متیو

MATEO

6:24 p.m.

We’re in the clear, sinking against a wall, like earlier when I was breaking down after running away from Lidia’s. I want to be somewhere safe, like a locked room, not out here where people can hunt down Rufus. Rufus holds my hand and wraps his arm around my shoulders, holding me close.

“Props on punching Peck,” Rufus says.

“First time I’ve ever hit anyone,” I say. I’m still in shock from all my firsts—singing in public, kissing Rufus, dancing, punching someone, hearing bullets that close.

“Though you really shouldn’t punch people with guns,” Rufus says. “You could’ve gotten yourself killed.” I stare out into the street, still trying to catch my breath. “Are you criticizing how I saved your life?” “I could’ve turned around and you would’ve been dead. I’m not having that.” I have no regrets. I go back in time and imagine myself being a little slower, maybe tripping, and losing valuable time and losing my valuable friend as bullets rip apart his beautiful heart.

I almost lost Rufus. We have less than six hours left, and if he goes first, I’ll be a zombie who’s well aware his head is on the chopping block. The connection I have with Rufus isn’t what I expected when I met him around three in the morning.

This day is unimaginably rewarding and still so, so impossible.

I’m tearing up and there’s no stopping there. I finally cry because I want more mornings.

“I miss everyone,” I say. “Lidia. The Plutos.”

“Me too,” Rufus says. “But we can’t risk their lives again.” I nod. “The suspense of everything is killing me. I can’t take being out here.” My chest is tight. There’s a huge difference between living fearlessly, like I’ve finally been doing, and knowing you have something to fear while you’re out living. “Will you hate me if I want to go home? I want to rest in my bed where everything is safe and I want you to come with me, but inside this time. I know I spent my life hiding there, but I did my best to live, too, and I want to share this place with you.” Rufus squeezes my hand. “Take me home, Mateo.”