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School-Centered

Among teens, centering one’s life on school is more common than you might think. Lisa, from Canada, regrets being school-centered for so long: I have been so ambitious and so school-centered that I haven’t enjoyed my youth. It has not only been unhealthy for myself—but it’s been selfish, because all I cared about was me and my achievements.

As a seventh grader I was already working as hard as a college student. I wanted to be a brain surgeon, just because it was the hardest thing I could think of. I would get up at six every morning all through school and not go to bed before two A.M. in order to achieve.

I felt teachers and peers expected it of me. They would always be surprised if I didn’t get perfect grades. My parents tried to loosen me up, but my own expectations were as great as that of teachers and peers.

I realize now that I could have accomplished what I wanted without trying so hard, and I could have had a good time doing it.

Our education is vital to our future and should be a top priority. But we must be careful not to let dean’s lists, GPA’s, and AP classes take over our lives. School-centered teens often become so obsessed with getting good grades that they forget that the real purpose of school is to learn. As thousands of teens have proved, you can do extremely well in school and still maintain a healthy balance in life.

Thank goodness our worth isn’t measured by our GPA.

Parent-Centered

Your parents can be your greatest source of love and guidance and you should respect and honor them, but centering your life on your parents and living to please them above everything else can become a real nightmare. (Don’t tell your parents I said that or they might take away your book … just kiddin’.) Read what happened to this young girl from Louisiana: I worked so hard all semester. I just knew that my parents would be pleased—six A’s and one B+. But all I could see in their eyes was disappointment. All they wanted to know was why the B+ wasn’t an A. It was all I could do not to cry. What did they want from me?

That was my sophomore year of high school, and I spent the next two years trying to make my parents proud of me. I played basketball and I hoped that they would be proud—they never came to see me play. I made the honor roll every semester—but after a while straight A’s were just expected. I was going to go to college to be a teacher, but there was no money in that, and my parents felt that I would be better off studying something else—so I did.

Every decision I made was prefaced with the questions—What would Mom and Dad want me to do? Would they be proud? Would they love me? But no matter what I did, it was never good enough. I had based my whole life on the goals and aspirations my parents thought were good, and it didn’t make me happy. I had lived to please my parents for so long that I felt out of control. I felt worthless, useless, and unimportant.

Eventually I realized that my parents’ approval wasn’t coming, and if I didn’t get my act together, I would destroy myself. I needed to find a center that was timeless, unchanging, and real—a center that couldn’t shout, disapprove, or criticize. So I started to live my own life, by the principles that I thought would bring me happiness—like honesty (with myself and my parents), faith in a happier life, hope for the future, and belief in my own goodness. In the beginning I sort of had to pretend that I was strong, but, over a period of time, I became strong.

Finally I struck out on my own and had a falling out with my folks, but it made them see me for who I was, and they loved me. They apologized for all the pressure they put on me and expressed their love. I was eighteen years old before I ever remember my dad saying “I love you,” but they were the sweetest words I have ever heard, and well worth the wait. I still care about what my parents think, and I am still influenced by their opinions, but, ultimately, I have become responsible for my life and my actions, and I try to please myself before anybody else.

Other Possible Centers

The list of possible centers could go on and on. Sports/hobbies-centered is a big one. How many times have we seen a sports-centered jock build his identity around being a great athlete only to suffer a career-ending injury? It happens all the time. And the poor guy is left to rebuild his life from scratch. The same goes for hobbies and interests, such as dance, debate, drama, music, or clubs.

And what about being hero-centered? If you build your life around a movie or rock star, famous athlete, or powerful politician, what happens if they die, do something really stupid, or end up in jail? Where are you then?

Sometimes we can even become enemy-centered, and build our lives around hating a group, a person, or an idea, like Captain Hook whose entire existence revolved around hating Peter Pan. This is often the case with gangs and with bitter divorces. What a warped center this one is!

Becoming work-centered is a sickness that usually afflicts older people but can also reach teens. Workaholism is usually driven by a compulsive need to have more stuff, like money, cars, status, or recognition, which feeds us for a season but doesn’t ever fully satisfy.

Another common center is being self-centered, or thinking the world revolves around you and your problems. This often results in being so worried about your own condition that you’re oblivious to the walking wounded all around you.

As you can see, all these and many more life-centers do not provide the stability that you and I need in life. I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive to become excellent in something like dance or debate, or strive to develop outstanding relationships with our friends and parents. We should. But there’s a fine line between having a passion for something and basing your entire existence on it. And that’s the line we shouldn’t cross.