فصل 19

• GO FOR THE GOAL

Once you have your mission in place you will want to set goals. Goals are more specific than a mission statement and can help you break down your mission into bite-sized pieces. If your personal mission was to eat a whole pizza, your goal would be how to slice it up.

Sometimes when we hear the word goals we go on a guilt trip. It reminds us of all the goals we should be setting and the ones we have blown. Forget about any mistakes you may have made in the past. Follow the advice of George Bernard Shaw, who said: “When I was a young man I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. I didn’t want to be a failure, so I did ten times more work.” Here are five keys to goal setting.

KEY NO. 1: Count the Cost

Image How many times do we set goals when we are in the mood but then later find we don’t have the strength to follow through? Why does this happen? It’s because we haven’t counted the cost.

Let’s pretend you set a goal to get better grades in school this year. Good and fine. But now, before you begin, count the cost. What will it require? For instance, you will have to spend more time doing math and grammar and less time hanging out with your friends. You will have to stay up late some nights. Finding more time for school-work might mean giving up watching TV or reading your favorite magazine.

Now, having counted the cost, consider the benefits. What could good grades bring you? A feeling of accomplishment? A scholarship to college? A good job? Now ask yourself, “Am I willing to make the sacrifice?” If not, then don’t do it. Don’t make commitments to yourself you know you’re going to break because you’ll take withdrawals from your personal bank account.

A better way is to make the goal more bite-sized. Instead of setting a goal to get better grades in all your classes, you might set a goal to get better grades in just two classes. Then, next semester, take another bite. Counting the cost will always add a touch of needed realism to your goals.

KEY NO. 2: Put It in Pen

Image It’s been said, “A goal not written is only a wish.” There are no ifs and buts about it, a written goal carries ten times the power.

A young woman named Tammy told me how writing down her goals helped her eventually choose the right marriage partner. Tammy had been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy named Tom for several years and felt trapped. She had become dependent on him and was miserable. A visit from a special friend one day finally gave her the inner spark she needed to make a change. This is an excerpt from Tammy’s journal when she was eighteen: Just yesterday I found enough strength and strong will to leave Tom and the environment I was a part of for the past 2½ years. I needed to make a 180-degree change in order to find inner strength enough to succeed. I drew up a mental picture of where I wanted to be in five years and how I wanted to feel. I had a vision of being my own person, of having the strength to make good decisions for my life and most of all being with someone in a good, healthy relationship. I came up with a list of qualities I wanted in a relationship, and I think I will write them down now for future reference.

Qualities for a Relationship/Future Spouse:

1. Respect

2. Unconditional love

3. Honesty

4. Loyalty

5. Will support me in my pursuits/goals in life

6. Righteous (spiritual nature)

7. Fun/good sense of humor

8. Makes me laugh every day

9. Will make me feel whole—not torn apart

10. Good father/good with children

11. Good listener

12. Will make time for me and will want the best for me in life

Now that I have this list documented I have someplace to turn to get a glimpse of what the future can hold. It gives me hope when I read it, and it reminds me of a better way to live life.

Tammy later met and married a great guy who fulfilled her requirements. Happy endings do happen.

As Tammy discovered, there is something magical about writing down your goals. Writing forces you to be specific, which is very important in goal setting. As actress Lily Tomlin has said, “I always wanted to be somebody. But I should have been more specific.” KEY NO. 3: Just Do It!

Image I once read a story about Cortés and his expedition to Mexico. With over five hundred men and eleven ships, Cortés sailed from Cuba to the coast of the Yucatán in 1519. On the mainland he did something no other expedition leader had thought of: He burned his ships. By cutting off all means of retreat, Cortés committed his entire force and himself to the cause. It was conquest or bust.

“To every thing there is a season,” says the Bible. A time to say, “I’ll try,” and a time to say, “I will.” A time to make excuses, and a time to burn your ships. Of course, there are times when trying our best is all we can do. But I also believe there is a time for doing. Would you lend two thousand dollars to a business partner who said, “I’ll try to return it”? Would you get married if your partner, when asked to take you as the lawfully wedded husband or wife, said, “I’ll try”?

Get the point?

I once heard a story about a captain and a lieutenant: “Lieutenant, would you please deliver this letter for me.” “I’ll do my best, sir.”

“No, I don’t want you to do your best. I want you to deliver this letter.” “I’ll do it or I’ll die, sir.”

“You misunderstand, lieutenant. I don’t want you to die. I want you to deliver this letter.” Finally the lieutenant caught on and said, “I will do it, sir.”

Once we are fully committed to doing a task, our power to complete it will increase. “If you do the thing,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “you will have the power.” Each time I have committed myself to a goal, I seem to dig up gold mines of willpower, skill, and creativity I never thought I possessed. Those who are committed always find a way.

The following passage by W.H. Murray is one of my all-time favorites. It describes what happens inside when we say “I will.” Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans, that the moment one definitely commits oneself then providence moves too. All sorts of things begin to occur which would never otherwise have occurred, and a whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and material assistance which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: Whatever you can do or dream you can begin it.

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

In the words of Yoda, the great Jedi master: “Do or do not. There is no try.” KEY NO. 4: Use Momentous Moments

Image Certain moments in life contain momentum and power. The key is to harness these moments for goal setting.

Things with starts and finishes or beginnings and ends carry momentum. For example, a new year represents a start. Breaking up, on the other hand, represents an end. I remember how sick I felt after breaking up with my girlfriend after two years of dating. But I also remember the excitement of creating a new list of girls to date.

The following is a list of moments that can provide momentum for you as you set out to make new goals: • A new school year

• A life-changing experience

• Breaking up

• A new job

• A new relationship

• A second chance

• Birth

• Death

• An anniversary

• A triumph

• A setback

• Moving to a new city

• A new season

• Graduation

• Marriage

• Divorce

• A new home

• A promotion

• A demotion

• A new look

• A new day

Often, tough experiences can carry momentum. Are you familiar with the myth of the phoenix bird? After every lifespan of 500 to 600 years, the beautiful phoenix would burn itself at the stake. Out of the ashes, it would later arise, reborn. In like manner, we can regenerate ourselves out of the ashes of a bad experience. Setbacks and tragedies can often serve as a springboard for change.

Learn to harness the power of key moments, to set goals and make commitments when you are in the mood to do it. Be assured, as well, that the mood to do it will pass. Sticking with it when you don’t feel like it is the true test of your character. As someone once put it: Character is the discipline to follow through with resolutions long after the spirit in which they were made has passed.

KEY NO. 5: Rope Up

Image My brother-in-law, the mountain climber, once escorted me and a friend up the 13,776-foot Grand Teton. It was terrifying! As we ascended, the mountain turned vertical. At that point, we “roped up,” or tied ourselves together with ropes to aid us in climbing and to save our lives if one of us fell. On two occasions that rope kept me from taking thousand-foot falls to my death. Believe me, I loved that rope as I’ve never loved a rope before. By assisting each other and relying on the ropes, we finally reached the summit safely.

You’ll accomplish much more in life if you’ll rope up and borrow strength from others. Let’s suppose you set a goal to get in great shape. Now think. How could you rope up? Well, maybe you could find a friend who has the same goal and the two of you could work out together and become each other’s cheerleaders. Or maybe you could tell your parents about your goal and get their buy in. Or maybe you could share your goal with an athletic trainer or your gym coach and ask him or her for advice. Get creative. Rope up with friends, brothers, sisters, girlfriends, parents, counselors, grandparents, pastors, or whomever else you can. The more ropes you have out, the greater your chances for success.

• GOALS IN ACTION

When I was a sophomore in high school, I weighed 180 pounds. My brother David, a freshman, weighed a whopping 95 pounds. We were only one year apart, yet I was twice his size. But David had a mountain of a spirit and did incredible things to get to where he wanted to go. This is his story: I will never forget when I tried out for the freshman football team at Provo High. At five feet two inches and weighing only 90 pounds, I was even smaller than the stereotypical 98-pound weakling. I couldn’t find any football equipment to fit me; it was all too big. I was issued the smallest helmet they had but still had to tape three ear pads together on each side of it to make it fit my head. I looked like a mosquito with a balloon on its head.

I used to dread football practice, especially when we had to crack heads with the sophomores. We used to line up facing each other about ten yards apart with the freshmen on one side and the sophomores on the opposite side. When coach blew the whistle, you were supposed to hit your opponent until the whistle blew again.

I used to count the players in my line to see when my turn would come up, and then count the players in the sophomore line to see who would have the privilege of teaching me how to fly. It seemed that I always ended up getting the biggest, meanest sophomore as my opponent. “I’m dead meat,” was my constant thought. I would line up, wait for the whistle, and in a moment find myself flying backwards and upwards through the air.

That winter I tried out for the wrestling team. I wrestled in the 98-pound division. Even though I weighed in with all my clothes on after eating a big meal, I still couldn’t tip the scales at 98 pounds. In fact I was the only guy on the team who didn’t have to lose weight to wrestle. My brothers thought I would be a good wrestler because, unlike football, wrestling allowed me to compete with guys about my own weight. But to make a long story short, I got pinned almost every match.

In the spring I went out for track. But as luck would have it, I was one of the slowest guys on the team. Little wonder—you should have seen my pencil-thin legs.

One day after track workouts I just couldn’t stand it anymore. “That’s it,” I said to myself. “I am sick of this.” That night, in the privacy of my room, I wrote down some goals I wanted to achieve during high school. To be successful in my athletics, I knew I had to get bigger and stronger, so I set goals in these areas first. By my senior year I set a goal to be six feet tall, to weigh 180 pounds, and to bench-press 250 pounds. In football, I set a goal to be the starting wide receiver on the varsity football team. And in track I set a goal to be an all-state sprinter. I also envisioned myself being captain on both the football team and the track team.

A lot of nice dreams, wouldn’t you say? At that moment, however, I was staring reality in the face. All 90 pounds of it. But I stuck with my plan from my freshman until my senior year.

Let me illustrate. As part of my weight-gaining process, I made a rule that my stomach would never be empty. So I ate constantly. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were merely three meals in an eight-meal day. I made a secret agreement with Cary, the starting varsity linebacker for Provo High, who stood six feet three inches tall and weighed 235 pounds. He promised me that if I helped him with his algebra II homework, he would allow me to eat lunch with him every day for weight gain and protection purposes.

I was determined to eat the same amount he ate, so each day at lunch I bought two lunches, three milks, and four rolls. We must have been a hilarious sight together! I was also taking my Gain Weight Fast protein powder along with my lunch. I would mix the sickening powder in each of my milks and nearly barf each time I drank it.

During my sophomore year I began working out with my good friend Eddie who was also yearning to get big. He added another requirement to my food list: ten full teaspoons of straight peanut butter and three glasses of milk each night before bed. Each week we were required to gain two pounds. If we didn’t “make weight” on the official weigh-in day, we were required to eat or drink water until we did.

My mom read an article that said if a young kid slept ten hours a night in a completely dark room and drank two to three extra glasses of milk a day, he could grow one to two inches more than he normally would. I believed this and followed it rigidly. After all, I needed to reach my goal of six feet, and my dad’s height of five feet ten inches wasn’t going to help me. “Dad,” I said, “I want the darkest room in the house.” I got it. Then I put towels under the door crack and over the window. No light was going to shine on me!

Next I set a sleeping timetable: I went to bed around 8:45 P.M. and got up around 7:15 A.M. This ensured me 10½ hours of sleep. Finally, I drank all the milk I could.

I also began lifting weights, running, and catching the football. Each day I would work out at least two hours. When Eddie and I lifted at the weight room, we would check out the XL shirts in hopes that one day we would fill them. At first I could only bench-press 75 pounds, slightly more than the bar.

As the months passed I began to see results. Small results. Slow results. But results. By the time I was a sophomore I was five feet five inches and about 120 pounds. I had grown three inches and gained 30 pounds. And I was much stronger.

Some days I felt like a lone man against the whole world. I especially hated it when people would ask me, “How come you’re so skinny? Why don’t you just eat more?” I felt like saying back, “You idiot. Do you have any idea of the price I’ve been paying?” By my junior year I was five feet eight inches and 145 pounds. I continued with my weight-gain program, the running, the lifting, and the skill development. In my track workouts, I made it a goal never to loaf, not even for one sprint. And I never missed a practice, even when I was sick. Then suddenly the sacrifice really started paying off. I got real big, real fast. In fact I grew so fast that I have stretch marks across my chest, as if I was mauled by a bear.

As I approached my senior year at Provo High, I had reached my goal of becoming six feet tall and fell only five pounds short of my goal of 180 pounds. I became a starting wide receiver on the varsity football team and was also elected as a team captain.

My senior year in track was even more rewarding. Again I was selected as a team captain, became the fastest sprinter on the team, and one of the fastest sprinters in the state.

At the end of the year, weighing 180 pounds and bench-pressing 255 pounds, I was awarded “Best Body” by the senior girls of the high school, the award that I loved most of all.

I did it! I really did it! I accomplished most of the goals I had set that night in my room years ago. Truly, as Napoleon Hill wrote, “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, the hand of man can achieve.” • TURNING WEAKNESSES INTO STRENGTHS

Notice how David used the five keys to goal setting. He counted the cost, he put his goals in pen, he roped up with his friend Eddie and others, he set his goals during a momentous moment (when he was sick of being a punk), and he had the raw tenacity to “just do it.” Now, I’m not endorsing being body-centered, as David was for a period. And I can’t promise you that you can will your way into growing taller. I’m only trying to demonstrate the power that goals can play in your life.

As David told me his story, it became clear that being a ninety-pound punk may have been a blessing in disguise. His apparent weakness (skinny body) actually became his strength (forced him to develop discipline and perseverance). People who lack the native physical, social, or mental gifts they desire must fight just that much harder. And that uphill battle can produce qualities and strengths they couldn’t develop any other way. That is how a weakness can become a strength.

So if you’re not endowed with all the beauty, biceps, bucks, or brains that you covet—congratulations! You just may have the better draw. This poem by Douglas Malloch says it well: The tree that never had to fight

For sun and sky and air and light,

But stood out in the open plain

And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king

But lived and died a scrubby thing…

Good timber does not grow with ease,

The stronger wind, the stronger trees.

Make Your Life Extraordinary

Life is short. This point is emphasized in Tom Schulman’s screenplay for the classic movie Dead Poets Society. On the first day of class at Welton Academy, a boarding school steeped in tradition, Mr. Keating, the new English professor, takes his class of twenty-five boys out into the hall to look at old black-and-white photos of the young men who attended Welton more than half a century earlier.

“We are food for worms, lads,” he tells his class, as they look at the old photos. “Believe it or not each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die. I would like you to … peruse some of the faces from the past. You’ve walked by them many times but I don’t think you’ve really looked at them.

“They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they are destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because you see, gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. If you listen real close you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen. Do you hear it?” As the boys curiously lean in toward the glass enclosure, Professor Keating whispers in their ears, “Car-pe. Car-pe. Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys! Make your lives extraordinary!” Since your destiny is yet to be determined, why not make it extraordinary and leave a lasting legacy?

As you do this, remember, life is a mission, not a career. A career is a profession. A mission is a cause. A career asks, “What’s in it for me?” A mission asks, “How can I make a difference?” Martin Luther King’s mission was to ensure civil rights for all people. Gandhi’s mission was to liberate 300 million Indians. Mother Teresa’s mission was to clothe the naked and feed the hungry.

These are extreme examples. You don’t have to change the world to have a mission. As educator Maren Mouritsen says, “Most of us will never do great things. But we can do small things in a great way.” COMING ATTRACTIONS

You’ve heard of willpower. But have you ever heard of won’t power? That’s up next!

BABY STEPS

1 Determine the three most important skills you’ll need to succeed in your career. Do you need to be more organized, be more confident speaking in front of other people, have stronger writing skills?

2 Review your mission statement daily for 30 days (that’s how long it takes to develop a habit). Let it guide you in all your decisions.

3 Look in the mirror and ask, “Would I want to marry someone like me?” If not, work to develop the qualities you’re lacking.

4 Go to your school guidance or employment counselor and talk about career opportunities. Take an aptitude test that will help you evaluate your talents, abilities, and interests.

5 What is the key crossroad you are facing in your life right now? In the long run, what is the best path to take?

6 Make a copy of The Great Discovery. Then take a friend or family member through it step by step.

7 Think about your goals. Have you put them in pen and written them down? If not, take time to do it. Remember, a goal not written is only a wish.

8 Identify a negative label others may have given you. Think up a few things you can do to change that label.