فصل 06

Chapter six

Telling the truth

The light shone brightly through the thin curtains in Ikuko’s bedroom. It was Sunday morning. There was a knock on the door. Lucretia’s voice called, ‘Are you all right? We all heard what happened. Shall I bring you some breakfast?’

‘Yes, I’m all right. I’m fine. But I don’t want any breakfast, thanks.’ Ikuko didn’t open the door. Bernard hadn’t left her room the night before and he lay next to her. Ikuko couldn’t believe what had happened.

She turned to Bernard and said softly, ‘I have to talk to you… There are things I need to tell you.’

‘Me, too… I have a lot to tell you. But we have time.’ Ikuko got out of bed and pulled back her curtains. Light filled the room. The street outside was white, covered in snow. The sky was blue and the sun shone. ‘Come on,’ said Bernard. ‘Let’s go for a walk. Then we can talk.’

It was difficult to walk in the snow. Ikuko held onto Bernard’s arm. The air was cold but the wind had gone. It was quiet. Only a few cars drove slowly down the road leaving black pathways in the snow.

‘Bernard… I don’t know what happened to me. I’ve already got a boyfriend in Japan.’

‘Yes, I know. Do you want to tell me about him?’

‘He’s called Hiroshi. We’ve been together for two years. He’s my first real boyfriend. We’re getting married later this year. But I wanted to travel first, to see new places. He didn’t mind at all. He trusted me…’

‘Have you told him anything yet?’ Bernard asked.

‘No,’ she replied. ‘I thought maybe there was nothing to tell. Until last night.’

‘Ikuko, there are things I have to tell you, too.’ Bernard stopped and took out a small photograph from his wallet. He passed it to Ikuko. Two African children with round eyes and serious faces stared out of it. Ikuko looked at the photo and then at Bernard. She didn’t say anything.

After a minute, Bernard said, ‘This is Beatrice. She’s eleven. Chiole is five.’ He pointed to each girl as he spoke. Finally, Ikuko found the words. ‘So you’re married?’

‘I got married twelve years ago. I was very young. We were both very young. Too young.’

‘So what happened?’ Ikuko asked.

‘She left me. She went back to Lusaka, to the capital, where her people live, and left me and the children.’

And… what happened to the children?’

‘I brought them up on my own,’ Bernard answered. ‘It wasn’t easy. My mother helped at first, but now she’s getting old. So when I got the chance to study in England, I asked my wife to come back to Mungwi while I was away. Just for a year. To look after the children.’

They stood there for a minute. Ikuko wanted to ask Bernard why he hadn’t told her before. But she didn’t. She gave him back the photograph.

‘They’re lovely. Lovely children,’ she said.

‘Yes,’ he said, as he put the photograph away, ‘I miss them very much.’ They started to walk again, side by side, but not touching.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore,’ Ikuko said. She looked down at her feet in the snow which was already changing to dirty grey water.

‘I’m sorry about last night,’ said Bernard.

Ikuko suddenly felt angry. ‘Is that true? Are you really sorry?’

‘No, Ikuko. I’m sorry I didn’t explain before. I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me again. But I’m not sorry it happened.’

Ikuko thought about the last few weeks. Then she stopped and looked at him. ‘No, I’m not sorry it happened either,’ she said. ‘And I still want to see you.’

Late that evening Ikuko sat alone in her room, holding her mobile phone. She took a deep breath and pressed the memory button. Hiroshi’s number.

It was morning in Japan. Hiroshi was just getting up. It wasn’t an easy conversation. She told him about the accident first.

‘I was nearly thrown out of my seat. But the person sitting next to me, Bernard, he saved me.’

‘Bernard? Is he English?’ Hiroshi asked quickly.

She had forgotten how well Hiroshi knew her. How he could tell at once when something was important to her.

‘No, he’s Zambian,’ Ikuko answered.

‘What?’ said Hiroshi.

‘From Africa.’

‘And he’s your boyfriend? Tell me.’

‘Yes,’ Ikuko said slowly. ‘Yes, I suppose so. I don’t really know what’s going to happen. I’m so sorry, Hiroshi.’

She had never seen Hiroshi angry, but she could tell he was angry now. ‘You promised. I’ve waited for you,’ he shouted. ‘But I knew something was happening. I knew you weren’t the same. What am I supposed to do now?’

‘Oh, Hiroshi. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ But he’d rung off.

She sat there for a moment not knowing what to do. Then she got out her diary. Maybe if she wrote everything down she’d feel clearer. She took out her pen and started. An hour later she was still writing.

I don’t understand how I feel about Bernard, but ever since I met him it’s felt like a door opening - so many new ideas, new experiences. We ‘re so happy together. I feel very bad about Hiroshi. But I can’t help it. I thought I loved him. I trusted him, and he trusted me. But he wants a quiet life, a safe life, at home in Japan. I don’t think I can live that life. Not yet, anyway. I don’t know what will happen, but I’m happy I came to England.