فصل 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Nicky

When Nicky came downstairs, she was just sitting on the sofa staring straight ahead of her, like she was in a trance. The Black & Decker drill sat on the windowsill and the ladder was still propped against the front of the house.

“Has Mr. Nicholls gone to get the takeaway? Nicky was a little annoyed that he hadnt got to choose.

She didnt seem to hear him.

“Jess?

Her face was sort of frozen. She gave a little shake of her head and said quietly, “No.

“He is coming back, though, right? he said after a minute. He opened the fridge door. He didnt know what he expected to find. There was a pack of shriveled lemons and a half-empty jar of Branston pickles.

A long pause. “I dont know, she said. And then, “I dont know.

“So . . . were not getting a takeaway?

“No.

Nicky let out a groan of disappointment. “Well, I guess hell have to come back at some point. Ive got his laptop upstairs.

Theyd obviously had some kind of row, but she wasnt behaving like she did when she and Dad had had a row. Then she would slam a door and youd hear her muttering Dick under her breath, or wearing that really tight expression that said, Why do I have to live with this idiot? Now she looked like someone whod just been given six months to live.

“Are you okay?

She blinked and put a hand to her forehead, like she was taking her temperature. “Um. Nicky. I need . . . I need to lie down. Can you . . . can you sort yourself out? Theres stuff. Food. In the freezer.

In all the years Nicky had lived with her, Jess had never asked him to sort himself out. Even that time shed had the flu for two weeks. Before he could say anything, she turned and limped upstairs, really slowly.

—

At first Nicky thought Jess was just being melodramatic. But twenty-four hours later, Jess was still in her room. He and Tanzie hovered outside her door, talking in whispers. Then they took her in some tea and toast, but she was just staring at the wall. The window was still open, and it was getting cold outside. Nicky shut it and left to put the ladder and the drill back in the garage, which seemed really enormous without the Rolls in it. And when he came back a couple of hours later to collect her plate, the tea and toast were still there, lying cold on the bedside table.

“Shes probably exhausted from all the traveling, said Tanzie, like an old lady.

But the next day Jess stayed in bed. When Nicky went in, the covers were barely rumpled and she was still wearing the same clothes shed gone to bed in.

“Are you ill? he said, opening the curtains. “Do you want me to call the doctor?

“I just need a day in bed, Nicky, she said quietly.

“Nathalie came round. I said youd call her. Something about cleaning.

“Tell her Im ill.

“But youre not ill. And the police pound rang up to ask when youre picking up the car. And Mr. Tsvangarai rang up, but I didnt know what to say to him so I just let him leave a message on the answering machine.

“Nicky. Please? Her face was so sad that he felt bad for even saying anything. She waited a moment, then pulled the duvet up to her chin and turned away.

Nicky got breakfast for Tanzie. He felt oddly useful in the mornings now. He wasnt even missing his stash. He let Norman into the garden and cleaned up after him. Mr. Nicholls had left the security light out by the window. It was still in its box, which had become damp because of the rain, but nobody had nicked it. Nicky picked it up, brought it inside, and sat there looking at it.

He thought about ringing Mr. Nicholls, but he didnt know what he would say if he did. And he felt a bit weird asking Mr. Nicholls to come back a second time. If someone wanted to be with you, after all, they just made it happen. Nicky knew that better than anyone. Whatever had gone on between him and Mum was serious enough that he hadnt come back for his laptop. Serious enough that Nicky wasnt sure he should interfere.

He cleaned his room. He walked along the seafront and took a few pictures on Mr. Nichollss phone. He went online for a while, but he was bored by gaming. He stared out of the window at the roofs of the high street and the distant orange brick of the leisure center and he knew he didnt want to be an armor-clad droid shooting aliens out of the sky anymore. He didnt want to be stuck in this room. Nicky thought back to the open road, and the feeling of Mr. Nichollss car taking them vast distances, that endless time when they didnt even know where they were headed next, and he realized that, more than anything, he wanted to be out of this little town.

He wanted to find his tribe.

—

Nicky had given it some considerable thought and concluded that by the afternoon of day two he was entitled to feel a little freaked out. School was due to start again soon, and he wasnt sure how he was meant to look after Jess as well as Titch and the dog and everything else. He vacuumed the house and rewashed the load of damp laundry that he found sitting in the washing machine, which had started to smell musty. He walked with Tanzie to the shop and they bought some bread and milk and dog food. He tried not to show it, but he was quite relieved that there was nobody hanging around outside to call him a fagboy or freak or whatever. And Nicky thought maybe, just maybe, Jess had been right and that things did change. And that maybe a new stage of his life was finally beginning.

A short time later, as he was going through the post, Tanzie arrived in the kitchen. “Can we go back to the shop?

He didnt look up. He was wondering whether to open the official letter addressed to Mrs. J. Thomas. “Weve just been to the shop.

“Then can I go by myself?

He looked up then and started a little. She had done something weird to her hair, putting it up on one side with a load of glittery barrettes. She didnt look like Tanzie.

“I want to get Mum a card, she said. “To cheer her up a bit.

Nicky was pretty sure a card wasnt going to do it. “Why dont you make her one, Titch? Save your money.

“I always make her one. Sometimes its nice to get a shop card.

He studied her face. “Have you got makeup on?

“Only lipstick.

“Jess wouldnt let you wear lipstick. Take it off.

“Suze wears it.

“I dont think thats going to make Jess any happier about it, Titch. Look, take it off and Ill give you a proper makeup lesson when you get back.

She pulled her jacket from the hook. “Ill rub it off on the way, she called over her shoulder.

“Take Norman with you, he yelled, because it was what Jess would have said. Then he made a cup of coffee and carried it upstairs. It was time to sort out Jess.

The room was dark. It was a quarter to three in the afternoon. “Leave it on the side, she murmured. The room held the fug of unwashed bodies and undisturbed air.

“Its stopped raining.

“Good.

“Jess, you need to get up.

She didnt say anything.

“Really. You need to get up. Its starting to honk in here.

“Im tired, Nicky. I just need . . . a rest.

“You dont need rest. Youre . . . youre like our household Tigger.

“Please, love.

“I dont get it, Jess. Whats going on?

She turned over, really slowly, then propped herself up on one elbow. Downstairs the dog had begun to bark at something, insistent, erratic. Jess rubbed at her eyes. “Wheres Tanzie?

“Gone to the shop.

“Has she eaten?

“Yes. But mostly cereal. I cant really cook anything more than fish fingers, and shes sick of those.

She looked at Nicky, then out toward the window, as if weighing something up. And then she said, “Hes not coming back. And her face sort of crumpled.

The dog was really barking outside now, the idiot. Nicky tried to stay focused on what Jess was saying. “Really? Never?

A great fat tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away with the flat of her hand and shook her head. “You know the really stupid bit, Nicky? I actually forgot. I forgot I did it. I was so happy while we were away, it was like all the time before had happened to someone else. Oh, that bloody dog.

She wasnt really making sense. He wondered if she actually was ill.

“You could call him.

“I tried. Hes not picking up.

“Do you want me to go over there?

Even as he asked he slightly regretted it. Because even though he really liked Mr. Nicholls, he knew better than anyone that you couldnt make someone stay with you. There was no point trying to hang on to someone who didnt want you.

Its possible shed told him because she didnt have anyone else to tell. “I loved him, Nicky. I know it sounds stupid after such a short time, but I loved him. It was a shock to hear her say it. All that emotion, just blurted out there. But it didnt make him want to run. Nicky sat on the bed, leaned over, and although he still felt a bit weird about actual physical contact, he hugged her. And she felt quite small, even though hed always thought of her as sort of bigger than he was. And she rested her head against him and he felt sad because for once he did want to say something, but he didnt know what.

It was at that point that Normans barking got hysterical. Like when he saw the cows in Scotland. Nicky pulled back, distracted. “He sounds like hes going insane.

“Bloody dog. Itll be that Chihuahua from fifty-six. Jess sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “I swear it torments him on purpose.

Nicky climbed up off the bed and walked over to the window. Norman was in the garden, barking hysterically, his head thrust through the gap in the fence where the wood was rotten and two of the panels had half broken away. It took him a few seconds to register that he didnt look like Norman. This dog was rigidly upright, his hair bristling. Nicky pulled the curtain back farther, and it was then that he saw Tanzie across the road. There were two Fishers and a boy he didnt recognize and they had backed her up against the wall. As Nicky watched, one of them grabbed at her jacket and she tried to bat his hand away. “Hey! Hey! he yelled, but they didnt hear him. His heart thumping, Nicky wrestled with the sash window but it refused to budge. He banged on the glass, trying to make them stop. “HEY! Shit. HEY!

“What? said Jess, swiveling in the bed.

“Fishers.

They heard Tanzies high-pitched scream. As Jess dived out of bed, Norman stilled for a split second, then hurled himself against the weakest section of the fence. He went through it like a canine battering ram, sending pieces of wood splintering into the air around him. Straight toward the sound of Tanzies voice. Nicky saw the Fishers spin round to see this enormous black missile coming for them and their mouths opened. And then he heard the screech of brakes, a surprisingly loud whumph, Jesss Oh, God, oh, God, and then a silence that seemed to go on and on forever.