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Watch How It Makes You Feel

Developing a Win-Win attitude is not easy. But you can do it. If you’re thinking Win-Win only 10 percent of the time right now, start thinking it 20 percent of the time, then 30 percent, and so on. Eventually, it will become a mental habit, and you won’t even have to think about. It will become part of who you are.

Perhaps the most surprising benefit of thinking Win-Win is the good feelings it brings on. One of my favorite stories that illustrates the power of thinking Win-Win is the true story of Jacques Lusseyran as told in his autobiography And There Was Light. The editors of PARABOLA magazine, who wrote the book’s foreword, summarize Lusseyran’s story this way: “Born in Paris in 1924, [Jacques] was fifteen at the time of the German occupation, and at sixteen he had formed and was heading an underground resistance movement… which from a beginning of fifty-two boys … within a year had grown to six hundred. This would seem remarkable enough, but add to it the fact that from the age of eight, Jacques had been totally blind.” Although totally blind, Jacques could see, in a different way. As he put it: “I saw light and went on seeing it though I was blind … I could feel light rising, spreading, resting on objects, giving them form, then leaving them … I lived in a stream of light.” He called this stream of light that he lived in “my secret.” Yet there were times when Jacques’ light would leave him and he became cloudy. It was whenever he thought Win-Lose. As he put it: “When I was playing with my small companions, if I suddenly grew anxious to win, to be the first at all costs, then all at once I could see nothing. Literally I went into fog or smoke.

“I could no longer afford to be jealous or unfriendly, because, as soon as I was, a bandage came down over my eyes, and I was bound hand and foot and cast aside. All at once a black hole opened, and I was helpless inside it. But when I was happy and serene, approached people with confidence and thought well of them, I was rewarded with light. So is it surprising that I learned to love friendship and harmony when I was very young.” The true test of whether or not you are thinking Win-Win or one of the alternatives is how you feel. Win-Lose and Lose-Win thinking will cloud your judgment and fill you with negative feelings. You simply cannot afford to do it. On the other hand, just as Jacques discovered, thinking Win-Win will fill your heart with happy and serene thoughts. It will give you confidence. Even fill you with light.

COMING ATTRACTIONS

In the upcoming chapter, I’ll share the secret to getting under your

parents’ skins in a positive way. So don’t stop now!

BABY STEPS

1 Pinpoint the area of your life where you most struggle with comparisons. Perhaps it’s with clothes, physical features, friends, or talents.

Where I’m struggling most with comparisons:

2 If you play sports, show sportsmanship. Compliment someone from the opposing team after the match or game.

1. If someone owes you money, don’t be afraid to mention it in a friendly way. “Did you forget about that ten bucks I loaned you last week? I could use it right now.” Think Win-Win, not Lose-Win.

4 Without caring whether you win or lose, play a card, board, or computer game with others just for the fun of it.

5 Do you have an important test coming up soon? If so, form a study group and share your best ideas with each other. You’ll all do better.

1. The next time someone close to you succeeds, be genuinely happy for them instead of feeling threatened.

7 Think about your general attitude toward life. Is it based on Win-Lose, Lose-Win, Lose-Lose, or Win-Win thinking? How is that attitude affecting you?

8 Think of a person who you feel is a model of Win-Win. What is it about this person you admire?

9 Are you in a Lose-Win relationship with a member of the opposite sex? If you are, then decide what must happen to make it a Win for you or choose to go for No Deal and get out of the relationship.