فصل 41

You’re Gonna Make It

It’s totally normal to feel depressed at times. But there is a big difference between a case of the blues and sustained depression. If life has become a real pain for a long period of time and you can’t seem to shake off that feeling of hopelessness, things are serious. Fortunately, depression is treatable. Don’t hesitate to get help, either from medication or from talking with someone who is trained to deal with these issues.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please listen closely to what I’m saying. Hold on for dear life. You’re gonna make it. Life will get better … I promise. You are worth millions and you are needed. Bad times will pass … they always do. Someday you will look back on your situation and be glad you held on, as was the case with this young lady: I am one of the many young people who comes from a wonderful home and really don’t have any reason to have gotten into trouble. But I did. Friends became very important to me in junior high and high school, and home life seemed very boring. I couldn’t wait to get out of there every day just to be with my buddies and hang out. Within two years I probably tried every vice in the book, and it didn’t make me feel any better. On the contrary.

I began having trouble even coming home. It was almost too painful to walk into that sunny, peaceful house with aromas of good cooking. They all seemed so darn good and perfect, and I felt like I couldn’t fulfill their expectations. I somehow didn’t fit in. I was not living a life they were proud of, and I would just make them unhappy. I began to wish I was dead. Then the thought led to actual suicide attempts.

I kept a journal and it really scares me today to see how close I came to ending it all. Today, just a few years later, I am in college getting straight A’s, I have a happy social life, I have a boyfriend who loves me very much, and I have a great relationship with my family. I have so many plans, so many things I am going to do. I love life, I have so much to live for, I cannot believe that I ever felt different, but I did. It took several serious wake-up calls to make me realize that I could be different. Thank heavens I’m still here.

Remember that the struggles you are now facing will eventually become a great source of strength for you. As the philosopher Kahlil Gibran wrote: “That self-same well from which our laughter rises was often times filled with our tears. The deeper that sorrow carries into our being, the more joy it can contain.” (Please refer to the hotlines and Web sites in the back of this book if you need help.) • LAUGH OR YOU’LL CRY

After all is said and done, there is one last key to keeping your heart healthy and strong. Just laugh. That’s right … laugh. Hakuna matata! Don’t worry, be happy! Sometimes life just stinks and there’s not much you can do to change it, so you might as well laugh.

It’s too bad that as we age we tend to forget what made childhood so magical. One study showed that by the time you reach kindergarten, you laugh about 300 times a day. In contrast, the typical adult laughs a wimpy seventeen times a day. No wonder children are so much happier! Why are we so serious? Maybe it’s because we’ve been taught that laughing too much is childish. To quote the great Jedi master, Yoda, “You must unlearn what you have learned.” We must learn to laugh again.

I read the most fascinating article by Peter Doskoch about the power of humor in Psychology Today. These were some of his key findings: Laughter:

• Loosens up the mental gears and helps us think more creatively

• Helps us cope with the difficulties of life

• Reduces stress levels

• Relaxes us as it lowers our heart rate and blood pressure

• Connects us with others and counteracts feelings of alienation, a major factor in depression and suicide • Releases endorphins, the brain’s natural painkillers

Laughter has also been shown to promote good health and speed healing. I’ve heard several accounts of people who healed themselves from serious sickness through heavy doses of laughing therapy. Laughter can also help heal injured relationships. As entertainer Victor Borge put it, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” If you’re not laughing much, what can you do to start again? I suggest developing your own “humor collection,” a collection of books, cartoons, videos, ideas—whatever is funny to you. Then, whenever you’re feeling down, or taking yourself way too seriously, visit your collection. For example, I like stupid movies. There are a few actors who make me laugh just at the thought of them. I have bought many of their low-budget movies and watch them whenever I need to “lighten up.” Similarly, my brother Stephen has one of the largest collections of The Far Side cartoons ever known to man. He claims that these cartoons have kept him from going insane during high-stress periods.

Learn to laugh at yourself when strange or stupid things happen to you, because they will. As someone once said, “One of the best things people can have up their sleeve is a good funny bone.” Caring for Your Soul

What is it that moves your soul? A great movie? A good book? Have you ever seen a movie that made you cry? What was it that got to you?

What deeply inspires you? Does music? Art? Being in nature?

By soul, I mean that inner self that lurks far below the surface of your everyday self. Your soul is your center, wherein lie your deepest convictions and values. It is the source for purpose, meaning, and inner peace. Sharpening the saw in the spiritual area of life means taking time to renew and awaken that inner self. As the famous author Pearl S. Buck wrote, “Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that never dry up.” How to Feed Your Soul

As a teenager, I got strength from writing in my journal, listening to good music, and spending time alone in the mountains. This was my way of renewing my soul, although I didn’t think of it that way at the time. I also got strength from inspiring quotes, such as this one by past U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Ezra Taft Benson: “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, and pour out peace.” Your soul is a very private area of your life. Naturally, there are many different ways to feed it. Here are a few ideas shared by teens: • Meditating

• Serving others

• Writing in my journal

• Going for a walk

• Reading inspiring books

• Drawing

• Praying

• Writing poetry or music

• Thinking deeply

• Listening to uplifting music

• Playing a musical instrument

• Practicing a religion

• Talking to friends I can be myself with

• Reflecting on my goals or mission statement

Here are a couple of soul-nourishing techniques to especially consider.

• GETTING BACK TO NATURE

There is something magical about getting into nature that just can’t be matched. Even if you live in a downtown area far removed from rivers, mountains, or beaches, there will usually be a park nearby that you can visit. I once interviewed a young man named Ryan who learned about the healing powers of Mother Nature in the midst of a really messed up home life.

At one point during high school, I went through a dark period where it seemed that everything just caved in. That’s when I found the river hole. It was just a bank off in some trees in the back of an old farmer’s place and didn’t look like much. But it became my escape. There was no one around, you couldn’t hear people. It was beautiful. Just swimming around made me feel at peace with nature. Anytime I was stressed out I’d go there. It was like my life could come back to normal.

Some people turn to organized religion for direction, but it’s been hard for me to turn to religion. I do have a religion and I’m strong in it. But sometimes it’s just hard for me to get up and go to church, because I go and everyone says, “Oh, just be happy. It will all work out. Just have faith. Things will work out with your family.” I just think that’s bull. C’mon. Families don’t always work out. My family’s all messed up.

But by going to the river, that place didn’t judge me. That place didn’t tell me what to do. It was just there. And by following its example, the peacefulness and the serenity that existed there, that’s all I needed to calm things down. It made me feel like everything was going to work out.

• A TEEN’S BEST FRIEND

Like getting into nature, keeping a journal can do wonders for your soul. It can become your solace, your best friend, the only place where you can fully express yourself no matter how angry, happy, scared, love crazed, insecure, or confused you feel. You can pour your heart out in your journal and it will just sit there and listen. It won’t talk back. And it won’t talk behind your back. Writing down your unedited thoughts can clear your mind, boost your confidence, and help you find yourself.

Keeping a journal will also strengthen your tool of self-awareness. It’s fun and enlightening to read past entries and realize how much you’ve grown, how stupid and immature you once sounded, or how caught up you were with some boy or girl. One girl told me about how reading her old journal entries gave her the insight to keep from returning to her former abusive boyfriend.

There is no formal way to keep a journal. Feel free to paste in mementos, ticket stubs, love notes, and anything else that will preserve a memory. My old journals are full of poor art, bad poetry, and strange smells.

A journal is just a formal name for putting your thoughts down on paper. There are other names and forms. Allison writes little notes to herself that she keeps in a special box she calls her sacred box. Kaire renews herself by keeping a “gratitude book”: I have a book that helps me to be more positive in life. I call it my gratitude book. In this book, I write down something I’m grateful for or something positive that happened to me during the day. This book has changed my life and totally put things into perspective, because I try to pick out all the good things that happen and not the bad. This is not like a journal where you write what happens, both good and bad. I still keep a journal, but this is different. I have a page of my favorite songs, favorite touches (brother’s hug), favorite sounds (Mom’s laugh), favorite feels (cool breeze), and so on. I also write down small things like, “Brian offered to clear the table for me,” or “John went out of his way to say hello to me today.” These things make you feel good. I look back at this book and remember these good things and the bad things are forgotten, erased and gone. They can’t affect me anymore.

I’ve given a book to others and they say it has really helped them. It’s my way of saying, “You’re the only one who can make you happy—no one else can.” • YOUR SPIRITUAL DIET

I’ve often wondered what would happen to someone who drank and ate only soft drinks and chocolate for several years straight. What would they look and feel like after a while? Probably like scum. But why do we think the result would be any different if we fed our souls trash for several years straight? You’re not only what you eat, you’re also what you listen to, read, and see. More important than what goes into your body is what goes into your soul.

So what is your spiritual diet? Are you feeding your soul nutrients, or are you loading it with nuclear waste? What kind of media do you allow yourself to take in? Have you ever even thought about it?

You see, we swim in a world of media and don’t even know it. Try going “media-free” for just one day and you’ll see what I mean—one day without listening to any music, watching any TV or videos, reading any books or magazines, surfing the Web, or reading a billboard (that’s media too). You’ll find it’s virtually impossible, and you may even develop severe withdrawal pains.

Take music, for example. Studies show that the average teen listens to four hours of music a day. That’s a lot of tunes! When you wake up in the morning, what do you do? You turn on your radio or stereo. Then you jump into your car and what do you do? You get angry with your parents, run to your room, and what do you do? Can you imagine watching a commercial, TV program, or movie that isn’t accompanied by music?

Now, if you think the media doesn’t affect you, just think about your favorite song and what it does to your emotions. Or think about the last time you saw half-naked members of the opposite sex wiggling all over the screen or pictured on the page. Or think back to the last bottle of shampoo you bought. Why did you buy it? Probably because of the influence of a thirty-second TV commercial or a one-page magazine ad. And if a one-page ad can sell a bottle of shampoo, don’t you think a full-length movie, magazine, or CD can sell a lifestyle?

Like most things, there is a light and a dark side to the media. And you need to choose what you’re going to allow in. My only suggestion is to follow your conscience and to treat your soul with the same respect that an Olympic athlete would treat his or her body. For example, if the music you listen to or the movies you watch make you feel depressed, angry, dark, violent, or like you’re in heat, then guess what? That’s probably a sign that they’re trash, and you don’t need trash. On the other hand, if they make you feel relaxed, happy, inspired, hopeful, or peaceful, then keep taking them. You’ll eventually become what you view, hear, and read, so continually ask yourself the question “Do I want this to be part of me?”