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Go for It

The Getting to Synergy Action Plan can be used in all kinds of situations: • You’ve just been assigned a group project for biology with three people you don’t even know.

• You and your boyfriend can’t decide whose family you should spend Thanksgiving with.

• You want to go to college, but your parents aren’t willing to help you pay for it.

• As a student body officer, you and your team are in charge of planning the biggest dance of the year.

• You and your stepmom disagree on your curfew.

• You’re always fighting with your brother about the computer.

The Getting to Synergy Action Plan is a guideline, nothing more. The steps don’t always have to be in order, and you don’t always have to do all of them. If your RBA is extremely high with someone, you can virtually skip the first three steps and jump right into brainstorming. On the other hand, if your RBA is low, you may need to take more time listening. It may take several conversations to solve some problems, so be patient.

Despite herculean efforts on your part to find the High Way, sometimes the other party won’t make any effort at all. You may just have to keep building the RBA in these situations.

How do you normally solve conflicts? Most of the time it’s usually fight (with words or fists) or flight (you’re silent or you take off). The Getting to Synergy Action plan offers an alternative.

Pretend you and your sister are in one continuous fight over who gets the car. Each of you feels you need it more than the other person, and it’s created real bad feelings between you. Having recently learned about synergy, you decide to give the Getting to Synergy Action Plan a try.

DEFINE THE PROBLEM OR OPPORTUNITY

“Sis, I’m tired of fighting over the car all the time. Let’s talk and see if we can come up with a Win-Win.” “Oh, c’mon. Don’t try that 7 Habits crap on me.”

“I mean it. I really want to work this out.”

“Fine. How do you suggest we do it? There’s only one car and there’s two of us.” THEIR WAY (Seek first to understand the ideas of others.)

“Well, to start with, tell me why you need the car all the time.”

“You know why. I need a way to get home after practice.” “Why can’t you get a ride with your friends?” “I can sometimes, but it always makes me feel embarrassed because I’m so far out of their way.” “I see. Are there other reasons why you need the car?”

“Well, yeah. I sometimes like to stop by Jared’s house on the way home.” “That’s important to you.”

“You bet.”

“So you don’t like scrounging rides home after practice and you want the freedom a car gives you to do things, like see Jared. Does that pretty much sum it up?” “Yeah.”

MY WAY (Seek to be understood by sharing your ideas.)

“Would you mind if I told you why I need the car?”

“I think I already know, but go ahead.”

“It’s just work. I have to be to work by 6:00 every night and you usually don’t get home until about 6:30. When I have Mom take me I’m always late and my boss has a fit.” “Yeah, I know how it is with Mom.”

BRAINSTORM (Create new options and ideas.)

“Sis, how about if you were to get out of practice a little earlier? If you got home by quarter to six, then you could have the car first and then I’d take it to work.” “I would if I could but I can’t get out of practice early. What if you were to start work a little later?” “Hey, now that I think about it, that might work. I’m sure my boss would let me start later if I ended later. Why don’t we give it a try? You get the car till after practice and then I’ll take it to work later.” “But what if I want to see Jared?”

“If you want to see Jared, I’d just drop you off on my way to work and pick you up on the way home. Would that be all right?” “Yeah, that’d be fine.”

HIGH WAY (Find the best solution.)

“So, do we have a deal?”

“Deal.”

It’s not always this easy. But, on the other hand, sometimes it is.

• TEAMWORK AND SYNERGY

Great teams are usually made up of five or more different types of people, with each member playing a different but important role.

Plodders. Sure and steady, they stick to a job until it’s done. Followers. They are very supportive of leaders. If they hear a great idea, they can run with it.

Innovators. They are the creative, idea people. They offer the sparks.

Harmonizers. They provide unity and support and are great synergizers as they work with others and encourage cooperation.

Show-offs. Fun to work with, they can be tough at times. They often add the spice and momentum needed to bring the team overall success.

Great teamwork is like a great piece of music. All the voices and instruments may be singing and playing at once, but they aren’t competing. Individually, the instruments and voices make different sounds, play different notes, pause at different times; yet they blend together to create a whole new sound. This is synergy.

The book you are holding is dripping with synergy. When I first decided to write it, I felt overwhelmed. So I started in the only way I knew how. I got help. I immediately asked a friend for assistance. I soon put together a bigger team. I identified a few schools and educators from around the country who agreed to give feedback on drafts at different stages. I began interviewing teens one on one and in groups. I hired an artist. I put together contests asking for stories dealing with teens and the 7 Habits. By the end, there were well over 100 people involved in the creation of this book.

Slowly but surely it all came together. Each person brought his or her talents to the table and contributed in a different way. While I focused on writing, others focused on what they were good at. One was good at collecting stories. One could find great quotes. Another knew how to edit. Some were plodders, some innovators, some show-offs. It was teamwork and synergy to the max.

The wonderful by-product of teamwork and synergy is that it builds relationships. Basketball Olympian Deborah Miller Palmore said it well: “Even when you’ve played the game of your life, it’s the feeling of teamwork that you’ll remember. You’ll forget the plays, the shots, and the scores, but you’ll never forget your teammates.” COMING ATTRACTIONS

If you keep reading, you’ll discover the real reason why

Michelle Pfeiffer looks like a million bucks. Just a few more pages and you’re done!

BABY STEPS

1 When you meet a classmate or neighbor with a disability or impairment, don’t feel sorry for them or avoid them because you don’t know what to say. Instead, go out of your way to get acquainted.

2 The next time you are having a disagreement with a parent, try out the Getting to Synergy Action Plan. 1. Define the problem. 2. Listen to them. 3. Share your views. 4. Brainstorm. 5. Find the best solution.

3 Share a personal problem with an adult you trust. See if the exchanging of viewpoints leads to new insights and ideas about your problem.

4 This week, look around and notice how much synergy is going on all around you, such as two hands working together, teamwork, symbiotic relationships in nature, and creative problem solving.

5 Think about someone who irritates you. What is different about them?

What can you learn from them?

6 Brainstorm with your friends and come up with something fun, new, and different to do this weekend, instead of doing the same old thing again and again.

7 Rate your openness to diversity in each of the following categories. Are you a shunner, tolerator, or celebrator?

Race

Gender

Religion

Age Dress

What can you do to become a celebrator in each category?