaki slacks and white shirt that he had seen her in on the day she had accompanied the younger bride to his office.

He sighed with relief at the prospect of a painfree night. She was gathering together the medical equipment she had brought from the dispensary. You should keep some of this here, she said, eyes still on the floor. Youll need to change that dressing tomorrow. She scribbled some instructions on a piece of paper. Keep your leg elevated whenever youre alone. And try to keep it dry. Especially in the humidity. You can take the painkilling tablets two at a time. She put the dressing and tape on his desk, then replaced the lid on his pen.

If it starts to worsen youll have to see a surgeon. And this time you cant afford to delay.

Im going to say there has been a misunderstanding. Her head lifted. A case of mistaken identity. If you could spare some time during the rest of the voyage to administer those penicillin injections I would be grateful.

She stared at him, raised herself to her feet. She looked, perhaps for the first time that day, startled. She swallowed hard. I didnt do it for that, she said. He nodded.

I know.

He stood up, testing his weight gingerly on the injured leg. Then he held out his hand. Thank you, he said, Mrs Mackenzie . . . Sister Mackenzie.

She stared at it for a minute. Given the astonishing composure she had shown so far, when she took it and looked up, he was surprised to see tears in her eyes.