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CHAPTER ELEVEN

END PROCRASTINATION

The five second rule is an incredible weapon in the fight against procrastination. Before we dig into how you’re gonna use it. I’d like to define procrastination. What it is and what it isn’t. You know in researching this book, I was really surprised when I learned what causes procrastination and I learned that I had procrastination all wrong. I was also surprised to learn that there are two kinds of procrastination. There is destructive procrastination which is when you and I avoid the tasks that we need to complete and then there’s productive procrastination, which is a critical part of any creative process. So let’s get started with the good kind. Let’s talk about productive procrastination.

If you’re working on a creative project or an innovative idea or you’re trying to disrupt something in your industry, research shows that procrastination is not only good, it’s actually really important. You see the creative process, it takes a lot of time. So when you set a project aside, you know we call procrastinating, but if you set it aside for a few days or weeks, it allows time for your mind to wander. And when you give a big project time for your mind to wander, it gives you the ability to come up with these divergent ideas that actually enhance your project. Productive procrastination is hugely liberating. You know, I learned about it, researching this book, I thought oh my gosh, I didn’t realize there was a good kind of procrastination.

The truth is I really struggled to write this book. I’m very good at speaking. I am not a great writer. It does not come naturally to me. I would beat myself up constantly because I kept feeling burnt out, I constantly had writer’s block, I was filled with self-doubt, I would write entire chapters and then just completely scrap them. I said oh, the reason why this is so hard is I am a bad writer. I just told you I was a bad writer. I’m lazy. I’m incapable. This book sucks. This isn’t a good idea. I mean it was just disastrous. And in truth, a creative process like the one that I’d taken on with this book, particularly one that involved publishing almost 150 social media stories along with writing the book, it was a monster. And the fact is, when you take on a big project, your mind needs breaks. It needs time to wander and we almost never build that into any project, do we? I’m gonna work really hard for a day and I’m gonna set it aside for three days. Now, you’re like, ok, I got 4 days to finish this, I gotta…

So it took me seven months longer than I thought it would finish this book. And I’ll tell you what, the book is 100 times better because of it. So if you’re not getting the results that you want, I want you to give the project that you’re working on a little bit of time. Go, focus your energy somewhere else and then come back a little bit later and you’ll be able to bring fresh eyes to it. This is for projects that don’t have a fixed deadline. You know, we tend to put deadlines on things that you’ve may or may not truly need to be pounding yourself on. If you’ve got a creative project, you got some that’s really important that matters to you and you don’t have to, it’s not life or death that you finish it at a certain time, I want you to understand that it’s not procrastinating if you let your work sit for a few weeks. Your mind has to wander. It’s the creative process and those fresh new ideas that you have as you procrastinate productively, it’s gonna make your work even better. So that’s the good kind productive procrastination. That is a choice. It’s a decision that you make when you say you know what, I just hit a wall, I’m gonna put this aside for a little bit.

The other kind of procrastination is the one that you and I want to understand and then eviscerate and that is destructive procrastination. It’s an entirely different animal. It’s when you’re avoiding things that need to get done and you know, you know that there is going to be negative consequences, and this can really come back to bite you in the end. Now, I don’t think there’s a human being on the planet that doesn’t have a pile of stuff that that your procrastinating on. Updating photo albums, analyzing spreadsheets, finishing a proposal, maybe cleaning out dad’s house, plowing through a to do list, it’s anything. You can procrastinate on anything, raking the front yard. And you know, it you can really start to eat at you.

Evelyn found herself procrastinating and beating herself up as she said, I’ve questioned everything about myself for years. She put the rule into effect and let’s hear what she had to say. Mel I got up yesterday after I put the rule into effect. I’ve questioned everything about myself for years. I start… I stop… I’m nothing… I’m something… I cleaned my living room, my kitchen, my dining room and did seven loads of laundry and I was amazing. That’s just the beginning. I’m impressed. I impressed myself. I am signed up for the five second rule, my husband is signed up and I am ready to move. You know, here’s the thing though, it is very liberating when you push through whatever it is that your procrastinating on, but most of us don’t even know why we’re procrastinating. I think for a long time, I certainly thought the procrastination meant that I was terrible at time management, it meant that I had no willpower, meant that I had no self-discipline, that I wasn’t organized. Boy was I wrong.

Procrastination is not a formal laziness. Did you know that? Not a formal laziness. Procrastination actually has nothing to do with work. I bet you didn’t know that. Procrastination is a coping mechanism for stress and I’m gonna explain it to you. Procrastination, the dude is like the world’s leading expert on it. So Dr. Pychyl has found that the main thing that drives procrastination is not your desire to avoid work, it’s avoiding stress. Procrastination is nothing more than a subconscious desire to feel good right now, so that you can feel little bit stress released. A common mistake that we all make is thinking that people make a deliberate decision to procrastinate. Like, oh, I’m just gonna blow that off. In fact, most folks who struggle with procrastination tell researchers that they feel like they have zero control over it and they’re right because most of us don’t understand the real reason why we procrastinate. See you’re not procrastinating because you hate work. You’re procrastinating because you feel stress. That’s right, let me say that again. You don’t procrastinate because you hate work, you procrastinate because you feel stressed out. And here’s the catch, you’re not stressed about work. You’re stressed about bigger stuff. You’re stressed about money. You’re stressed about relationships. You’re stressed about your life or your future.

When you blow off work, or you blow off studying for 15 minutes of online shopping or watching the highlights of last night’s football game, you know what you’re doing? You’re not avoiding work so much as you’re taking a mini stress break from the bigger stress as you feel overall. It’s sort of like emotional eating for the mind. When you avoid something that feels hard, you get a little sense of relief. And then when you throw in something that you like, like surfing Facebook or laughing at a viral video, you also get a little boost of dopamine. And the more often you procrastinate, the more likely you’re gonna repeat the behavior. And here’s the problem, while you get a little boost of relief when you watch a cat video, over time the work that you keep blowing off, it starts to build. And guess what that creates, more stress. And when you feel more stressed, what you do? You procrastinate.

There’s a great example that Scott provides. He wrote to me because he wanted to “get help getting out of his own head”, And that’s a huge theme in this book. We spend way too much time thinking and not enough time getting out of our heads and into action. He said that everyone close to him had always said I’m the one thing that’s holding me back and they’re right. So Scott is a PhD student and he’s performing research in a physiology lab and he’s married and he and his wife just had their first kid and he describes him as the most beautiful baby boy. Let me, let me read more of the email that Scott wrote to me. Mel, everything at home is incredible despite lots of financial stress which would be expected, considering that I’m in school. My issue is that in my daily life and branching into school and lab work, I have trouble fulfilling obligations which is starting to become a problem. Basically I put off things continuously until it reaches the point where I’ve either missed a deadline or it upsets somebody. I have very high expectations for myself and I literally go to sleep every night, telling myself that tomorrow is going to be that fresh start that I need and I’m gonna tackle everything with tons of energy. But then I fail day after day, and that confidence in overcoming this by myself is starting to fade. Basically I don’t feel like I’m living anywhere near my full potential and it’s frustrating. Now reading Scott’s note, you can see that he’s trapped. He’s trapped in a vicious cycle of feeling disappointed in himself. And boy, I can totally relate to them because I felt that exact same way as I was struggling just to get myself out of bed. And here’s the other thing, Scott knows exactly what he needs to do, doesn’t he? He’s gotta attack the work and get it done, but he can’t seem to make himself do it. You know we see this problem throughout the book. We saw it, remember with Catherine in Plano, Texas. She knew what she needed to do. She needed to speak up in that meeting, but she couldn’t make herself do it.

As Scott’s note gives me a chance to explain what’s actually going on when somebody procrastinates. Now let’s look into the details. He told us the clues. He and his wife are under a lot of financial stress. Now, see, here’s the deal, the financial stress doesn’t feel very good, does it? That also explains the reason why he’s procrastinating. He walks into the lab every morning and Scott is stressed out. They got bills to pay, they got a lot going on. And when he feels stressed out, he starts to procrastinate, why? Well, because if he avoids working in the lab and he starts looking at other stuff, checking out social media, he gets a temporary relief from the money stress. Now remember, that when we replace difficult tasks with doing something easier, we get a temporary mood boost and a feeling of control. I know, it seems totally counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But the reason why Scott keeps blowing off the stuff he needs to do at the lab is because he wants relief from the financial stress that’s weighing him down overall. So the big question is this. How the hell does he stop this?

Luckily, there’s a three step simple way to cure yourself of procrastinating.And the five second rule will help you 54321. Whether you’re avoiding work like Scott, avoiding cleaning like Evelyn was, remmember she said, using the rule, she got up, she clean kitchen, the dining room, did seven loads of laundry felt amazing, or exercising like Jill once was. You can use the rule to beat procrastination every time. Jill learned the five second rule and now she 54321, works out every single day, never procrastinates. Step one, and this is going to sound kind of hard to swallow, but just bear with me because you gotta do it.

Step one, to stopping the cycle of procrastinating, you gotta take a second, you gotta take bit, you gotta forgive yourself. This is not based on something that I think is a very Kumbaya, kind of the universe is telling you. This is based on years and years of research. The first step to curing yourself of the habit of procrastinating is forgiving yourself.Our expert from Carleton University, he co-authored a paper about how students who forgave themselves for procrastinating were less likely to procrastinate on their next test than those who didn’t. It sounds like a silly thing to do but the problem that psychologists have uncovered about you and me when we procrastinate is that we’re realy hard on ourselves.

Trishke found that after she was able to forgive herself, it changed her life. She wrote the five second rule, it will change your life. You won’t feel sorry for yourself anymore like I used to. You’ll will reach your goals, live your dreams. That’s right, because instead of beating yourself up if you take a beat to forgive yourself, you will absolutely be able to stop the cycle. You may also relate to Ryan, who wrote to me about being in the beginning stages of starting a new business. He wrote, I just watched your Ted talk. My impulse was to look you up and make a connection with you, so I done it. I’m in the beginning stages of starting a new product related business and was just searching the Internet for validation that I’m doing the right thing by just going for it. I’m not a wealthy person so as much as I want to do the work, it amazes me how hard it is to force myself to spend and actually do it due to the fear of failure. Your talk definitely motivated me and win or lose, at least I’m doing something. Thanks for what you do. I love what he says at the end, win or lose, at least I’m doing something. It takes a lot of bravery to be able to get honest with yourself and admit how hard it is to focus on what you need to do.

Another perfect example is our PhD student in the lab, Scott. Remember what he wrote? He said he had “very high expectations for himself”. Every time he procrastinates you know what he feels? Guilty, feels a little shame. Those negative feelings create even more stress and why is it that we’ve procrastinate? Because we feel stressed. So we avoid things that are hard. So that we can feel a little bit of ease in the moment. Those negative feelings of guilt and shame, you what Scott says? His confidence in overcoming this by himself is starting to fade. Which actually makes him feel even more stressed out. See, this is why procrastination is such a trap that you find yourself in.

So let’s apply the advice to Scott, okay? Step number one, Scott needs to stop the cycle by forgiving himself. Scott’s been doing this for a long time. His dissertation is around the corner. The dude’s got work piled up in the lab. He’s starting to lose confidence. So he needs to 54321, take a beat, forgive himself for upsetting people, for falling behind, for not working to his full potential. Because if you can recognize that your stress about finances is driving you to procrastinate at the lab, now you got a fighting chance to assert yourself and take control. And by the way, you want to take control because you want to achieve your goals. And that person that you hope to become in the future, they can help you right now and that brings us to step two.

Step number two: you’re gonna ask yourself after you forgive yourself, alright, what would the future me do? You’re gonna time travel. Allow me to explain this. So the doc’s team did a bunch of research on our present self as in who are you right now versus your future self. Our future self is the person that you want to become. Now, what research proves is that when you can picture the person that you want to be in the future, it gives you the objectivity to push yourself in the present moment. We do this with kids all the time. Have you ever noticed that when a kid gets wrapped around the axle or about a test score, or about some social thing that’s going on at school? What do most adults say to a kid? Four years from now, you’re not even gonna care about this moment. That’s a way of reminding a kid about who they’re going to be in the future. It’s a way to give objectivity to the present moment. You can do the exact same thing and in fact, research shows that it’s really effective. In experiments when researchers for example, show you and me pictures of ourselves old, so they show me a picture when I’m 70, and they show you a picture when you’re 70, guess what? You are more likely to save for retirement because you can visualize oh my gosh, dude retirement’s coming at me. I can it. You’re not just thinking about it, you’re now looking at the future you.

And you know, that’s also an explanation for why vision boards work. People tell you all the time to create a vision board. I certainly believe in them. The reason why is it helps you visualize not being in this moment. It helps you visualize being ahead of where you are. And so you can use the version of yourself in the future, the future you in order to help you get through this moment. So for Scott, for example, he could create a vision board of what life looks like when he is a professor. He could also, after he forgives himself, just stop and say, all right, I’ve walked into lab, I don’t feel like attacking network. What would Prof. Scott do? What would you do in this moment? I know what Scott would do and Scott would blow off the lab work cause I feel stressed. But Prof. Scott, he’s making the money, he doesn’t have the financial stress, the kids are a little bit older, things have changed. He would just attack this. You can use the exact same thing yourself.

Now that gets us to number three. So number one, you’ve gotta forgive yourself cause you’re just distressed out. Number two, remind yourself in the future, this thing you’re worried about, not gonna be a big deal. Give yourself a push from the future. And number three, just get started, please. That’s all you need to do. You’re off to complete it. Don’t worry about finishing it. Just get started. You know, one of the most powerful ways to create new habits, according to researchers is to create a starting ritual. There’s no better starting ritual on the planet than the five second rule. And now that I’ve done all this research, not only in the habits and procrastination, but you know, throughout this book we’re going to be talking about it, I can totally explain why just get started works. Procrastinating is a habit. So in order to get rid of a bad habit, you have to replace the bad behavior, which is avoiding work, with the new positive one, which is getting started on work, right? Makes a lot of sense. Just replacing behavior pattern.

Second, the moment you feel yourself hesitate, you’re going to what? Feel like doing something easier. You’re gonna avoid the hard work so what are you gonna do? 54321. You gonna interrupt that habit. You’re gonna awaken the prefrontal cortex then you’re gonna push yourself to start the important thing that you need to do. Finally, getting started takes us back to that concept of a locus of control. Procrastination makes you feel like, you have no self control, right? When you struggle with procrastination, you just can’t seem to get yourself to focus on it.You feel and you have lost control over yourself. However, when you 54321 and assert yourself and you just get started, just for five minutes. I’m not asking you to finish it. I’m not asking to spend…. just get started, please. You are taking control of the moment and you are taking control of your life.

Daniela wrote, she said, you know my relationship with myself is improved. I trust myself more. I feel empowered and capable. It has become my mantra, do something now. As I explained throughout this book, exerting effort 54321 switches the gears in your mind and allows the prefrontal cortex to help you get started. Now each time you use the rule, it’s gonna get easier and easier to stop procrastinating and just start. Remember in the part one, I talked about acts of bravery. And I talked about how when your instincts fire up, you’re going to be alone. And I mentioned the woman I saw in China who’s got a new business and how she’s thinking about calling her friends. And she starts to get worried and feel discouraged. Well, now she’s writing and she says, dear Mel, I’m writing to say thank you about the five second rule. I watched it few months ago and after that I keep telling myself just make the call. Reply to the email, finish the stupid job. I don’t like it, but it helps me get what I want. I am glad that I have done a huge project after getting this habit. Thank you so much for this amazing tool.

You know even though she doesn’t feel like doing it, right? Now she just said, I don’t feel like doing it, but she’s completed a huge project with this mindset. And the truth is, it’s true. If you just get started, if you just push yourself, if you understand procrastination which you do now, it’s just, it’s stress. You procrastinate cause you’re stressed so give yourself a freaking break, remind yourself that in the future you’re not gonna care about this moment and then get started. That’s it. In Scott’s case he’s going to use the rule 54321. He’s gonna work for just a short period of time and then he’s gonna realize holy cow! Wow! The source of procrastination was financial stress. And you know, here’s the thing, when he finds himself getting off track again, because he’s got a, he’s got a dissertation to write. I’m sure he’s gonna feel stressed again, 54321. That’s the way to take control.

The rule is gonna make it easier for you to just get going. It’s gonna make it easy for you to interrupt when you get off track. Andre also use the rule to push past procrastination and act on his goals. Now Andres only 16 years old. I mean, the rule is so simple, you can share this with your kids, with your nieces, with your nephews, with anybody. He’s already learning how to beat procrastination. He’s actually starting to write a book. He said that he’s always had excuses that he wasn’t ready. Let me read his email to you. Andre writes, I began to rely on an urge to act on my ideas which led me to my involvement in Be Z change, a club with a focus in community service which I am now president of. I also took action in reaching out to colleges and acting on my immediate academic goals. Many of my recent achievements were possible because I chose to engage in that idea within five seconds of my impulse. My objective now is to write a book, an impulse I had never taken the time to act on, because I always had an excuse. I wasn’t ready. I was too busy. I’m not smart enough. This rule helped me get past those excuses by taking the initiative to simply write down my goal and build on it. Every time I saw that sticky note about focusing my creativity on writing a book, I took a step, I tried something. It changed my life.

How awesome is that. Andre shows us that at any age, and with any goal, we have the power to own ourselves, to look inside, to take the step, to try something and change your life. The reason why just getting started is so important is because you will also be tapping into what researchers call the progress principal, which describes the phenomenon that forward progress of any kind including small wins has to boost our mood and increase our happiness and our productivity levels. So the progress principal is a fringe benefit of just getting started. On top of that, once you start a project, guess what? You’re gonna trigger a mechanism in your brain to cue you to keep at it. Now, I mentioned earlier that researchers have found out that the brain remembers unfinished tasks better than finished one’s. So once you start, your mind’s gonna keep nudging you to finish.

I also told you that my snooze button habit, remember how I said it was a form of procrastination? Well, now I understand why. It gave me a momentary relief from the larger stress in my life. That’s why I hit the snooze button. I was stressed about my life. The snooze button was a way to relieve that stress. Now, when I reflect back, I see now that I broke the habit by creating a starting ritual, the five second rule. The snooze button habit got replaced with the positive new habit, 54321 and then standing up and starting the day. So in some, here’s how you can most effectively use the five second rule to beat procrastination. Use it to make yourself start. Start small. Attack what you’ve been avoiding for just 15 minutes at a time, then give yourself a break. Watch a few cat videos and for crying out loud, could you please stop beating yourself up for blowing things off? You’re only human. All this stuff, it’s common sense, I know. I know but my hope is that when you understand the science behind it, you hear that there is research that supports why these simple steps work, that you will feel empowered to apply them in your life. What you’re learning over and over in this book and what I learned over the last seven years using the rule is that unless you beat the feelings, the stresses that trigger your bad habits and you learn how to push yourself to just get started, you’re never gonna change. But the good news is if you do stop listening to your feelings, you’ve got everything you need to make any change you want.