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Habit 6—Synergize

The “High” Way

Have you ever seen a flock of geese heading south for the winter flying along in a Image formation? Scientists have learned some amazing things about why they fly that way: • By flying in formation, the whole flock can fly 71 percent farther than if each bird flew alone. When a goose flaps its wings, it creates an updraft for the goose that follows.

• As the lead goose gets tired, he will rotate to the back of the Image and allow another goose to take the lead position.

• The geese in the back honk to encourage those in the front.

• Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it immediately feels the resistance of trying to fly alone and quickly gets back into formation.

• Finally, when one of the geese gets sick or is wounded and falls out of formation, two geese will follow it down to help and protect it. They will stay with the injured goose until it is better or dies and then will join a new formation or create their own to catch up with the group.

Smart birds, those geese! By sharing in each other’s draft, taking turns in the lead position, honking encouragement to each other, staying in formation, and watching out for the wounded, they accomplish so much more than if each bird flew solo. It makes me wonder if they took a class in Habit 6, Synergize. Hmmm … What does “synergize” mean? In a nutshell, synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create a better solution than either could alone. It’s not your way or my way but a better way, a higher way.

Synergy is the reward, the delicious fruit you’ll taste as you get better at living the other habits, especially at thinking Win-Win and seeking first to understand. Learning to synergize is like learning to form Image formations with others instead of trying to fly through life solo. You’ll be amazed at how much faster and farther you’ll go!

SYNERGY IS:

Celebrating differences

SYNERGY IS NOT:

Tolerating differences

SYNERGY IS:

Teamwork

SYNERGY IS NOT:

Working independently

SYNERGY IS:

Open-mindedness

SYNERGY IS NOT:

Thinking you’re always right

SYNERGY IS:

Finding new and better ways

SYNERGY IS NOT:

Compromise

SYNERGY IS EVERYWHERE

Synergy is everywhere in nature. The great sequoia trees (which grow to heights of 300 feet or more) grow in clumps and share a vast array of intermingled roots. Without each other, they would blow over in a storm.

Many plants and animals live together in symbiotic relationships. If you have ever seen a picture of a small bird feeding off the back of a rhinoceros, you’ve seen synergy. Each benefits: The bird gets fed and the rhino gets cleaned.

Synergy isn’t anything new. If you’ve ever been on a team of any kind, you’ve felt it. If you’ve ever worked on a group project that really came together or been on a really fun group date, you’ve felt it.

A good band is a great example of synergy. It’s not just the drums, or the guitar, or the sax, or the vocalist, it’s all of them together that make up the “sound.” Each band member brings his or her strengths to the table to create something better than each could alone. No instrument is more important than another, just different.

• CELEBRATING DIFFERENCES

Synergy doesn’t just happen. It’s a process. You have to get there. And the foundation of getting there is this: Learn to celebrate differences.

I’ll never forget encountering in high school a Tongan named Fine (pronounced Fee-Nee) Unga. At first, I was scared to death of him. I mean the guy was built like a tank, was mean looking, and was known as a street fighter. We looked, dressed, talked, thought, and ate differently (you should have seen this guy eat). The only thing we had in common was football. So how in the world did we become best friends? Maybe it was because we were so different. I never quite knew what Fine was thinking or what he would do next, and that was terribly refreshing. I especially enjoyed being his friend when a fight broke out. He had strengths I didn’t have and I had strengths he didn’t have, so together we made a great team.

Boy, am I glad that the world isn’t full of a bunch of clones who act and think exactly like me. Thank goodness for diversity.

When we hear the word diversity, we typically think of racial and gender differences. But there is so much more to it, including differences in physical features, dress, language, wealth, family, religious beliefs, lifestyle, education, interests, skills, age, style, and on and on. As Dr. Seuss said in One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish: We see them come.

We see them go.

Some are fast.

And some are slow.

Some are high.

And some are slow.

Not one of them

is like another.

Don’t ask us why.

Go ask your mother.

The world is fast becoming a great melting pot of cultures, races, religions, and ideas. Since this diversity around you is ever increasing, you’ve got an important decision to make regarding how you’re going to handle it. There are three possible approaches you can take: Level 1: Shun diversity

Level 2: Tolerate diversity

Level 3: Celebrate diversity

Shunner’s Profile

Shunners are afraid (sometimes even scared to death) of differences. It disturbs them that someone may have a different skin color, worship a different God, or wear a different brand of jeans than they do, because they’re convinced their way of life is the “best,” “right,” or “only” way. They enjoy ridiculing those who are different, all the while believing that they are saving the world from some terrible pestilence. They won’t hesitate to get physical about it if they have to and will often join gangs, cliques, or anti-groups because there’s strength in numbers.

Tolerator’s Profile

Tolerators believe that everyone has the right to be different. They don’t shun diversity but don’t embrace it either. Their motto is: “You keep to yourself and I’ll keep to myself. You do your thing and let me do mine. you don’t bother me and I won’t bother you. “ Although they come close, they never get to synergy because they see differences as hurdles, not as potential strengths to build upon. They don’t know what they’re missing.

Celebrator’s Profile

Celebrators value differences. They see them as an advantage, not a weakness. They’ve learned that two people who think differently can achieve more than two people who think alike. They realize that celebrating differences doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree with those differences, such as being a Democrat or a Republican, only that you value them. In their eyes, Diversity = Creative Sparks = Opportunity.

So where do you fall on the spectrum? Take a hard look. If someone’s clothes don’t match yours, do you value their unique clothing styles or do you think they’re “out of touch”?

Think about a group that has contrary religious beliefs to yours. Do you respect their beliefs or do you write them off as a bunch of weirdos?

If someone lives on a different side of town than you, do you feel they could teach you a thing or two or do you label them because of where they live?

The truth is, celebrating diversity is a struggle for most of us, depending on the issue. For example, you may appreciate racial and cultural diversity and in the same breath look down on someone because of the clothes they wear.

• WE ARE ALL A MINORITY OF ONE

It’s much easier to appreciate differences when we realize that in one way or another, we are all a minority of one. And we should remember that diversity isn’t just an external thing, it’s also internal. In the book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, Robert Fulghum says, “We are as different from one another on the inside of our heads as we appear to be different from one another on the outside of our heads.” How do we differ on the inside? Well… We learn differently. As you’ve probably noticed, your friend’s or sister’s brain doesn’t work the same way yours does. Dr. Thomas Armstrong has identified seven kinds of smarts and says that kids may learn best through their most dominant intelligence: •LINGUISTIC: learn through reading, writing, telling stories

•LOGICAL-MATHEMATICAL: learn through logic, patterns, categories, relationships •BODILY-KINESTHETIC: learn through bodily sensations, touching

•SPATIAL: learn through images and pictures

•MUSICAL: learn through sound and rhythm

•INTERPERSONAL: learn through interaction and communication with others •INTRAPERSONAL: learn through their own feelings

One type isn’t better than another, only different. you may be logical-mathematical dominant and your sister may be interpersonal dominant. Depending on your approach to diversity, you might say she’s weird because she’s so talkative, or you could take advantage of those differences and get her to help you in your speech class.

We see differently. Everyone sees the world differently and has a different paradigm about themselves, others, and life in general.

• CELEBRATE YOUR OWN DIVERSITY

Our tendency is to ask, Which fruit is best? The answer is, That’s a dumb question.

I have three brothers. Although we have much in common, like nose size and parents, we are very different. When I was younger, I was always trying to prove to myself that my talents were better than theirs: “Sure, you may be more outgoing than me. But who cares? I’m better at school than you and that’s more important.” I’ve since seen the stupidity of that kind of thinking and am learning to appreciate the fact that they have their strengths and I have mine. No one’s better or worse, only different.

That’s why you shouldn’t feel so bad if a member of the opposite sex (whom you are just dying to go out with) doesn’t go for you. You may be the most luscious and mouth-watering grape around, but he or she may be looking for a banana. And no matter how much you want a change of fruit, you’re a grape and they want a banana. (But don’t worry. A grape seeker is bound to drop by.) Instead of trying to blend in and be like everyone else, be proud of and celebrate your unique differences and qualities. A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor.

• ROADBLOCKS TO CELEBRATING DIFFERENCES

Although there are many, three of the largest roadblocks to synergy are ignorance, cliques, and prejudice.

Ignorance. Ignorance means you’re clueless. You don’t know what other people believe, how they feel, or what they’ve been through. Ignorance often abounds when it comes to understanding people with disabilities, as Crystal Lee Helms explained in an article submitted to mirror, a Seattle-area newspaper: My name is Crystal. I’m 5’1” with blond hair and hazel eyes. Big deal, right? What if I told you I was deaf?

In a perfect world, it wouldn’t, shouldn’t matter. We don’t live in a perfect world, though, and it does matter. The moment someone knows I’m deaf, their whole attitude changes. Suddenly they look at me differently. You’d be surprised how people act.

The most common question I get is, “How did you become deaf?” When I tell them, their reaction is as common as the question itself: “Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s so sad.” Whenever that happens I simply look them in the eye and I calmly inform them, “No, really, it’s not sad at all. Don’t apologize.” No matter how good the intentions are, pity always makes my stomach churn.

Not all attitudes put me on the defensive. Some are just plain funny. I was signing with my friends and some dude I didn’t know came up to me and started talking.

“What’s it like being deaf?”

“I don’t know. What’s it like being hearing? I mean, it isn’t like anything. It just is.” You see, the thing is this: if you meet someone who is deaf, don’t write them off as disabled or disadvantaged. Instead take the time to get to know them and find out what being deaf is all about. By doing this, you open yourself to understanding not only others, but, more importantly, yourself.

Cliques. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with those you’re comfortable with; it becomes a problem only when your group of friends becomes so exclusive that they begin to reject everyone who isn’t just like them. It’s kind of hard to value differences in a close-knit clique. Those on the outside feel like second-class citizens, and those on the inside often suffer from superiority complexes. But breaking into a clique isn’t hard. All you have to do is lose your identity, be assimilated, and become part of the Borg collective.

Prejudice. Have you ever felt stereotyped, labeled, or pre-judged by someone because your skin’s the wrong color, your accent’s too heavy, or you live on the wrong side of the tracks? Haven’t we all, and isn’t it a sick feeling?

Although we are all created equally, unfortunately, we are not all treated equally. It’s a sad fact that minorities of all types often have additional hurdles to leap in life because of prejudices held by so many. Racism is one of the world’s oldest problems. This is Natarsha’s experience: Racism can make succeeding tougher. When you’re a black student in the top 10 percent of your class, maintaining a 4.0 grade point average, some people have a tendency to feel threatened. I just wish that people would realize that everyone, no matter where they’re from or what color they are, deserves the same opportunities. As far as my friends and I are concerned, prejudice will always be a battle.

We aren’t born with prejudices. They’re learned. Kids, for instance, are color blind. But as they mature they begin to pick up on the prejudices of others and form walls, as is explained in Rodgers and Hammerstein’s lyrics to a song from the musical South Pacific: You’ve got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,

You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,

Before you are six or seven or eight,

To hate all the people your relatives hate,

You’ve got to be carefully taught!

The following poem by an unknown source tells the sad tale of what happens when people pre-judge one another.

THE COLD WITHIN

Six humans trapped by happenstance, in bleak and bitter cold,

Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,

For of the faces ‘round the fire, he noticed one was black.

The next man looking ‘cross the way saw one not of his church,

And couldn’t bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes, he gave his coat a hitch,

Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,

And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from sight,

For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.

The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain,

Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.

Their logs held tight in death’s still hand was proof of human sin,

They didn’t die from the cold without—they died from the cold within.

• STICKING UP FOR DIVERSITY

Fortunately, the world is full of people who are warm within and who value diversity. The following story by Bill Sanders is a wonderful example of sticking up for diversity and showing courage: A couple of years ago, I witnessed courage that ran chills up and down my spine.

At a high school assembly, I had spoken about picking on people and how each of us has the ability to stand up for people instead of putting them down. Afterwards, we had a time when anyone could come out of the bleachers and speak into the microphone. Students could say thank-you to someone who had helped them, and some people came up and did just that. A girl thanked some friends who had helped her through family troubles. A boy spoke of some people who had supported him during an emotionally difficult time.

Then a senior girl stood up. She stepped over to the microphone, pointed to the sophomore section and challenged her whole school. “Let’s stop picking on that boy. Sure, he’s different from us, but we are in this thing together. On the inside he’s no different from us and needs our acceptance, love, compassion and approval. He needs a friend. Why do we continually brutalize him and put him down? I’m challenging this entire school to lighten up on him and give him a chance!” All the time she shared, I had my back to the section where that boy sat, and I had no idea who he was. But obviously the school knew. I felt almost afraid to look at his section, thinking the boy must be red in the face, wanting to crawl under his seat and hide from the world. But as I glanced back, I saw a boy smiling from ear to ear. His whole body bounced up and down, and he raised one fist in the air. His body language said, “Thank you, thank you. Keep telling them. You saved my life today!” Finding the “High” Way

Once you’ve bought into the idea that differences are a strength and not a weakness, and once you’re committed to at least trying to celebrate differences, you’re ready to find the High Way. The Buddhist definition of the Middle Way does not mean compromise; it means higher, like the apex of a triangle.

Synergy is more than just compromise or cooperation. Compromise is 1 + 1 =1½ Cooperation is 1 + 1 = 2. Synergy is 1 + 1 = 3 or more. It’s creative cooperation, with an emphasis on the word creative. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Builders know all about it. If one 2” x 4” beam can support 607 pounds, then two 2” x 4”s should be able to support 1,214 pounds. Right? Actually, two 2” x 4”s can support 1,821 pounds. If you nail them together, two 2” x 4”s can now support 4,878 pounds. And three 2” x 4”s nailed together can support 8,481 pounds. Musicians know how it works too. They know that when a C and G note are perfectly in tune, it produces a third note, or an E.

Finding the High Way always produces more, as Laney discovered:

In my physics lab the teacher was demonstrating the principle of momentum and our assignment was to construct a catapult, like in medieval times. We called it a pumpkin launcher.

There were three of us in our group, two boys and me. We are all quite different, so we came up with a lot of different ideas.

One of us wanted to use bungee cords to make the launcher flip. Someone else wanted to use tension and ropes. We tried each without much success and then we figured out a way to use both of them together. It gave a lot more spring than either would have alone. It was cool because it doubled the length of our shot.

Synergy occurred as the founders of the United States were forming their government structure. William Paterson proposed the New Jersey Plan, which said that states should get equal representation in government regardless of population size. This plan favored the smaller states. James Madison had a different idea, known as the Virginia Plan, which argued that states with greater populations should have greater representation. This plan favored the larger states.

After several weeks of debate, they reached a decision that all parties felt good about. They agreed to have two branches of Congress. In one branch, the Senate, each state would get two representatives, regardless of population size. In the other branch, the House of Representatives, each state would get representatives based on population.

Although it is called the Great Compromise, this famous decision could really be called the Great Synergy, because it has proved to be better than either of the original proposals.