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The Comfort Zone and the Courage Zone

Putting your first things first takes courage and will often cause you to stretch outside your comfort zone. Take a peek at the Courage and Comfort Zone diagram.

Your comfort zone represents things you’re familiar with, places you know, friends you’re at ease with, activities you enjoy doing. Your comfort zone is risk free. It’s easy. It doesn’t require any stretching. Within these boundaries we feel safe and secure.

On the other hand, things like making new friends, speaking before a large audience, or sticking up for your values makes your hair stand on end. Welcome to the courage zone! Adventure, risk, and challenge included! Everything that makes us feel uncomfortable is found here. In this territory waits uncertainty, pressure, change, the possibility of failure. But it’s also the place to go for opportunity and the only place in which you’ll ever reach your full potential. You’ll never reach it by hanging out in your comfort zone. That’s for sure.

What’s that you asked? “What’s so wrong about enjoying your comfort zone?” Nothing. In fact, much of our time should be spent there. But there is something absolutely wrong with never venturing into unknown waters. You know as well as I do that people who seldom try new things or spread their wings live safe but boring lives! And who wants that? “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take,” said hockey great Wayne Gretzky. Why not show some faith in your-self, take a risk, and parachute into your courage zone from time to time? Remember, the risk of riskless living is the greatest risk of all.

Never Let Your Fears Make Your Decisions

There are a lot of sick emotions is this world, but perhaps one of the worst is fear. When I think about all I failed to do in my life because my fears got the best of me I ache inside. In high school I had a crush on a beautiful girl named Sherry but I never asked her out because my fears whispered, “She may not like you.” I remember quitting my seventh-grade football team after one practice because I was afraid of competition. I’ll never forget contemplating running for a student body office but chickening out because I was too scared of speaking in front of the whole school. Throughout my life there have been classes I never took, friends I never made, and teams I never played for—all because of these ugly, yet very real, fears. I like how Shakespeare put it in Measure for Measure: Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt.

My dad once told me something I’ve never forgotten. “Sean,” he said, “never let your fears make your decisions. You make them.” Isn’t that a great idea? Think of all the heroic acts that have been accomplished by people who acted in the face of fear. Think of Nelson Mandela, who was instrumental in ending the oppressive apartheid system in South Africa. Mandela was imprisoned for twenty-seven years (imagine that) for speaking out against apartheid before being elected as the first non-white president of South Africa. What if, because of his fears, he had never dared to fight the system? Or consider the unyielding courage of Susan B. Anthony as she led the long struggle that finally won women the right to vote under the U.S. Constitution. Or think of Winston Churchill, prime minister of England during World War II, who led the free world in its fight against Nazi Germany. What if, because of self-doubt, he had been fainthearted during the war? Surely all great deeds, whether by famous people or by everyday people, were accomplished in the face of fear.

Acting in the face of fear will never be easy, but afterward you’ll always be glad you did it. During my senior year in college I was short a few credits, and so I skimmed through the class schedule looking for something to fill the hours. When I came across “Private Voice Instruction,” as in singing lessons, I thought, “Why not step outside my comfort zone and give it a try?” I was careful to sign up for private lessons instead of group lessons because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself by singing in front of other students.

Things went fine until the end of the semester when my singing professor brought the shocking news. “By the way, Sean, have you decided which song you want to sing before the other students?” “What do you mean?” I asked in horror.

“Well, the class requirements state that you have to sing at least one time in front of the other private voice students.” “That would not be a good idea,” I said emphatically.

“Oh, it’s no big deal. You’ll do fine.”

Well, to me it was a huge deal. The thought of singing in front of a group made me physically sick. “How am I going to get out of this one?” I thought. But I couldn’t allow myself to do that because I had been speaking to various groups over the past year advising them to never let fears make their decisions. Now … I was up to bat.

“Courage, Sean.” I kept rehearsing in my mind. “You’ve got to at least try.” That dreaded day finally arrived. As I entered the “room of doom” where I was to make my debut, I kept trying to convince myself, “Settle down, Sean. This can’t be that bad.” But it kept getting worse. I became increasingly intimidated as I discovered that nearly everyone in the room was either a music or theater major. I mean, these people really knew how to sing. Since childhood they’d been performing in musicals and choruses. My fear only increased when the first student called upon sang a song from the play Les Misérables that sounded better than in the original Broadway production. The guy was incredible. Yet the class had the audacity to critique him. “I think that your tonality was a little flat,” someone said. “Oh, no! What will they think of me?” “Sean, you’re up.”

Now it was my turn.

As I stood in front of the class, three million light years outside my comfort zone, I kept repeating to myself, “Courage! I can’t believe I’m doing this. Courage! I can’t believe I’m doing this.” “I will be singing ‘On the Street Where You Live’ from My Fair Lady,” I quivered.

As the accompanist began playing the prelude and all eyes fell upon me, I couldn’t help but think, “How? How in the world did I get myself into this situation?” And from the smiles on everyone’s faces it looked as if they were actually going to take me seriously.

“I have often walked down this street before …” I rang out.

Even before I reached the second line, the expressions of excitement on the students’ faces turned to anguish. I was so nervous that my body felt as tight as jeans just pulled from the dryer. I had to squeeze each word out.

Near the end of the song is a really high note. It had always been difficult for me to reach, even in practice. Now I anticipated it with terror. But as that note approached I thought, “What the heck. Go for it!” I don’t recall if I hit that note or missed it. All I remember is that a few students were so embarrassed that despite their best efforts they could no longer bear to look at me.

I finished and sat down quickly. Silence.

No one knew what to say.

“That was great, Sean.”

“Thanks a lot,” I shrugged, as if I believed them. But do you know what? Although that experience nearly killed me, when I left that classroom and walked alone through the empty parking lot to my car I was so proud of myself. I felt a great sense of personal accomplishment, and I frankly didn’t care what anyone else thought about my high note. I had survived and I was proud of it. As Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, put it, “It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” So the next time you want to: • make a new friend,

• resist peer pressure,

• break an old habit,

• develop a new skill,

• try out for a team,

• audition for a play,

• ask out the one and only,

• change your job,

• get involved,

• be yourself,

or even if you want to sing in public … Do it! … even when all your fears and doubts scream out, “You stink,” “You’ll fail,” “Don’t try.” Never let your fears make your decisions. You make them.

Winning Means Rising Each Time You Fall

We all feel fear from time to time, and that’s okay. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” goes the saying. One way I’ve learned to overcome fear is to keep this thought always in the back of my mind: Winning is nothing more than rising each time you fall. We should worry less about failing and more about the chances we miss when we don’t even try. After all, many of the people we most admire failed many times.

For instance, Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times. Albert Einstein didn’t talk until he was four. Beethoven’s music teacher said, “As a composer he is hopeless.” Louis Pasteur was graded “mediocre” in chemistry. Rocket scientist Wernher von Braun failed ninth-grade algebra. Chemist Madame Marie Curie experienced near financial ruin before creating the field of nuclear chemistry and forever changing the course of science. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team when he was a sophomore.