فصل 42

• YOU’RE DISTURBING MY SLEEP

I ran across a letter from the YO! (Youth Outlook) Web site written by a girl named Ladie Terry who was fed up with all the trash on music television. She addressed the letter to “the sisters who like to grind their way across my TV screen.” By permission, I’ve included parts of it here.

I guess it’s exciting being in a music video. But do you know how you are affecting the minds and lives of your sisters? Do you think about the younger sisters, who learn fast and emulate you? Have you noticed the 12- and 13-year-olds dolled up to look like 20-year-olds? Or are times so hard that you don’t care who you hurt?

I used to argue with my ex-boyfriend about watching BET and MTV, because the majority of the videos consisted of not-even-half-naked girls wiggling and jiggling like a bowl of Jell-O …it hurt me to see my ex-boyfriend in a daze with his eyes moving up and down … My neighbor used to tell me when she would watch music videos with her boyfriend he would say to her, “That’s how your body should look.” Another friend, who is 16, says boys ask her, “Why can’t you dance like that?” Why are you on TV in tight, short clothing, moving your bodies around like you are freaks?…You sisters are very, very beautiful. You don’t have to undress for success, or to get some attention. You want brothers to respect you? Show them why they should through your elegant, conservative dress—then back up your reasoning with your words. The way you dress tells people what is on your mind … when you upgrade your appearance and your mind set, a lot of brothers will upgrade their treatment of you.

So stop competing to see who is freakier than the next, and get your mind out of the bedroom, because you are disturbing my sleep.

• FRIED FROGS

Addictions of all kinds—whether it’s to drugs, gossiping, shopping, overeating, or gambling—have common characterisitcs.

Addiction:

• Creates short-term pleasure

• Becomes the primary focus of your life

• Temporarily eliminates pain

• Gives an artificial sense of self-worth, power, control, security, and intimacy • Worsens the problems and feelings you are trying to escape from

One of the more subtle but dangerous addictions is pornography, and it’s available everywhere. Now, you can argue all you want about what pornography is and isn’t, but I think that deep in your heart you know. Pornography may taste sweet for the moment, but it will gradually dull your finer sensitivities, like that inner voice called your conscience, until it’s smothered.

You may be thinking, “Take it easy, Sean. A little skin isn’t going to hurt me.” The problem is that pornography, like any other addiction, sneaks up on you. It reminds me of a story I once read about frogs. If you put a frog in boiling water, it will immediately jump out. But if you put it in lukewarm water and then slowly turn up the heat, the frog will get cooked before it has the sense to jump out. It’s the same with pornography. What you look at today may have shocked you a year ago. But because the heat was ever so slowly turned up, you didn’t even notice that your conscience was being fried.

Have the courage to walk away, to turn it off, to throw it away. You are better than that. A boy shared this: During the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, I worked for a construction company. One day the boss asked me to check on something with the building supervisor who had his office on the job site in a work trailer.

When I walked into the trailer there were pornographic pictures posted on all the walls. For a minute, I forgot what I had gone in there to ask the guys, because my attention was drawn to the pictures. It struck an interest in me. When I left the trailer I started thinking, where can I buy this stuff so I can see more of it? I soon found a place that sold them.

At first, when I looked at them, I felt very nervous and uneasy inside, like what I was doing was wrong, but it didn’t take me long to get addicted to it. It began to consume me to the point where I was not thinking of anything else—my family, or work, or sleep. I started to think and feel lower of myself.

During breaks at work, we would go to someone’s vehicle, and someone would pull out a magazine, and we would laugh about it and carry on. The guys that were deeply involved in it were not satisfied with just looking. They would talk about all the girls they had slept with and they didn’t seem to care about anything else in life. That was all their conversations were about, the magazines, films, and sex.

Late one afternoon, as I was working, I heard some of my co-workers start whistling and calling out rude sexual remarks. I looked up to see what the commotion was, and there was my younger sister just getting out from her Volkswagen bug, looking for me. I overheard someone say, “I’d like to get a piece of that!” I turned angrily and said, “Shut up! That’s my little sister!” I was so disgusted. I left the job, just before quitting time, and drove around for a while by myself. I just kept thinking about how hurt my sister looked, to be treated so horridly when her intentions had been so innocent.

The next day, when I went back to the job, and the guys passed around the magazines, I got up and moved. At first it took a lot of strength, but as I did it more and more, it became easier. When conversations started that were crude and distasteful, I would walk away and go someplace else. I didn’t think it was amusing anymore. I realized they were talking about somebody’s sister.

• GET REAL

As we close this chapter, let me just share a couple of final thoughts. I once was talking to a girl named Larissa about sharpening the saw, and she gave me an earful. “Get real, Sean. Who has time? I’m at school all day, I have activities after school, and I study all night. I need to get good grades to get into college. What am I supposed to do, go to bed early and then fail my math test tomorrow?” Let me just say this. There is a time for everything. A time to be balanced and a time to be imbalanced. There are times when you’ll need to go without much sleep and push your body to its limit, for a day, a week, or a season. And there will be times when eating junk food out of the vending machine is your only alternative to starving. This is real life. But there are also times for renewal.

If you go too hard for too long, you won’t think as clearly, you’ll get cranky, and you’ll begin to lose perspective. You may think you don’t have time to exercise, build friendships, or get inspired. In reality, you don’t have time not to. The downtime you spend sharpening your saw will pay you back immediately, ‘cause when you resume your normal routine, you’ll cut that much faster.

You Can Do It

You’re probably already doing a lot of saw sharpening without even knowing it. If you’re working hard at school, you’re sharpening your mind. If you’re into athletics or fitness, you’re caring for your body. If you’re working to develop friendships, you’re nourishing your heart. Often you can sharpen the saw in more than one area at once. Melanie once told me how, for her, horseback riding did this. The physical nature of riding exercised her body. Thinking deeply while riding exercised her mind. And being in nature nurtured her soul. I then asked her, “What about relationships? How does riding develop your heart?” She said, “I get closer to my horse.” Well, I guess horses can be people too.

Sharpening the saw won’t just happen to you. Since it’s a Quadrant 2 activity (important but not urgent), you have to be proactive and happen to it. The best thing to do is to take out time each day to sharpen the saw, even if it’s only for fifteen or thirty minutes. Some teens set apart a specific time each day—early in the morning, after school, or late at night—to be alone, to think, or to exercise. Others like to do it on the weekends. There’s no one right way—so find what works for you.

Abraham Lincoln was once asked, “What would you do if you had eight hours to cut down a tree?” He replied, “I’d spend the first four hours sharpening my saw.” COMING ATTRACTIONS

You’ll like the next chapter because it’s real short. You might as well just finish the book right now!

BABY STEPS

Body

1 Eat breakfast.

2 Start an exercise program today and do it faithfully for 30 days. Walk, run, swim, bike, rollerblade, lift weights, etc. Choose something you really enjoy.

3 Give up a bad habit for a week. Go without alcohol, soda pop, fried foods, donuts, chocolate, or whatever else may be hurting your body. A week later, see how you feel.

Mind

4 Subscribe to a magazine that has some educational value, such as Popular Mechanics or National Geographic.

5 Read a newspaper every day. Pay special attention to the headline stories and the opinions page.

6 The next time you go on a date, visit a museum or eat at an ethnic restaurant you’ve never been to before. Expand your horizons.

Heart

7 Go on a one-on-one outing with a family member like your mom or your brother. Catch a ball game, see a movie, go shopping, or get an ice cream.

8 Begin today to build your humor collection. Cut out your favorite cartoons, buy hilarious movies, or start your own collection of great jokes. In no time, you’ll have something to go to when you’re feeling stressed.

Soul

9 Watch the sunset tonight or get up early to watch the sunrise.

10 If you haven’t already done it, start keeping a journal today.

11 Take time each day to meditate, reflect upon your life, or pray. Do what works for you.