فصل 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Picking up the pieces

So here we are, waiting. A doctor comes into the waiting room. He looks kind but he has a concerned expression on his face.

‘Good morning, I’m Doctor Ong,’ he says as he sits down with us. ‘I’m afraid your mother is still in a serious condition. We’re doing our best for her, but she took a very big overdose of pills. She’s stable at the moment but we won’t really be able to tell you anything more till tomorrow. I think the best thing you can do is to go home and wait till we call you. I’m sorry I can’t tell you any more than that for now.’

As we arrive back home, everything seems so familiar and so strange at the same time. I left here only two nights ago, thinking it was the last time I’d see it, and here I am back again.

And there, standing at the front door, to welcome us with her usual cheerful smile, is Puri. Puri is back! Apparently she came back last night, in the middle of all this trouble. ‘Hello, Chee Seng,’ she says. ‘I make you some special fish and chips, and banana fritters for dessert…’ Just like old times. And, of course, she says nothing about Mum. No one wants to mention what’s happened - yet.

Auntie Swee Eng has decided to move over here till we know what’s happening with Mum. She moves into the spare room, right next to mine. I feel somehow protected to know she is there so close to me. She unpacks her bag and comes downstairs to sit with me before dinner. She’s brought a few CDs with her, and puts one on. It’s a piece by Handel. I thought that Handel had written the Messiah and that was all, so I’m amazed at this piece called the Water Music. Auntie Swee Eng tells me the story of how King George I of England asked Handel to write it, and how it was played on boats on the Thames.

The telephone rings. We both rush to answer it, but it isn’t someone about Mum; it’s Jane. Jessica is out of danger and recovering in a private hospital. Would I like to see her? I say I’ll call tomorrow. Mum is my first priority.

Later, after dinner, I ask Auntie Swee Eng, ‘I’ve been wondering - how did the story of Mr Gana end?’

‘All right. I’ll tell you. Everyone likes to know what happened in the end, don’t they? Well, the British manager came back. Gana was due for leave. He was driving to Ipoh to catch the train to join me in Kuala Lumpur. It was evening and the road was dark. It was raining heavily. Somehow the car hit a tree and he was killed on the spot.’

I don’t know what to say. It seems so cruel. But there’s more to come.

‘My sister Rosie told me about it. She’d seen it in the newspaper. I couldn’t bear to read about it or look at the photographs of the crash. I didn’t sleep for days, and I think I cried till there were no more tears left in my body. My life was over.’

‘But you said you went to Singapore,’ I say. ‘How was that?’

‘I’m not sure I should be telling you this. I suppose I might as well now that I’ve gone this far. It’s many years since I’ve talked about it. Everyone in the family just wanted to forget about it all. But you see, soon after Gana was killed, I found out that I was expecting his child. Daddy had to be told. He was furious of course. He called a family meeting. They all agreed I should be sent to Singapore to get me out of the way and stop any gossip. So that’s what happened.’

There are tears in her eyes. I cannot ask her what happened in Singapore, and she doesn’t offer to tell me. Enough is enough, I guess. Some things are better left unsaid.

‘It’s getting late, Chee Seng,’ she says. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve upset you with my story. It wasn’t the end of my life, you know. Who knows whether Gana and I would have been happy together anyway? Maybe not. And as for Daddy and the family, well, I forgave them long ago. But, as you can see, I cannot forget. I never married. Instead I became everyone’s aunt. All right. You’d better get to bed now. Sleep well, Chee Seng.’

She leans over and kisses me lightly on the cheek. As I go upstairs, she starts to play the Water Music again…

It’s late but I’m still lying awake in my bed. I can’t get Auntie Swee Eng’s story out of my head. I wonder how someone can live through what she’s experienced in her life without going completely crazy. But then I start to think of the rest of us too. Will Mum be all right? How will she cope when she comes out of hospital - if she gets better? How will Jessica cope with her life too? How will Dad cope with the crisis he’s caused? And how will I cope with the consequences of what I did? All the faces and actions and scenes go round in my head like the coloured shapes in my old kaleidoscope. They make one pattern, then, as I go on thinking, they break up and make different, changing patterns. At last I fall asleep, but the changing images go on troubling my dreams.

Next morning, there’s a call from the hospital. Mum has regained consciousness! She’s out of danger. We can visit her that afternoon. What a relief!

When we arrive, she’s sitting up in bed drinking something from a glass. The curtains are open and the room is full of light. They’ve taken away all the tubes from her nose and arms. She’s smiling weakly. She has black bags under her eyes, and her arms are bruised blue and yellow, but she looks more like her old self again.

‘Hello, Mum,’ I say, a bit embarrassed. ‘You’re looking better.’ Suddenly a wave of love sweeps over me and I rush into her open arms. ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ I cry. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’ She is crying too, but crying with relief. She looks at Auntie Swee Eng and says, ‘Swee Eng, thank you so much for everything. What would we have done without you?’ Auntie Swee Eng smiles and quietly leaves us alone.

Mum and me have a long talk. I try to tell her as much as I can about all the stuff that’s happened. I even tell her about Jessica - though not all of it! Thank goodness, she doesn’t ask. But most important, she’ll be coming home soon. Home.

Then she talks to me about Dad. ‘Did you know your father has been to see me? He told me he’s split up with Auntie Veena, you know. She’s gone back to Uncle Krish.’

‘No, I didn’t know,’ I say.

‘He wants to come back home,’ she says. ‘What do you think?’ I hesitate before answering. To tell the truth, I’m not at all comfortable with the idea of having him back. But I’m not sure how she feels, so I say, ‘I don’t know, Mum. I think about him a lot but… It seems a bit strange now. I mean, after everything that’s happened and… I mean, how would we get back to normal again?’

‘Don’t worry,’ she says. ‘I’ve told him I don’t want him back. Certainly not right away. It’s too soon. And maybe I won’t want him back at all… after everything he’s done to us. I still can’t forgive him for that.’

‘No… ‘ is all I can say.

‘But he’s still your father,’ she says. ‘Maybe you should think about seeing him sometimes. I know he misses you a lot. It’s up to you though. Just think about it, that’s all.’