فصل 06

CHAPTER SIX

Esther’s Story: A Mother’s Love

My guardian continued to be a model of kindness and generosity. He regularly - and secretly - sent a small amount of money to Miss Flite after he had met her. And I was surprised when a thirteen-year-old orphan knocked at my door one day and introduced herself by saying, ‘I am Charley, miss - your maid. I’m a gift to you, with Mr Jarndyce’s love.’

We had met Charley and her younger brother and sister in London after their father had died, making them orphans. Charley went out to work every day and locked six-year-old Tom and baby Emma in their room. After a long day washing clothes for other people, she hurried home to take care of her little family. When Mr Jarndyce made Charley my maid, he sent Tom to school and put the baby in the care of a good family.

One afternoon Charley came to me and asked, ‘Miss, do you know a poor person named Jenny?’

‘I know a brick-maker’s wife by that name,’ I answered.

‘She came and spoke to me when I was near the doctor’s practice.’

‘Is she ill?’ I asked.

‘No, miss, she’s looking after a poor boy from London. He helped her once when she needed some medicine, and now he’s very ill and she wants to help him. He doesn’t have a home and there’s no mother or father.’

I could read Charley’s thoughts and we were quickly out of the door. At Jenny’s house we found the poor boy sitting in a corner, shaking and unable to get warm; a strange, unhealthy smell came from him.

I had not yet lifted my veil, and the boy looked up, clearly frightened. ‘I won’t take you to that place again. Let Mr Nemo rest in peace.’

‘Jo, Jo, what’s the matter?’ asked Jenny. ‘These are friends. They’ve come to help you. I’m sorry, miss, he’s crazy sometimes.’

‘She looks like the other one,’ Jo said when I lifted my veil. ‘She has the face, but a different coat and hat.’

Charley talked to the boy and he calmed down. He was very, very ill, but Jenny could not keep him in her house. She knew that her husband would hit her and throw the boy out if he found him there.

‘We will take him with us and try to get some help for him,’ I told Jenny.

‘Leave me here,’ said Jo. ‘I can get warm beside the bricks.’

‘But people die here,’ explained Charley. ‘You come with us.’

‘They die everywhere. I showed her where Mr Nemo died, and where they put him. If she isn’t that lady, who is she?’ asked Jo. He was confused, but he followed Charley, and soon we gave him some soup and medicine and put him to bed in a warm room in one of Mr Jarndyce’s farm buildings. I was happy to think that the poor boy was safe and comfortable.

But next morning there was bad news. Jo had disappeared in the night. We worried that his illness, probably a very strong fever, had got worse and that he was not in his right mind. We searched everywhere for five days, but we found no sign of him.

The search ended because another worry upset us. Charley was sitting at her worktable in the evening, and I saw that she was shaking from head to foot.

‘Charley, are you so cold?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know what it is,’ she replied. ‘But I think I’m ill, miss.’

I knew that I had to act quickly. I locked the door to my rooms and kept everyone out, but I stayed with Charley and nursed her. Sometimes she knew me, and other times she was not herself and her words made very little sense. She was in danger of death for many days, but not one word of complaint came from her lips and she never lost her gentle, loving nature.

And Charley did not die. She began to grow strong again. It was a great morning when I could tell Ada all this as she stood in the garden under my window; and it was a great evening when Charley and I at last took tea together in my little sitting-room.

But on that same evening I knew that I had caught the fever, and Charley became my nurse. The fever affected me badly, and I was unable to leave my bed. After many days I called Charley to me and said, ‘Please come and sit beside me. Hold my hand. Charley, I cannot see you; I am blind.’

I lay ill for several weeks, and the usual habits of my life became like an old memory. I seemed to be on the other side of a dark lake, with all my experiences at a great distance on the healthy shore.

Then, one day, something different happened when I woke up; I could see a small flame from a lamp on the table. I closed my eyes and looked again and it was still there. I had no words for the happiness I felt - I would see again! I did not let my dear Ada enter my room, but now I could read the letters that she wrote to me every morning and evening.

Soon I was sitting at my table and enjoying my first cup of tea with Charley for a long time. ‘You are the best nurse I could ever wish for. You have been wonderful to me. But, Charley,’ I said, looking round, ‘where is my mirror? Surely it should be on that little table in the corner.’

Charley did not answer, but then I knew what had happened. The disease had left its cruel marks on my face. I took her hand and said, ‘Charley, you mustn’t worry. I am sure that I can do very well without my old face.’

‘Dear Esther,’ Mr Jarndyce said when he visited me the next morning, ‘what a sad time this has been.’ I could see that he loved me even without my old face. ‘Ada and I have been so worried about you, and poor Rick has written to get news about you. I am afraid he was cold and distant to me in his letters; he believes that I want to steal his rights in Jarndyce and Jarndyce. The case has poisoned his whole life. But, little woman, when can Ada come in?’

I decided that I needed more time before I could see Ada, and asked Mr Jarndyce if Charley and I could go to Mr Boythorn’s house for a visit. The fresh air and quiet life would make us both stronger. But before leaving for the countryside, I had one more visitor who I welcomed into my room. Miss Flite had travelled from London to see me when she heard about my illness. As usual, she was full of news. ‘My dear, do you know that my carriage to Bleak House was followed by a poor woman in an old hat?’

‘It was Jenny, miss,’ added Charley. ‘She told me that there’s been a lady with a veil at her little house asking about your health and taking away your handkerchief - the one you kindly left there when her baby died. Jenny doesn’t know the woman and didn’t want her to take the handkerchief, but it seemed so important to her.’

‘Who can she be?’ I said.

But Miss Flite had other news. ‘My dear, I don’t think you know about Mr Woodcourt, who was my special doctor.’

‘But I thought Mr Woodcourt was very far away,’ I said.

‘Yes, he is, but he has become a great hero. There was a terrible storm at sea, an awful scene. Hundreds of people were dead or dying on the ship. Fire, storm and darkness. Mr Woodcourt stayed calm and brave and saved many lives. The whole country has thanked him. I have the newspaper report here in my bag. I have brought it to show you - he is admired everywhere.’

When I was alone again, I read the newspaper report about Mr Woodcourt. And now I must tell you the little secret that I have kept to myself. Sometimes I imagined that Mr Woodcourt was a rich man and did not have to go away to earn his fortune. In my dreams, he stayed in England and told me that he loved me and I was very happy. But now I was glad that he had gone away. It was better that he was not tied to someone like me, with a ruined face. I could continue along the path of duty, and he could follow his road without me.

During our time at Mr Boythorn’s house, everything was done to help Charley and me grow stronger. We stayed in the fresh air all day, climbing every hill and travelling over every road and field in the area, playing with the village children, talking to friends. In the house, I taught Charley about grammar and wrote long letters to Ada. If I did catch sight of my face in a mirror sometimes, I got busy again and tried to forget about it. No one had turned away from me or refused my friendship. I had too much to be thankful for to worry about what I had lost.

Charley and I had a favourite spot where there was a pretty seat under a tree and a lovely view. I was resting on this seat after a long walk, and Charley was picking wild flowers at a little distance from me when I noticed a woman coming towards us through the trees. Little by little, I saw that it was Lady Dedlock, hurrying to where I sat. There was something in her face that I had dreamed of seeing when I was a child - something that I had never seen in any face. But when Charley came to sit beside me, Lady Dedlock was again the proud, fashionable lady of Chesney Wold.

‘Miss Summerson, I was upset to hear about your fever. I hope that I haven’t frightened you. Are you getting stronger?’ she asked kindly.

‘I am quite well, Lady Dedlock, thank you,’ I replied. I stared at her pale, beautiful face.

‘Will you please send your maid home?’

When Charley had left, Lady Dedlock sat down on the seat beside me. I saw in her hand the handkerchief with which I had covered the dead baby.

I looked at her but I could not breathe. My heart was beating so violently and wildly that I believed my life would end at that moment. But then Lady Dedlock put her arms around me and kissed me! Her tears were falling as she fell to her knees and cried, ‘My child, my child, I am your terrible and unhappy mother! Can you forgive me?’

I tried to tell her that I had nothing to forgive. I told her that my heart was full of natural love for her, and that nothing could change that. I only asked her for permission to love her as a child loves its mother. We sat with our arms around each other, but our two troubled minds were not at peace.

‘My dear daughter, it is much too late for us to be together. I must travel my dark road alone; I will always be punished for my past and I must always keep this secret and protect my husband, if that is possible.’

My unhappy mother told me that she had not imagined that I was her child until recently. She had come here to have one, and only one, meeting with me.

After that, we would not communicate with each other again on earth, but she had a letter for me, which she asked me to read and then destroy.

‘After today, you must think that I am dead, but remember that I love you with a mother’s love. I must keep our secret from my husband and from society. I cannot destroy him and his life.’

‘But has the secret been kept safe, dearest Mother?’ I asked.

‘It was almost discovered recently, but it was saved by an accident. Our lawyer, Mr Tulkinghorn, has been trying to discover things about me. He loves to have power over people. He doesn’t pity me, and if he gets this information he will use it against me.’

‘But, dear Mother, do you have to travel this road alone? Can I not help you?’ I didn’t want to lose her after finally finding her. I had missed a mother’s love all my life.

‘My child, my child!’ she said. ‘For the last time! These kisses and this touch for the last time! We shall meet no more. I will return to my old life and play my part as Lady Dedlock, but I will suffer because I have murdered the only love I have ever felt. Please remember this and forgive me if you can, and ask heaven to forgive me, which it never can!’

She gave me one last kiss and walked away from me. I returned to Mr Boythorn’s house and, alone in my own room, I read the letter from Lady Dedlock, my mother. She had not abandoned me. She thought that I had died, but her older sister, the godmother of my childhood, had discovered signs of life in my small body. With her strict sense of duty, she had taken me away from my mother and looked after me secretly in her house. Neither of my parents - who were never married to each other - had known that I was still alive.

I burned the letter, worried that I was the cause of the possible disgrace of my mother, and of a proud family name. I fell asleep thinking that my birth was an unwelcome mistake that had caused terrible problems for many people.

But when I woke up, I began to realise how wrong these thoughts were. I had a letter from Ada telling me how happy she was that she would see me soon. And there was another letter from my guardian saying that nobody else could manage the keys, and that everybody said the house was not the same without me. And there were so many other friends and so many happy duties, that soon I understood that I was meant to live. I was not guilty of a crime; I accepted my life and decided to be happy in it.