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• GETTING TO SYNERGY

Whether you’re arguing with your parents over dating and curfew guidelines or planning a school activity with your peers, or simply not seeing eye to eye, there is a way to get to synergy. Here’s a simple five-step process to help you get there.

Getting to Synergy Action plan

1- Define the problem or opportunity

2- Their way ( seek first to understand the ideas of others.)

3- My way (seek to be understand by sharing your ideas.)

4- Brainstorm (create new options and ideas.)

5- High way (find the best solution.)

Let’s give the action plan a try on a problem to see how it works.

The Vacation

Dad: I don’t care how you feel. You’re going on this vacation whether you like it or not. We’ve had this planned for months, and it’s important that we spend some time together as a family.

You: But I don’t want to go. I want to be with my friends. I’ll miss out on everything.

Mom: I don’t want you staying here by yourself. I’d worry the whole time and it would ruin my vacation. We want you with us.

DEFINE THE PROBLEM OR OPPORTUNITY

In this case, we have a problem. It’s this:

My parents want me to vacation with the family, but I would rather stay home and go out with my friends.

THEIR WAY(Seek first to understand the ideas of others.)

Try using the listening skills you learned in Habit 5 so that you can really understand your mom and dad. Remember, if you want to have power and influence with your parents, they need to feel understood.

By listening, you learn the following:

This vacation is very important to my dad. He wants to have a family bonding time. He feels it won’t be the same without me. Mom feels that they would worry so much about me being home alone that they wouldn’t enjoy the vacation.

MY WAY (Seek to be understood by sharing your ideas.)

Now practice the second half of Habit 5 and have the courage to share your feelings. If you’ve taken the time to listen to them, they’ll be much more likely to listen to you. So you tell your parents how you feel.

Mom and Dad, I want to stay home and be with my friends. They are very important to me. We have a lot of things planned, and I don’t want to miss out on any of the fun. Besides, I go crazy when I have to drive in a crowded car all day with my little brother and sister.

BRAINSTORM (Create new options and ideas.)

This is where the magic happens. Utilize your imagination and create new ideas together that you could never think of alone. As you brainstorm, keep these tips in mind: • GET CREATIVE: Throw out your wildest ideas. Let it flow.

• AVOID CRITICISM: Nothing kills the flow of creativity like criticism.

• PIGGYBACK: Keep building upon the best ideas. One great idea leads to another, which leads to another.

Brainstorming produces the following ideas:

• Dad said we could go to a vacation spot that I would enjoy more.

• I mentioned that I could stay with relatives close by.

• Mom suggested I could take a friend with me.

• I mentioned using my savings and busing out to meet them, so I wouldn’t have to drive in a crowded car.

•Mom was willing to cut the vacation short so it would be easier for me.

• I suggested staying home for part of the vacation and joining them later.

• Dad was willing to let me stay home if I would paint the fence while they were gone.

HIGH WAY (Find the best solution.)

After brainstorming for a while, the best idea will usually surface. Now it’s just a matter of going with it.

We all agreed that I could stay home during the first half of the week and then bus out with a friend to join the family for the second half. They even offered to pay the bus fare for my friend and me if I would paint the fence. It’s not hard work, so I will still have time to hang out with my friends. They’re happy, and so am I.

If you will follow the basics of the above formula, you’ll be amazed at what can happen. But it takes a lot of maturity to get to synergy. You have to be willing to listen to the other point of view. You then need to have the courage to express your point of view. Finally, you’ve got to let your creative juices flow. See how this eleventh grader got to synergy: Prom was coming up and I wanted to wear a certain style dress that I had found in a fashion magazine. The only problem was that it was short on me because I am real tall. I knew my mother would flip.

We sat down that evening and discussed the prom and who was going to take me out. I showed her the dress in a magazine, and, as I had anticipated, she said, “Absolutely not. It’s way too short.” I let her voice her opinion about what she thought I ought to do and where I should shop.

I didn’t like anything she had to say, but it was obvious that she felt very strong about it. Then we started brain dumping ideas of what I could do. And one of the ideas was to find a seamstress and see if she could sew something that would satisfy us both. I made a quick phone call to a friend, found a seamstress, and soon we were drawing up our ideas and shopping for fabric and pattern. The outcome was beautiful, very personal and different from everyone else’s dress. I didn’t spend as much money as I normally would have, and my friends loved the outfit too.