فصل 95

alfred

Every lavatory was occupied or soiled. I stumbled to the infirmary, stepping over bundles of life jackets and coats that passengers had peeled off. The ship was so very hot, so foul-smelling of sickness. The last I overheard, we were carrying more than ten thousand passengers. Sailors were discussing whether the ship should follow a zigzag course to evade lurking submarines and whether the navigation lights would be illuminated. I was too sick to care.

The nurse was tending to soldiers when I arrived.

“I am here for self-admittance,” I announced. My legs began to tremble. “Please show me to a cot immediately.”

“Oh, Alfred, I’m sorry you’re seasick. But this ward is for the wounded.”

My stomach rolled in protest. “I am, in fact, wounded. My constitution has been destroyed by the enemy. The enemy is the sea.”

“Is this your first voyage?” asked the nurse.

“Indeed, and at this moment I have pledged it shall be my last.”

“Shake it off, sailor,” said an officer from his cot. “Go up top and get some air. Look at the horizon.”

“That really does help,” agreed the nurse.

“Please,” said a wounded soldier. “Don’t baby this guy. He loses his lunch and he’s crying? I’ve lost an arm.”

I tried to turn in his direction. “Seeing that your safe delivery to Kiel relies upon me, sir, perhaps you should have a bit more compassion for a fellow comrade. I will remember this.” I walked out of the infirmary and slumped against a wall in the corridor.

• • •

Dear Hannelore,

It is at crossroads such as these that my mind often questions the very integrity of man. Forgive me if I speak beyond your comprehension, but if we share unity of purpose, stand upon the same team, shouldn’t we try our best to assist one another? I fondly remember when we were once on the same team. It was for a game in the street. Do you recall it? You were wearing a short pleated skirt and a green ribbon in your hair. The game was brief because your mother quickly called you away, but for those fleeting moments, Lore, we were joined in common purpose. Purpose and principles are so very important.

It confounds me when people don’t assist or even welcome those on their own team. But it troubles me more when people welcome those from an opposing team. Have you ever considered these thoughts, Hannelore? Have you ever reflected on this idea with regard to your own mother and father, how your mother’s perfection was chipped by her judgment? I once asked your mother why she chose to marry your father. Do you know how she replied? She said the oddest thing.

“Because I love him.”