حسادت

Chapter six

Jealousy

Once back in her hotel room from Karenin’s house, Anna cried uncontrollably.

“Why isn’t Vronsky here in my time of need?” thought Anna. Desperately, she imagined that he had left her, too. “I am all alone in the world,” she cried.

Quickly, she sent a message to Vronsky asking him to come at once through a hotel servant. A little while later, the servant delivered a reply which said he would come back soon with a friend, Prince Yashvin.

A strange idea grew in Anna’s head. “Why doesn’t he come back alone? I can’t tell him about my suffering if he is not alone. Does he still love me? Is he trying to avoid being alone with me? If he doesn’t love me any more, he should tell me.”

However, when Vronsky and Yashvin arrived, Anna was very charming. During their conversation over dinner, Yashvin talked about politics. Vronsky seemed to be very interested. Anna got the impression that Vronsky wanted to move to Moscow to run for government office.

After Yashvin left, Anna said, “It will be nice to live on your family’s estate in the countryside.”

Vronsky hesitated and seemed a little guilty.

“Actually, my mother is currently staying there,” he replied. “It would not be proper for us to live there while she is there. Besides, we should wait for the divorce.”

Anna felt lost. In the next few days, Vronsky would go out to dinner parties or to the opera without her. She could not go because she would be the subject of much gossip. However, Vronsky needed to go there to make important connections. He had decided to become a politician.

During this time, Anna became jealous. She imagined Vronsky meeting many young and beautiful women at these social events. She was afraid he might fall in love with another woman. This was actually her worst fear because Vronsky had once told her, without thinking, that his mother wanted him to marry the young Princess Sorokina.

One evening, Anna became tired of staying at home by herself and went to an opera. During the performance, a member of the royal family, who was sitting next to her, said hello. Anna had known him for a long time. Suddenly, his wife stood up and said she would not be seen with such a wicked woman as Anna. The wife left abruptly, and her husband followed. All he could do was nod to Anna in pity. Most of the audience in the opera house saw this incident. Anna was extremely humiliated. She stayed as long as she could, frozen in her seat. After a few minutes, she went back to her hotel room and cried.

Anna was waiting for Vronsky to return from a dinner party. They had argued the day before, and Vronsky had been away from home the entire day. Anna was feeling miserable and lonely, and she decided to forgive him everything so that they could be friends again.

When Vronsky came in, she said, “Well, did you have a good time?”

Vronsky could see that Anna was in a good mood, so he said, “The same as usual.”

“Darling,” said Anna, “1 went for a drive today. It was so lovely, and it reminded me of the country. Your mother has moved to her country house by Moscow, so your estate is empty. We can wait for the divorce in the country.”

“Yes, I agree,” said Vronksy. “When do you think we should go?”

“How about the day after tomorrow?” suggested Anna. “Yes. Oh, actually, no,” said Vronsky. “The day after tomorrow is Sunday, and I must visit my mother.”

He felt a little embarrassed because Anna was looking at him suspiciously.

“You could go there tomorrow,” Anna said.

“No. I’m going to my mother’s on business - to take some money from her,” replied Vronsky. “It won’t be ready by tomorrow.”

“Well then, we won’t go to the country at all!” said Anna.

“Why not?” asked Vronsky in surprise. “We can go there in a few days!”

“No,” said Anna. “If you loved me, you would want to go immediately. And if you don’t love me any more, it would be better and more honest to say so!”

“Wait,” he said. “I don’t understand. I said we must postpone our departure for a few days, and you accuse me of not loving you any more.”

Without looking at him, Anna pulled her hand away from him and left the room.

“He hates me. That is clear,” thought Anna. “He is in love with another woman.”

Thinking back to her illness during childbirth, Anna thought it would have been much better if she had died then.

“If I die, then all the shame and disgrace I have brought on my husband and Seriozha will be wiped out,” thought Anna. “And if I die, he too will be sorry.”

The next morning, as Anna and Vronsky were having breakfast, a telegram arrived in for him. He read it and seemed to be hiding it from Anna. She asked who it was from.

“It’s from Stiva,” he said.

“Why don’t you show it to me?” asked Anna.

“All right.” said Vronsky reluctantly. “Read it yourself.” The telegram read:

Have seen Karenin, but little hope of divorce.

Anna said, “There was no need to hide this from me. A divorce doesn’t interest me. Why does it interest you?”

Vronsky felt frustrated. “Because I like things to be definite,” he said. “And I think the reason you get upset so easily is because your position is uncertain.”

“My position is certain,” replied Anna. “I am completely in your power. It’s your position that is not sure.”

“Anna, if you think I want to be free…” Vronsky started to say.

Anna interrupted him, “I really do not care what your mother thinks and whom she wants you to marry.”

“We are not talking about that!” shouted Vronsky.

“Yes, we are,” replied Anna. “And let me tell you I do not care about the heartless woman, whether she is old or not, and I do not want to have anything to do with her!”

Vronsky became very cold and angry. “Anna, please do not speak about my mother like that. Show some respect.”

Anna spent the whole day in her room. Again, the thought of death came into her mind as the only solution to her problems. Nothing mattered to her now-whether they went to the country or not. All that mattered was to punish Vronsky. Anna laid down for a nap and had the same strange dream about the dirty peasant muttering in French.

She woke with a start and heard a carriage outside. Looking out the window, she saw a young, pretty girl lean out. Vronsky ran out of the house and took a package from the girl. He said something, and she smiled. Then her carriage drove off and Vronsky came back inside.

Trembling with fear and anger, Anna went to Vronsky’s study. She decided to tell him she would leave him.

“That was Princess Sorokina,” said Vronsky. “She brought me some documents from my mother. We are going to visit her tomorrow, aren’t we?”

“You are, but I am not,” said Anna. She started to leave.

“Anna, we cannot continue like this…”

“You will be sorry for this,” said Anna, and she left.

Vronsky saw the despair in Anna’s eyes. He got up to follow her, but then he sat down again.

'’No,” he thought. “I’ve done everything I can. She needs to be left alone now.”

He sent for a carriage and prepared to visit his mother alone. The carriage arrived a few minutes later, and he left the house.

Anna saw him leave through her window. A sudden horror gripped her heart.

“He has left me! It’s all over now!” she thought.

Quickly, she ran downstairs. “Where has he gone?” she asked a servant.

“To the railway station,” came the reply. “He is going to catch a train to Obiralovka.”

Obiralovka was the district where Vronsky’s mother lived. Anna sat down and quickly wrote a note:

It’s all my fault. Come back home. We must talk, for God’s sake, come back! I am very frightened.

The servant took the note. Half an hour later, he came back and said he was too late in getting to the train station. Vronsky had already left. Quickly, she wrote out a telegram and told the servant to send it.

It read:

I absolutely must talk to you; come home at once.

“I must go there right now to talk to him,” Anna thought.

She looked at the railway time schedule and saw that a train left for Obiralovka in an hour. She sent for a carriage and went to the train station. On the way, she looked at the people on the streets. Their lives seemed meaningless to her. At the station, the coachman asked, “Should I buy a ticket to Obiralovka for you?”

“Yes,” said Anna. She looked at the other people waiting for the train and did not like any of them.

When she got her ticket, Anna boarded the train. She thought the other people in the carriage were looking at her in a strange and unpleasant way. Anna looked out the window and saw a dirty old peasant bending down and looking at the carriage wheels.

“There’s something familiar about that peasant.” thought Anna. Then the train started. When she arrived in Obiralovka, Anna got out and asked the telegram clerk if there was a note from Count Vronsky for her.

“Yes, ma’am.” replied the clerk. “I just got it. Here it is. Actually, Count Vronsky’s coachman was just here to pick up Princess Sorokina.”

Anna read the note that Vronsky had written carelessly. It read:

Just received your telegram.

I cannot return until ten.

“Yes, this is what I expected!” thought Anna. She thought how awkward it would be to walk into Vronsky’s mother’s house with Princess Sorokina there.

“Oh, where shall I go?” she thought as she wandered down the platform. She wanted to be alone, and there was no one at the end of the platform. Another train was approaching, and the platform began to shake.

Suddenly, Anna remembered the man who had been run over by a train on the day she met Vronsky. Now she knew what she had to do. Quickly, she walked down the steps to the tracks. She looked at the wheels of the approaching train.

“There,” she thought. “There in the middle between the wheels. I will kneel down there. I will punish him and escape from my pitiful existence.”

Anna missed the first carriage, but on the second, she dropped to her knees. As soon as the wheels of this carriage passed, she knelt forward, over the rail. At the same moment, she was filled with honor at the thought of what she was doing.

“Where am I? What am I doing? Why?” she suddenly thought.

She tried to get up and throw herself back, but something huge struck her on the back of her head. It dragged her along the rail and pushed her down.

“God, forgive me for everything!” she thought.

A dirty peasant working on the rails on the other side of the train was talking to himself quietly. He did not see Anna as she was pushed along the opposite rail. The light inside her mind by which she had viewed all her troubles, all her lies, sorrow, and evil, suddenly became everything that had been hidden from her in darkness. But just as quickly, that light grew dim and was lost forever.