فصل 04

CHAPTER FOUR

Jess

There had always been something a bit different about Tanzie. At a year old she would line up her blocks in rows or organize them into patterns, and then pull certain blocks away, making new shapes. By the time she was two she was obsessed with numbers. Before she even started school she had worked her way through the local bookshops collection of math workbooks for years two, three, four, and five. She would tell Jess that multiplication was “just another way of doing addition. At six she could explain the meaning of “tessellate.

Marty didnt like it. It made him uncomfortable. But then anything that wasnt “normal made Marty uncomfortable. It was still the thing that made Tanzie happy, just sitting there, plowing through problems that none of them could begin to understand. Martys mother, on the rare occasions that she visited, used to call Tanzie a swot. She would say it like it wasnt a very nice thing to be.

—

“So what are you going to do?

“Theres nothing I can do right now.

“Wouldnt it feel weird, her mixing with all the private-school kids?

“I dont know. Yes. But that would be our problem. Not hers.

“What if she grows away from you? What if she falls in with a posh lot and gets embarrassed by her background? Im just saying. I think you could mess her up. I think she could lose sight of where she comes from.

Jess looked over at Nathalie, who was driving. “She comes from the Shitty Estate of Doom, Nat. I would be quite happy for her to lose sight of that.

Something weird had happened since Jess had told Nathalie about the interview. It was as if she had taken it personally. All morning she had gone on and on about how her children were happy at the local school, about how glad she was that they were “normal, how it didnt do for a child to be “different.

Tanzie, meanwhile, was more excited than she had been in months. Her scores had been 100 percent in maths and 99 percent in nonverbal reasoning. She was actually annoyed by the missing 1 percent. Mr. Tsvangarai, ringing to tell her, said there might be other sources of funding. Details, he kept saying. Jess couldnt help thinking that people who thought money was a “detail were the kind who had never really had to worry about it.

“And you know shed have to wear that prissy uniform, Nathalie said, as they pulled up at Beachfront.

“She wont be wearing a prissy uniform, Jess responded irritably.

“Then shell get teased for not being like the rest of them.

“She wont be wearing a prissy uniform because she wont be bloody going. I havent got a hope of sending her, Nathalie. Okay?

Jess got out of the car, slammed the door, and walked ahead so that she didnt have to listen to anything else.

—

It was only the locals who called Beachfront the “holiday park the developers called it a “destination resort. Because this was not a holiday park like the Sea Bright caravan park on the top of the hill, a chaotic jumble of wind-battered mobile homes and seasonal lean-to tents. This was a spotless array of architect-designed “living spaces set among carefully manicured paths. There was a sports club, a spa, tennis courts, a huge pool complex, a handful of overpriced boutiques, and a small grocery store so that residents did not have to venture into the scrappier confines of the town.

Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, Benson & Thomas cleaned the two three-bedroom rental properties that overlooked the clubhouse, then moved on to the newer properties six glass-fronted modernist houses that stood on the chalk cliff above the sea.

Mr. Nicholls kept a spotless Audi in his driveway that they had never seen move. His sister came once with two small children and a gray-looking husband they left the place immaculately clean. Mr. Nicholls himself rarely visited, and had never, in the year theyd been cleaning the place, used either the kitchen or the laundry room. Jess made extra cash doing his towels and sheets, laundering and ironing them weekly for guests who never came.

It was a vast house its slate floors echoed, its living areas were covered with great expanses of sea-grass matting, and there was an expensive sound system wired into the walls. The glass frontages gazed out onto the wide blue arc of the horizon. But there were no photographs on the walls or suggestions of any kind of actual life. Nathalie always said that even when he came, it was as if he were camping there. There must have been women—Nathalie once found a lipstick in the bathroom, and last year they had discovered a pair of tiny lacy knickers under the bed La Perla and a bikini top—but there was little to suggest anything else about him.

“Hes here, muttered Nathalie.

As they closed the front door, a mans voice echoed down the corridor, loud and angry. Nathalie pulled a face. “Cleaners, she called. He didnt respond.

The argument continued the whole time it took to clean the kitchen. He had used one mug, and the bin held two empty takeaway cartons. There was broken glass in the corner by the fridge, small green splinters, as if someone had picked up the larger pieces but couldnt be bothered with the rest. And there was wine up the walls. Jess washed them down carefully. She and Nathalie worked in silence, speaking in murmurs, trying to pretend they couldnt hear him.

Jess moved on to the dining room, dusted the picture frames with a soft cloth, tilting the odd one a centimeter or two to show theyd been done. Outside on the deck sat an empty bottle of Jack Daniels with one glass she picked them up and brought them inside. She thought about Nicky, who had returned from school the previous day with a cut ear, the knees of his trousers scuffed with dirt. He shrugged off any attempt to talk about it. His preferred life now consisted of people on the other side of a screen boys Jess had never met and never would, people he called SK8RBOI and TERM-N-ATOR, who shot and disemboweled each other for fun. Who could blame him? His real life seemed to be the actual war zone.

Ever since the interview Jess had lain awake, doing calculations in her head, adding and subtracting in a way that would have made Tanzie laugh. She mentally sold her belongings, ran through lists of every single person she might be able to borrow money from. But the only people likely to offer Jess money were the sharks who circled the neighborhood with their hidden four-figure interest rates. She had seen neighbors borrow from those friendly reps who turned suddenly gimlet-eyed. And again and again she came back to Martys words. Was McArthurs really so bad? Some children did well there. There was no reason why Tanzie shouldnt be one of them if she kept out of the way of the troublemakers.

The hard truth of it was there like a brick wall Jess was going to have to tell her daughter that she couldnt make it add up. Jess Thomas, the woman who always found a way through, who spent her life telling the kids that it would All Work Out, couldnt make it work out.

She hauled the vacuum cleaner down the hallway, wincing as it bumped against her shin, and knocked on the door to see if Mr. Nicholls wanted his office cleaned. There was silence, and as she knocked again he yelled suddenly, “Yes, Im well aware of that, Sidney. Youve said so fifteen times, but it doesnt mean—

It was too late she had pushed the door half open. Jess began to apologize, but with barely a glance the man held up a palm, as if she were some kind of a dog—stay—then leaned forward and slammed the door in her face. The sound reverberated around the house.

Jess stood there, shocked into immobility, her skin prickling with embarrassment.

“I told you, Nathalie said, as she scrubbed furiously at the guest bathroom a few minutes later. “Those private schools dont teach them any manners.

—

Forty minutes later, Jess gathered Mr. Nichollss immaculate white towels and sheets into her holdall, stuffing them in with more force than was strictly necessary. She walked downstairs and placed the bag next to the cleaning crate in the hall. Nathalie was polishing the doorknobs. It was one of her things. She couldnt bear fingerprints on taps or doorknobs.

“Mr. Nicholls, were going now.

He was standing in the kitchen, just staring out through the window at the sea, one hand on the top of his head like hed forgotten it was there. He had dark hair and was wearing those glasses that are supposed to be trendy but just make you look like youve dressed up as Woody Allen. He had a lean, athletic build, but wore a suit like a twelve-year-old forced to go to a christening.

“Mr. Nicholls.

He shook his head slightly, then sighed and walked down the hallway. “Right, he said distractedly. He kept glancing down at the screen of his mobile phone. “Thanks.

They waited.

“Um, wed like our money, please, Jess said.

Nathalie finished polishing, and folded and unfolded the cloth. She hated money conversations.

“I thought the management company paid you.

“They havent paid us in three weeks. And theres never anyone in the office. If you want us to continue we need to be up to date.

He scrabbled around in his pockets, pulled out a wallet. “Right. What do I owe you?

“Thirty times three weeks. And three weeks of laundry.

He looked up, one eyebrow raised.

“We left a message on your phone, last week.

He shook his head, as if he couldnt be expected to remember such things. “How much is that?

“One hundred and thirty-five all together.

He flicked through the notes. “I dont have that much cash. Look, Ill give you sixty and get them to send you a check for the rest. Okay?

On another occasion Jess would have said yes. On another occasion she would have let it go. It wasnt as if he were going to rip them off, after all. But she was suddenly sick of wealthy people who never paid on time, who assumed that because seventy-five pounds was nothing to them, it must be nothing to her, too. She was sick of clients who thought she meant so little that they could slam a door in her face without so much as an apology.

“No, she said, and her voice was oddly clear. “I need the money now, please.

He met her eye for the first time. Behind her Nathalie rubbed manically at a doorknob. “I have bills that need paying. And the people who send them wont let me put off paying week after week.

He took off his glasses and frowned at her, as if she were being particularly difficult. It made her dislike him even more.

“Ill have to look upstairs, he said, disappearing. They stood in uncomfortable silence as they heard drawers being shut emphatically, the clash of hangers in a wardrobe. Finally he came back with a handful of notes.

He peeled off some without looking at Jess and handed them over. She was about to say something—something about how he didnt have to behave like an utter dickhead, about how life went that little bit more smoothly when people treated each other like human beings, something that would no doubt make Nathalie rub half the door handle away with anxiety. But just as she opened her mouth to speak, his phone rang. Without a word, Mr. Nicholls spun away from her and was striding down the hallway to answer it.

—

“Whats that in Normans basket?

“Nothing.

Jess was unpacking the groceries, hauling items out of the bags with one eye on the clock. She had a three-hour shift at the Feathers and just over an hour to make tea and get changed. She shoved two cans to the back of the shelves, hiding them behind the cereal packets. She was sick of the supermarkets cheery “value label.

Nicky stooped and tugged at the piece of fabric so that the dog reluctantly got to his feet. “Its a white towel. Jess, its an expensive one. Normans got hair all over it. And dribble. He held it up between two fingers.

“Im going to wash it later. She didnt look at him.

“Is it Dads?

“No, it is not your dads.

“I dont understand—

“Its just making me feel better, okay? Can you put that stuff over there in the freezer?

He slouched against the kitchen units. “Shona Bryant was teasing Tanzie at the bus stop. Because of her clothes.

“What about her clothes? Jess turned to Nicky, a can of tomatoes in her hand.

“Because you make them. All the sequins you put on them.

“Tanzie likes shiny stuff. Anyway, how does she know I make them?

“She asked Tanzie where they came from and Tanzie just told her. You know what shes like.

He took a package of cornflakes from Jess and put it on the shelf. “Shona Bryants the one who said our house was weird because we had too many books.

“Well Shona Bryants an idiot.

He leaned down to stroke Norman. “Oh. And we got a reminder from the electric company.

Jess let out a small sigh. “How much?

He walked over to the pile of papers on the sideboard and flicked through. “Comes to more than two hundred altogether.

She took out a packet of cereal. “Ill sort it out.

Nicky opened the fridge door. “You should sell the car.

“I cant sell it. Its your dads only asset. Sometimes Jess wasnt entirely sure why she kept defending her husband. “Hell sort it out when hes back on his feet. Now, go on upstairs. Ive got someone coming. She could see her walking up the back path.

“Were buying stuff off Aileen Trent? Nicky watched her open the gate and close it carefully behind her.

Jess couldnt hide the way her cheeks colored. “Just this once.

He stared at her. “You said we had no money.

“Look, its to take Tanzies mind off the school thing when I have to tell her. Jess had made her decision on the way home. The whole idea was ridiculous. They could barely keep their heads above water as it was. There was no point even trying to entertain it.

He kept staring at her. “But Aileen Trent. You said—

“And youre the one who just told me Tanzie was getting bullied because of her clothes. Sometimes, Nicky . . . Jess threw her hands into the air. “Sometimes the ends justify the means.

Nickys look lasted longer than she felt entirely comfortable with. And then he went upstairs.

—

“So Ive brought a lovely selection of things for the discerning young lady. You know they all love their designer labels. And I took the liberty of bringing a few sequinned things, as I know your Tanzies a bit of a magpie.

Aileens “shop voice was formal, with overly precise diction. It was quite odd, emerging as it did, from someone Jess had seen regularly ejected by force from the Kings Arms public house. She sat cross-legged on the floor, reached into her black holdall, pulled out a selection of clothes, and laid them carefully on the carpet.

“Theres a Hollister top here. Theyre all into Hollister, the girls. Shocking expensive in the shops. Ive got some more designer stuff in my other bag, although you did say you didnt require high end. Oh, and two sugars, if youre making one.

Aileen did a weekly round of the neighborhood. Jess had always issued a firm thanks-but-no-thanks. Everyone knew where Aileen got her knockdown bargains with the tags still on.

But that was before.

She picked up the layered tops, one with glittery stripes, the other a soft rose. She could already see Tanzie in them. “How much?

“Ten for the top, five for the T-shirt, and twenty for the trainers. You can see from the tag they retail for eighty-five. Thats a serious discount.

“I cant do that much.

“Well, as youre a new client, I can do you an introductory bonus. Aileen held up her notebook, squinting at the figures. “You take the three items and Ill let you have the jeans, too. For goodwill. She smiled, her skin waxy. “Thirty-five pounds for a whole outfit, including footwear. And this month only Im throwing in a little bracelet. You wont get those prices at T. J. Maxx.

Jess stared at the clothes laid out on the floor. She wanted to see Tanzie smiling. She wanted her to feel that life held the potential for unexpected happy things. She wanted her to have something to feel good about when she gave her the news.

“Hold on.

She walked through to the kitchen, pulled the cocoa tin from the cupboard where she kept the electricity money. She counted out the coins and dropped them into Aileens clammy palm before she could think about what she was doing.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Aileen said, folding the remaining clothes and placing them carefully in the bin bag. “Ill be back in two weeks. Anything you want in the meantime, you know where to find me.

“I think this will be it, thanks.

She gave Jess a knowing look. They all say that, love.

—

Nicky kept his eyes on the computer when Jess walked in.

“Nathalies going to bring Tanzie back after maths club. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?

“Sure.

“No smoking.

“Mm.

“You going to do some studying?

“Sure.

Sometimes Jess fantasized about the kind of mother she could be if she werent always working. She would bake cakes, smile more, stand over them while they did their homework. She would do the things they wanted her to do, instead of always answering

Sorry, love, I just have to get the supper on.

After Ive put this wash on.

Ive got to go, sweetie. Tell me when I get back from my shift.

She gazed at him, his unreadable expression, and she had a weird sense of foreboding. “Dont forget to walk Norman. But dont go round near the off-license.

“As if.

“And dont spend the whole evening on the computer. She hoicked up the back of his jeans. “And pull your pants up before I cant help myself and give you the worlds biggest wedgie.

He turned and she glimpsed his brief smile. As Jess walked out of his room, she realized she couldnt remember the last time shed seen it.