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Below are events in the life history of a man who failed many times but kept fighting back. See if you can guess who it is. This man: • failed in business at age twenty-two

• was defeated for the state legislature at age twenty-three

• failed in business at age twenty-five

• coped with the death of his sweetheart at age twenty-six

• suffered a nervous breakdown at age twenty-seven

• was defeated for speaker at age twenty-nine

• was defeated for congressional nomination at age thirty-four

• was elected to Congress at age thirty-seven

• lost renomination for Congress at age thirty-nine

• was defeated for the Senate at age forty-six

• was defeated for the vice-presidency of the United States at age forty-seven • and was defeated for the Senate at age forty-nine

This person was none other than Abraham Lincoln, elected president of the United States at age fifty-one. He rose each time he fell and eventually reached his destination, gaining the respect and admiration of all nations and peoples.

Be Strong in the Hard Moments

The poet Robert Frost wrote, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” I have come to believe that there are certain hard moments, diverging-road moments, that, if we are strong in them, will make “all the difference” down the road of life.

So what exactly are hard moments? Hard moments are conflicts between doing the right thing and doing the easier thing. They are the key tests, the defining moments of life—and how we handle them can literally shape our forevers. They come in two sizes, small and large.

Small hard moments occur daily and include things like getting up when your alarm rings, controlling your temper, or disciplining yourself to do your homework. If you can conquer yourself and be strong in these moments your days will run so much more smoothly. For example, if I’m weak in a hard moment and sleep in (mattress over mind), it often snowballs and becomes the first of many little failures throughout the day. But if I get up when planned (mind over mattress), it often becomes the first of many little successes.

In contrast to small hard moments, larger ones occur every so often in life and include things like choosing good friends, resisting negative peer pressure, and rebounding after a major setback: You may get cut from a team or dumped by your lover, your parents may get divorced, or you may have a death in the family. These moments have huge consequences and often strike when you’re least expecting them. If you recognize that these moments will come (and they will), then you can prepare for them and meet them head on like a warrior and come out victorious.

Be courageous at these key junctures! Don’t sacrifice your future happiness for one night of pleasure, a weekend of excitement, or a thrilling moment of revenge. If you are ever thinking about doing something really stupid, remember these lines from Shakespeare (Wow! Shakespeare twice in one chapter): What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?

A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.

Who buys a minutes’ mirth to wail a week?

Or sells eternity to get a toy?

For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?

These lines are about sacrificing your future for a brief moment of joy. Who would want to give up the rest of his or her life for a toy? Or who would want to buy a minute of happiness (mirth) for a week’s worth of pain? Or who would destroy an entire vine for just one grape? Only a stupid person would.

Overcoming Peer Pressure

Some of the hardest moments come when facing peer pressure. Saying no when all your friends are saying yes takes raw courage. However, standing up to peer pressure, what I call “won’t power,” is a massive deposit into your PBA.

A counselor at a high school shared this:

A freshman girl rushed into my office before school with tears streaming down her face. “They hate me! They hate me!” She had just been dumped by her group of friends who told her to get lost because she had been “too good” the day before to ditch school and ride up to Chicago for the day. She said at first she wanted to go but then thought how much it would hurt her mom when the school called home and told her that her daughter wasn’t in school. She felt she just couldn’t do that to her mom because she had made so many sacrifices for her. She couldn’t let her down!

She stood up and said no I can’t do it, and everyone just blew her off. She thought the next day that everything would be okay, but it wasn’t—they all told her to find new friends because she was too good for them.

Through the tears and pain she began to see that she felt good inside, but lonely, as her friends didn’t accept her. But she accepted herself and gained self-respect and inner peace despite outside rejection. A life lesson learned and a moment of standing up for herself.

Sometimes peer pressure can be so strong that the only way to resist it is to remove yourself entirely from the environment you’re in. This is especially the case if you’re involved with a gang, a fraternity or sorority, or a tight group of friends. For Heather, changing her environment was the best solution: Even though I knew for a long time that I needed to change my friends, I just didn’t know how. My “best friend” would encourage me to do the things she was, like sleeping around and doing drugs. Before long people at school started to call me a slut.

I still wanted to be friends with her, and my other friends, because I would think about all the good times we’d had together. Yet when I went out with them at night we would get into stuff we weren’t supposed to. I knew I was holding on to things that I shouldn’t be.

I decided I needed to change my whole environment and get away from it all. I asked my mom if I could go and stay with my aunt to get a new start and find a better group of friends. She agreed, and since then I’ve moved in with my aunt.

Now, around my new friends, I say whatever I feel is right, and I am being more myself. I don’t care what people say about me, and if they don’t like me, then oh well! This is me, and I am not going to change just to fit in with them. I am going to change for me.

To overcome peer pressure, you’ve got to care more about what you think of you than what your peers think of you, as this short poem by Portia Nelson reminds us: Any day of the week

I would choose to be “out”

with others

and in touch

with myself…

than to be “in” with others

and out of touch

with myself.

Why is peer pressure so hard to resist? It’s because you are dying to belong. That’s why teens are often willing to go through brutal hazing rituals to become a member of a club or get heavy into drugs and violence to become a member of a gang. Sometimes we simply need a wake-up call to snap us out of it, as was the case with Ryan: Peer pressure and wearing the latest styles in clothes was really important to me. Then I got really sick with a kidney disease, and it just kind of seemed silly to buy a bunch of clothes when in a few months they were not the cool thing anymore. I decided that I was going to do what was most important. I started spending more time with my family, instead of being out with my friends so much, and I stopped worrying about what they thought about me, and started being myself.

Not all peer pressure is bad. In fact, much of it can be very good. If you can find a friend who puts positive pressure on you to be your best, then hang on to him or her for dear life, because you’ve got something very special.

If you find yourself wanting to stand up but instead you are continually caving in to peer pressure, here are two things you can do.

First, build your personal bank account. If your self-confidence and self-respect are low, how can you expect to have the strength to resist? What can you do? You can begin today to build your PBA, little by little. Make a promise to yourself and keep it. Help someone in need. Develop a talent. Renew yourself. Eventually you’ll have sufficient strength to forge your own path instead of following the beaten ones. (You may want to review the chapter on the personal bank account.) Second, write your mission statement and set goals. If you haven’t decided what your values are, how can you expect to stick up for them? It will be a whole lot easier to say no if you know what goals you’re saying yes to. For example, it’s easier to say no to cutting class when you are saying yes to your goal of getting good grades and making it to college. (You may want to review the chapter on Habit 2, Begin with the End in Mind.) • THE COMMON INGREDIENT OF SUCCESS

In the final analysis, putting first things first takes discipline. It takes discipline to manage your time. It takes discipline to overcome your fears. It takes discipline to be strong in the hard moments and resist peer pressure. A man by the name of Albert E. Gray spent years studying successful people in an attempt to figure out that special ingredient that made them all successful. What do you think he found? Well, it wasn’t dressing for success, or eating bran, or having a positive mental attitude. Instead, this is what he found. Read it carefully.

Albert E. Gray’s Common Denominator of Success:

All successful people have the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.

What does this mean? It means that successful people are willing to suck it up from time to time and do things they don’t like doing. Why do they do them? Because they know these things will lead them to their goals.

In other words, sometimes you just gotta exercise your special human tool called willpower to get things done, whether you feel like it or not. Do you think a concert pianist always enjoys hours of practice each day?

Does a person who is committed to earning her own way through college enjoy taking on a second job?

I remember reading a story about an all-American collegiate wrestler who was asked what the most memorable day of his career had been. He replied that it was the one day during his career when practice had been canceled. He hated practice, but was willing to endure it for a greater purpose, his love of being the best he could be.

• A FINAL WORD

We’ve surveyed thousands of people on the 7 Habits and guess which habit is the hardest one to live? You guessed it! It’s Habit 3. So don’t get discouraged if you struggle with it. You’ve got company.

If you don’t know where to start with Habit 3, go to the baby steps. That’s what they are there for—to help you get started.

Your teen years can be some of the most exciting and adventurous years of life. So value each moment, as this poem so beautifully communicates: To realize the value of One Year,

Ask a student who failed his or her AP exams.

To realize the value of One Month,

Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of One Week,

Ask an editor of a weekly magazine.

To realize the value of One Day,

Ask a daily wage laborer who has six kids to feed.

To realize the value of One Hour,

Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of One Minute,

Ask a person who missed their train.

To realize the value of One Second,

Ask the person who survived an accident.

To realize the value of One Millisecond,

Ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

COMING ATTRACTIONS

Just up ahead we’ll talk about the stuff that life is made of. I think you’ll be surprised what that stuff is. So keep moving! By the way, you’re halfway done with the book. Congratulations!

BABY STEPS

1 Set a goal to use a planner for one month. Stick to your plan.

2 Identify your biggest time-wasters. Do you really need to spend two hours on the phone, surf the Web all night, or watch that sitcom rerun?

3 Are you a “pleaser,” someone who says yes to everything and everyone? If so, have the courage to say no today when it’s the right thing to do.

4 If you have an important test in one week, don’t procrastinate and wait until the day before to study. Suck it up and study a little each day.

5 Think of something you’ve procrastinated for a long time but that’s very important to you. Block out time this week to get it done.

6 Images Note your ten most important big rocks for the upcoming week. Now, block out time on your schedule to accomplish each one.

7 Identify a fear that is holding you back from reaching your goals. Decide right now to jump outside your comfort zone and stop letting that fear get the best of you.

8 How much impact does peer pressure have on you? Identify the person or people who have the most influence upon you. Ask yourself, “Am I doing what I want to do or what they want me to do?