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Part Three: Kiss the Perfect Girl Goodbye: The Path to Being Brave

Very early one morning, I was walking through JFK airport in New York, on my way to a speaking engagement in Atlanta. Because I’d gotten up so early to get to the airport—and because I had to go right to the event when we landed—I put my big curlers in my hair and left them there, planning to take them out right when we touched down. As I was going through security, I saw people staring at me and my head full of giant curlers, and I had to laugh. I must have looked a little ridiculous, but you know what? I didn’t care. I had a moment of absolute giddiness realizing that not caring what other people think had gone from being something I deliberately practiced to being an automatic habit.

It’s time we made bravery a permanent habit. And we’re going to do it the way we train ourselves out of any bad habit into a better one: by first becoming aware of the behavior you need to change (chasing perfection), making a decision to change (opening this book), then consciously and repeatedly replacing the old behaviors and mindsets with better ones. Eventually, the new and better habits become so ingrained in you that they become a natural way of being.

The strategies in these chapters are here to help you do exactly that. They are a collection of tips, ideas, and practices I’ve gathered both from experts and from finding my own way from perfect to bravery (again and again and again…) to help you develop or reinforce your bravery habit. They aren’t meant to be a prescription for “how to become brave”; there’s no singular formula for that. What it means to be brave is personal for each of us, so I want you to pick, choose, and adapt the strategies that feel most relevant to you and that speak to what you need most. If saying no causes you anxiety, you may want to focus on the tips in Chapter Eight, “Nix the Need to Please.” If fear of rejection is your thing, go right to Chapter Seven, “Get Caught Trying.” For those who want to learn how to build a sisterhood of strength by supporting other women in personal and meaningful ways, Chapter Nine is all about how we can band together to play for Team Brave. And for any of you who still aren’t convinced that you’ll survive a failure or serious mistake, take a look at the rebound plan in Chapter Ten, “Surviving a Big, Fat Failure.”

Within each chapter you’ll find several daily practices that you can use in any order, as often and whenever you can. Just like with any form of exercise, the more you practice them, the easier they get, and pretty soon you’ll find the iron grip of perfection loosening and the bravery buzz taking hold. Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to walk through an airport with a head full of curlers (unless you want to), but I promise you, there’s nothing more thrilling than the rush you’ll get once you start practicing small acts of bravery!